Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or One Piece. This is completely off topic, but I'm looking for a catchphrase… and when I come up with it, it will be spectacular. Rest assured, it will be spectacular, and no it isn't going to be fucking dattebayo! Fuck everyone that had that thought run through their heads just now, and don't bullshit me either. I know you did, I could sense it!

Chapter 10: Greetings From Alabasta

Naruto stared at the person hanging off of Carue, who just so happened to be the bait that the others were fishing with, "How do you catch an okama? Actually nevermind, I guess it's just one of those mysteries that I'm better off not knowing."

The okama in question was hanging on tightly to Carue, "How did I get stuck on this weird giant duck?" Was the cry of alarm from the mystery person before he fell back into the water, seemingly unable to swim. After a short panic to get the person out of the water they all sat on the deck of the ship as the cross-dressing man bowed to them.

"Thank you all you wonderful people. I was saved by a group of pirates that I don't even know. I am in your debt… might I trouble you for a warm cup of soup?"

"NOO!" Was the unanimous cry of everyone else, "We're hungry too!" Naruto, Soren, and Nojiko didn't add in on that last part because they weren't hungry, but they shut up whenever the topic of food came up for good reason. After knowing how much Luffy could eat single handedly it was for the best that he didn't know that they had a basically fully stocked pantry on their ship, so it was best to act as if they were depleted of provisions as well.

The man was relatively tall with short black hair and makeup on and wore blue, flamboyant ballerina clothes underneath a pink overcoat with a strange two-headed swan figure on his back. He turned his attention to Vivi who was standing on a balcony above everyone else, "Ooh, well aren't you cute? I'd like to gobble you right up."

Vivi cringed, 'Ugh, what a weirdo…'

Luffy chuckled, "So you can't swim either, just like me."

Yes." The man responded, "I ate a Devil Fruit."

Usopp looked at the man in interest, "Really? What kind did you eat?"

The man looked around, 'Well I have to wait for my ship to come back anyway so I might as well put on a show.' He stood up and spoke in an empowered voice, "Right! This is my power!" He ran out and palmed Luffy's face, sending him flying backwards. Luffy's crew cried out in surprise and Zoro made to grab his swords until the mystery man spoke up to get them to stop, "Wait, wait, wait! I told you this was my power!"

Zoro stopped moving to attack out of sheer surprise, "What? Your face? What are you?"

"This is my show!" The man now had Luffy's face instead of his own. "Are you surprised?"

"They look identical!" Nami and Usopp called out.

Naruto raised an eyebrow, "I can do that too."

Soren rolled his eyes, "Of course you can. What can't you do damn it?"

Naruto grinned, "I don't know yet. I've yet to find out. You'll know when I do."

"If you touch my left hand I go back to normal." The man said, turning his face back to normal after doing so, "That's the power of my Mane Mane no Mi." He walked down a line and touched everyone's face, "I don't have to punch you to do it" That little aspect somewhat pissed Luffy off, "But if I just touch your face with my right hand I can imitate anyone just like this" He turned into Zoro, Usopp, Chopper, and Nami

"The voice and even the physique are the same." Nami noticed.

"I can copy your bodies too." He said in Nami's form as he opened his clothing to show off her body.

All of the men stared in shock until Nami punched the man in the face angrily, turning him back to normal "That's enough of that!"

Soren had a massive grin on his face, "That was so awesome."

Naruto's face mirrored his own, "You're telling me." Ignoring the glare he was getting from Nojiko he blinked in realization, "Wait… that was technically a guy. Which means that technically we were just flashed by a dude… and we liked it." Naruto and Soren looked at one another with wide, horrified eyes before running towards the edge of the ship to puke over it.

The new arrival on the ship recovered from Nami's punch quickly, "I'm sorry but that's all I can show you right now."

Ignoring the two vomiting men at the edge of the ship being watched by Nojiko with a sweatdrop on her head, Chopper, Luffy, and Usopp beckoned him to continue which he gleefully agreed to, "I've got a perfect memory! I remember every single face I've ever touched!" He said while shifting through faces. Although when he stopped on the face of a middle age bearded man, it got a reaction of shock out of Vivi.

The show and tell regressed into Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper dancing with the man. Nami watched while palming her face, "Someone kill them…"

Naruto had finished throwing up and walked over to her, "Do you have enough money to pay for it?" He quipped before turning out towards the ocean and seeing a ship coming their way, "Hey, whose ship is that?"

"Is it that time already? That's too bad." The man asked as he jumped up onto the balcony railing of the Going Merry, "Don't be sad my babies! Separation is inevitable! Just never forget me!" He then gave everyone a thumbs up and a shining smile that gave Naruto a flashback, "Time means nothing to true friendship!"

He then jumped onto his own ship, "Let's go my lovelies!"

"Yes sir Mr. 2 Bon Clay-sama!"

"Mr. Who Bon What now?" Naruto asked with a raised eyebrow.

Luffy seemed to ignore that little part of the farewell as he bid Bon Clay a fond farewell. Until the ship got out of sight and then it hit everyone else just what had happened, "Mr. 2?"

Vivi elaborated, "That was Mr. 2 Bon Clay!"

Luffy looked over at her, "Vivi, didn't you recognize his face?"

She looked down in a dejected fashion, "No… I've never met Mr. 2 or the Mr. 1 pair. I didn't know that he had any powers either. I did hear rumors though about how he was a huge okama, talked like an okama, wore a swan coat that said 'okama way' on the back…"

Naruto sweatdropped, "Damn. And people say I forget important things all the time. Noji-chan, can you shoot him really quick for me?"

Nojiko shrugged, "All I've got on me are my pistols Naruto-kun. I can't reach that far with these. My rifle is on our ship."

"Crap." Naruto said with a frown, "If Miss Valentine was here she would have been able to ID him right off the bat and save us the trouble of wondering if he knew who we all were or not." Although if she had been there she might have gotten them all discovered, Mr. 2 didn't seem to know who any of them were, but Nojiko didn't kill those spies from before, she just defeated them. Naruto had no doubt that they went right back to Crocodile as soon as they were able.

Vivi held her face in despair, "One of the faces he showed from his memory was the face of my father. What in the world would he need my father's face to do?"

Naruto pondered, "Well apparently Baroque Works is trying to throw your country into anarchy. Doing anything at all with your dad's face since he's a king would probably cause any number of problems to come up. That's somewhat troubling."

Nami walked over to Vivi, "Well if he uses his memory to turn into one of us we won't be able to trust each other, that is assuming that he ever finds out that we're enemies."

Naruto frowned at the face that Vivi was making, she was really concerned about what was going on with her country. Well as long as he and everyone else were there, there was no way that this nation was going to fall… not if any of them had anything to say about it.

Naruto jumped ships back to his own and headed inside where he found Yosaku asleep on his couch and Miss Valentine reading a newspaper from her own seat. Where she got the newspaper he wasn't sure, but that was neither here nor there, "Hey did you all miss what just happened on the Going Merry?"

Miss Valentine lowered her paper and looked at him inquisitively, "Pretty much. Is it that big of a deal?"

Naruto pushed Yosaku off of the couch and sat down on it, "You tell me." He started as he placed his feet up on Yosaku's still sleeping body, "Is Mr. 2 showing up on the Straw Hats' ship and touching their faces really that big of a deal to you?"

Miss Valentine looked at him in shock and a little bit of fear, "He was here?"

Naruto nodded, "Yeah. I'm surprised that you didn't hear it or find out about it… the guy was pretty loud. I don't think I'll ever forget this run-in either. I'll be having nightmares every time I start to dream about Nami-chan for the next ten years." He caught her strange look, "Please don't ask, I don't want to relive it. If you must know, ask Soren when he gets here, I have no problems with him puking… actually I do since it would probably burn through the ship."

"So…" She started with a grin on her face, "You have 'dreams' about the Nami girl do you?"

Naruto returned her grin, "Sure do. I also have them about Noji-chan and you too, so don't feel left out, you're right there in the mix of my mind. Congratulations."

Miss Valentine sputtered nonsensically before giving Naruto a stern look, "You're a real pervert."

"Nope." Naruto said as he readjusted his feet, "I'm just honest. And honestly; you're hot. And don't think clownshoes here." He then pointed down to Yosaku, "-and every other guy on this ship don't think somewhat the same way. That's normal. Now if I were harassing you about it, that would make me a pervert. But me, I'm simply willing to look and speculate." Naruto then teasingly gave her a once over, "And speculate I shall."

Shaking her head and returning to reading her newspaper, Miss Valentine sighed and spoke to Naruto chidingly, "Watch yourself Mr. Captain. After you deal with Baroque Works I don't have to stay here anymore."

Naruto scoffed, "You don't have to stay here now. You were the one that said that Crocodile was going to kill you so you decided to come with us."

Miss Valentine stuck her tongue out at Naruto over her paper and went back to reading.

"Uzumaki!" Soren yelled out as he came inside the common area, "We've got trouble."

Naruto stood up with a questioning look on his face, "What kind of trouble? Is it the fun kind of trouble or the annoying kind of trouble that makes me want to hit something repeatedly, and very hard for being stupid."

Soren stared at him blankly for a moment, "Um… what kind of trouble qualifies as the rubber brat running away from our ships before we were all fully docked because he smelled food in the port town we stopped in?"

Naruto sighed, "The second kind…" Naruto's shoulders slumped as he walked out onto deck while speaking to Miss Valentine, "Tell everyone to stick with the Straw Hats until we come back, okay?" Getting an ok sign from Miss Valentine, he put a hand on Soren's shoulder and used Shunshin no Jutsu to move from the ship to land.

XxX

"Let's see…" Soren said as they leapt along the rooftops of the town searching for Luffy, "If I were a half-wit with a one track mind and an empty stomach, where would I be?"

Naruto pointed down, "How about down there with the trail that leads through the walls of about four different buildings." Naruto took a sniff of the air, "Although in his defense, the smell of the restaurant's food is great. I wonder if this place has ramen?" The two men jumped down and walked through the holes in the walls that ended with them in the restaurant in question, "Hey have you guys seen a goofy kid in a straw hat? He probably was the one that did this to the wall."

The people inside pointed outside warily.

Soren sighed, "He's already into something isn't he?"

Naruto nodded, "More than likely. And he's running. Luffy never runs, so this must be something pretty big."

"Tashigi! Assemble all of the men and have them comb every corner of the town for his crew!"

Naruto frowned at the sound of that voice. If he was after Luffy then one of them would have to go and fight him. By one of them he meant him himself since he wasn't sure what good acid would do against smoke, therefore it was up to him to deal with Smoker once again. He needed to come up with a more permanent way to deal with the bastard, because blowing him away when he turned to smoke wasn't going to do the trick every time, "Soren." Naruto said.

"Yes?" Soren asked.

"You remember that little tick you have when it comes to Marines?" Naruto hinted.

Soren slowly started grinning, "I might."

"As long as you make sure they don't see any of the Straw Hats or our own crew, feel free to go nuts." Naruto said before leaping back atop the rooftops.

Soren let a manic grin cross his features as he also took to the rooftops, albeit in a different direction to tail Tashigi and find all of the Marines she had run off to round up.

XxX

Sanji had bought disguises in the town for them all to wear as they crossed the desert towards Alabasta's capitol city incognito. For the men they consisted of generally cloaks and turbans, and for the females of the group, it consisted of belly dancer outfits.

Nojiko sweatdropped as she looked herself over in her new clothes, "Naruto-kun would either punch Sanji directly in the face, or shake his hand vigorously for convincing us to actually go through with wearing this stuff."

Miss Valentine nodded as Sanji fawned over all of the women travelling in the party until Igaram made to restrain him for getting too fresh with Vivi, "I'd lean more towards the latter or some unholy combination of the two options."

Nami turned to Vivi, "So what's the plan? Where are we going Vivi?"

"Well first and foremost I want to stop the rebellion." Vivi started, "We don't know when they might rise up and cause needless bloodshed. The base of the rebels where the leader lives is an oasis town called Yuba. To go there we need-." She was cut off from speaking by Zoro grabbing her arm.

"Wait, hide!" He said, getting everyone to take refuge inside a ruined building as a group of Marines ran near them, "What are Marines doing here?"

He then saw who was being chased by them and that they were coming this way, "Zoro!" Luffy called out.

"There's the Straw Hat crew!" One of the Marines called out.

Zoro paled, "Why the hell didn't you come and find us after you lost them you idiot?"

"Get back men!" Smoker called out as he rushed ahead of the regular soldiers, "You're not getting away Strawhat! Howaito Burou (White Blow)!" He shot out a hard stream of smoke to blast Luffy hard.

"Fuuton: Daitoppa (Wind Release: Great Breakthrough)!" A rough wind blasted the smoke away from Luffy and threw Smoker backwards along with the rest of his men. Naruto stood in the middle of the street with his arms crossed over his chest, "Hello there Smoker. Remember me?"

Smoker was able to catch himself as the rest of his men were blown further down the street and stood up straight to face Naruto, "Uzumaki… How good of you to join us. I've been meaning to pay you back for Loguetown. I'll put you down and then go after Straw Hat next."

Naruto smirked, "For that plan of action to work you still need to get past me. And I don't think you have what it takes to pull that little miracle off." He dropped into a combat stance.

XxX

"Come on men!" One of the misplaced Marines shouted as he reached his feet, "We can't just leave Captain Smoker all on his own like this, let's go back him up!" Those were his last coherent words before a loogie hit him in the forehead and started burning its way through much to the horror of the man and all of the men around him. After a moment of panic and painful screams he dropped to the ground motionlessly.

"That's funny, because my captain told me to do whatever I had to do to keep the rest of you out of the way." Soren said from the rooftop he had spit from. Smoke from his acid flying into the air for intimidation tactics covered his body, "Sucks for all of you." He jumped off of the roof and landed in the street in front of them all.

Another Marine spoke up and drew a cutlass, "You're going to pay for that you freak! We won't let a monster like you have your way!"

Soren shrugged, "Well come on then, don't disappoint me now."

Upon his challenge, all of the Marines drew their own weapons and attempted to charge at him. As they got close and began swinging their blades at him, Soren effortlessly danced through their clumsy attacks with a scowl on his face, "You guys are all so weak that it's almost a waste of effort for me to kill you." He got directly into the middle of the fray and built up power for a moment, "Ibi-Ibi no Bakuhatsu (Rot Rot Explosion) !" He expelled acid from his body in a fine misty spray in all directions, coating all of the men that had been attacking him in the deadly fluid.

Soren smiled happily as the men all dropped to the ground screaming in pain as the acid worked over their bodies, melting through their clothing and skin, "Enjoy the tingling, burning sensation that goes with having your bodies liquefy!" He pulled the flask from his belt and walked away as he drank heartily. Before he could walk too far he saw a woman with black hair and glasses standing in front of him with a katana drawn. He sighed to himself, "Great… another woman to fight."

XxX

Naruto stared at Smoker while keeping in his stance, "Luffy!" He called out to the straw hat wearing boy, "Get everybody moving. I'll catch up later, I'm the only one of us that can handle him right now."

Luffy grinned to Naruto, "Thanks Naruto!"

Nami called back to him as they began running away, "Naruto-kun, we're heading to-."

"Ah, ah, ah!" Naruto turned around swiftly, waving his hands in an aggressive, "Don't say it so loudly Nami-chan. On the off chance that I can't stop this guy it would be better if he didn't know exactly where you were trying to go." As he had his back turned he looked down curiously when found himself covered in smoke clouds, "Oh you cheating son-of-a-biiittttcccchhh!" Naruto cried out as he found himself slung down the street into a building by Smoker.

"Naruto-kun!" Nojiko cried out as everyone watched Naruto get whipped into a wall by Smoker with destructive force.

Naruto picked himself out of the rubble and took off his sage coat before throwing it attached to a kunai at the retreating Straw Hat and Foxhound Pirates, "Take care of that for me until I get back to you!"

Nojiko picked up the coat and looked at it forlornly before turning back to Naruto, "Are you sure you'll come back?"

Naruto grinned at her, still picking small pieces of building out of his hair, "I'll be right behind you." He finished with a wink. Nojiko gave him a small smile before continuing on with everyone else.

"So that girl is an accomplice of yours or is she a lover?" Smoker asked, "I guess I'll just have to capture her too. It's too bad, a pretty thing like that won't last too long in Impel Down."

Naruto gave Smoker a cold glare before suddenly disappearing from his view in a gust of wind. Smoker looked around for any sign of Naruto before he saw a blurry fist and felt a sharp pain in his face that sent him flying into another building. Smoker slowly pulled himself out, growling lowly at Naruto who was standing where he had just been a moment ago, 'I didn't even see him moving or sense him coming.'

Naruto simply kept his glare on him, "You can threaten me, you can try to attack me, you can say anything you like about me. I don't care. But you threaten anyone that is close or precious to me just out of mere association with me and I will make your life a living hell. I've already killed one of your Marine captains for doing it, don't make me kill you too."

Smoker wiped the blood from his lip, "You're a notorious pirate that goes against the laws set up by the World Government. You've killed Marines in cold blood."

Naruto scoffed, "It wasn't really in cold blood. And those pathetic excuses for human beings? Sometimes I can see why Soren likes killing you all so much. You're different from that Nezumi prick. You actually have real strength and you actually use it to protect, I respect you for that. Have all of the problems with me that you want, I don't care. Hunt me down, chase me all over the globe, I'll be okay with that honestly, it actually sounds pretty fun. However, the second you put someone else into it that has nothing to with me being an 'outlaw' or a 'pirate' or whatever the hell the buzzword is these days for people that want to do what they want in life; I will hurt you, I will hurt you badly and I will let you know what a terrible mistake it was for you to even think that doing that was a good idea."

"Howaito Auto (White Out)!" Smoker attacked Naruto again with a wave of clouds from his arms.

Naruto jumped onto the roof of a nearby building to dodge the attack and threw a kunai at Smoker that just passed through his body, "What an obnoxious power. I can't even hurt you as long as you can do that." Naruto ran along the rooftops and jumped off as another blast of smoke hit nearby.

While he was hanging in the air, Smoker turned his entire body into a dense cloud of smoke and sent himself at Naruto, "Howaito Supauku (White Spark)!" The cloud engulfed Naruto's body bringing a smirk to Smoker's disembodied face until he noticed that he hadn't grabbed a person, but a large urn with a piece of paper stuck to it, and the piece of paper seemed to be burning down with the sound of a lit fuse.

"Damn it!" Smoker attempted to throw the urn away, but he had noticed it too fast and the planted paper bomb exploded right on him, taking out half of the town block with the force of the blast.

XxX

The sound of the explosion brought a smirk to Soren's face as he continued to look out at the girl brandishing a sword against him, "You really don't want to do that. I have no problems turning you into a puddle just so you know."

Tashigi glared at him, "You're a monster."

Soren raised an eyebrow, "And you're a bitch. You got any other useless names to call me?"

A growl came from her throat, "I don't even want to know how a criminal like you can justify yourself for the things that you do."

Soren frowned, "Good, because I wasn't going to fucking try to. I guess you could call me somewhat selfish. Those guys probably had families, some of them might have actually had honorable reasons for joining up with the Marines, but personally, to me once they put those uniforms on they chose their side. The Marines showed me no mercy when I was weak and defenseless so they'll get it right back now that I can actually do something about them. No mercy for the merciless."

Tashigi got herself ready to attack him, "In the name of the World Government and by the authority of the Marines you are under arrest."

Soren started laughing, "Under arrest? You think you can beat me? You actually think you can take me alive? Let me show you what I do to Marines that think they have a chance at taking me down!" Soren came at her straightforward and swiftly.

Tashigi attempted a sword thrust to impale him but Soren moved to the side and smacked the side of her katana hard, throwing her off balance. He then proceeded to follow up with his bare hands, "Juu Tora Moui (Ten Tigers Fury)!" He hit her in the body with ten high speed palm strikes that sent her flying backwards.

Tashigi coughed up blood and pulled herself to her feet only to catch a shin to the side from Soren that sent her into a shop, taking out the front window. Soren simply walked through the front door and motioned with his head to the frightened shopkeeper to leave. While his attention was diverted, Tashigi took a wide swing at him to try cutting him in half at the waist. Soren saw it coming at the last second and jumped into the air, grabbing onto the light fixture on the ceiling before descending with it and smashing it over her head sending her back to the floor.

Soren shook his head as he walked around her body, "I'm not even using my powers right now. You see normally I would have just turned you into a human slushy and kept on moving, but for some reason I feel the need to prove a point to you. If I killed you, you wouldn't learn anything, obviously because you would be dead." He saw her place her hand back on her sword handle and stepped on the blade to keep her from doing anything more.

"Not all pirates are bad people." Soren said looking down at her before taking on a thoughtful look, "Well, I'm a bad person. There are absolutely no excuses for me, I'm a fucking terrible person. But guys like the people on the Straw Hat crew and the other people on my crew are all good people. Sadly as far as pirates go they seem to be the minority, but it's a minority I want to preserve."

"Roronoa Zoro is not a good person!" She cried as she tried to free her sword from under his foot, "He tricked me into helping him obtain rare swords in Loguetown."

Soren raised an eyebrow, "How? Did you ask who he was? Did he make you pay for them and then ditch you? I'm sorry, but Roronoa Zoro is not a bad person. He's a lazy bastard most of the time but then again so is Uzumaki… Damn Uzumaki is lazy."

"How can you possibly defend him?" Tashigi inquired, "It's well documented that he's just another Marine murderer like you!"

Soren chuckled, "You can't even compare him to me. He only killed like fifteen tops, I've killed hundreds. Uzumaki only kills when someone tries to hurt the people around him or put them in danger. He's just one of those kinds of guys." Soren would have kept lecturing but he found himself ensnared in iron shackles around his body, "Oh not this again."

The familiar pink-haired woman that had fought him and Naruto when they first met walked into the ruined shop, "Hina thanks you for holding him here. Smoker-kun is so impatient, not waiting for me to get a new crew, so mean."

Tashigi adjusted the glasses on her face as she looked up, "Captain Hina."

Soren sighed, "Haven't we been through this already lady? You can't stop me! Ibi-Ibi no Hifu (Rot Rot Skin)!" Soren secreted acid through his skin and melted the shackles on him before rushing at Hina, leaving Tashigi alone. Hina simply stood still when Soren took a tiger-style swing at her. He simply passed through her body and came out shackled once more.

As Soren looked at himself with a tick mark on his head due to being ensnared again, Hina turned to Tashigi, "Go to Smoker-kun. This one you cannot defeat right now, not as you are. Leave him to Hina."

Tashigi nodded and put up her sword before leaving the shop. Soren eventually rolled his eyes and spit onto the shackles, enabling him to melt just enough of them to break out, "It's funny how you said she can't beat me as she is, because you can't beat me either. Now if I recall our last little run-in, I was kicking your ass until Uzumaki decided to be a bastard and drench us in seawater so he could abduct me and get away."

Hina smiled and nodded, "Yes that seems like the proper chain of events last time around for the most part. Hina suggests round two."

Soren smirked, "Soren agrees."

XxX

The Straw Hats and the remainders of the Foxhound Pirates made it to their docked ships. Johnny and Yosaku were moving quickly to get the ship ready to leave with the time being bought for them. Yosaku finished extending the sail and climbed down to run over to the side of the ship to raise anchor, "Are we really just going to leave Naruto-aniki and Soren back in Nanohana?"

Miss Valentine frowned as she stayed on the side of the ship nearest the Going Merry so she could get word on when they were all ready to leave, "He said that he would catch up. I have to believe that a guy like that wouldn't have said he was going to do something that he was incapable of pulling off."

Johnny came from inside and ran up to her, "So what the hell are we doing back on the ship?"

Miss Valentine looked at him, "We can take the ships up the river a distance before we actually have to traverse the desert. That's where Naruto and Soren can catch us if they can move fast enough to get there and meet us." She looked up at the crow's nest and saw that Nojiko was simply staring back at the town, "Nojiko what's the matter?"

The girl up above shook her head as she kept looking at the town, the massive billowing clouds of smoke and then the huge explosion that tore out, "They're tearing it apart… Naruto-kun and Soren fighting one another was bad enough, what's going to happen now that they're fighting together?"

Off of the ships Vivi had stopped her duck from boarding, "Carue, I have an important job that only you can do." She pulled out a letter and gave it to him, "Go north to Alubarna and give this letter to my father. This will reveal Crocodile and Baroque Works' conspiracy. Everything has been spelled out plain and clear."

"I will assist him princess." Said Igaram as he made his presence known, "You will be safe with these people for the time being. I will go with Carue and tell your father that you are quite alive and with a group of powerful strong-willed people."

Vivi gave him a smile and a short hug, "Take care of Carue and yourself Igaram. Now go tell my father that we can save this country!" As he got onto Carue she held on to the ducks face and looked at it, "Be careful and conserve your water okay?" She got an affirmative quack in response before he took off… immediately drinking deeply from the water supply he had around his neck audibly, "I said conserve your water!" She yelled with a tick mark at the retreating duck.

XxX

"Fuck!" Naruto yelled as he found himself encircled by Smoker's smoke. The man couldn't really hurt him or anything at this point, but even when he had gotten sick of messing around with him he couldn't do anything to blow him far enough away to get rid of him. Soren was still in the town somewhere fighting and even if he wasn't, the buildings seemed way too easy for him to break. Using the jutsu he used in Loguetown to end the fight would take out quite a few civilian casualties.

"Now you're done Uzumaki!" Smoker partially solidified and drew his jutte before thrusting it at Naruto's chest.

Naruto caught the tip of the weapon in the palm of his hand, legs buckling slightly under the force at which it came at him before he held his ground once more, "Heh, you're pretty strong physically aren't you. I think I'm starting to like you even more than I already did."

Smoker growled when Naruto held his ground against his weapon, "This weapon is tipped with seastone. Even touching it with your bare hands the way you are should nullify your Devil Fruit powers and make you as weak as a kitten!"

Naruto grinned, "Now whoever said that I even had Devil Fruit powers to start with huh? I certainly never claimed to have any, you must have just assumed, and you know what happens when you assume right? You make an 'ass' that Uzumaki Naruto has to kick!" Naruto used his free arm to chop through Smoker's wrists turning them to smoke and placing the jutte in his own hands. Naruto turned the weapon around and threw it javelin-style at Smoker.

His eyes widened as the seastone tip made impact with his chest, forcing the air and spit from his mouth with the impact that it made and sent him flying backwards into another building. Naruto grinned at finally dealing Smoker some actual damage for once and looked around at how much they had wrecked the place from the fight, "Man, and this was a nice place before we got here. Oh well, I don't have to pay for it!"

The building that Smoker had been sent into had its roof blown off as his towering, smoking form angrily emerged from the top of it. Naruto took a whiff of the air as he saw Smoker come out, "Did I throw you into the perfume store or something?"

Smoker let out a massive attack cry as he came at Naruto with his jutte one more time, the rest of his body billowing around Naruto's body, entrapping him. Naruto grit his teeth angrily at being surrounded by his powers once more and pulled a summoning scroll from his back. He bit his thumb and smeared it down the open scroll, "So you want to beat me into submission with a fucking jutte huh? Well if you wanted to duel then you should have told me!"

In a puff of smoke, the bandaged, scaly, oversized sword that Naruto oftentimes had found himself wielding found its way into his hands, "Samehada, cut him into ribbons!"

Smoker's jutte clashed with Naruto's odd blade, "You know if Tashigi could see you using this sword she'd be dead-set on finding some way to beat you and take it from you."

Naruto smirked as they pushed against each other's weapon, "Sorry, but I don't think she could use it even if I wasn't currently wielding it. Samehada is very selective about the company it keeps, it has a few prerequisites for anyone that wants to even touch the handle."

"This freaky looking thing?" Smoker questioned. He was coming awfully close to biting through the cigars in his mouth from the effort he was exerting to keep force with the grinning blonde that didn't seem like he was having that much trouble holding him back anymore, "What kind of requirements could this thing have? It's not a cursed blade is it?"

Naruto frowned, "That's not very nice. I would never call Samehada cursed… More like very picky about it's users." Much to Smoker's surprise the sword started vibrating and making disputing noises, "Alright sorry, jeez. I thought picky was the nicest way to put it. How else would I explain that you like to suck on my chakra like a weaning baby whenever I pick you up?"

"Are you talking to the sword?" Smoker asked in disbelief before outrage took over, "You're going to take me seriously damn you!"

Naruto saw the smoke clouds closing in and reflexively panicked as he really didn't want to get thrown around like a rag-doll like that again, even if he could take that kind of abuse for only Kami knows how long. Samehada sensed Naruto's alarm and tried to cut off the attack from what it could sense was the source. It stretched and bent around the weapon held by Smoker and dragged itself across his chest, actually shredding off skin from the man.

Naruto watched Smoker fully reform in surprise and pull back as blood ran down his chest, "W-What? Did that thing actually do me damage?"

Naruto looked at Samehada who was purring appreciatively before smirking at Smoker, "Well, well, well. It looks like Samehada likes the way you taste. Very rich with a special energy it hasn't tasted before, it's so used to eating my own kind that your own is like something of a delicacy to it. And it can actually hurt you…" Naruto's smirk turned to a dark grin, "Let's see how much of a beating you can take."

XxX

Soren broke out of another set of iron shackles, "You're really starting to piss me off lady! Ibi-Ibi no Kawa (Rot Rot Stream)!" Soren's cheeks puffed out before he fired a large stream of acid from his mouth at Hina. The woman leapt aside as the stream followed her, hitting half a dozen buildings and melting their walls right down.

Soren was really beginning to get pissed off. She couldn't beat him, he was able to melt off her Devil Fruit originated restraints each time she was able to get them on him, but he couldn't close the distance and cut her to pieces with his acid based hand to hand techniques or beat her senseless with them. Every time he laid a finger on her he found himself ensnared once more, it was quite maddening to say the very least.

When he switched to distance attacks he found that she had evasive skill to go along with her stifling close range powers. He couldn't pin her down and hit her with his acid attack. He would have just said fuck it and saturated the area in some kind of wide spread attack, but he was in the desert. Using his acid based powers quickly ate through his bodily fluids and he didn't want to be utterly useless at the conclusion of the battle, especially since the dry climate was sapping him of his fluids faster than usual. Since his stronger attacks utilized a higher amount of fluids from his body, would he have attempted something like what he actually desired to use to bring the fight to a close he would more than likely take himself out and leave himself a sitting duck... maybe even weak enough for the Tashigi girl to finish off, wherever she was. Not to mention they would probably kill a whole lot of innocent people.

He reached for the flask at his belt while Hina was at a distance and raised it up to his mouth only to curse to himself when he found that it was empty with the bottom of it cut out. That Tashigi girl must have gotten closer to him than he thought. Instead he pulled a small vial of yellow liquid from his pocket, he identified it to the crew as lemon juice, and ingested it for a small boost of acid potency and a basically miniscule amount of fluid replenishment.

He looked around and noticed how much collateral damage he had caused by simply missing his target, "Maybe Uzumaki has a point about how I shoot off attacks… I should train my aim with Nojiko after all of this is over."

Hina frowned as she watched Soren look at her from a distance, 'This is dangerous. Hina is starting to run out of energy to deal with him. If Hina can't trap him how is Hina supposed to win?'

Soren sighed before turning around and running off, forcing Hina who had expected a fight to the death to face-fault, "Where do you think you're going? Come back and fight with Hina! We aren't done yet!"

Soren didn't even turn around as he yelled back, "Why would I do that? At this point it's just a matter of who has more stamina and I don't want to win like that. Killing you isn't that important. I'm certain that everyone else was able to get away while me and Uzumaki have been tearing this place to shreds and that means my job is done. A fight to the death isn't going to benefit me right now." He gave her a two fingered salute over his shoulder and jumped onto the still intact rooftops to search for Naruto.

XxX

Smoker gasped in shock and pain as Samehada flailed around the defense he had tried putting up by lifting his jutte and came down on his shoulder. Naruto dragged the sword downwards, shaving off the shoulder of his jacket and cutting into his shoulder.

Naruto grinned as he placed Samehada over his shoulder, "I still wish I could punch you in the face, but this is a very acceptable substitute for that."

Smoker pulled himself to his feet once more, ignoring his injuries, "Where did you get a seastone coated weapon?"

Naruto looked at him strangely, "Samehada isn't made of seastone. It's a blade and it's covered in scales. I don't really know why it can hit you, but right now I don't care. It certainly solves one of my problems."

Smoker yelled at Naruto, "If it isn't made of seastone or doesn't have seastone in its make then how can it hit me?"

Naruto shrugged, "Hell if I know, but I don't care." Naruto saw Soren motioning to him from the corner of his eye atop a roof and turned back to Smoker, "Well I'd hate to literally cut and run, but it seems that's what I'm doing. Go pick up the town you made me destroy."

"Damn you Uzumaki, this isn't over!" Smoker moved towards him to attack again, "Howaito Supaku (White Spark)!" He charged at Naruto after turning his body into a dense cloud once more.

Soren landed at Naruto's side, "You know you messed up so much of this part of town you can do something big to get rid of him right?"

Naruto blinked at Soren, "No. I kind of forgot that all of the people probably evacuated this place by now after all of the stuff we destroyed. Alright then." Naruto rolled through hand signs, "Fuuton: Tatsumaki Sandan Wind Release: Twister Shot)!" Naruto spat out a massive tornado that had Soren's eyes widen at seeing a human being actually spit out an actual tornado.

It started pulling in the debris around it, sucking chunks of the destroyed buildings and the sandy landscape surrounding the village into it. Smoker's smoke comprised body once again found itself being drawn into the forceful gale winds of the tornado created by Naruto's jutsu, "Not again! Damn it!"

"Captain Smoker!" Tashigi yelled from behind sturdy cover as she saw his smoky frame get sucked into the twister.

Naruto shrugged as he watched the tornado stay in place and continue spinning before turning around and walking away. Soren followed closely behind and pointed his thumb back towards the scene they had just left, "What the hell was that?"

Naruto looked at Soren, "Oh, that's how I got rid of him last time. I just pumped way more chakra into the jutsu this time so that it would take a while for him to disperse into the air, and even after that it'll be a while before he can get his bearings enough to try and search for us." He finished, resealing Samehada in the scroll he had taken it from.

Soren gave him a dry look, "So were you serious for any of that fight whatsoever?"

Naruto thought about it for a moment, "Right at the beginning I was, but when it was clear that he couldn't do much of anything to me I stopped caring so much. I learned something cool though."

Soren stopped walking, getting Naruto's attention, "Where were we supposed to be going again?"

Naruto shook his head, "I don't know. I was just going to follow the hot Alabasta princess, save her country, get her forever indebted to me, and somehow convince her to sleep with me."

Soren sweatdropped, "So we're stuck in the middle of the desert, we don't have any knowledge of the country whatsoever, and we aren't even sure of where we're supposed to be going? You are the stupidest captain I have ever seen in my entire life!"

Naruto got in Soren's face, "No, I'm not! That distinction goes to Luffy! You can't even score me on the spectrum of stupid that Luffy exists on!"

"You pass him on that scale in some ways!" Soren shouted back, "You have your own continuum of stupid!" Naruto and Soren went nose to nose growling at each other, "You're so lucky that I can't waste any more fluid to melt you."

Naruto returned fire, "You're so lucky the ship isn't anywhere near us or I would tie you right to the front of it again." He turned to the right to see that they were still close to the ocean, "Come to think of it..." Naruto swatted him hard to the side sending him flying towards the water.

Soren was able to stop himself just short of falling into the ocean and got up to glare at Naruto, "I almost fell in there you whisker-faced asshole! I should beat the shit out of you!" He yelled as he noticed Naruto walking up to him with his attention out towards the ocean, "What the fuck is so interesting?" Soren turned to see five destroyed and flaming ships sinking not far from shore, "Who in the hell did that?"

Naruto shook his head and looked further down the coast, "Hey, some guy crashed his boat!" Naruto ran up the seashore and looked at the small boat. It had simply run aground; there was nothing wrong with it at all.

Soren arrived shortly after and saw a man half submerged in the sand. He grabbed onto one of the man's legs and pulled him out. The person had on black boots, black knee length shorts, an orange belt that Naruto subconsciously wanted to steal, and an orange hat on his head. The man was shirtless and had a very distinctive tattoo on his back. Soren's jaw almost dropped at seeing the tattoo, "No way… what is one of these guys doing all the way out here? Shouldn't they be somewhere closer to the New World or something?"

Naruto looked at his crewmate oddly, "Who are you talking about? Do you know who this guy is?"

Soren nodded, "I might." He used his foot to flip the man over and took in his features before speaking again. The man had black hair, freckles on his face, and on the front of his hat were two blue smileys, one smiling, the other frowning. Soren gestured down, "Let me introduce you to Portgas D. Ace. The second division commander of the Whitebeard Pirates." He looked up at Naruto, expecting to see some kind of reaction but had to hold himself from face-faulting when he saw Naruto picking his ear and staring at what had come out, "Hey! Pay attention asshole!"

Naruto flicked his ear gunk into the ocean, "What? I don't know who the hell any of the people you just talked about were. Should I care?"

Soren growled, "Yes you should care! This guy is one of the most dangerous people in the world, 'Fire Fist Ace' is a major player out on the Grand Line."

Naruto poked at him with a stick that he had somehow procured in the desert, "Well it doesn't seem like he's the most dangerous of anything. He looks like a major player in the afterlife right now. Look at him… he's dead man."

Soren palmed his face, "He's not dead… At least I don't think so." He blinked in confusion, "Where's the little reindeer doctor right now when you need him?"

"*yawn*" Ace let out a massive yawn that scared a few years off of Naruto and Soren's life spans as they damn near teleported back out of fright. He sat up and looked around, smacking his lips, "Oh man… Well at least I got out of Luffy's sight before I fell asleep again. That would have been uncool to crash like that in front of my little brother's crew."

Naruto walked up to Ace, "You're Luffy's older brother?" He asked.

Ace looked up at Naruto before getting up off the ground, "Uh, yeah. You guys know Luffy?"

Naruto nodded, "He took my crew away from the town when the Marines showed up and crashed our little landing party. And now we have no clue where the hell they're all going so we can catch up." He looked Ace over, "You know, other than the hair color you really don't look like Luffy."

Ace waved it off, "I get that from time to time. Wait, you were the one that fought that Marine that was chasing my brother?"

"Smoker?" Naruto asked, "Yeah, I beat the crap out of that guy. Why, did you want a piece of him? He's still back there somewhere, though he isn't going to be any good for anything for at least a few hours."

Ace gave a wide grin and reached his hand out for Naruto to shake, "I appreciate that. It's good to know that someone is looking out for the idiot when I can't be around. The name's Portgas D. Ace."

Naruto grinned back as he shook his hand, "Uzumaki Naruto. The bald kid standing right there is Soren." Soren rolled his eyes at Naruto's introduction but made an acknowledging gesture to show who he was.

Soren then walked up to Ace, "Alright now that formalities are out of the way, what is a high ranking member of the Whitebeard Pirates doing all the way back near the start of the Grand Line?"

Ace's face got serious, "I'm looking for a man that used to be a subordinate of mine. He would be going by the name of 'Blackbeard' these days if you've heard of him."

Naruto and Soren shook their heads when Naruto spoke up, "Your mood changed pretty quickly. What did this guy do to you to make you chase him all over the Grand Line?"

Ace's hat shadowed his face, "He killed one of his own crewmates. He stole and killed one of our men and then he ran for the hills. I'm here to take him down." That soured Naruto's mood, an old school pet peeve of his to say the very least was a man that put himself above his own comrades. This Blackbeard seemed like someone that would just flat out rub him the wrong way.

Soren and Naruto looked at each other, "Well I was going to ask you for your help in getting to wherever Luffy and his crew ended up taking my crew, but you've got enough on your plate at the moment. But if I see this guy do you want me to kill him for you?" Naruto said with a gleam in his eye.

"Only if it suits you and if you can handle it. He wasn't on Whitebeard's crew for nothing." Ace said dismissively, "But I actually have a mission for you if you want to accept it."

Naruto raised an eyebrow, "Missions usually consist of payment."

Ace reached into his pockets before grinning sheepishly, "It seems that I left my wallet elsewhere. Can I give you an I.O.U?"

Soren pointed to Ace's belt, "If you give me that flask of water on your belt you've got a deal."

Ace shrugged and unhooked the flask to throw at Soren who accepted it with a grin. Naruto palmed his face, "And that's why I handle our official business. You do not know how to negotiate." He sighed and gestured at Ace, "What's the mission?"

Ace smirked, "It's actually pretty simple. I just want you to watch Luffy's back. I have a feeling that he's going to get into some real big trouble somewhere down the line that he might not be able to handle on his own and a guy like you seems reliable."

Naruto nodded, "Sure thing. But it would help right now if I knew where the hell he was going."

Ace scratched his head under his hat, "I think he said something about heading north to Alubarna. If you head east you'll find a river that you can follow north for a while. That's what they'll all probably be taking. You can probably catch them pretty quickly if you get moving."

Naruto bowed slightly, "Then that's where we need to get going to. Good luck out there Ace. I hope I see you again out there sometime."

"Don't worry about me, worry about Luffy, that's your mission." Ace teased, "I'll be fine, I've just got to get back out onto the waters." He pushed his boat back into the ocean and jumped onto it, "See you guys whenever."

Naruto and Soren waved to Ace as he started off along the waves. Soren pointed out at him as his form retreated further and further away, "Ace seems like an interesting guy, and he's one of Whitebeard's favorites. Why can't rubber boy be cool like that?"

Naruto frowned as they started out towards the river that Ace identified for them, "Hey, Luffy's cool. He's just a different kind of cool. Comparing Luffy's cool to my cool and Ace's cool is completely uncool."

Soren sweatdropped, "Yeah, you're… cool. Let's just find everybody else already before even more bad stuff happens to us."

Naruto nodded, "Agreed, how fast can you move?"

Soren took a swig of the new flask he had just gotten from Ace, "I can go for as long as you need me to. I'll set a decent pace for us." The two men took off through the sands to begin searching for their friends.

Naruto gave a side glance at Soren, "You do know that you could have just waited for Ace to tell us that we were going to be following a river instead of trading a favor from an important guy for a sip of water right?"

Soren spit out the water he was drinking, "Um… What?"

Naruto sighed, "Just keep running."

Sorry for the longer than usual wait between chapters but my goddamn transmission died in my 98 Ford Taurus. I love that fucking car man! I'm pissed! Anyway, it's here now, hot and fresh for your reading pleasure. Please enjoy.

Kenchi out.