Title: Chapter 10

Series: Angel

Author: crazywriterchic

Rating: PG

Spoilers: series, BDM

Disclaimer: All hail Joss, for He makes Worlds we all wish to play in.

As always, waves of love to my beta, taramonk! Without you, this would be much more confusing to read, as Angel would be holding up her crib with one hand. Not what I meant.

CHAPTER 10

Waking up was too much work. River's body didn't want to move to change positions on the bed, much less drag its weary muscles up, across the room, and to the galley to get the drink of water her throat roused her to demand. River forced her eyes open into the dark of her room. A shaft of light came through the open door from the hallway, and when she hauled herself into sitting position, she could see into her brother's room. She looked over to the left hand wall and found Angel asleep in her baby bed.

Whimpering all the way, River slid her leaden legs across the sheet and let her feet drop to the floor. It was cold outside her blankets. All the more reason to curl back up and return to dreamland, but the thick, rough scratching at the far rear of her mouth was too painful to ignore. River stood up. She shuffled to her daughters bed, and dropped her hand in to touch the sleeping girl's head. After a moment, River pulled her hand away. She hobbled to the door, over the bottom divide, and down the short hallway.

It only took a few steps for her body to protest again. River leaned against a wall and waited a few moments for her muscles to resume working. She counted her breath. It was the only thing she could hear and measure time by. The other sounds of the boat, the hum of the engine, the odd little tinks of heating and cooling air ducts, even the sound of Simon's light snores seemed far away. Too far to bother listening to.

"Girl? Hey, you listenin' to me?"

River knew that voice. She pried her eyelids up once she realized that they had slipped down. Jayne stood in front of her, leaning down to look in her face. His forehead was all creased and he was frowning. Not that he wasn't usually frowning when he looked at her.

"Did you hear a word I said to you?" he asked.

She tried to speak, but it was too much work, and her dry throat made it painful. She did manage to shake her head slightly from side to side.

"I asked what you was doin' just standin' there. You look like you're asleep standin' up."

River licked her lips. She took a breath and forced her voice out, though it came only as a whisper. "Thirsty."

"Huh?"

"I'm thirsty."

"Well then you best get to the mess and get somethin' to drink."

"Going. Got tired. Had to rest."

Jayne shook his head. He wasn't able to get to sleep, so he'd gone down to do some late night weight lifting to tire himself out. He got up to go to the bathroom, and when he came out, he found River leaning against the wall. The girl could barely keep her self standing. He remembered what the woman on the Miranda beacon said about how the people of that planet had died. They'd stopped going to work, stopped breeding, and then they stopped everything else. That's what River looked like: like she wanted nothing more than to curl up, go to sleep, and let herself die.

Jayne didn't like that thought. Made his insides feel tight and squirmy. He didn't like the thought of anyone just laying down, let alone someone like River. River was a fighter. If she was to die, she should go out like he planned to. Fighting. Not that he wanted her to die. The crew would be without a pilot again, and what about Angel? What would she do without River?

The girl's eyes had drifted shut again.

"You still there? Hey!" He reached out and shook her shoulder until she opened her eyes and looked at him. "That's better. Come on, I'll help ya up to the mess."

Jayne took a hold of her arm and half led, half dragged River out of the passenger dorms and up the two flights of stairs to the kitchen.

"Now go get yourself some water or somethin'," he directed. It was better that she do it herself just to keep awake. Better to do anything rather than let her sit down and drift off.

River shuffled over to the cabinets and pulled out a cup. She took a little break, but Jayne snapped at her to get her ass moving. She barely glanced at him, though the glance at least held enough annoyance that he knew she'd heard him. He smirked at her to let her know he didn't give a good gorram if she was annoyed with him, and watched her walk over and fill her glass with water.

She drank by sips, her body not able to do more than that. Even sipping seemed like wasted energy. Why bother with this when she could just go to sleep? Nothing she did mattered, anyway. No one would care if she didn't get up in the morning.

Jayne saw her start to wobble, and rushed over before she dropped the cup and fell. With a few choice words, he pulled her over to the table to sit down.

"I'm all right."

"Like hell. Just sit down."

He watched her for a minute. She seemed a little more awake when she was moving around and talking. "Maybe you should eat somethin'."

"Don't want food."

"Ya've been asleep all day, so I know you ain't et nothin'."

She gave him a weak glare. "My own brother can't make me do what I don't want to, what makes you think you can?"

"'Cause unlike your pansy-ass brother, I'll force feed ya." He smirked. "An' I ain't even worried about ya fightin' back. You're reactions are off, so I think I could take ya."

Funny how that laugh he surprised out of her took less energy than the intentional glaring. "Am a little hungry, I suppose."

Jayne went and got the cereal O's box and let her eat right out of the carton, no milk. She was too tired to fight any more about it, so she just ate. After only a handful or so, River laid her head down on the table. She popped a few more O's before her eyelids drooped again.

"River?"

River opened her eyes. "You never did that before."

One of Jayne's eyebrows went down while the same side of his mouth quirked up in his confused face. "Did what?"

"Called me River. Never used my name to my face."

"Oh." He shifted in his seat. He didn't like to be caught saying her name. It meant that he thought of her as a person instead of just a crazy girl who turned out to be an assassin who just happens to be their pilot. "Uh, I was just….Look, you gonna just sit there, or ya gonna go back to bed? You're startin' to drool on the table."

"Don't care."

"Yeah, well, nobody wants to be eatin' where you slobbered all over the place."

After long moments, she mumbled, "Bed or table…doesn't matter."

"Pick one, girl."

"Mm."

"Huh?" Jayne waited for her answer, but nothing else came out of her mouth. "Girl? River? You best wake up 'cause I ain't carryin' ya."

He got up and walked around the table. He squatted down and looked in her face. He called her name a few more times, and when that didn't work, he nudged her shoulder. Nudging didn't work either, so he shook her. River frowned in her sleep and batted at him, but she didn't wake up.

"Alright, fine, I'll carry ya," he grumbled as he slid his left arm under her knees and used his other to brace her back so that he could lift her out of the chair. "But if you wake up halfway there, I'm puttin' your skinny ass down. I ain't your personal mule."

Jayne carried her down to her bed, though not without copious amounts of grumbling so that anyone who caught him doing it would know that this hadn't been his idea. He wasn't doing anything he shouldn't; he was just putting River back where she belonged so that he didn't have to deal with her anymore. It wasn't that he was taking care of her. He just was doing what Mal was always talking about, treating her like crew, and helping crew out if they needed it. That was all.

River didn't wake up the entire trip down to her room. This left Jayne with full responsibility to tuck the girl back in. Simon had completed his monitoring during the most crucial hours of River's use of the Pax. From his reading the hacked reports on the tests the crew underwent while in the Operative's custody, he found that the first eight to twelve hours after being exposed to the drug were when it had the most effect on a person. It was during those hours that River was in danger of going into a coma or having her heart stop. Neither happened, so at ten' o'clock a very relieved Simon unhooked his sister from the monitoring machines and went to bed.

River's door was wide open, so Jayne easily stepped in and walked the unconscious girl over to her bed. Very gently, he laid her down and pulled her blankets up around her. Jayne stood up, but he didn't leave right away. He just looked down at River and shook his head. This girl caused him more trouble than she was worth. He used to want to get rid of her, preferably to collect the sizable reward on her head. Not so much anymore. He didn't really know what he thought about her, what with being confused on her alternating killer woman/Virgin Mary personalities, but she was pulling her own weight now, and she was good to have on a job when things went south. And things always went south with this crew.

But she was too soft for this life, really. Too good for it. Unlike her prissy brother, River never made a big deal of her not being born to life in the Black. But the way she talked and how smart she was made it clear to anyone who was to meet her that she was meant to be somewhere other than here. Jayne would be right behind the first ones to admit that it wasn't fair what'd been done to her. She did carry it well, though. She never complained that life on the Rim was dirtier than on Osiris, that it was harder out here than it was for her growing up in the Core, or that there were mean people who did mean things for no reason other than it suited them to do it. She just took it in stride, and she defended herself from what she could.

Jayne frowned. He still wasn't sure if she'd been serious when she told him that she could kill him with her brain. That was damn creepy. Bad enough that she knew what he was thinking all the gorram time, but to have someone able to kill you with just a thought…that was wrong. He didn't think she'd do it, even if she could, but you never knew. She was kinda crazy.

There was a sound from behind him, and Jayne turned around to see what it was. Angel was awake and standing in her crib. She held tight to the bars with one hand to keep her balance on unsteady legs while the other hand rubbed at her sleepy eyes.

"Hey," Jayne rumbled, taking a step toward her. "Ain't you supposed to be sleepin'?"

"Gufm duh," Angel murmered. "Mmm? Muh?"

Jayne reached in and picked her up. "Yeah, Ma's a still sleepin'. Better'n her yellin' like she was this mornin', huh?"

Angel wrapped her fists in Jayne's T-shirt, and laid her head down on his shoulder. "Mum-um-um-um."

"How 'bout we go on up to the mess and get you a bottle so you can get back to sleep?" he suggested. "I wish I could get me a bottle, but I drank the last of my stash last week."

Jayne carried Angel out of the room, closed the door behind him, and took Angel on up. He fixed her a bottle of the crew's regular powdered milk instead of the formula she used to be on. River had said that after a year old, babies can have regular milk. After he handed the bottle to Angel, Jayne opted to go sit in the more comfortable chairs in the lounge. When he got up at eleven-thirty to lift when he couldn't sleep, he hadn't figured it would end up as "Let's look after the Tam girls" night for Jayne Cobb. He didn't even bother to try and figure out why he was doing it. Maybe it was only because his ma had asked him to look out for them, though that reason didn't seem to be holding much water with the crew anymore. It wasn't holding much water in Jayne's mind, either, but frankly, at the moment, he was too tired to think about it.

&&&

Kaylee climbed the ladder of her bunk early the next morning. She'd told Zoë to meet her in the mess at six-thirty since the Captain usually got up around seven. She wanted to have the G-line and steering back to working before the big grouch had a chance to yell at her again.

Before she shut her door all the way, Zoë popped her own hatch and began to climb out. Kaylee turned around to smile at the older woman. Zoë returned the smile, though she was a little less awake than the constantly bubbly mechanic. How she could be that cheery so early in the morning was beyond Zoë.

"Mornin', Zoë," Kaylee greeted. "I was just gonna go to start the coffee."

"Sounds good. I'll help." The faster the coffee was made, the faster Zoë could get it in her system and start feeling like a human being.

The two women didn't see Jayne over in one of the crash chairs at first. They were too intent on their early morning ritual of coffee prep. Zoë was the first to notice the mercenary asleep in the lounge. She put a hand on Kaylee's arm to still the girl's measuring out. She looked at Zoë, and the first mate pointed to Jayne and Angel, still asleep in the chair despite the noise they'd made.

Kaylee put a hand to her mouth to cover her smile. Zoë looked down at the floor to hide her amusement, and cleared her throat in Jayne's direction. He didn't move, so she called his name.

Jayne jerked awake. One arm constricted around Angel while his other hand reached for the knife in his boot. Zoë smiled and stepped back, her empty hands raised near her shoulders. Good to see that Serenity's guard dog had his teeth in at all times, but that didn't mean she wanted to get bit.

Angel woke with a start when her pillow jumped and squeezed her. She started whimpering because she didn't know what was going on. Why wasn't she in her bed? Where was Momma? She was always there when Angel woke up. Even when she was loud and angry, at least Momma was there.

Jayne figured out where he was and what the weight pressing down on him was. His hand eased away from the knife, and he released some of the pressure on Angel. He rubbed a hand over his face and asked the women, "Whuh time is it?"

"Half passed six," Zoë answered. "Where's River?"

He shrugged. "Mm-mm. Guess she's still sleepin'. That shot a'Pax hit her hard."

Both women tensed at the mere mention of the drug. After seeing the effects of it first hand, they did not want that substance on their boat. They had to deal with it because it helped their friend, but no one wanted to think about its presence.

"What's goin' on in here?" Mal asked from the doorway. "There an early morning party no one told me about?"

"Just getting coffee, sir," Zoë said. "Then I was about to help Kaylee with the engine. Jayne was already in here when we came in."

"And what was Jayne doin'?" The Captain looked at his merc suspiciously.

"Oh, nothin', Cap," Kaylee volunteered with a cheeky grin. "He was asleep in that chair, so Zoë woke him up."

Mal looked at Zoë for confirmation. When she nodded, his shoulders eased and he continued down the stairs to wait for the coffee pot to get through brewing.

"What'cha doin' up so early?" Kaylee asked. "Thought you wouldn't be up for 'nother half-hour."

"Heard all this ruckus and couldn't get back to sleep," he said as the last of the dark coffee dribbled into the pot. He wasn't quite the morning person that Little Kaylee was, but he didn't need coffee before his higher functions kicked in, either. The strong drink to start the day was more a tradition than a necessity. Mal went to get his usual cup from one of the cabinets, and found it missing.

"Huh."

"What's wrong, Cap'n?" Kaylee asked.

"Coffee mug's gone missing."

"Is that it already on the table next to the cereal?" Zoë asked.

Mal looked over. "And so it is. What's it doin' out of the cabinet?"

"River got up in the middle of the night and got a drink of water," Jayne said. "Guess she forgot to put the cup away before she fell asleep again."

"And just how do you know that?" Mal wondered.

"I went to use the head and found her in the hallway," Jayne muttered. "We was both goin' the same direction. Not like I kidnapped her from her room and dragged her up here then gave her your cup knowin' she wouldn' put it back."

"Nobody was accusin' ya of that, Jayne," Kaylee soothed. "Not even you would be that diabolical as to misplace the Captain's coffee mug."

Mal frowned at Kaylee's teasing. Alright, so maybe he'd overreacted a little. Not that he was going to apologize to Jayne, but it meant that he wouldn't say anything to River when she got up this morning. Hopefully in a better mood than she was in yesterday.

&&&

River tumbled into consciousness with a sour taste in her mouth. She fought off the ghosts of a nightmare, and opened her eyes. The look of her room was the same as it was last night. Dark inside with light coming from the hall and Simon still asleep in his room. She pushed herself up untangling herself from the twisted blankets. When she looked over to Angel's bed, she didn't find her daughter there.

"Angel?"

Oh, no, oh, no. They took her away. They took her because of yesterday.

She knew it was ridiculous, but River jumped up and ran the two steps to the crib. She pulled the blankets out and dropped them on the floor. She looked behind the stuffed animals pushed to the far end of the bed so they didn't smother Angel in the night, but obviously there was no baby. River looked around her room as if Angel would suddenly appear out of thin air.

"Angel," she whimpered.

River wracked her brain trying to remember when they had come in to take Angel away. She knew that her daughter was there when she woke up in the middle of the night and went to get water. She didn't remember going back to her room. Which meant that Jayne must have brought her down.

Jayne! He had to have Angel. He had to. He wouldn't have let Mal and Simon take her away. Even if it was just to piss them off, he would have stood up for her. Right?

"Jayne!"

River ran out of her room and headed toward the front of the ship.

Simon woke up when River shouted. He sat straight up and looked out at his sister's room in time to see her run out still in her nightgown and tangled hair. He pushed his blankets off and rushed after her. "Mei-mei?"

"Have to find her, have to find her," River muttered as she ran through the ship.

Mal, Kaylee, Zoë, and Jayne looked up when they heard the sound of running footsteps in the stairwell by the engine room. A second later, a rumpled and a slightly wild River Tam scrambled into the mess. Her eyes darted around the room and landed on Angel. When the baby saw her, Angel leaned away from Jayne and reached for her. "Mum-um-um."

River's eyes closed as she released all of her breath at once. Simon came in behind her, and put a hand on her shoulder. He tried to ask her what was wrong, but she shrugged him off. She refused to give her brother or the Captain another reason to think she couldn't take care of her daughter. River drew her shoulders back, opened her eyes, and stalked down the stairs to Jayne. She wrenched Angel out of his arms. "What happened?"

Jayne couldn't believe it. Just like the other day, he'd done her a favor, and she was taking his head off about it. He wished to God she'd make up her gorram mind about what the hell it was she wanted.

"You fell asleep at the table. I carried ya down to your room. Angel was awake, so I brought her up here and gave her a bottle. Guess I fell asleep before I could put her back in her own bed."

"Could have woken me back up."

He snorted. "Yeah, and I'd'a had a lot of luck with that when I couldn't get ya to wake up two minutes after ya fell t'sleep."

"Wait," Simon interrupted. "When did you carry her? When was Angel awake? Why didn't I hear her crying?"

Jayne ignored him.

"I got thirsty. You were still asleep," River said over her shoulder at her brother. She returned her desperate glare to the mercenary in front of her. "You didn't have a right to take her like that. I could have done it."

"Not bein' unconscious you couldn't!"

"Then you should have left her!" she yelled. "Woke up and I didn't know where she was! Thought she was gone. I thought they took her. You should have left her in bed!"

"All right, Captain stepping in," Mal announced as he moved between the two warring parties. He'd seen Angel starting to get upset, and he did not want to have to deal with two angry, violent people who only occasionally tolerated each other plus a screaming baby. "River, Little Albatross, I hate to say it, but I think you're the one that's outta line this time."

Everyone was taken aback. Mal never defended Jayne. Mal ignored them and kept his attention on River. "You sure you're feelin' better, or are things still a little loud for you today? Is that why you're yellin' at my mercenary?"

"That ain't why she's actin' up, Mal," Jayne said.

River shook her head. "Don't."

"She's yellin' 'cause she's scared you're gonna take Angel away."

"Shut up," she hissed.

Simon shook his head. "Why do you think we'd take Angel away from you, River?"

River wouldn't look at anyone. She gritted her teeth to hold back tears, her breath coming fast and shallow. So Jayne took it upon himself to answer for her again.

"I'm thinkin' it's 'cause when Mal let her keep the girl, he told her Angel was all her responsibility. Crazy girl thinks that askin' somebody for help means she's breakin' that rule. An' after yesterday—"

"Who the hell asked you?" River screamed. Angel jumped, and started crying. In only a few days, she'd learned that her mother's raised voice was a bad thing. She didn't want to hear it again.

Jayne took a step toward her. "If you weren't so damn crazy—"

"Bui zue! Now!" Mal commanded. "Jayne, take a couple steps back. River, you need to calm down."

Jayne held his hands up and backed away shaking his head. It wasn't even worth it. Why was he arguing?

River inhaled deeply through her nose and tried to get a better handle on her emotions. Even with the Pax slowing down her system, it was so hard to stop emotional inertia. It was easier to turn that fear that had engulfed her when she saw Angel missing from her bed into anger at Jayne. It was much harder for River to stop the fear or the anger all together.

Kaylee, ever the emotional guide for the crew, stepped up to help calm the situation. "River, I'm sure Simon and the Captain never meant for you to do everything for Angel by yourself. Cap'n may be mean and grumpy, but he wouldn't take Angel from you. Not now, not ever. Right?"

"Of course not," Mal said. "Lil' Albatross, I never meant that I'd take that baby away if you asked for help. We all expected ya to ask for help. When I said that, I meant that I didn't want you to think you could have all the nice moments of raisin' a child and not do any of the work. That's what I was worried about. But you proved me wrong."

"Mei-mei," Simon murmured as he came up behind her and laid his hands on her shoulders again, "why would you even think that I would let him take Angel away from you?"

River bit her lip. She shrugged, and tears dropped from her eyes.

"I may not have been the biggest supporter of you raising Angel at first," he continued, "but you're my sister, she's my niece. I'd protect her the same way I protect you. I wouldn't let anyone take her away from you."

"Besides," Kaylee broke back in, "it's not like you're the first ma to ask for help with her first child. My oldest sister came back home a week after her first was born. She was wailin' and swore that there was somethin' wrong with her child, that she'd done broke him or somethin'. My Ma just laughed at Emma Lynn, and told her that there was nothin' wrong with Davie. He had colic. But because Emma didn't know, she had to ask for help."

"If you think that's bad," Zoë added, "my mother always told the story of how she left my older brother in a store when he was two and nearly left the planet without him. Said she nearly had a heart attack when she realized he wasn't with her. She called the dock manager, the local sheriff, and the Feds."

"See?" the mechanic asked scooting in by Simon and putting her arm around River's waist. "All mothers have their stupid moments."

"But not all mothers are crazy and have to go to sleep for a day," River pointed out.

"No," Zoë agreed. "But that's when family comes in real handy. You need to go take care of yourself, you hand that baby over to one of us. There ain't a person here who wouldn't do that for you."

River sniffled.

"When you can't run, you crawl. And when you can't do that, you find someone to carry you," she quoted. "I hate having to be carried so much."

"You're more broken than most," Mal said. "Gotta say, though. It'll make all our lives a sight easier now that the Doc found his crazy girl superglue to put you back together with. But next time, Lil' Albatross, I want you to go to your brother for your next dose before you get that bad."

"I didn't mean…I was trying…"

"I know. And you did a damn fine job of trying. Just don't take your bad moods out on my crew anymore, and we'll all be shiny. I don't wanna get hit again."

River nodded. She looked up at Jayne with her most apologetic expression, but he was having none of it. He scowled at her and turned around.

"Jayne, I'm sorry."

He wouldn't acknowledge her while he walked out. Mal called his name, and he ignored that, too. Jayne kicked his hatch open and dropped down. He locked it behind him.

River winced. She rubbed her cheek against a teary Angel's forehead. She looked at her daughter and found the strength to push her own hurt feelings to the side and comfort Angel. She used the pad of her thumb to wipe away a few lingering tears, and kissed the little girl's cheek.

"How 'bout my pilot takes her baby and goes to get dressed," Mal ordered in the form of a suggestion. "Then they can get up to the bridge while my doctor fixes some breakfast."

River nodded.

"And, I promise," Kaylee said, "the steering'll be back up in no time."

"Let's hope," the Captain said.

Zoë finally got to pour her cup of coffee, and followed Kaylee into the engine room. She nodded to Mal and put a hand on River's shoulder on her way passed. River nodded to the Captain and kissed her brother on the cheek as she went back down to her room to get Angel a new diaper and change clothes before she started a new day of work. Simon considered going down to his room to get dressed, or grab a shirt, at least, but decided to start breakfast. He'd make it, then go put day clothes on.

Mal shook his head at his crew and headed on up to the bridge to wait for his pilot and the steering to come back on.