Thought I'd do a nicer chapter that wasn't so grim. Enjoy

Chapter 10

It had been 2 days since Nikki and Harry had met with Leo at the Lyle Centre. Earlier this morning the Hospital had called Nikki in to confirm what Leo had already suspected; she hadn't heard the doctor explaining the results to her, she didn't need to listen because she already knew. Her memories were trickling back like hot lava into her conscious. Although Nikki's blood work had showed she had been given well over 3mg of Rohypnol, she knew her mind was suffering from psychological trauma which was also preventing her from accessing her memory. She still hadn't been home and she had no intention of going there either; Harry had said she could stay with him for as long as she needed and she did need to; she needed him more than ever. Since they had admitted how they felt about each other they had been closer mentally but both Nikki and Harry were still afraid of physical contact with each other; Nikki feeling ashamed and disgusted with her body, Harry not wanting to suffocate her with his affection. They had however settled comfortably into holding hands with fingers entwined, hugging and Harry had only ever kissed her on her forehead.

In the few days that they had been together they had established an evening routine; bath for Nikki, dinner then bed. Nikki slept in Harry's bed and treasured being surrounded by the scent of him. Harry would lay with her while she slept but he remained fully dressed and on top of the covers; Nikki knew that he was being sensitive to her needs yet should couldn't help feeling that maybe he didn't want to be close to her, that he too thought of her as filthy and contaminated. Her sleep was broken by restless nights and fitful dreams and she feared that perhaps Harry would grow tired of waking to her inconsolable screams. With each nightmare she remembered a little more; she still couldn't see their faces or hear their names but she new that one was in a tux and the other wore jeans. They had taken their turn with her; treated her with disdain; helped themselves to the alcohol from her fridge and then helped themselves to her body. Each morning Harry had called the police to update them with the slightest of detail; nothing was insignificant.

The bruising on her face was easing but her body was still tender and uncomfortable, her lip was nearly healed yet her neck and shoulder still bore the violence inflicted upon her. Nikki was sat up in Harry's bed reading through a coroner's report, she felt full; Harry had made them steak and potatoes for dinner and again he had been insistent on her not leaving any. She would let him feed her up for a little longer; after all she had more pressing things to worry about than her weight. She smiled to herself as she thought of Harry, then she heard him pad across the bedroom to his side of the bed; she pretended to be engrossed in the report,

"You, Nikki, are relentless, shouldn't you be wrapped in a Jane Austen, reading the details of a coroner's report is not what constitutes relaxing reading." He was grinning as he placed a glass of water on the bedside cabinet.

"It's completely therapeutic, I'll have you know," She placed the papers on the floor beside the bed and held out her hand as he passed her 2 pills. She threw them into her mouth and Harry passed her the water. Harry's digital alarm clock read 21:17. "Bed before ten, I can't even remember a time in my life when I was in bed before ten." She sighed.

"What about when you were a girl? Surely you were in bed before ten then?" Harry helped her get comfortable and sorted her pillows for her, then carefully helped her to lie down.

"My mother always let me stay up with her and when I lived with my Dad-…well… he was never home to even care what time I stayed up 'till-" Harry pulled off his shoes and climbed on top of the covers.

"Are you sure that you don't want to contact him now-"

"Why? What good will it do? He's a hopeless case at the best of times, and besides he'll only make me feel responsible; he'd find a way to make it all my fault and then say that he way sorry and I misunderstood what he was trying to say-" Nikki folded her arms across herself. "Harry?" she sounded nervous,

"Hmm?"

"Do you think I will ever remember? I mean remember the things that matter like, their names or what they look like?" She held back her tears,

"Yes, yes you will. I know you, it's already coming back bit by bit; try not to force it Nik; it'll happen when you're ready… it really will." He turned his body to face hers and shoved his arm under his pillow so that his head was comfy. Nikki turned herself to him and smiled when she met his handsome unshaven face. She wanted more than anything for him to kiss her… properly, but she knew he wouldn't; she felt ugly and used and she was not surprised that he hadn't even attempted. She felt miserable when she thought that what had started between them would most likely end before they'd even get to know each other as lovers. Harry saw the expression take over her face,

"What is it Nik? Want to talk about it?" Her heart fluttered and the butterflies in her belly were pressuring her to open up to Harry. She was in love with him and had been for a very long time; she refused to let what they had done to her ruin what had blossomed between Harry and her. She was anxious and fearful of his response but she had to know.

"Harry…Why don't you ever get in… I mean under the covers with me? It's because I'm absolutely repulsive isn't it?" her lips trembled,

"No-No of course that's not it-" he was stunned by this sudden shift in questioning.

"Are you afraid of me Harry? Afraid I'll say you have hurt me too?" her eyes avoided his,

"God Nikki- not for one second have I thought that. I want you, I want to be with you more than anything but you're not ready Nik, neither of us are-" he squeezed her hand,

"Not ready to sleep under the covers together? Harry please don't make excuses… I need you to be honest with me… please…"

"I am, I am being honest Nik… it's too soon-"

"Jesus Harry I'm not saying we should be having sex, that's the last thing- but you obviously don't want to be close to me… just tell me that it's because I'm contaminated and used and I'll understand-I" a tear escaped.

"Nikki… Nikki…" he waited until she was looking at him, "I want you, I want you so badly, more than anything, more than I've ever wanted anyone… and yes I am afraid, not of you but of me and my body's uncontrollable reaction to you. I don't want to scare you… the last thing you need is- well –my morning glory-" he was embarrassed but she had asked for his honesty and he wouldn't deny her that.

"Oh… I… really?" I smile crept across her face,

"Yes really…" he laughed at her innocence

"But? … So you fancy me? Even now?" she moved her face closer to his,

"Yes… Like mad, as always," he felt her breath on his skin, he wanted to kiss her but he was afraid, Nikki frowned,

"I know you'd never hurt me but I just…" she wanted him to kiss her, she didn't want him to be afraid of her, she wanted to kiss him but all of her confidence had been drained from her the day she looked at her broken body in the mirror, "I've wanted this for such a long time; I'm so nervous, not myself… what if you don't like the way I kiss- I-" their lips were millimetres away from each others.

"I won't do anything without your consent… I love you too much Nikki" their noses touched,

"Harry, please kiss me-" softly their lips met, slowly and gently she felt Harry kissing her, she felt light and wanted more of him. She pressed herself closer onto his lips and with each kiss opened her mouth a little more inviting Harry in. His kiss grew stronger and more passionate by the second and she was blissfully aware that they were sharing their first French kiss. She loved the feel and the taste on her lips and she pulled him closer to her with her wandering hands. All of the pain and anguish dissipated and all she knew was that she was kissing Doctor Harry Cunningham and loved every second of it… her stomach lurched SHE LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT, she could feel his weight on her and she felt trapped, she kicked and pushed,

"Noo," Harry broke the kiss and swiftly jumped off the bed,

"Sorry, I'm sorry Nik, I shouldn't have-" he knew that he had lost control when kissing her and he thought that he had kissed her too firmly,

"It's not that, it's not you, it was … beautiful, amazing… it's my stupid mind, I can't control how it wanders- I-" She sat up and outstretched her arms to him,

"Nikki, I think-" he looked a little worried,

"Please, Harry… Please stay with me tonight, not- I mean in bed with me, under the sheets… I want it more than anything." Even though her eyes were tearful she was smiling at him and pulled back the bed sheets. He looked at her questioningly "more than anything, I'm sure." she patted the mattress next to her and Harry slowly moved towards the bed, "No- I mean not your jeans… his jeans on my skin –I" Harry pulled off his jumper and his jeans and climbed in next to her wearing his white T-shirt and boxers. Nikki's heart raced at the sight of his bare legs but she knew that he would be very gentlemanly like. They snuggled down holding each other and at this moment Nikki felt content and loved.

"What if you get bored of waiting and go off me? I mean I don't know when sex will happen-" Harry kissed her lightly on her lips and she melted,

"Nik, I have waited 6 years to kiss you like that- I'll wait for you forever, I love you Nicola Alexander and nothing will change that." That night they both drifted off to sleep; their bodies' entwined. It was the first night since the rape that she had not woken screaming for help.

was it okay guys? xx