(a/n: lol thnx 4 teh revews peepz! its awzome 2 heer from u all heehee. keeep rewvieng nd vote 4 whu emeraldiammmonhd shoud b wit!)

Emeraldiamond's eyes widened, two crystal clear puddles following a fall of silvery rain. She tossed back her hair like gossamer curtains in a gentle breeze, her frightened gaze darting quickly about her like the daintiest ruby-throated hummingbird.

"How... how am I here?" she whispered, her voice a harpsichord in the night.

Behind her, she heard a sniveling sound, like that made by a toddler with allergies. "We issssssssssss so sorriesssssss, lady!" wailed Rog-Norg, his eyes like murky water in comparison to her oceanic pools of light. "The massssssssster, he hasssssssss found—"

Suddenly a loud scraping sound echoed within the ebony chamber, like a rusty hamster wheel spinning incessantly. Emeraldiamond whirled like a shimmering pinwheel dancing in the wind, her lithe limbs quickly assuming a ready position, in order to defend herself.

An old man stood before her, white-haired and –bearded, crusty as a freshly-baked loaf of bread. His robes were iridescent as an oil spill in a parking lot, shimmering with dozens upon dozens of subtle shades. However, next to Emeraldiamond's intense beauty, they appeared plain as the nose on his face (a/n: lol i tihnk sarramun is sooooo uglyy hiz nos is waty 2 big!11).

"Emeraldiamond, my love," he whispered, his voice deep and throaty as a bullfrog calling for a mate on a humid summer night.

Emeraldiamond's perfect nose wrinkled ever so slightly, giving her a petulant beauty as attractive as the opposite pole of a magnet. "Why would you call me your 'love'?" she said, her voice soft as butter left out of the refrigerator for far too long. Her eyes became two million-karat sapphires in the soft cream of her skin.

The man smiled, his eyes tender as a high-quality steak. "My beauty, I have thought of nothing but you since I first laid eyes upon you."

Emeraldiamond shivered involuntarily, disgust racing through her veins as swiftly as the crow flies. (a/n: lmao i red taht somwherez doesnt it souind profefisonal?)

Rog-Norg leapt to his feet, formidable as a really big wall in his anger and fear for Emeraldiamond. "Leavesssssss her be, Ssssssaruman!" he roared, his voice echoing as if he had screamed with his head inside a metal wastebasket. "She issssssss too beautiful to belongsssssss to you—"

"SILENCE!" snarled Saruman, a rabid dog facing a valiant, if hideously ugly, loyal guardian. "Emeraldiamond and I shall reign as one over all Middle-Earth!"

"I shan't!" Emeraldiamond cried, the timbre of her voice like dewdrops on the cactus thorns of Saruman's ears.

Saruman looked thunderstruck, as if he had been struck by thunder. "Emeraldiamond, I have given everything—risked everything—for you. How could you spurn my affection like this?"

Emeraldiamond felt the stirrings of pity awaken in her heart, the way a groundhog awakens when you poke it with a stick. Despite all he had done to her—could this man be blamed for falling in love with her?

She laughed quietly, the sound like the noise a burned-out lightbulb makes when shaken. "Oh, poor, foolish wizard," she murmured, her voice fluid as melted ice. (a/n: Lol!11 tahts watter!)

Saruman's face changed more quickly than a doting parent changes a newborn's diaper. Hope blossomed in his eyes like venus flytraps unfolding in the sun. "Oh, Emeraldiamond, my lovely one... do you mean to say..."

Emeraldiamond shook her head slowly as a sunrise, her eyes full of compassion, blue as the water in a toilet bowl when it is being cleaned. "I cannot say I love you, Saruman, for I do not yet know my own mind," she said gently as a light and fluffy pancake hitting a china plate.

Saruman nodded slowly, hope still creeping across his features like a tortoise across a desert road. "I understand. Just know, my little emblem of perfection, that I shall always love you."

Emeraldiamond nodded, her smile sweet as brownies when you accidentally add an extra cup and a half of sugar. He is truly in love with me, she thought sadly. His feelings are as rampant as the dance moves one uses when listening to Spice Girls music.

Rog-Norg slunk up to Emeraldiamond the way a Slinky goes down the stairs. "Lady...?" he hissed uncertainly.

Emeraldiamond favored him, too, with a dazzling smile brighter than a glow-in-the-dark bouncy ball. "Worry not, Orc companion," she soothed, her voice a luscious strawberry-banana smoothie to Rog-Norg's thirsty ears. "I shall not forget your kindness to me."

Rog-Norg's eyes welled with tears that shimmered like the glassy water in a birdbath. "Thank yousssssss, lady..." he whispered, his voice grating as a cheese grater working on a particularly stubborn block of sharp cheddar.

Suddenly a crash sounded through the room, vibrating like a ravenous Furby. Emeraldiamond turned, and her perfect eyes widened...

A/n: LOLZ cliffiee1! waht wil happepn/ reVew 2 findotr!