Shepard had managed to be considerate enough to give Miranda her space for the last day but she was amazed at how she had managed. Her concern for the operative was such that when she had spoken to Zaeed about his mission and he had requested Jack to come along too because "she's fucking good at sending bastards to hell" she didn't even object and ask for a more thought out approach.
Shepard entered Miranda's office and the operative immediately looked up and gave her a warm smile.
"Thanks again, Shepard. I couldn't have reached my sister in time without your help." Miranda said, getting up from the terminal and going to sit on her chair in front of the windows which were across from her desk. Shepard stood just behind, allowing Miranda to speak freely as she was scared of saying anything wrong which would cause her to clam up.
"Hey, it's no problem. I was glad to help. I know you don't trust people with personal matters very easily but I want you to know that I'd always be there and I wouldn't judge anything you told me." Shepard said seriously.
"I know," Miranda smiled with understanding that gave Shepard both hope and fear, "I'm glad Niket tried to redeem himself in the end, for what good it did. I'm sorry that I snapped at you for stopping me. Thank you for what you did."
"I just didn't want you to have that regret." Shepard explained quietly. "You still cared for him."
"I didn't have many friends growing up- Niket was one of them. He never wanted anything from me. He was safe, comfortable...a reminder of a more innocent time I suppose."
"Were you two..." Shepard trailed off awkwardly.
Miranda laughed softly.
"When we were children we dated in that way that only children do. Taking his sweater was a sign of great romance at that age but there was little more. I left at sixteen and we stayed in contact but...Cerberus was my life and I was happy to always be on the move with different missions."
"I'm sorry we couldn't save him." Shepard replied sincerely. "I think I should really be thanking you though for pulling me out of the way of those mercs. The Illusive Man really picked well in making you head of the project."
"I didn't do it for that." Miranda replied candidly, and Shepard wondered yet again if she was imagining this connection they seemed to share and whether it was pure fantasy on her part.
"How's your sister doing?" Shepard asked trying to steer the conversation to safer grounds and genuinely curious as to how Miranda had left things with Oriana.
"She has what I wanted her to have..." Miranda said, relieved, "...a normal life and the freedom to choose her own path and she knows she has an older sister, a friend."
"Are you going to speak with her again?"
"I honestly don't know, for once I haven't planned that far ahead. I'll deal with it after our mission. I have to stay focussed and she needs time to adjust to her new home."
"Just..." Shepard started hesitantly, "don't risk missing out on more time with her. Building up relationships- they help with missions, they don't distract you. It gives you something else to stay alive for and come back to for one thing."
"Is that how it is for you?" Miranda asked curiously.
"It doesn't really matter what I do, people just wake me up from the dead anyway." Shepard deflected, with a twinkle in her eye and Shepard, with a feeling that she was pushing her luck, pressed on. "You never told me what you said to her..."
To her surprise, Miranda happily responded.
"I introduced myself, her family was shocked, she adjusted quickly of course; she's as smart as I am. She plays the violin, loves the adagio movement of Nielson's Fifth just like I do-"
"I'd have figured you more of a Beethoven kind of woman- so much more intense." Shepard smirked. "What? Thought I wouldn't know about classical music?"
"What? No." Miranda spluttered, self conscious. "I mean-"
"It's okay. Everyone assumes that just because I joined the Alliance at sixteen I lost any love of culture." Shepard said, fighting a huge grin.
"I think it's more your obsession with fish." Miranda muttered, annoyed.
"It's not an obsession! What else did she say?" Shepard asked, returning the more pressing topic at hand.
"She wants to work in colony development. Told a joke about it; she's really funny- something we don't share." Miranda remarked.
"I think you're a riot." Shepard quipped, without sarcasm and moving to stand a little way in front of Miranda.
"Says the woman taking Jack and Zaeed out on her next mission." Miranda remarked.
"I like to be kept on my toes." Shepard laughed.
"You'll be looking if you're still standing after going out with those two." Miranda replied sardonically.
"Now, I know you love to hold my hand during each mission but I think I can handle those two." Shepard replied.
"I suppose we will soon see..."
"I should go but I'm glad things worked out. It's nice to see you happy." Shepard replied sincerely.
Miranda stood up and walked towards Shepard with a look on her face which Shepard couldn't take her eyes off for it was full of earnest affection. Miranda stopped about a foot away from the commander but trailed a single finger along Shepard's collarbone, which made Shepard shiver at the touch, and Miranda laced it down her shoulder before dropping her hand to her side again, looking sad.
"The mission is too important to let personal feelings interfere." Miranda whispered after a moment and Shepard found herself taking half a step forward, completely drawn to Miranda and lost in that look. "But thank you, Commander. My sister is safe again thanks in large part to you. I won't forget that."
Miranda looked deeply into Shepard's eyes for a moment before she started to step back, and then finally turned away from the red head to go back to her terminal. Shepard nodded at what she had said and then left the operative to her work, or more likely to sit at her desk and ponder all that was happening.
Shepard made her way back to the CIC to check her terminal one last time before she departed for the mission. The second Miranda had touched her Shepard had burned with longing for more. She had not questioned her growing feelings for the operative over these last months; she hadn't even realised her own attachment and had certainly never contemplated that anything between them would ever be possible. She hadn't even been sure Miranda was bisexual but this sign of Miranda's true feelings had caused an explosion inside her head so now all that she could see was Miranda.
She frowned at Miranda's words though; they had been so vague. She faltered for a second wondering whether she may have misinterpreted for Miranda had only said personal feelings shouldn't get in the way- she didn't say whose. Perhaps this was Miranda's way of telling Shepard to back off. Miranda had certainly not said anything absolute about her having feelings for Shepard and she was good at reading people and so she could have just picked up on what was going on with Shepard. Even if she did feel something, it might only be a casual passing interest due to them being locked up on a ship together as these things do happen...
She turned and asked Kelly if there was anything she should know with the crew before she left but was struck with a sudden thought: Kelly saw everything.
"There's nothing to worry about with the crew, Commander." Kelly said helpfully.
"Good...they're coming along well. Everyone is working together efficiently." Shepard commented, hoping Kelly's natural inkling to reveal a lot of information in one conversation would continue.
"That is true. I've never known a team as positive." Kelly responded cheerfully.
"It must be strange," Shepard started seriously, "particularly for the Cerberus employees to suddenly have another leader who isn't quite one of them."
"The Illusive Man trusts you and his employees trust him. It's clear you're a great commander; I've trusted you since the moment I met you." Kelly answered, and Shepard ignored the last part.
"Are the others as accepting of me? It must be hard- especially so for Operative Lawson, I imagine."
"Operative Lawson isn't used to not being in control. I expect it's been difficult for her to see how much Jacob has grown to admire you but she respects you and seems to allow you more time than anybody else. She was also very protective of you after the incident with the varren. Miranda refuses to engage in any counselling sessions with me on principle so I'm unsure as to how helpful I can be with her." Kelly said, and Shepard realised in that speech that she had underestimated just how much Chambers noticed.
She bade Kelly goodbye and headed into the elevator to go to the shuttle where Zaeed and Jack would be waiting. Jacob, she sighed. There was no way Miranda was still interested in him- she hoped.
"That was cute, Shepard but why not just ask a girl how she really feels?" Kasumi said, and Shepard jumped so high at the shock of Kasumi's sudden appearance she fell backwards against the elevator wall.
"She is the second in command," Shepard answered, feeling it would be childish and pointless to deny anything to Kasumi, "and it would be-"
"If you're going to say 'embarrassing' then I don't even want to know what's going on." Kasumi interjected. "Love doesn't have time for that."
"Love?" Shepard spluttered.
"Take it from me, Shep," Kasumi said with bitter wisdom, "don't waste it and don't let something so silly as pride get in your way."
As the elevator stopped and opened its doors Kasumi cloaked again so Shepard could get into the shuttle with the others without being questioned on the conversation. The entire ride, Shepard did not spend a second thinking about Zaeed's diatribe on the importance of revenge but wondered what she was going to do next and just whether in the pain and chaos of fighting the reapers she could ever have any sort of happiness for herself at all.
"What the hell are you doing?" Shepard shouted at Zaeed, while she and Jack were crouched below cover after a huge explosion.
I should have bloody known this would happen, Shepard thought.
"And people say I'm fucking crazy." Jack said.
Zaeed however, was paying no attention and persisted in opening the gas lines and the subsequent explosion blew open the gates. It was a complete fiasco.
"We don't sacrifice lives for a mission, especially when an old grudge is being settled! There's always a better way!" Shepard marched forward to Zaeed and wasn't sure if she could refrain from punching him.
"I want Vito!" Zaeed spat.
"I ought to knock you the hell out." Shepard threatened. "But thanks to you we've got civilians to save."
"I should have known better than to trust you." Zaeed replied.
"You can stay here and burn for all I care but I'm getting these people out of here."
Shepard turned to run through the refinery and didn't look back to see if Zaeed followed but could hear from the footsteps that he had.
It was a complete mess. The smoke ripped at their lungs and embraced their bodies, it was so hot that had Shepard been religious then taking note of her present company she would have sworn she was in hell.
It didn't take long to save the civilians thankfully but as the emerged outside Vito's shuttle had already taken off with Zaeed firing furiously at it until they were clear.
"You..." Zaeed whispered turning to Shepard, seething.
"You just cost me twenty years of my life!" Zaeed screamed, pointing his weapon at Shepard but in unison Shepard mirrored his move.
However, there was another explosion and Shepard made a break from the heap of metal that threatened to rain down but Zaeed was too slow and found his leg crushed beneath it.
"Get me out of here!" Zaeed ordered.
"I don't want you on my ship. You're a pain of the arse and completely out of control." Shepard said, crossing her arms and seemingly indifferent to Zaeed's predicament.
"Cerberus needs me or they wouldn't be paying my fees so stop screwing around!"
"You put yourself before the mission and that's not how this goes on my ship." Shepard said.
"I've survived this long by watching my own back." Zaeed retorted.
Shepard pointed her gun at Zaeed's head and saw a flicker of fear and perhaps something else.
"You're part of my team now and we work together. There's no way we can pull this off unless we work together."
And Shepard turned the gun round and put it in its holster.
"You have a point..." Zaeed gave as an admission, "...I'm not done with Vito but I can put it aside for now."
Shepard smiled and got Jack to lift the metal with her biotics and toss it aside while Shepard helped Zaeed up.
"Can we get the fuck out of here yet?" Jack asked, bored.
"What happened?" Miranda demanded to know, the second the three of them made it off the shuttle.
"Nothing, it went well." Shepard brushed off.
Miranda stared at her in disbelief, clearly taking in Shepard's wild hair and the fact the three of them were covered in ash and minor burns.
"EDI said the entire refinery was on fire and there were a series of explosions." Miranda said, losing her composure slightly with each word.
"Oh...it was fine. We got the job done." Shepard said, slightly nervously at Miranda's anger.
"What did you do?" Miranda asked, rounding on Jack.
"I didn't fucking do anything! It was that creep right there." Jack said, nodding at Zaeed.
"It was fine." Shepard said firmly before Miranda could round on Zaeed next who was already licking his wounds. "I'll come and brief you on everything and these two can get cleaned up."
Miranda did not look satisfied at this but she silently swept into the elevator with them. It was a deeply uncomfortable few moments where Miranda refused to look at any of them. She stepped out of the elevator briskly as soon as it stopped and Shepard followed in her wake, while Jack muttered "shit, good luck" under her breath as she headed for the showers and Zaeed for the men's room.
"Blowing up a refinery?" Miranda asked the second the door was shut behind them.
"It sounds worse than it was." Shepard soothed.
"It sounds like you could have been burnt alive." Miranda snapped.
"Worried about me now?" Shepard grinned trying to break the tension but Miranda only gave her a dark look and Shepard rolled her eyes and started to pull off her armour. "We got the people out, Zaeed is all focussed now, job done."
And she tossed her armour on Miranda's couch and rolled up her slightly singed sleeves.
Miranda looked away, smiling slightly.
"I had been meaning to tell you what a good job you were doing."
"I'm sure that today's events give you so much joy then." Shepard replied sarcastically and Miranda bit back a laugh.
"No, Cerberus was right to trust you. We should have hired you a long time ago. We need people like you. Too many join us out of simple xenophobia."
"What about what happened to Jack and David?" Shepard asked.
"Mistakes." Miranda said quickly, "And not mine. But you still don't trust Cerberus?"
"I don't know..." Shepard moaned. "I trust you, I trust what we do but the organisation operates in the shade. I don't like the Alliance much either these days so guess I'm on the outs with the galaxy."
"Would you go back if they asked you?" Miranda asked, her eyes watching Shepard keenly.
"I don't know. The reapers mean I barely get a choice with the things I do anymore but I don't think I can stand to go back there. They've just abandoned the fight and it makes me sick." Shepard admitted.
"They should have listened to you." Miranda agreed gently.
"So much for being a great leader then..." Shepard scoffed.
"That's politics." Miranda corrected. "It's not about you. What you do...no one else can. I didn't believe it at first but you have that thing, that fire which would make anyone willing to walk through hell itself. My father paid for the best genes money could buy and it still wasn't enough."
"You are enough. Why do you have to keep defining yourself by your genetic tailoring?" Shepard asked, stepping closer to her completely desperate for her to let this go.
"This is what I am, Shepard." Miranda answered sadly, turning her back to her. "I can't hide it. The intelligence, the looks, even the biotics...he paid for all of that. Every one of your accomplishments is due to your skill. The only things I can take credit for are my mistakes."
Shepard was so frustrated by this and she was tired of Miranda only seeing herself in such simplistic terms which allowed her no pride or humanity but she didn't want to play this game with her anymore either. She wasn't going to allow it to keep controlling who Miranda was and their relationship.
"Wait, a minute, are you jealous?" Shepard teased.
Miranda spun around to face her again.
"Don't be absurd." She ridiculed.
"The genetic mutt that the Illusive Man put in charge- that's got to sting." Shepard mocked.
"First it's not a competition," Miranda forcefully denied, "second, based on your combat record you're practically a perfect human specimen."
Shepard stepped closer to her and couldn't help but smile.
"Perfect human specimen, huh?"
"Don't get cocky. I'm the one who put you together, remember? And I do damn good work." Miranda exclaimed, her forefinger trailing down from Shepard's chest to her waist as though both wanting to touch but to be able to physically have something to stop herself from moving closer still to Shepard.
"Yes, you do." Shepard whispered, closing the distance between them and within a second they were both kissing each other.
Their breaths mingled with each other, Shepard could feel Miranda's chest rise and fall rapidly and the small moan which escaped from her. Miranda's hand went straight for Shepard's hair as she pulled the commander closer and Shepard looped a finger around the belt of the operative and trailed the fingers of her other hand down her waist before resting on Miranda's hip. The kiss lacked any timid or self conscious nerves, but was full of passion and longing and within seconds it had deepened as Shepard bit lightly on Miranda's bottom lip and she offered herself completely to Shepard.
Every fibre of Shepard's being belonged to this moment, there could be nothing else for her and Miranda's hands dropped down to reach for Shepard's collar and pull her closer still to her but then Miranda broke the kiss, as if that automatic action from her had made her realise what was happening. She stepped back from Shepard and for a brief second rested her fingers on the commander's stomach as though once again trying to ensure some distance between them.
"What the hell was that?" Miranda asked flustered and trying to catch her breath and stepping back once more. "Okay, this doesn't mean anything. We just...God, I need to think. I need...I'll talk to you later."
Miranda dismissed her and walked back to her terminal but then after a few steps turned back to Shepard.
"And stop smiling, damn it!"She scolded, but with the same contented expression that Shepard was wearing.
Shepard gathered her armour from the couch, threw Miranda a last cheerfully astonished look to which Miranda couldn't help but fight a smile at and then exited the room laughing jovially as she went.