A/N: Thank as always to RachelFish! She's the best. And thanks to you for reading. Reviews are awesome. ;)
A good song for this chapter: "You Really Got a Hold On Me" (the She & Him version)
Sneak Peek: "It's just that your bare skin is right there in front of me. And you smell so good…"
Winter break is always great. But this one is the best. I spend almost all my time with Bella. It doesn't matter what we do. Today it's cold and gray outside, so we lie on her couch, watching a movie. Well, half-watching a movie. My lips are mostly glued to the back of her neck and her shoulder, where I've managed to push aside the strap of her tank top.
"Do you have any idea what's going on right now?" she asks, her voice husky.
"Of course. We're lying here on the couch, and I'm being entertained by this soft skin—" I drag my finger down the curve of her neck to her shoulder. "—right here."
She laughs and turns over to face me. "I meant in the movie, smartass."
"Um…" I glance over her shoulder to get caught up on a movie I've seen a thousand times. "Sigourney Weaver is running around a spaceship in her underwear."
She rolls her eyes. "So insightful. Are you actually watching it? If you're bored, we can do something else."
"It's just that your bare neck is right there in front of me. And you smell so good." I bury my face in her neck. "It's pretty tempting. How am I supposed to pay attention to anything else?"
"If it's that much of a distraction, I can move to the recliner…" She moves to sit up, but I roll onto my back and pull her down on top of me.
"You're not going anywhere," I tell her, drawing her in with a hand on the nape of her neck. Every time our lips touch, it's an electric shock. She's intoxicating. I think I'm addicted. I nip and tug lazily at her lips, but she wants more. I want more. Our tongues move together slowly, sensually, and my blood races.
I smooth my hands over her curves to the small of her back and caress the warm skin where the hem of her shirt has ridden up. She makes the sexiest noises, and I can't stand it. I can't hold back. And with the way she's shifting against me, it doesn't feel like she wants me to. Things are more frantic than ever. My hands drift down to her ass, and I pull her hips forward to meet mine. And holy fuck, it feels good to have her like this. Straddling me as I push against her. I've always done my best to hide it from her when I'm turned on, but the way she moves against me pushes me forward.
"Oh, God," she says and gasps.
I can only respond with a low groan. I know my grasp is rough, but I don't care. I want to take her. I want all of her. She starts to move with purpose, and I think she's getting there. I'm right on the edge. She feels so good pressed against me, pushing, clasping, clutching, digging her fingers into my shoulders.
She jumps when the phone rings, and we break apart at the shrill tone.
Her mom's ringtone.
We stare at each other, two panting, wide-eyed messes.
"Um—" she starts.
I run a hand through my hair and try to sit up, but she's still straddling my lap. If I move, it'll be to drag her down with me again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get so carried away."
"You're apologizing?" she cries. "Unless you didn't want—"
"No, no. I want. Trust me, I want very much. It's just that I'm trying really hard to honor your wish to take things slowly."
She climbs off me and moves slowly backward, bringing her knees up to hug them against her chest. "Right. Slowly." Her brow furrows, and I want to be inside her head. I want to be inside other places, too, but if I think about that right now…
I sit up and grimace as I adjust my jeans.
"I'm sorry," she says, wincing too, because I'm pretty sure she knows my predicament.
I grab her phone from the coffee table and hand it to her. "Your mom?"
"Yeah. That was her."
"I'm just gonna…" I trail off and tilt my head toward her bathroom. She nods as her phone rings again, and I leave her to her conversation.
My hair is wild, my lips red. I stare into the bathroom mirror and try to think about something—anything—else. Running, school, worrying about what I'm going to do with my life. I haven't thought about that in months. It helps somewhat, and I blow out a deep breath, trying hard not to picture her above me, clinging to me with her eyes half-closed, her lips parted slightly. My laugh is a harsh huff as I shake my head at myself. I can't let my mind wander down that path again unless I'm going to do something about it. When I'm calm enough, I go to the kitchen and put the kettle on to make some tea.
She looks up at me when I enter the living room. Her hair is crazy. The color in her cheeks enhances her smile as she stares me. If I was afraid this would be awkward, I was so wrong. And in that moment, I know I love her. It shatters me, and I can't look at her anymore without telling her right now.
"We've been hanging out a bit," she says into the phone as she smirks at me.
Screeching in the the other room tells me the hot water's ready. I go back to get the tea, and when I come back, she's wrapping up her conversation.
"That's fine. I'll see you tonight. Love you." She hangs up and takes a steaming mug from me. "Mmm, tea. Thank you."
I kiss her once, quickly, because it's too tempting. "Earl Gray. You're welcome."
"So, would you be up for some company tonight?" she asks when I sit down next to her again. "Mom and Dad have to go to a party, so they're bringing Benji over for the night."
"Really? Awesome." I mean it. I really do like Benji, and I don't mind sharing Bella with him at all. "I haven't seen the little guy in a while."
Her giggle goes straight through me. "He probably won't even pay attention to me with you here."
"So…" I hedge, unsure how to ask. But then I just go for it. "Am I still staying here tonight? Or is that not appropriate?"
She shrugs and sips her tea. "I don't think it's inappropriate. Anyway, he'd be heartbroken if you left."
"Good." I put my mug down on the coffee table and pull her into my side. The movie's over, and Gilligan's Island is playing silently. "Unmute it," I say, nodding at the television. "Let's watch Mary Ann show the professor her coconuts."
"Edward!" A short, spiky-haired blur attacks me before I can say a word.
"Hey, Benji. How's it going?" Bella says sarcastically. "Nice to see you, too. I'm doing fine, thanks." As she talks to her parents, Benji fills me in on school and Disney World. I feel bad for only half-listening, because I don't want to be rude and not talk to Mr. and Mrs. Swan.
"It looks like you're set up for a fun time," Renée says as she glances around the room. "Hi, Edward."
"Hey, Mrs. Swan. Mr. Swan." I shake Charlie's hand, but Renée pulls me into a hug instead.
"I thought Benji could help me decorate my sad little tree," Bella says, gesturing to the fake Christmas tree we just assembled.
"Yeah!" Benji yells and runs to Bella. "Can we have hot chocolate and popcorn and watch Harry Potter?"
"Harry Potter?" she asks. "That doesn't seem very Christmasy."
"It's his new thing," Renée explains. "We should get going or we'll be late. Don't let him have too much sugar unless you want him up all night. In that case, you'll be taking care of his cranky butt tomorrow."
There's a flurry of kisses, hugs, and words like be good and nothing to drink after eight o'clock. Benji rolls his eyes and wipes lipstick off his cheeks after his parents leave.
"So," I say, clapping and rubbing my hands together. "What should we do first? Decorate the tree?"
"Yes. Can we have hot chocolate now? With whipped cream and sprinkles?"
"Sure, bud," says Bella. "I think I have whipped cream, but I'm not sure about sprinkles."
"Let's pull out the couch bed!" Benji shouts. Bella raises an eyebrow at me and leaves the room. Traitor.
He takes the cushions off the couch, and I unfold the bed for him. "I was gonna stay with my best friend Max tonight, but I'm glad I get to come here. Edward? Are you Bella's boyfriend?"
"Uh…" I'm not sure what a six-year-old knows about relationships, but I answer truthfully. When I was a kid, I hated it when adults talked down to me. "Yeah, I am."
It doesn't faze him. He goes straight back to talking about Max.
"I was playing outside, and when I came in, Mom said Max called me, and then I called back, and he threw up right on the phone! It was so funny."
"Hmm. It probably wasn't so funny for Max."
"Prolly not. But it was funny to me. Why are you wearing pajamas, anyway? Are you spending the night, too?"
"Uh…" I stall again, worried about how this will play out. "Would that be okay with you?"
"Yeah!" he says. "Do you want to sleep on the couch bed? Because I really like it, but I guess I wouldn't mind sleeping in Bella's bed if you really wanted the couch bed. You probably can't sleep in Bella's bed. You're too big, and she takes up all the room anyway."
I try my best not to laugh. "I don't mind if you take the couch bed. And I'm sure Rosalie wouldn't mind if I slept in her room."
Benji gives me a look that turns him into Bella Junior. "You must not know Rosalie very well."
I give in to a gut-busting laugh, and Bella giggles behind me.
"Hot chocolate is served, majesties," she says, putting three mugs down on the coffee table. Benji runs to his and starts to pick it up. "Careful!" Bella shouts, leaning forward to stop him. "It's hot."
"Can we decorate the tree now?" he asks, dipping his face into the mug to make a whipped cream mustache. "Look, I'm Dad." He erupts into giggles, and I wonder if sugar is the best thing to give him when he's already bouncing off the walls.
"Yes, let's do the tree," Bella says to him after giving me a look of slight horror. "I was counting on your help. I can't do it by myself."
We dig ornaments out of a box, and Benji asks about them all. Something tells me this is the norm, like he knows the stories behind the ornaments but wants to hear them every year. Most of them hold some sort of sentiment.
"Hey, this one has me on it!" Benji cries, showing me a glass ball with the words Big Sister on one side. On the other side is a picture of a teenaged Bella holding a newborn baby.
"Yeah," Bella says. "Mom's friend made it for me after you were born."
"Aw, you were so cute," I say and kiss the top of her head.
"I know," says Benji. "Thanks."
"Well, I was talking to your sister, but I guess you were cute, too."
"Eh, he's all right as far as little brothers go."
Benji sticks his tongue out at Bella and turns back to me. "Do you have any little brothers?"
"I have a little sister. And one big brother."
"Bigger than you?"
"Yeah. His name's Emmett."
He wrinkles his nose. "What kind of name is that? How old is your little sister? Can she play with me sometime?"
I snicker at his dig on Emmett. "It's an old-fashioned name. And my little sister is twenty-one, but I'm sure she'd love to play with you sometime."
"Can we watch Harry now?" Benji asks as he hangs the last ornament on a bottom branch.
Bella gets Benji situated on the couch bed, and she and I sit back in the recliner together to watch the movie. There's not an inch between us, and I find it difficult to keep my hands to myself. I smooth my hands over her hip, her leg, up her arm, down her side.
"You have a problem paying attention to movies, don't you?" she whispers.
I kiss her on the temple. "Only when you're around to distract me."
"Ew, stop kissing," Benji mumbles from the couch.
He falls asleep soon after that, and Bella and I creep to her bedroom.
"Should I sleep in Rose's room?" I ask, still unsure of protocol.
"It's up to you," she says. "He's dead to the world. It's not like he'll come crawling into bed with me or anything."
We brush our teeth together, and I'm glad I don't have to spend the night apart from her. In bed, we lie down facing one another, snuggled up under the warm quilt.
"You're a good sister." I brush her hair away from her face and over her shoulder. "You'd make a good mom someday, I think."
"I'm fairly certain that being a sister and being a mother are two completely different animals."
"Yeah, but you were old enough when he was born to know how things work. You'd be good with kids. Do you want to have any?"
"Not right this second, no," she says wryly.
"You know what I mean. One day. When you're older and married and stuff."
"To be honest, I don't know. It seems like the thing to do, doesn't it? Like the rational order of things. What I do know is I'll be at least twenty-eight before I decide."
"That's an awfully precise number."
"That's if I'm even married by then." She switches gears quickly. "Did you get your class schedule all figured out?"
"Yeah. I've got photography class with you—" I kiss her on the tip of her nose. "—art history, personal finance, and the Buddhist Tradition."
"Personal finance? And the Buddhist Tradition? I didn't even know that was offered."
"Maybe it'll inspire me to drop out of school and move to Tibet or something. My parents would love it."
"I'm sure they would."
"I figure art history will kill another humanities credit, and who can't benefit from learning how to manage their finances?"
"Maybe you could teach me some of that," she says with a laugh. "My savings account has been significantly depleted since I have no job."
"Really?" I haven't considered that she might be burdened with rent since Rose has pretty much moved out. "Are…do you…I mean, you can pay your rent and stuff, right?"
"Oh—yeah, I'm fine. Rose is still paying half the rent."
"Really?" I ask, surprised. "She's with Em almost every night. Why doesn't she just move in already?"
"I think she feels bad leaving me in the lurch. I've told her it doesn't matter. To be honest, I don't think she wants her parents to know how often she stays at your place."
"I see," I tell her, then change the topic back to us. "And do your parents know how much I stay here?" I sleep at Bella's a lot, but it's just that. Sleeping. Even if we've never gone as far as we did on the couch this afternoon, I love being near her. I love her, I think to myself.
"They don't care," she answers. "At least Mom doesn't. I think my dad likes to stay blissfully unaware." She runs a finger down my cheek. "I like it when you have a little bit of stubble."
That feels amazing. "Huh," I grunt. She likes it when I don't shave. This is news to me.
"It's kind of sexy." She tilts her head to the side and brushes a kiss on my jawline. It sends a shudder through me.
"Yeah?"
"Mmhmm."
I find her lips with mine, and we kiss languidly. It's enough. It's not that I don't want to undress her, explore her, taste every inch of her. My lust for her grows exponentially every day. But I'm happy to take it slow. I'm happy to be here with her, just like this.