Chapter Ten: Make Me Want to Run
Carlisle POV
Watching Bella go had to be the second hardest thing I've ever had to do, next to saying goodbye to Esme. Something inside me knew I loved her. Knew I wanted to be with her. Esme had been gone for two years, a reasonable amount of time for me to grieve. But the other part of me knew I wasn't ready. Knew the kids weren't ready for me to love another woman.
"Dad?" Emmett asked as we watched the cab disappear.
"What, Em?" I asked, my body began to feel numb.
"Why are you letting her go?" He asked.
"She wanted to go, Emmett. I couldn't stop her."
"Yes you could have." Alice chimed in.
"No...I couldn't have."
"Dad, we know." Emmett said after a long pause.
"Know what?"
"That you love Bella, and she loves you back." Alice said, trying not to look at her. I couldn't believe it. My daughter, my own daughter could see it and I couldn't. "You have to go after her, Daddy." She said.
"Ali...how..."
"I saw you two. Kiss." Emmett butted in.
"You...you saw us?"
"Yeah, about six months ago. I got home right about when you kissed her." I just starred at my kids in amazement. They saw me kiss her, they saw my feelings for her, and they were encouraging it. "Don't look so surprised."
"Yeah, I mean it's pretty obvious you know. I mean how many people watch movies every night until they fall asleep. Not many." Alice butted in.
"We're okay with it, Dad, really. We'd rather you be in love with Bella rather some random bitch you meet at work or something." Emmett said and I continued being speechless.
"But what we won't be okay with is if you let her go. Dad...GO!" Alice said and I pulled them both into a hug. They had grown up so much in the last two years. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, but they were the ones giving me toe courage to go after Bella.
"I love you guys. Stay here." I said, grabbing my keys out of my pocket and running to the car. I got in, started the car, and began driving to the airport. She said she'd stay if I told her we had a future together. And she was the only one I wanted to be with now. I began thinking of Esme on the drive there. I still loved her with all my heart. She was my first love and the mother of my children, but I knew she'd want this for me.
"Carlisle, we need to talk." Esme said when she came out of the bathroom after a long, hard day of chemo.
"Sure, what is it dear?" I asked, putting my magazine down as she sat next to me.
"You and I both know the outcome of this."
"Of what?" I asked, even though I knew what she was talking about.
"Carlisle, you know what." She said as her eyes grew wet with tears. I quickly puller her into me and held her tightly. "The cancer. We've been trying to conquer this for a year and a half. It isn't getting any better."
"I know, but we have to stay positive." I tried and she sat up straight again.
"I don't want you to be pining for me to come back." She said abruptly.
"What?"
"If...I die. I want you to try to find someone else to love. I don't want you waiting for me, I want you to be happy, dear."
"I won't be happy if you aren't here with me, Esme."
"But you can be. If you choose to be. I want you and the kids to be happy again. I'm not asking for you go out the day after...my...funeral to get someone else, but in the future if you're at the store and you run into someone you're attracked to, don't hold back because of me."
"Esme..."
"You're mother is great. And I trust her with my own life, but Ali is going to need someone younger she can relate to. She's going to go through hell once I pass, she's only thirteen. And Emmett, you are going to need help with him. He's fifteen, he's going to be an even bigger handful than Ali...and..."
"Esme. Sweetie." I said pulling her into me again.
"What?"
"If I find a girl worthwhile. Someone who I can love, someone the kids who can love, I will not hold back. I promise." I said and kissed the top of her head.
"You promise?" She asked giggling.
"I do. I love you, so much." I said before kissing her lightly on the lips.
"I love you too. I..." She began before her eyes rolled into the back of her head and her body went limp, falling into the headboard.
"Esme? Esme, honey?" I asked as I shook her.
The memory faded as the airport came into view. I sped up and found a parking lot, not caring who it was for. I jumped out of the car and ran inside to the ticket desk.
"I need a ticket to the plane going to New York in...shit...half hour." I said and began jumping out of eagerness.
"I'm sorry sir, that plane is filled." She said, like everything was going to be okay.
"Well then, I need a ticket going anywhere, cheap...hurry!" I said and she began looking through her computer. She was able to find a ticket to Kansas City and we made the transaction, and I ran to secruity which of course, took twenty five minutes.
"Flight 804 to New York City will be boarding in five short minutes." The voice on the speaker announced and I began running even faster. I the siting place where the boarding was being called and then saw her get up to get on the plane. I called her name, but it was too soft to hear. She was about to give her ticket and it was now or never
"BELLA!" I called as I neared her.
"Carlisle?" She yelled, turning towards me and away from the flight attendent.
"Don't...don't...go." I panted.
"What?"
"I love you. I want to be with just as much as you want to be with me."
"Carlisle..."
"Stay. Please don't leave. I need you." I told her, just wanting us to be together.
"Miss, if your boarding, you must do so now." The flight attendent told her. I looked at her, pleading her not to go.
"I'll be right there." She said, turning back to me. "No, Carlisle."
"But you said..."
"I know what I said. But...I can't." She cried, moving backwards and handing the man my ticket. "I'm so sorry." She said before entering the tunnel and began walking to the plane.
"Bella..." I whispered as I let myself fall into a chair. She told me that if we had a future together, she'd stay. She had either lied to me or something else was wrong. I sat there for ages until they kicked me out. I walked out to my car, which had a parking ticket on it. Great, this day was just getting better and better. I drove home, just thinking about Bella and how much I screwed things up for us. She would still be hear if I hadn't waited for my children to tell me I loved her. Damn. Life really suck. I pulled into my driveway and sat in my car for a few minutes. Alice and Emmett were going to be crushed when they saw Bella wasn't with me. I finally got up and walked into the house. They were in the kitchen, sitting by the answering machine, looking like they were pining for someone.
"Hey, what's going on?" I asked, pulling a chair out and sitting down.
"Bella, called." Emmett said, flatly.
"Oh?" I asked, trying not to sound hurt.
"Yeah, listen." Alice said with a cracking voice.
"Hi, everyone. I just had to call you before my plane took off. I just wanted to tell you that I love you all very very much. Alice, Emmett, me leaving had nothing to do with you. You two are like my own children. I love you like my own. Alice, you just have to keep going, you have to stay strong. Don't let me leaving ruin everything you've gained throughout the the past two years. And Emmett, please take care of your sister. No matter how many times she tells you she hates you, I know it's the biggest lie I've ever heard. You two need each other. Please, protect each other. And please, keep playing your sports, if I hear anything about you quitting, I will come back and drag you to practice everyday. And...Carlisle...take care of them for me. You're a great father, and a great person...and I love you. But...I can't get it out of my head that you came here to tell me this, just so I wouldn't go. You need to give yourself and Esme some credit. I know she would have wanted you to be happy, but being happy with me...isn't the right choice. I'm so sorry to all of you. I love you all so much...I have to go. Stay strong. I love you."
"She left...even though you told her you loved her?" Alice asked, tears streaming down her face.
"Yeah, kiddo. I'm really sorry. She explained herself during that message. I'm sorry guys, I tried." I said when I saw the looks on their faces. Alice got up and walked upstairs and Emmett just sat there. "Em?"
"We're sorry too, Dad." He said before standing up and walking upstairs.
I sat at work in between patients and opened my email account, hoping there would be something from Bella. Nothing. Again. I opened up a new email page and began typing my hundredth email in the last four days.
Bella, Emmett and Alice, they really miss you. I really miss you. I know I should have told you sooner that I was in love with you, but I was just too scarred. I was scarred of my kids, of what people might think of us dating. But when I came to the airport, I didn't tell you those things so you'd stay. I told you those things because I loved you and wanted to be with you. Anyway, please answer me. I miss you, I hated these last few days.
I pressed 'send' hoping she'd actually answer this one. It was finally the end of the day and I was grateful my mother was coming over and cooking dinner tonight, I couldn't bear another silent dinner with the kids. I was driving on the highway when I saw the airports exits. Maybe I wasn't thinking, or maybe I was acting on adrenaline and feelings only, but I found myself turning off the highway and towards the airport. Before I knew it, I was boarding a plane to New York City to find Bella. I stood in front of her apartment door, soaking wet because it was pouring and knocked three times.
"Bella! Bella, please answer the door!" I called after she didn't answer for a while. I stood there, leaning against the door, praying she'd open it when my phone rang. "Hello?" I asked, I hadn't looked at the ID.
"Carlisle Peter Cullen! Where in gods name are you?" My mother shouted into the phone.
"I'm in New York, Mom." I huffed, I had come here for nothing.
"What are you doing in New York, sweetheart?" She asked.
"Dad's in New York?" I heard Alice ask.
"I'm at...Bella's apartment."
"Carlisle, you can't keep this up. She's gone. You have to move on."
"I don't want to move on, Mom. I gotta go. I'll be home later, tomorrow probably." I said and hung up. "Bella! Please! I know you're in there, your trucks parked in the parking lot! Answer the door!" I begged while continuing to knock.
"She isn't home." An older woman told me as she passed. "She went somewhere with a very handsome gentleman about an hour and a half ago." She said before going into her place. Bella was already on a date. She said she couldn't wait, so I guess this was her moving on. I dropped my head and began walking towards the elevator and walked outside into the rain again. I found myself standing where I met Esme twenty-one years ago. On the grounds on Columbia University, in front of Butler Library.
"What do I do, Esme?" I asked, looking up, trying to shield my eyes from the raindrops falling at a hundred miles per hour. I stood there for a little bit more before I found myself shivering and walked back to my car and to the airport. It was well past midnight when I walked into my house and my mother didn't miss a beat slapping the back of my head when I got inside.
"Don't you ever do that again!" She said once I was dried off and drinking hot coffee.
"Sorry, Mom. I didn't intend on doing this. It just happened."
"Carlisle, honey, I know you loved her. I could see it. But, she's started a new life and as heartbreaking as this is, she doesn't want you in it. So, please do yourself a favor and try to start new like her. It'll do you a lot more good than going to New York to try and get her back." She said and I just starred at my coffee for a while.
"I didn't think I'd ever love again after loosing Esme. I know she told me to try, but I knew I wouldn't be able to. But then Bella came into the picture and after a while, I knew I was in love with her. I felt for her, the same way I felt for Esme. My knees buckled when I saw her, I dreamt about being with her, and every time we were together, all I wanted to do was kiss her."
"That's sweet, honey." My mother said, confused.
"I met her when I was just out of med school."
"You...did?"
"Yeah, she was eighteen and she was having knee surgery. Dr. Clearwater was in an accident or something an she needed the surgery right away, or she wouldn't walk to right way again. They let me do the surgery and I did and they said I did one of the best jobs they'd ever seen. Anyway, I was new and the only reason they let me perform Bella's surgery was because there was no other doctor to do so."
"Okay..."
"So, I kept her company when I could. I told Esme about her and Esme insisted on cooking her meals and having me bring them to her. We grew close, but after she was discharged, we never saw each other again. Separate lives I guess. But I hired her because I knew who she was."
"Did you love her when you knew her when she was eighteen?"
"No...but I knew...somehow...that I could love her. Like if I wasn't married to Esme, I knew I could love her. There was a...connection I had with her. I just can't believe I blew it." I said and my mother rubbed my knee and we finished our coffee.
"I should be going, your father is probably getting worried. I love you, kid." She said, hugging me.
"I love you too, Mom." I said and she left. I walked upstairs to change into my pajama's and to get my pillow. I stood in the doorway for a while, starring at the room. "Esme wouldn't want you to be sleeping on the couch for the rest of your life." I thought you myself. I took a deep breath and shut the door and walked to the bed. I pulled down the covers and slipped into bed. I turned onto my side and saw the picture of Esme and smiled. I knew she was wanting me to be happy. It was the first time since her death that I was able to sleep in here and it felt great.
I walked downstairs that Sunday mourning, trying not to think about Bella starting her new job the next day and saw Emmett and Alice sitting on the couch watching TV.
"Hey, guys." I said, walking over and sitting on the couch.
"Hi, Dad." Emmett said as he switched the TV to Sports Center and I was surprised when Alice didn't protest. We spent a good hour like this, just sitting in silence like we had been since Bella left. We were about to leave from church when Alice began begging about Bella.
"Daddy, please. Get her back." She begged as she put on her jacket and I got an umbrella out.
"Ali, honey, I've tried. So hard. I've emailed, called, sent letters, I went to New York for goodness sake and she was already on a date."
"Maybe it wasn't a date." Emmett butted in a Alice nodded.
"Em, she was out with a guy."
"Maybe it was someone she was going to be working with. Maybe it was business." Alice suggested.
"Guys, I've tried. Bella and I...weren't meant to be." I said, walking towards the door to open it. "Bella isn't coming back." I said opening the door.
"BELLA!" Both Emmett and Alice shouted.
"Bella?" I asked turning around and coming face to face with Bella. "Bella?" I asked as my breathing became heavy.