DISCLAIMER: These characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer, etc etc you know the drill ; )

Pain crept back into my senses first. Before I could even open my eyes I felt it in my veins, pumping through them inch by inch. My body tensed up and then released in a spasmic wave, over and over again. I felt cool arms cradling my body but they were doing nothing to calm the heat that was burning through me. My instincts were to lash out, drag my nails through something, tear something apart… produce a physical representation of the pain that was twisting through me.

I finally opened my mouth and let loose a guttural scream that found its strength from the hollow of my stomach. Once my mouth opened, the screaming didn't stop. It kept on and on, loosening decibels out of my burning throat at sporadic intervals. There was no conscious thought for word formation and no energy yet for my eyes to open. I was still lost in a dark, burning hell, cradled in the arms of my angel.

His voice sounded like whispers through the fire, calm and reassuring at first. But when my screams refused to falter I could feel him tense; the words he whispered became frantic and desperate. I wanted to answer him; I wanted to tell him that I was ok with this but… I wasn't.

This burning, this hell my body was writhing with… it was unspeakable. It was coursing through me now, from my fingertips to my toes to the ends of my hair.

And my mind was a blank darkness, swallowing me in every wave of pain that pumped through me.

Soft hands touched my face, caressing my jaw, my neck, pulling my head against them. I knew this was Edward. I could feel his body shuddering with every scream issued from my mouth. If I could have taken a breath to stop screaming I'm sure I would hear him weeping. But there was no stopping this consuming burn, the screaming, and the darkness.

Edward held me close in his arms, but I was alone in this.

And it never ended. The pain kept flowing and burning through me, twisting my insides around and inside out. With every beat my heart grew slower and more lethargic, making each burning pump more painful than the last. I wanted so desperately for it to stop, for the burn to stop pulsing… I wanted my heart to stop beating.

Words found my tongue and I sputtered them out in sharp screeches that sounded far from my own voice.

"Stop it…. Stop…. Kill me… please… kill…me…"

The words were cruel and twisted by my pain. I could never have imagined asking Edward for this, begging him for my death… but here in his arms, the pain shaking every bit of me in violent waves, it was the only hope I could have.

His voice slipped through my screeches, smooth velvet in the harsh darkness. "Bella… this will pass. Oh God Bella…" His whispers tore at my already wrenching heart. Why was I saying this to him? This is what I had wanted… wasn't it?

No, not this pain. Not this awful seething burn. This was too much to handle, more than I was led to believe. But I could hold on for Edward. The dreams of eternity, a flash of our wedding dance, the sensation of our bodies connecting all flashed through my darkness for less than a second. I had to hold on for Edward.

"Don't leave me… don't… leave…" My screeches had lowered now to vicious groans that choked their way out of my throat. The words sounded disgusting and contorted with pain and I felt the overwhelming urge to vomit. My body shuddered and I felt my throat spasm but nothing came out. I felt hollow with the pain of the venom circulating through my system.

Edward's arms tightened around my body uncomfortably. His whispers were more urgent now, his breath sweeping across my face like a cool breeze. "I'm never going to leave you Bella, ever… til the end…"

"He's on his way back but here, use this for now." A heard a high, soothing voice filter through my moans. Alice.

"Bella," Edward's voice was near my ear again. "Carlisle is coming to help you. But I'm going to give you a dose of morphine now… see if this helps at all."

I wanted to answer back, nod my head even, but all I could manage was a deeper groan. His hand slid over my arm, turning it outward towards him. There were his fingers, putting pressure on my throbbing vein and I wanted to cry out at the touch. There was a slight stab and at first, nothing.

The needle withdrew and I waited for… I had no idea really what they were expecting to happen. And then-

It was a collision of sorts in my body, beginning in the arm Edward had stuck me. It was strange to feel the liquid of the morphine swirl about and smash against the burning venom in my veins. The morphine was like a slow-moving scrawl up my arm, through my chest and then echoing throughout my body. I'm not sure what I expected but I welcomed it as it dulled the burning through me. The initial scorch of the venom scratching through my veins was gone; all that I could feel were tiny itches all throughout me, inside me, under my skin.

My groaning had all but stopped and I heaved a sigh as my body uncoiled itself from its tense ball that it had wound itself into. My lips parted roughly, dry and damaged from the hours of screaming. Finally, with the burning dulled, my senses were beginning to come alive again.

I let my eyes flutter open and they took a moment to adjust. Edward was hovering near my face, holding his breath as his arms held fast around me. My body was wrapped in a silk white sheet that was partially pulled around Edward, binding us closer together. I felt his skin on mine; it was a frigid contrast to the burn that boiled below the surface of my skin.

My breath was shallow, deliberate and slow. Sweat slid down my face and Edward's hands moved quickly around, wiping it from my eyes and my lips. He looked at me in my eyes then and I felt his entire body tremble. His lips parted as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Don't," I whispered hoarsely, denying his attempt to apologize. Still he opened his mouth to speak. I let my hand drift up, cup his cheek, and placed my thumb over his lips. "Don't you dare."

His trembling didn't stop but he complied with my wish. My arm grew weak holding my hand to his face; it slid lifelessly down his chest and finally rested in my lap. The scratchy twitches in my body were relentless and I let them control me. My legs jerked involuntarily and I felt my abdomen succumbing to the inane twitching. It felt awkward and uncomfortable to be jerking uncontrollably like this in Edward's arms. But better this than the searing burn.

Edward shifted me and I moved with him, turning my body so that I was facing him, letting my legs rest on either side of his. My arms held him tightly around his waist and his wrapped around me, holding me with twice the grip. I let my head fall and nestle between his neck and shoulder. I angled my head to whisper in his ear.

"How long have I been like this?"

One of Edward's hands reached up and held my head to his neck. "Almost an hour," he whispered back reluctantly.

I let out a sob as tears sprang to my eyes and I felt my nails digging deep marks in Edward's back. That couldn't be true! Those moments of pain and the burning that had twisted my insides apart had felt like hours, at least. My body began to shake now with the tears. "Oh god… Edward, I…" I was gasping, emotion choking my voice. Terror shook through me with every sob. If that had only been an hour, how was I going to face two more days of this? "I don't know if I can do this," I admitted.

Edward buried his face in my hair and I could feel his body trembling again. "I'll be right here with you Bella, I promise," he mumbled. "The morphine is helping, right? This is going to work… it has to work." It occurred to me from his tone that he wasn't entirely confident in this plan. I chose to ignore the tone and concentrate on his promise.

We sat there silently for a while; his fingers tracing aimless patterns on my back, my waist… his lips had found their way back to my neck and were placing soft kisses there. When he reached where he had bitten me, he flicked his tongue out over the wound and I froze.

"Bella…" he sighed and his head rested against my shoulder again. "I can't believe I did this. It was so stupid…"

"Stop it," I murmured. "Don't even start with that talk."

"No, Alice warned me. Oh Bella… she warned me this was going to happen, just like this. And what did I do? I gave into my selfish monster and… and…" His body was to the point of convulsion with his trembles now. Edward's voice choked and I knew he couldn't go on.

I lifted my head from its resting spot on his shoulder, sending my vision into a slight spin. Edward pulled away from me at the same time and I caught his chin in my hand. "You stop this." My voice was surprisingly firm considering my weak state. "If I have to listen to you blame yourself for all our eternity… I'll go mad."

The corners of his mouth twitched slightly, a good sign. "I can't help but blame myself Bella." He sighed contemplating his next words. "Is it sick though that I don't regret it?"

My head dipped forward in an attempted head shake. My body was loosing the energy and focus it had regained from the morphine and soon, I feared, I would succumb to helplessness completely. "I wanted this Edward," I mumbled, leaning my head back down against his shoulder. "Don't ever take that away from me."

Edward's arms wrapped tightly around me again. I felt myself slipping from mental consciousness and I tried desperately to hold on. My eyelids flipped open and shut several times before I had to keep them closed. My heart was beating at half its former rate and the sweat was rolling off my body in chilly waves. "Alice, hand me the next one." Edward's voice was low and urgent, off to the side. Then he leaned close to my ear and whispered, "Let me know when you need more."

I wanted to nod but, again, I was trapped in this paralyzing state of twitching fear. If I couldn't speak now, how would I be able to tell him when I needed more morphine? Slowly, my body began to tense again. The stinging itches became sharp little knives of fire, burning below the surface again. My body felt like a boiling pot that had been simmering; the first cooling dose had done its part and was now being sucked into the swirl of heat and pain, ready to bubble over.

I felt it rising in my empty stomach, squeezing its way up my throat and finally bursting free through my mouth.

I screamed.

Edward's hands were already at work on my arm, injecting another dose of calm into my body. This injection was longer and deeper than the first; it spread more quickly and eased the itching a bit more. But it left me with no energy to speak, open my eyes, or focus. I slumped forward onto Edward, my arms dangling under his and against his body.

His lips were in my hair again, muffling the familiar tones of his lullaby. I felt like melting my body against his and hanging there for all eternity. I struggled against the urge my body had to let go, to pass out in this state of medicated relief. What if the pain came back? What if it shook me awake and I had to feel those awful, burning screams chasm out from inside again? I refused to let myself go under.

"Shhhh…." Edward's voice soothed me. "It's ok Bella… You can sleep now…" He was rocking me gently back and forth, so softly. "I'll keep your doses steady and Carlisle will be here soon. Shhhh….."

And I let myself slip under the medicated blanket, confident in Edward's promises and unable to keep my mind focused any longer.

When I came to the next time, my heart was beats away from stopping. I choked out for breath that didn't seem to be entering my lungs. Gasping and sputtering, my arms pressed out feebly against Edward's hard chest as he tried to hold me.

"Bella, I'm right here… it's ok, I'm right here." His voice was pleading and desperate. My eyes shot open wildly and I stared at him. Darkness was creeping into the irises of his eyes… which were no longer warm and ocher like I remembered. His light eyes were warmed with the hint of red… red from drinking blood… my blood.

And suddenly silence fell, like the world around us was waiting for this moment.

My heartbeat ceased.

I felt my body letting go, my mind drifting sideways from myself as I fell forward again against Edward. His arms went around me, trying to hold me up but it was no use. Was this what was supposed to happen? I felt like I was fading away, like the second I closed my eyes I would be gone forever. Nothing was clinging on inside. Desperation settled like a hollowed weight in Edward's eyes.

He wasn't expecting this.

The door to the room burst open and Carlisle entered with his case, out of breath and frantic. His eyes went directly to me in Edward's arms and an emotion flashed over his face.

Horror.

The last words I heard before I succumbed to my heavy eyelids and slipped away forever were not ones of comfort.

"Oh god, Edward, what did you do?"

A/N: thank you thank you thank you!! all of your reviews have been excellent and have kept me writing! thank YOU!! sorry this chapter had to be so dark... PLEASE let me know how I did w/this scene. I was intimidated to write it as everyone has their own ideas about Bella's change, but I HATE fics where she just wakes up and is poof a vamp! REVIEW for me bbZ ; )