Right here is the next installment for you all to read and enjoy :)

Flashback

Mike and Kate are both curled up on his bed, in his childhood home. The farm sounds from outside being able to be heard with in the room, Even though it is warm weather the two are still curled right up together.

"How's the nightmares going?" She asks him gentle as her hand strokes his chest.

"They still there." His replies is flat as if he doesn't want to talk.

"Mike you got to talk about it otherwise it will eat you up alive. You've been here for three weeks now, your rib's are still causing a few issue and you still not talking about it. You look like you haven't slept in weeks which is properly true." she fires at him worried and scared that she is loosing him to what happened.

"Kate don't please."

"No Mike sort it out or everything we spoke about last time I was here would have been all for nothing." She says as she gets up and heads out of his room, leaving him there to think about things."

Present

"When do you go back to work?" she weakly asks him, as the two lie on his bed, in each others arms.

"In about five days, mum and dad are staying." He says as he feels her snuggle in closer to him.

"I spoke to Dutchy earlier he's going to drop your laptop and some of your things off when they dock later on. Even though the rest of the crew have time off he's decided to keep working."

"Why, he should be taking it off like the rest of us."

"He unlike most of the crew has experienced similar things, he knows how to handle what's happened better, plus he said he handles things better if he keeps on working and he was going to have a session with Dad tonight when he came around as well, he told me he knows what he is doing and he knows that working and talking are highly important."

The two lie there nothing being said between them. His hand gently caressing the small of her back.

"Why didn't you tell me you applied for a transfer?" She asks him. He knew sooner or later she would bring it up again, but was he ready to talk about it or not.

"The same reason why you didn't tell me about Jim's proposal." Mike snaps back at her.

"Mike."

"Look I didn't tell you because I knew you would go all overboard about it, I had picture several different reactions and none of them were good." He interrupts her.

"What did you picture."

"You going off at me, telling me I'm only doing this so you would dumb Jim. Another one you told me I was being an emotional coward and was running yet again from my feelings, but your still with Jim. Ever single time I picture telling you, you had a go at me and you were still with Jim. Not once could I picture, a happy outcome from it all. An outcome that benefited me. Then the explosion and then I never got around to informing you."

"Is this a permanent move off Hammersley?" she asks with some trepidation.

"Yes it is, I'm changing ships to see if working with a different crew doing a different job may help me out."

"Why what's wrong?"

"Nothing." MIke says trying to get away from the topic of him.

"Mike talk to me please?" She begs him. As she moves to look at his face.

"Was there another reason behind you going to Fleet Command to demand your shore posting? It's wasn't solo because of me?"

"No it wasn't solo driven by you. I was ok staying on knowing I was going to be off come the signal list coming out, I had expected another CO to step in when you didn't get your promotion. Then we had more crap happen and no sign of me ever getting off. I've been in charge of Hammersley for a long time now a good ten years, she's the reason I left you the first time around and the rules. But anyway I need a chance, need to do something different, we've gotten to much like a family and it's making my job harder to do and that is not what you want in a CO. A CO needs to be clear headed, be able to issue orders without worrying if the women he loves is going to return dead or alive, and the same with the crew. There has been far too many close calls with our crew in the last year, and I've had enough." He says to her, though she can feel there is more to it than that.

"There's something you're not telling me Mike, what is it?"

He says nothing, thinking how can she know there is more to it than what he has already said to her.

"Mike, I know you're hiding something cause your explanation is far too long for you. There is something you're not telling me."

"Like you all of a sudden deciding to give up on everything we had spoken about everything I had dreamed about for us, all because you decided you didn't want this anymore, once you did't get your promotion. Which then had me thinking that Jim was behind it and over time I came to realise that maybe you were using me to get your promotion, or that Jim was the real reason cause once you and Jim were together you had no problem at all, at spending time with me, going out to dinners together, being seen together in public. Then Dutchy told me the night before the explosion that you ended it all because of my career, you told him my career was more important to me, who gives you that right to make that choice for me, shouldn't it have been my choice to make, should us calling it off been a mutual thing, talked over between us, not you ending it all while on board Hammersley then not allowing me to talk to you find out why you did it. No you did it and left me trying to keep a brave face while I disappeared because for once I was not being that emotional coward you use to call me, for once I thought I was doing the right thing." He says his voice trailing off towards the end, the emotions of that day still hurting him, he moves away from her and sits up on the edge of the bed, placing his head in his hands.

"It still hurts today what you did that day. You gave me no chance, no chance at all." She hears the desperation, the hurt at what she had done that day. He gets up from the bed when he feels her moving towards him.

"Mike?" she quietly asks as she watches him pacing his room.

"Do you have any, any idea at all how it affect me, how much I wanted to break down but couldn't. How I had to act as if I was in control when inside I was falling apart.

"Yes the cold shoulder I got afterwards was a good indication."

"The cold shoulder that was to stop myself from saying something that could've gotten us both fired, plus I wasn't too sure if I would be able to control myself and not bite your head, and you know what was worse after you did that was the fact I wasn't sure I could trust you, but then I thought maybe I should include you more into what is going on. Maybe you left cause you felt out of the loop. I spoke to you about Ryan and his father, put it made no change you still never came back to me, then Jim. I know you loved him but it hurt like hell seeing the two of your together like that again, this time I didn't really care if he knew how I felt about him and the two of you because for once I wasn't at fault, for once I was prepared to get off and you know what he knew too, because he came and saw me asked me why you hadn't given him an answer, asked if it was because I told you about me changing ships. We talked a little bit and he was shocked to find out it was you that didn't want an us, and also you didn't tell him that I had no choice over staying on Hammersley."

"Why the hell would you do that?"

"Because he needed to know the truth, he was blaming me for you not accepting his proposal, and then for being out of sorts, he thought I had been whispering in your ear about it, when in fact I was stepping away allowing you to make the decision on your own. But he knew no matter your decision accepting or not I was transferring. There was no way in hell I could stay on board Hammersley any longer and watch you with another man." He says as he moves off to his ensuite and leans on the basin cupboards.

"He asked me why I hadn't fort to get you back, and when I told him you wouldn't talk to me until the two of you were together, and then I felt it wasn't right to get in between you two." He says as the tears start falling down his face.

"Look I can't do this right now." He says as he shuts the door to his private bathroom, Mike undresses as the shower heats up, once warm enough he gets in and sinks to the floor tears falling down his face. Bringing up memories of that day and the months afterwards and then the day before the explosion thinking there would be no them, no chance of him being happy, and changing ships, changing commands seemed the best thing out, the best thing for him and his heart, not just his mind.

He is so away in his own thoughts, tears streaming down his face that he hasn't registered Kate entering the bathroom, or the shower until he feels arms around him and her face on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry Mike, I thought I was doing the right thing, I'm so sorry."

"Is this how it's going to be for us, are we always going to be so close but yet also so far away from being able to be together." His voice so full of sorrow, as he looks her her, both seeing the hurt, sadness and love for each other, in the red puffy eyes of the other.

"But you're on another ship now, different command ot me."

"Yea but I'll be on a different roster to you, are you going to run when we don't get to spend time together because when I'm in you're out and visa versa, is that going to be too hard for you cause if you're not going to comment fully then I..." He doesn't even finish what he is saying before her lips are on his.

"Kate if this is..." he tries to say when they break apart for air but her lips are back on his, more hungry for his this time, more demanding, he gives in to her, and before long she is sitting a side him on the shower floor as they kiss each other, with all the built up passion from the last few months.

They break apart, their foreheads touching both trying to catch their breaths.

"Passion has never been our issue Kate, its been communicating with each other. I know I ran the first time around but I thought you knew how important you where to me, how important that future we talked about was to me, I thought you wanted the same."

"I did just not at the cost of your career." she says as she moves and rest her head against his chest, looking down but her eyes are closed trying to hold back the tears that she knows are trying to escape. His arms still around her.

"My career and if I stay or go is my choice to make more so if it gave us a chance to be together."

"But us wouldn;t you talk to me about that choice?"

"Why so you could talk me out of it, thats the reasons I went straight to Fleet Command, I'm sure Maxine was keeping me on Hammersley and if she had her way I would still be there." he says as he pulls her closer to his chest the shower still running over them both, the light pounding of the warm water on his skin helping calm him some.

"Maxine has always had ideas that the two of us can be more than friends, and she doesn't take no for an answer very well, the night, the only night we have been together sexual was the night Ryan was conceived, and that took a shit load of wine to us two in bed. Plus to be honest there is no real spark when we did it not like when I'm with you." he replies to her as he then gently lays a kiss on the top of her head as he holds her tight.

The two sit in the shower for a good length of time not saying anything just holding each other. As the water cools the two getup and dry themselves off.

"I know I need help Mike, and I know if I take the steps Marshall said he will be there supporting me with the Navy. I have no idea how long it's going to take before I am even ready to go back to work, but I think for once I'm going to have to let others help me, I have no idea what is really wrong with me but I know I need help, it's going to be hard but will you be there for me. You won't give up on me will you, this could get ugly and hard your dad said to me." she gets out

"You'll be there for me won't you?" her voice dropping down in tone and volume, becoming unsure of herself yet again.

"Of course I will be." He says as he walks up to her and wraps his arms around her pulling her into his chest as he holds her.

"You're the only thing keeping me going, keeping me from doing something stupid to myself." She says into his chest and he picks up on the last part of her statement the part she hasn't realised she has said, which now has him worried for her own safety now.

"Honey?" He says to her as he lifts her chin up so he can look her in the eyes. "I'll be here but you have to promise me no matter how hard it gets do not under any terms hurt yourself ring me, no matter the time or day or night you ring me, or you ring my parents. If anything was to happen to you." He says the thought of losing her to something like this hurts him and he just wraps his arms around her pulling her as close as he can get her to his body.

As the two stand in each others arms, Mike realises he will need to tell his father about what she has said, as he is sure she let it slip without knowing it and he doesn't want her to start closing up on him so he's letting it semi slide, but it does make him worry, worry about her safety.

Lounge

"This is Jessica Bird, we call her Bird on board, I stopped off to see her on my way here and she's a bit scared to go talk to the risk management team and shrinks we have in place. I hope you don't mind me bringing her along with me. I thought it might help her seeing me talking and also having me there." he says as Bird then follows Mike mum to the kitchen to make a hot drink for them all.

"And what's your relationship to her?"

"More the over protective big brother, we're not related but I have been keeping an eye out for her and making sure she is looked after properly. It's more important for the females of our job to be able to do there thing but have the support to back them up, she's been learning so much from our X but at times I'm there helping her or she comes to me if she can't go to the X. I think between Swain, the X and I she decided to make a career with the Navy and I think its important to support her and provide whatever she needs from us." He says as he watches Bird from the kitchen, the question from Mike's father setting off other things within him, is it more than brotherly love he has for her or is it more.

"There is nothing wrong with you having more than brotherly love for her Dylan."

"Yes there is I'm thirty five, and she is nineteen. Major age difference."

"Sixteen years is not that major not like it's thirty years, but that is properly not why you're here is it?"

"No, I know for me to be past fully fit for sea duty I need to pass the shrinks reports. I have been in similar incidents before, I do have some coping mechanisms in place, but this is the first time it has been to someone I know so well. Par one other incident that was close to me this is the only other one that has me wondering a number of things. For one how to support our junior sailors through this, I have no idea how to be there for them, I'm so use to dealing with this sort of thing alone, but since being on Hammersley I have learnt we deal with everything as a team, a family." the two talk as Bird comes in and sits down beside him and sits very close to Dylan which doesn't go unnoticed by Mark, he notices how Dylans arm automatically goes up and around the young girls shoulders and pulls her even closer to him, providing comfort without even her asking him for it.

The two talk and at times Jessica says a few things, with encouragement from Dylan. The two don't even notice Mike and Kate entering and heading to the kitchen to make a drink.

As they are about to make their presence known there is a knock on the door.