Chapter 10
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'She can do this, I believe in her.'- Haymitch
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I woke up the next morning trying to figure out how I got there, but no memories could come up from last night. Except the talk I had with Gale, and his kiss.
Even though the kiss wasn't on my lips, but my right cheek, it left tingles down my spine. He was scared for me, and it was his way of telling me to not just lay my life out on the field, but the slight peck on my cheek told me how I do have a reason of coming home.
I was going to fight for my life, but I knew for a fact I couldn't fight for my life against Gale. The rules said one winner, and if would be one winner, it'd be him, or Rue. If they didn't survive, then I would vow to myself that I would go home, and avenge for them.
Though they would just be empty words if I said that, how could I avenge them, if I don't even know what I was doing right now? Yes, instead I would atone for them.
In the years before everybody in District 12, but I was pretty sure in all the other districts thought the same. We knew the Hunger games were horrible, we felt our hearts go out to every tribute along the way, that die, and that victor who'd have to live in his-or her- own misery. Now that I was feeling it first class- that I was in the Hunger Games themselves, it felt a lot worse. The pitying emotions we felt towards the tribute before us were nothing compared to our feeling of dread.
I personally didn't like taking pity from others, because I knew at the end of the day, it wouldn't help, and in a couple of months, the pity left towards the tributes that might die tonight, or the nights after, will be forgotten. Everyone in Panem would focus on the tributes after us, but none will do anything to actually help.
I let out a sigh, releasing all my emotions with it, and got up to get ready. I stripped myself bare, and opened up my closet to find that the clothes for the games. It consisted of knee high hunting boots, matching with a pair of black cargo pants, and a light jacket.
I took a shower, brushed my teeth, and did my morning ritual.
I looked down at myself in the mirror in my room, and heaved another sigh, and took a step out of my room.
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It was just me and Gale escalating down the elevator, Haymitch and Effie were nowhere to be found that morning, it was suspicious, and for moments I thought I'd never be able to say goodbye to them, but Cinna assured Gale and I that we'd have a chance to speak to them before we head off to the games.
"You okay?" Gale surprisingly asked, while we descended down the elevator. He looked rather uncomfortable, it was probably because of the elevator he wasn't used to it.
Though I was a different case, back at home whenever I would visit my father in the Justice Building I used elevators to get to his floor- even though the building itself wasn't all that big.
"Yeah." I lied, even though he comforted me the night before, the feeling of fear didn't not disintegrate.
"You're lying." He accused of me, I guess nowadays I was beginning to lose my lying ability, or it was just him that could see straight through my barriers.
"How would you know?" I asked rather calmly, choosing my words carefully so he couldn't gain any confirmations.
"Madge. I know that you're trying to hold up that little barrier of yours." He said "Your easy to read. Always have, always will be."
I wouldn't really call it a barrier, but I didn't know what else to call it. I always tried to be like Katniss and hide my emotions, just like her, and be so strong. Though I failed numerous times, I am too sensitive for my own liking, so I put up a stoic appearance so comments, or insults wouldn't get to me, and if the other person and I were good friends, I wouldn't mind it as much.
Over the years I had gotten really good at hiding my facial expression, trying to mask my emotions. Looking unaffected by crude words, when really I was slightly affected, it seemed a little fake of me to do so, but I didn't want the chance of being reaped and looking weak, so I tried to become as strong as Katniss. So to have Gale say that he saw past the barrier I put years up for, it was quite insulting.
So I just gave him the cold shoulder, but saw from the corner of my eye that he was biting back a light smile, which made a light smile appear on my face as well.
When the elevator came to a halt, and the doors opened, Gale and I stepped out going our separate ways, perhaps maybe for the last time.
I turned back to look at his broad back becoming smaller and smaller with every step he took, I couldn't help but think, that no matter what happened in our past, I was going to miss him.
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As Cinna and I sat in the waiting room, every minute- no ever second that passed by their seemed to be a weight of fear in the pit of my stomach that seemed to feel heavier. I was too busy lost in my own world I hadn't noticed Cinna's demeanor as well, but what had me noticing it was his foot tapping, that wouldn't cease.
"Hey, Cinna… You okay?" I asked rather meekly, but Cinna turned and smiled, that looked rather feigned.
"I should be asking you that." He said with his usual soothing voice, but this time, it had an edge to it, and it made me realize, that not only I was feeling this way, but Cinna as well, it was the first time I'd seen Cinna uncomposed.
"I'm fine." I lied, truth was I couldn't stop my heart rate from slowing down to its unusual fast pace, the nervousness was eating me inside out. And I had nothing I could do to deal with it.
"Madge…" He said, with his demeanor falling in to a million shattered pieces, and with one gently tug of my right wrist he pulled me in a hug.
To say I was shocked was an understatement. Though I was glad he was giving me a hug, it hurt to finally realize how much I would miss Cinna, the only one who had actual belief in me. Whenever he uttered words along the lines of 'I believe in you' I know that he is not lying, and is being sincere.
I have usually a gut feeling in almost everything, and only rarely they are right, but I know when he utters those words to me, I know they are real.
"Madge. I know you can make it, I know you can fight the Capitol, you are strong enough, and whatever you find out along the battle, just know that I really do trust, and love you." So when he voiced those words, I couldn't help but lose my composure as well, and cry silently holding on to Cinna as if he was my anchor.
But in all honesty, he really was.
"Cinna I-" but before I could say any of my personal thoughts, Haymitch decided that it was the right time to barge in the room.
Cinna let go of me as calmly as he could, I looked up to look at Cinna, and saw that he had already was back in to his character. So I did the same, except a little less gracefully, and when I was finally ready, I looked up to see Haymitch, who has said nothing about the actions displayed before him.
Haymitch had a stoic expression, and seemed kind enough to actually not speak of them. Perhaps he knew that I might never see Cinna again, and we were just saying our goodbyes. Oh how much I would have loved to prove Haymitch wrong, but I didn't know if I was going to make it back alive.
"Cinna. Please give us a minute." I would have acted stoically, but couldn't help but feel astonished that Haymitch was actually serious enough to use his manners properly.
Cinna on the other hand just complied to Haymitch's wished and left, as if he were obliged to listen to every command Haymitch gave him.
Even though Haymitch and I had a tad amount of bad experiences with one another, I couldn't help but not feel ill towards him. Haymitch may have been discourteous towards Gale, but he had always been pleasant to me.
Then I shook myself out of my thoughts, it was as if I was telling myself it was going to be the last time I'd ever see Haymitch. I didn't need that kind of thinking, even though I was unconsciously viewed them.
"Madge." Haymitch said rather curtly, I was not so quite sure if my name was supposed to be said that rudely, Haymitch could be sweet at times, but he could be vulgar at others. "Sorry, let me start again."
"Madge, I'm here on behalf of both Effie and I." He started off, "Effie didn't have enough courage, to say goodbye, or rather enough strength to see you go." He almost snorted. "Look Madge, go out there and do what I told you to do. When the games being, go run out into the woods, and take hiding as the first option." He said.
It wasn't disappointing when I found out the first words in our goodbye-conversation were something that'll help me in the Hunger Games, even though those words were useful, I kind of wanted him to actually say something a little sentimental.
"Madge. I really don't want to say goodbye to you, I can understand why Effie didn't."
"Why?" I asked playing the dumb card.
"She couldn't bear it. Just like I can't." With those words being said, I felt two arms embrace me, and suddenly, my heart felt lighter.
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It was time, the Game makers had already put on my tracker, to track me when I was in the game, and all I had to do was step in the pod that lead me in to the game itself. I looked back at Cinna one last time, to only see him walking towards me.
I gave him a confused look, but he just gently turned me around, so I could face him, and pinned something on to my jacket. I looked down only to find my mockingjay pin, glinting away as it should be.
I stared back at Cinna, my eyes watering once more, but refusing to fall.
"Go fight for Panem, Madge." And with that, he kissed my forehead, and turned me around to push me in to the pod. I could have said something to Cinna, but there was nothing left to say, or nothing I could come up with at the moment, but Cinna looked as if that was all that needed to be said, and if Cinna was satisfied. So was I.
As the pod began to finally lift up, it was then I lost my composure, I glance back at Cinna, to see him disappear in darkness surrounding me, and soon I couldn't see anything, but feel myself in the pod being lifted off in to the Hunger Games arena.
It was no sooner than a couple of seconds did I look up to finally a bright shining light, and suddenly I was hoping I would see water, grass, trees, and a little touch of freedom, thought the feeling of dread did not fade, but when the pod was actually lifted up into the Hunger Games arena, there was no grass, no trees, no water.
Instead there were bodies of snow covering thedead earth underneath.
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'And so it begins.'- Cinna.
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A/N: I'm so sorry... I went MIA. Honestly life and its unexpected events can be annoying. Stay tuned in, and I'm very glad that people are still following this story, it makes me feel rather flattered.
Next Update: (As an apology) August 30, 2012. (Next Thursday) ^_^