Ok y'all get ready for Mamoru's big explanation! Thank you to everyone for your reviews on the last chapter, and thanks to all my dedicated readers over the years! I hope this one doesn't disappoint, I was really trying to relay emotion here so hopefully it comes across that way, enjoy!

Coming Home

Chapter 8

by Moon Peach

Usagi paused for a minute outside the coffee shop, mentally preparing herself for what was about to happen. It was a mild Saturday morning and she was about to sit down with her ex for the first time in ten years. Why did this feel like such a big deal?

It wasn't, she reminded herself for the hundredth time, she was just having an indecisive morning and that's why it took her over an hour to decide what to wear. And she always put this much time and effort into her hair and makeup, despite her mother telling her she looked so nice today when she had dropped her daughter off earlier. It was definitely not a big deal.

With a muster of courage Usagi pulled the door open and stepped inside. It was a dimly lit cafe with a hint of something cinnamon baking in the back. There were a dozen cute little round tables with ornate chairs occupying the front of the shop with a row of booths along the wall. Across from the booths was the service counter that housed a glass display case holding lots of delicate looking pastries.

The shop was fairly crowded for a Saturday, only a few tables were empty. Usagi did a quick scan of the entire room and spotted Mamoru sitting in the farthest booth. He caught her eye and she made her way over to him.

Mamoru stood as she approached the booth, he made an awkward little gesture like he was going to greet her but then decided against it at the last minute. What was the appropriate greeting for the woman who abandoned you ten years ago after you broke her heart? A hug? A peck on the cheek? A hand shake?

The pair stood facing each other for a moment before Usagi slid into one side of the booth, Mamoru quickly followed on the opposite side with a silent sigh of relief.

Usagi took a minute to adjust herself in her seat, settling her handbag beside her and switching her phone to vibrate before placing it on the table beside her. She didn't know how to start and she was hoping Mamoru would take the initiative on this.

He did. "So, how are you?"

It was then however that the waitress came over to take their orders. Mamoru ordered a simple black coffee with milk, Usagi debated for a moment and went with a cappuccino hoping the hit from the caffeine would calm her nerves a bit. Not that she was nervous, because this wasn't a big deal.

The waitress headed off and the pair were left with just eachother again. Mamoru shifted in his seat.

"So what brought you back to Japan?"

Usagi paused for a moment, she knew he meant that innocently enough but it really was a loaded question.

"Well," she began "to sum it up I just felt there was nothing left for me in New York anymore. I had just gotten out of a long term relationship that there was no hope of reconciling, and I couldn't see myself raising my daughter in America."

She thought she saw Mamoru's eyes widen slightly at the mention of her failed relationship, and she waited to see if he would press the topic further. He didn't.

"I'm glad to see you went into medicine, it always was your dream"

"Yeah" Mamoru sighed and leaned back into his seat. "It kind of happened automatically, I had been planning to be a doctor for so long that when I was starting my residency I began to question if I had made the right decision? I mean, I didn't even consider any other career? In the end though I'm happy with what I do, so I guess it worked out for the best."

Usagi nodded in agreement, showing him a slight smile. The waitress arrived with their drinks and they each took a moment to have a sip.

"Look, I'm sorry I called so late the other night" Usagi began "This dream just really had me shaken, and I didn't know who else to call."

Mamoru nodded, "Tell me about it."

Usagi described the dream in detail, from the scenery to the emotions she was feeling, and the bizarre way that she had watched herself die. Mamoru sat in still silence and listened. A chill came over him and caused the hairs on his arms to stand up, he could feel a cold trickle of sweat run down the centre of his back as he relived the dream with her.

"I don't know how to explain it" Usagi said as she finished, "But even though I could feel all these emotions it was as if they weren't mine, like it wasn't my dream."

"No, it wasn't" Mamoru agreed slowly, "It was my dream."

Usagi stared at him for a moment and blinked, trying to process what he had just said.

"Wait, you're telling me that you were having the same dream right before I called you?"

He shook his head, "No, I haven't had that dream for years."

"Years? What do you mean?"

"I mean I haven't had it since we were together."

She gave a nervous laugh, as if for a minute she thought he might be joking with her. "I don't understand, you never mentioned you'd had a dream like this?"

Mamoru cast his eyes down, he was almost ashamed to admit this to her, this secret that he had kept. The reason that had driven them apart.

"Usagi…" he paused, she was looking at him so expectantly, like his explanation couldn't come quick enough.

"It wasn't just a dream I'd had once, it was a nightmare I experienced over and over again"

She remained silent as she listened to him.

"It only happened occasionally in the beginning, I mean when we were first together, and while it was upsetting I tried to brush it off as nervousness for our new relationship. But it was so real every time I had it, and I was scared that if I told you it would come true."

Again, silence. Mamoru continued.

"The problem was the closer we got the more frequent the dream was coming, until every night I'd be scared to go to sleep because I knew I'd have to witness you dying all over again. I didn't know what to do."

A barely audible 'oh my God' slipped past Usagi's lips. She was beginning to feel like she had slammed into a brick wall. A look of anguish was creeping over Mamoru's features and she almost told him to stop, but part of her needed to hear this.

"It came down to the fact that I knew I loved you, and if my love was somehow going to put you in danger then it was going to be your life over my love. So I pushed you away, and the dreams started to disappear."

Mamoru paused here and shook his head slightly with a bitter laugh, as if he suddenly realized how ridiculous all this must sound. He couldn't meet Usagi's eyes but he could feel them on him. He laced his fingers together in front of him on the table to stop his hands from shaking and continued on.

"I know it must sound so selfish, but I didn't have a choice. I knew you didn't understand why I broke up with you, and it was soul crushing to know that you were hurting."

Usagi reached over and placed a hand tentatively over his to stop him, she was sure she felt him cringe under her touch. "You should've told me" she said quietly.

"You wouldn't have understood, you would've wanted to find a way to fight back against these dreams even if it meant putting your own life at risk"

Usagi slammed her other fist down onto the table in front of them, rattling their coffee cups and getting a disturbed look from the waitress. She leaned into him with hushed, angry tones "That wasn't your decision to make! Do you have any idea what I went through? Wondering what I did to make you stop loving me? And that night we were together…"

"That night was special!" he interrupted her, Usagi tried to calm her breathing. How could this man still be so infuriating after ten years?

"Don't ever think that night didn't mean as much to me as it did to you!" Mamoru didn't consider himself an overly emotional man, but his voice began to crack as he remembered that night they spent together. "I knew the risk, but I took it anyways, and I watched you die a thousand times that night."

She could still feel the memory of his arms around her that night before she left, had the dreams already started by then? Another memory filtered in now, from the last time she had seen him at the youma attack. His harsh words rang in her ears and her cheek burned in recollection as if she had just been slapped again.

Usagi pulled her hand back from Mamoru's. Her voice took on a hint of disgust "If that night was so special, then what changed? When I saw you the next time…" she finished the sentence by placing her hand on her cheek.

He squeezed his eyes in pain, as if he was the one who'd just been slapped. There was a moment of silence as he tried to compose himself. Usagi suddenly felt uncomfortable, she could sense this torment was real for him, she had felt it in the dream and now she could see it on his face. Maybe meeting him here today was a bad idea?

"When I woke up that morning after our night together you were gone, not even a trace left behind. I thought I'd actually done it, obliterated you, because I gave into love. I can't even explain what I went through that day, I was so numb, and all I could think was that my own selfishness cost my true love her life, and how was I supposed to go on living now without her?"

Tears began to well up in Usagi's eyes, Mamoru's confession was becoming too much for her. Never in a thousand years had she expected this. For ten years she had lived with all this anger towards him, was it suddenly unwarranted if his actions were driven by love? She still pushed for clarity, "Then why were you so awful to me at the attack? Why weren't you jumping for joy that I was alive if you loved me so much? You...you were the reason I left!"

"When I saw you that night, that was my second chance, you were still alive and I was going to do whatever it took to keep you that way. Believe me, all I wanted to do was run to you and hold you forever, but I knew I needed you out of my life for your own protection, and I did what was necessary to make sure you stayed out."

Mamoru was leaning across the table now, keeping his gaze fixed on Usagi. Tears were freely streaming down her face but she kept her voice steady "That wasn't fair."

"Maybe not" he acquiesced "But it worked and you were safe, and I can't say I wouldn't do it again if I had to."

Usagi wiped at her tears and Mamoru passed her a paper napkin from the holder at the edge of their table. "Why didn't you ever try to contact me?"

"I wanted you to live your life, and you have and I can't tell you how happy that makes me to see you with a career and a daughter. Besides, I didn't think you'd want to hear from me."

"No" she agreed "Probably not".

The pair sat in silence, each trying to process the conversation they had just had. Usagi was going through a myriad of emotions, mostly confusion. What was she supposed to do with this information? Continue to hate Mamoru? That didn't seem likely. The dull ache that had been in her heart for ten years was still there, but a small thread of understanding was starting to work it's way in beside it.

"I don't know what to say," and it was true, she really didn't. No coherent sentence could be formed in her brain right now.

Mamoru gave a little shrug. "Look, I didn't come here today to tell you all this with the expectation that anything was going to change. We each have our own lives now and I respect that."

Usagi remained silent, so he continued. "I would love to be a part of your life, no matter how small that role may be, but I understand if that's something you're just not interested in so I'll leave the decision up to you."

The waitress chose that moment to place their bill on the table between them, Usagi wondered if she had been eavesdropping this entire time? Mamoru quickly took the bill from out of her reach and pulled out his wallet to pay for both of their drinks. What time was it anyways? It felt like they had been sitting there for an eternity. "I should probably go" Usagi murmured and began to slide out of the booth. Mamoru followed suit.

They stood facing each other again with the same conundrum from earlier. Usagi opened her mouth to speak but Mamoru beat her to it.

"Thank you for coming today" he placed one hand on her shoulder and leaned in to kiss her cheek, his lips perhaps lingering a bit too long on her skin. "Goodbye Usagi" he said softly, and with that he walked out of the coffee shop.

Usagi felt a warmth start to spread over her skin, she quickly gave her head a shake then grabbed her handbag and phone before she turned to leave as well. Ok, maybe this was kind of a big deal.

I hope this gets people back on the Mamoru train! Please let me know what you think in the reviews! I also just want to apologize if there were any inconsistencies in this chapter, I did go back and read my previous chapters but honestly this story evolves so much every time I come back to it (and I know you're all thinking "Gee Moon Peach, maybe that wouldn't happen if you didn't leave years between updates", believe me I know :3).