thank you to everyone who is reading and especially to those that reviewed the last chapter, you're all the best. seriously.
This story was featured as a clue for TwiFicTrivia ( just4TFT) on twitter so that was pretty awesome.
music: boom clap by charli xcx
anyways.
Chapter 10
"I did not lose my virginity on Valentine's Day. That's literally the most cliché thing I can think of."
"It was just a question, Alice, don't give me that look."
"We're just waiting for the right time."
"As in when your mom isn't home yelling at you to keep the door open?"
"Shut up. How was your night with Edward? He was so excited when I talked to him in English yesterday."
"It was good, he tried to make me dinner but I ended up stepping in because I'm pretty sure if I hadn't, he would have burned my house down." I smile at the memory. He rang my doorbell right after Charlie had left for his shift and I found him grinning on my doorstep, wearing a nice button up shirt tucked into those black pants he always wears.
"I'm making you chicken piccata," he'd proclaimed proudly, holding up a full grocery bag, which swung forward and almost hit me in the face.
He wouldn't let me help at first but eventually I learned that he was all thumbs when it came to cooking. I'd found the one thing Edward wasn't amazing at and it was really satisfying to bump him out of the way and show him a thing or two.
"You're amazing," he'd sighed into my shoulder as I coated the chicken in flour.
"You're distracting," I'd told him, laughing.
"Yeah, well." I kissed him then, like I had often over the last month and half. We'd fallen into each other so easily.
So easily that I have to make myself take a step back, take a day not to not answer my phone even when I'm desperate to talk to him because I'm not sure how I'm supposed to proceed. I haven't added anyone in my life in so long, I'm so scared of him because he is so unconditionally kind and understanding of me, it's almost too good to be true. So I kiss him as I cook us dinner and I let his hands work their way under my shirt as he whispers sweetly in my ear but I am ready for it to all go away. It's inevitable, it will come, I'm just not sure when.
"Where'd you go?" Alice is asking me now, waving a hand in front of my face. I blink, suddenly pulled back into the moment. We're lying on the floor of my bedroom, she's painting my toenails blue and I'm supposed to be quizzing her for history.
"Sorry," I say quickly and she throws me a concerned stare.
"You hear back from anywhere yet?" I ask because I get the feeling she's about to talk to me expressing our feelings.
"Not yet, have you?"
"Nope," I say and that's kind of the end of it.
My dad comes home a little later with two bags of Chinese takeout and I convince Alice to stay. He's been acting weird the last couple of months, and I can't say it's because Edward's been hanging around. He and Charlie have been getting along pretty well, they talk sports and camping and my dad's yet to find Edward with his hands up my shirt, so he hasn't chased him from the house yet.
But Charlie's been quieter than he usually is, more on edge and overly nice to me- heavy on the compliments, pretending to be interested in my research projects and giving me a hug every so often.
It's really throwing me off and every time I ask him about it, he sputters some excuse about work.
So now the three of us are sitting at the kitchen table and I notice that one of the bulbs in the light above us has gone out so it seems dimmer than usual. Alice is spinning lo mein noodles on her fork, asking Charlie about his day while I stuff my mouth with rice, watching the interaction nervously.
"Bella says you've been really stressed about work," Alice says and my dad's eyes widen for just a second before he composes himself.
"Yeah, uh just some uh stuff going on," he manages and Alice gives me a look out of the corner of her eye. "The game's starting so I'm gonna…" he trails off, moving himself and his plate to the couch. He's better at avoiding confrontation than I am.
"I see what you mean," Alice mutters.
"Right? It's actually freaking me out."
"Maybe there's a serial killer on the loose. Maybe it's actually about work," she offers. I roll my eyes dramatically while the television blares from the next room.
It's a Saturday morning; Edward's just gotten to my house waving an envelope in front my face. I'm still in my pajamas and my hair is a rats nest but I've thankfully brushed my teeth.
"What are you doing here?" I ask but I can't fight the smile working its way onto my face. His joy is buzzing off of him like electricity.
"I got something from the School of Visual Arts!" he says, stepping past me and into the foyer, unwrapping his scarf from his neck and tossing it at me.
"In New York?" I ask, throwing it back at him.
"Yes! I didn't want to open it alone." I smile softly at him, flattered he picked me.
"Well open it!"
"Okay okay okay. Do you have coffee? I need coffee."
"Edward I seriously doubt you need coffee but okay."
So once I've got coffee poured into two mismatched mugs and Edward is sitting across from me, spooning sugar and cream into his coffee and grimacing at my own drink—black is the only way I like it—he finally clears his throat, holding the envelope out in front of him.
"Can I get a drumroll please?"
"Just open it," I grumble, but I'm so amused by this ridiculous boy.
"I need a drumroll, Bell. This is so important." I know that he won't move on until I do what he asks so I tap my fingers on the edge of the table rapidly and he grins like I've just found the cure for cancer.
He tears the envelope open and starts scanning the paper inside, I can't see his expression until he lowers it, and oh, his eyes are shining, I know I'm done for.
"I got in," he says quietly.
"You got in," I echo, making my voice louder than his, grinning as broad as my mouth would stretch. I stand up throwing my arms around him and he pulls me up, his arms circling my waist.
"Are you gonna go?" I ask, my lips pressed to his neck.
"Not sure, haven't heard back from anyone else yet."
"We should go out for celebratory lunch," I say as cheerfully as I can manage. My heart is sinking. New York is so far away. He kisses me on the cheek and sets me down.
"I have to get dressed, come on," I say and he follows me up the stairs and to my room—which he's never been inside of before.
"Nice poster," he says and I know he's talking about the one above my bed because he got it for me for Christmas. It's from a Picasso exhibit, one that the Art Institute in Chicago put on. I'd given him an exceptionally sloppy Paint-by-Numbers of his favorite painting, the Manet one. He'd laughed and laughed, but told me he'd hang it up in his room.
He looks around as I grab some clothes from my dresser, pausing at my bookshelf and the pile next to it.
"Wow," he says, giving the collection a low whistle.
"I like books," I say before I steal away to the bathroom to change. I spend too much time brushing my hair and looking in the mirror, lost in thought over him leaving. It's already hurting me so much now, who knows what will happen in a few months when he runs away to the other end of the country. How can I keep going with this? How can I not?
I try to picture a time when I won't see him grinning at me like I'm made of starlight and when I won't hear him laughing at me when I'm annoyed or how he holds me close when I'm having a bad day, letting me fall into one of my books and doesn't press too much. I feel like I'm collapsing in on myself at the thought.
When I finally make myself go back to my room, Edward's at my dresser, turning the little ceramic pot on my dresser over, looking at the little inscription on the bottom.
"Who's Renee?" he asks, and he sounds genuinely curious about it. I feel my face grow hot.
"My, uh, my mom," I stammer. Edwards sets the pot down and I see panic flash briefly in his eyes, but it vanishes as quickly as it comes. He squares his shoulders, set his mouth in a line.
This can't be good.
"I get it now," he says.
"Get what?" I ask quietly, twisting my hands together. Edward's usually good at sensing my discomfort and backing off but it doesn't seem like he'll do that now.
"The art thing. Keeps you close to your mom," he says, his voice small but confident. I wish the floor would swallow me whole and I stay quiet. He moves closer to me, his arms pulling me to him.
"I'm sorry if I've upset you, it just…I'm just trying to understand…I have no idea what's going on in your head. You have to let me in sometime, Bella." His voice gets impossibly rougher and I feel emotion rise in my throat, words are tumbling from my lips.
"It w-was supposed to help, it helped a-at first, I just didn't know w-why she'd leave. Now I can't stop, it's killing me, but it's all I have. It's all I have." I'm trying not to cry, my eyes are burning and Edward is holding me closer and closer.
"You think it's mine, this art but it's not. It's all her," I tell him and it's like I can't stop. I've never said any of this to anyone, not even Alice. Edward pushes away from me so he can look at me, his forest eyes staring at me in such earnestness I can't breathe.
"Bella." I know he's gearing up to throw a famous pep talk at me but I can't right now, I've spoken and my chest is lighter. It's good, it's a small relief.
"Edward," I sigh. "Let's just go to lunch. I'm starving." His skeptical look makes me roll my eyes. "I'm okay, I promise. Thank you for listening."
"If you're sure," he says and I pull him downstairs.
"I got into your room and I didn't even get to make out with you," he mutters and I shove him playfully.
"We should fix that then," I raise my eyebrows suggestively and he grabs me, carrying me upstairs as I'm shrieking the whole way up. He lays me down on my bed and kisses me hard and I feel like I'm floating away, my hands feeling his cheekbones and his jaw, the hard lines and the stubble are rough under my touch.
"Jesus your hands are freezing," he laughs. "Here." He takes my hands and puts them under his sweatshirt, placing them on the warm softness of his abdomen. He shivers once but keeps them there. I smile and kiss him gently.
"You're too nice to me," I tell him and I hope it sounds as honest as I mean it to be.
"You deserve it," he says with zero hesitation and I feel that lump in my throat again, because I'm not sure what I did to deserve such a thing as Edward Cullen.
We eventually make it to the Spartan and end up meeting Alice and Jasper there. They come in looking like they're in the middle of an argument. Alice has her arms crossed and she's got that look in her eye that says you better not mess with her. Jasper just looks exasperated, running his hand through his hair, which has grown even longer; it falls past his ears now.
Edward sighs next to me and as they get closer, I can hear what Alice is saying.
"I'm just saying, Jas, there is no way the South could have won that battle, even with different leadership, I seriously don't care what you say. This conversation is over."
"But Alice, all I'm trying to point out is that—" Alice cuts him off, holding her hand up at him before she slides into the booth.
"Sorry, we're late," she says, smiling warmly at us.
Edward and I just stare at them before bursting into laughter.
"What?" Jasper asks, irritated.
"Nothing," I say but I'm still laughing.
"I just think—"
"Jasper say one more word and I will kill you," she says and he gives her a look. She gives him a quick peck on the cheek and his eyes soften ever so slightly.
Edward squeezes my hand under the table. I squeeze his back and he smiles big and real at me, Alice is looking on so purely happy that my heart is swelling with it all.
We eat lunch and joke with each other about nothing in particular. Jasper and I talk about this concert in Seattle in a few weeks that we both want to go to and soon we're all talking about taking a road trip to see them. Jasper tries to talk more about the Civil War (which is because they'd just watched a documentary about it before they came and he's kind of obsessing over it) and Alice shouts about preservation of the union and I laugh and laugh and laugh.
I tell them the only way to settle their argument is to all watch it and let Edward and I decide for them so we go back to my house because it's closest and my dad won't be home until late.
Edward holds my hand the whole drive home and I sing along to the radio. We beat Alice and Jasper there and when we get to the front door, I let go of Edward's hand because there's a small package propped up against the front door. I lift it up; it's addressed to me, which is surprising because I didn't order anything, which I say out loud after a moment of silence.
"Maybe Charlie ordered you something," Alice offers as she and Jasper make their way over to us.
"I doubt it," I laugh and we go inside, stripping off our winter layers before we all settle around the couch. Jasper is looking for the movie on Netflix and I'm peeling the box open and digging through the packing peanuts to find what's inside.
I feel my breath catch when I find it.
A little ceramic dish, fired with deep blue glaze.
There's a note inside, also addressed to me.
I check the bottom of the dish and Renee's name is carved into the center.
oh mannnn. if you get a moment, please review- i check my email obsessively for them. next chapter should hopefully be up soon.
thank you for reading xoxo