Chapter Title: Trapped
Chapter Description: The Fourteenth and Allen have an interesting relationship inside of their shared mind. Though they hate each other, there is a grudging respect for the other born from the love of the same man.
A/N: I think that this is my favorite chapter. Sure, there's not much action and sure, there aren't many characters, but I really liked writing this. Only a few chapters left, by the way. I think it'll be fifteen chapters in all. Sixteen if I decide to do a sort of omake-esque thing at the end like I've done with my other long chapter fic. Which I'll probably do. Because I liked writing that one, even though it sort of ruined the mood at the end. But no one really cares because no one reads my author's notes anyway, so I'll just shut up now.
Disclaimer: I do not own DGM, because if I did, it would go back to weekly serialization.
"No one's gonna take me alive, the time has come to make things right."
-'Knights of Cydonia' by Muse
The times that it was most annoying were the times that the Fourteenth decided to poke him from within his own subconscious. Kanda had nothing next tot his guy; the Fourteenth was the biggest ass that Allen had ever met. Constantly he would come to bother Allen, and though it was a reprieve from the monotony and pain of the darkness, it still was never a pleasant experience.
"Today I killed a friend of yours…" Smiling, the Fourteenth stared at Allen, hoping to get some sort of reaction from the kid; that kid always had the best sort of reactions. "Bookman, his name was."
Sighing, Allen felt very bored. The Fourteenth was always killing someone or another; every day he'd come over with the stories of how his friend screamed in agony as he cut open their chest and took out their beating heart, seeing the last bit of terror fade from their eyes as he pretended to take a bite. And since he had gotten Road's approval three months ago, it had gotten more than annoying. The deaths came more frequently and became more severe. Allen thought that the Fourteenth had just become an insufferable show-off as of late. "He was on your side, I thought; why would you go off him if he was doing you no harm?"
The Fourteenth laughed, loving how his host remained calm now. When he had first started their little talks, Allen would cry and scream when he learned about who was the next name on the list of casualties. Now it was like it was old news. With a sense of pride, the Fourteenth's smile widened, knowing his little boy was beginning to grow up. Like a parent, he almost felt himself tearing up, though that was more likely heartburn or something of that sort. "His little brat of an apprentice."
Allen perked up just a bit. The Fourteenth picked at his fingernails. "Lavi, you mean?" The Fourteenth nodded. "What's he been up to lately?" It had been some time since Allen had heard anything about his old friend.
"Giving our secrets over to the exorcists." Allen laughed. "He's been doing it for a while now, without anyone noticing. No one ever guessed, though we probably should have. It was Wisely who figured it out in the end; he overheard some of his thoughts about the Order and put two and two together. Bookman my ass; that kid's no neutral player." The Fourteenth paused for a moment. "Luckily, we didn't get any casualties from the little traitor; it just allowed the pitiful Order to survive a few extra weeks that it wouldn't have otherwise."
"I guess he never really was much of a neutral player." Allen shut his eyes for a moment, trying to picture his friend. It hadn't been too long ago that they had met face to face; Allen was still somewhat in control when they had last spoken. But still, the image was blurry; he had been trapped for so long that he had begun to forget most of the faces that he had once known. The darkness had crept into his mind, staining his memories of the light. Except, of course, for one that stuck out to him brighter than anyone else's, but he did not dare linger on that thought. "But that doesn't answer the question of why you killed Bookman." Poor guy; he didn't seem to have much longer anyway, but it was a shame that he had to be killed, especially someone who had the face of someone who he had once trusted.
The Fourteenth moved from picking at his nails and began to scratch his back. It really astounded Allen how similar he looked to Tyki; the two of them were practically twins. "The bugger ran off last week after he had been found out. We assume that he's joined the exorcist camp. To get back at him I killed his mentor. It seems fair to me, don't you think?" The Fourteenth grinned at nothing in particular.
"All is fair in love and war, I guess." Allen added, hoping not to anger the Fourteenth. He had found that it was better to take a more civil approach while speaking to his captor; the pain of his soul being bound seemed to be less when his subjugator was happy. "Is Lavi next on your list, then?"
The Fourteenth shrugged. "I'm getting bored with exorcists, in all honesty. They're too easy. I'm thinking of starting on the Noah soon; they'll be much more fun to kill because they're at least somewhat of a challenge. They're not immortal, but they're still a bitch to kill. Even the weakest ones are more of a challenge than most of the exorcists ever would be."
"You're very sure of yourself."
The Fourteenth shrugged. "You don't get anywhere in life without quite a bit of self-confidence. Mana had always told me that; my brother was not afraid of anything. I think that's how he could stand to be a clown and have people laugh at him so often. He had no fears."
If there was one thing that the two of them both agreed on, it was their feelings for Mana. When they had spoken for the first time, the only thing that they could agree on at all was Mana and all of his praises. The Fourteenth was near to erasing Allen's soul once and for all, but when he realized that he cared for his brother almost as much as he did, he let the bugger stay. Each tiff that they had made them think of Mana and how he had cared about the other. Even if they were not fond of each other, which they weren't really, they still had Mana's memory to remember and respect.
"You think he's watching, Allen?" The Fourteenth asked, insecurity in his voice for the first time. Morality was not something that the Fourteenth wasted much time thinking about, but the approval of his brother was something that he did think of quite often. In the darkest parts of his own mind, he knew that his brother would not approve of his actions and would deplore him for what he had done, but outwardly, he tried not let this upset him. "From up there, I mean?"
Allen shrugged, doubting if there really was anything up there. If there was, then there should have been something to give him hope. Allen was a chosen disciple of God, but his Innocence was now being used for evil. Why had he not become a Fallen One? Why had God put him in this situation in the first place? As Allen was a prisoner inside of his own head, those were questions that he pondered quite often. Like the Noah that he had become, he had begun to think that maybe God was not the saint that he pretended to be.
"It depends, was he as bloodthirsty back in the day as you are now?" The Fourteenth laughed, glad that the kid had as good of a sense of humor as he did. Cross was right in the fact that he should have picked a host that was less… good than Allen was, but he didn't think that he could have as civilized conversations with some random hobo off of the street as he could with Allen. "But probably. Maybe."
"Maybe." The Fourteenth agreed, looking up at the endless abyss of Allen's mind. "Or maybe not. Or maybe something in-between."
Allen said nothing, trying to remember his foster father. Through the years Mana had been his driving force. What would the man who told him to keep moving forward say about the fact that he was more stuck than ever? For months Allen had been unable to move forward; his father's own brother was the one who was impeding his movement.
"I'll get my body back, just so you know." This was not the first time that Allen had said this, and it was also not the first time that the Fourteenth had laughed at the boy's foolish words. "One day you'll be out of here and I'll be back in control and I'll right all of the wrongs that you-"
"Boy, you realize that even if you were, by some miracle, able to get your body back, you still would be a Noah." The Fourteenth paused, a look of euphoria on his face. "Your exorcist friends still wouldn't take you back."
Allen wanted to scream that it wasn't true. Sure, he wouldn't be welcomed with open arms by everyone at the Order, but there was at least one person who had said that she didn't care what he was. While the Fourteenth killed everything that he cared about, Allen was able to sneak into his dreams. He had heard Lenalee. He had known what she had said. Even if Allen could not be forgiven by the Lord for what he had done, she would always be there for him when push came to shove.
"I'll kill the girl when I can." This was the part of the conversation where things tended to get much less civil, much less proper. This was the point in the conversation when one of them wanted to kill the other. "As soon as the moment arises, I will. Maybe I'll take out some of the Noah first. Maybe I'll be the Earl before I get to her, but one of these days, I'll rip your little girlfriend's throat out."
"Shut up."
"I know that you were there in that dream, but it's okay, I lied to her. I'll kill her with much care."
"Shut up."
"Like a lover I'll rip out her throat gently, with the greatest care. As she suffocates I'll watch the color drain from her face, making sure to store the memories of those moments in great detail in my mind, so that in my moments of unhappiness, I can look back at those moments as a great triumph."
"Be quiet!"
"But then again, perhaps suffocation is not the way that I should go about it, what do you think, Allen?"
"If you don't stop now, I'll-"
"Yes, I suppose you're right, Allen. There are so many other ways to torture her before performing the final deed." The Fourteenth's white teeth shined out, a contrast from his gray skin. His Cheshire cat grin, shining in the darkness like a lighthouse leading to hell. "Death is so very permanent, there's no reason to bring it forth so suddenly. She should have time to suffer before we end her life. We should make it our business to give her an experience before her final breaths."
"What is this 'we' that you speak of?" Allen was having difficulties controlling his temper; there was no 'we' in this situation. There was 'him, 'him', and nothing but 'him'. He could blame Allen as much as he wished, but he could never make up for the fact that it was he, not Allen, who was sending innocent people to their graves. "You're doing this on your own; you'll have no help from me."
The Fourteenth laughed, its noise ringing around Allen's mind. It echoed off of the walls of the abyss and came back to them as a faint ghost of a whisper. Shivers ran down Allen's spine. "The problem with that, my dear Allen, is that despite all that you may protest, I still wear your face. The truth of the matter is that it will be your face, your eyes and your smile that she will see in her last moments. And as she takes her few final breaths, the last memories that she will have will be those of you holding a knife covered with her blood in your hands. Your girl isn't as smart as Road; she hasn't figured out that your body no longer belongs to Allen. She will have no idea that it is me, and not you, that is ending her life."
Allen rolled his eyes despite the fact that in the inside of his heart, he knew this to be true. Passionate and loving, thinking while upset was not something that Lenalee was the best at. "She'll see through your façade."
"I doubt it." The Fourteenth's smile faded. "Most people, even if you care about them deeply and vice versa, are rarely able to see through the masks that you put on." In his own mind, the Fourteenth battled his own demons. Just like all people, there were dark thoughts that flowed through his head, making him scream out the names of those long gone in the middle of the night. "Do not hope for the best; always expect the worst."
"You're so cynical." Allen said, hoping that he wouldn't cry.
The Fourteenth chuckled, his smile looking sincere for the first time in their conversation. "I think that, with all that I have been through and fought for and against, I have the right to be."
And then, in a blink of an eye, the Fourteenth was gone, and the weight of his own worries and conscious back on his back, Allen was once again swallowed by the darkness of his mind.
Still, there was a light, and he would cling to that. One day, he knew, that light would grow wider and wider and he would be able to climb out and return, once again, to the world. When that happened he would forever banish the Fourteenth from his mind and go about trying to make amends for all of the evil deeds that he had caused. And that was why Allen could keep his eyes open against the darkness and hope that he would live to see another day.
He would survive and he would bring back what was his and he would save the people that he loved.
"Any casualties?"
The former bookman grimaced; this wasn't a job that he liked, but it was one that he had to do. Still, the words wouldn't come out of his mouth; they were stuck at the base of his throat, not wanting to leave that safety. Since he had heard, it had been difficult for him to stomach and he was truly in deep denial. There were multiple stages of dealing with that sort of loss, he knew, but that was only because Bookman had taught it to him. It would be a while until he got over them because his loss was that of someone who meant so much to him. "Bookman was killed by Allen."
The words were strange coming from his mouth. It was something that he had never thought that he would have to say. Bookman had always seemed so invincible. How many times had the old coot been close to death and pulled through? Lavi never learned how old his mentor was, but he seemed to be millions of years old; Lavi couldn't imagine a world where Bookman wasn't there, lurking in the shadows, and writing down the secrets of the world.
Thinking of his body lying bloody in a ditch somewhere was unbelievable. It was a fairy tail. It was not true.
"I'm sorry, Lavi." Komui put a hand on the boy's shoulder, but the boy did not break down and cry. Instead he smiled through his anger and sadness. "You don't have to pretend, if you don't want to."
"Just let me pretend please, Komui. I've spent so long doing just that that I'm no longer sure how to react otherwise." Since Lavi had officially joined the side of the exorcists as himself, and not as a bookman, Lavi had come out of his carefully built persona more and more. The flimsy lies and acting that he had been performing since he came to the Order wore off bit by bit, and without Bookman's careful eyes upon him, Lavi was finally able to show where his loyalties really were. "I need to deal with this the way that I can."
Komui let go and Lavi walked away, less swagger in his step than usual. No one had been themselves lately, not with all of the death and sadness that followed the Order wherever it went now. Sometimes it seemed like this war could not have the outcome that they wished for so desperately. More exorcists were added to the list of the deceased and science department members had been disappearing from their homes on a daily basis now. There was no doubt in anyone's mind that the Noah were winning this war right now.
But hope remained. There was always hope. A month ago Lenalee had left with Cross to 'train'. Allen, back when he was on their side, had told wild stories about his training with the general, but Komui let her go anyway. For the first time since Allen had left there had been something for her to live for, and Komui was glad to see that spark back in his sister's eyes.
And that spark, hopefully, would be the spark that would save them all. Lenalee Lee was the key to the salvation of the world, and her brother only wished that she could bring the world back to what it had once been.
End of Chapter Ten