Chapter 9: Panic

There are several different kinds of knocks one can use to inform the other side that their is someone at the door. One of these types is referred to as "Knocking with Authority" where you knock loudly and proudly with the expectation of being immediately answered by someone answering the door, and should they fail to answer, they will pay for their hesitation. It is with this boldfaced authority that the person knocked at the Baudelaire's back door.

"Who do you think it is?" Violet asked her siblings while trying not to let her voice quiver.

"Who do you think it is?" Klaus countered with an extremely original question because he simply didn't want to answer hers.

"I don't want to think about who I think it is."

"Neither do I," Klaus agreed.

"Aye," Sunny agreed whole-heartedly from her position at Violet's knee.

The knock repeated itself with even more authority – and perhaps a pinch of anger – in three short pounds; each one making the door rattle in its hinges.

"There's only one way to find out for sure," Violet said ominously but didn't offer herself to actually take part in the finding out.

"How about we all go together?" suggested Klaus, and they all – very slowly – made their way to the back door where the knocker was becoming more and more agitated with impatience.

Violet did the honors of looking out the peep hole: she screamed. It is one thing to know who it is, but it is completely different to actually be faced with the evil villain face to face. As the phrase goes, "Ignorance is bliss," or perhaps the often recurring, "Knowing there is someone bad behind the door but not actually being completely certain is a lot better then looking through the peep hole and finding out there is, in fact, a notorious villain standing not-so-demurely on your back porch demanding entrance."

With one look at Violet, her siblings knew who it was. Given, they knew who it was anyway, but now it was a fact and resting heavily on their shoulders.
They heard the door shudder as Olaf gave up knocking and started ramming into it with his body in order to force it open; it was clear they weren't going to be fooled by his disguise enough to open it.

"What do we do? What do we do?" Violet shrieked as she heard the door crack as he ran into it again.

"Think!" Klaus shouted back – in order to be heard over the noise – helpfully.

She pulled her ribbon out, tied her hair up so it wouldn't get in her eyes and attempted it. A moment later she hugging her own head to drown out the racket but that didn't seem to be enough because she shouted to her brother, "Not working! Too loud!"

Immediately after she said that the door stopped making noise. "Ah, that's better," she said and thought furiously about what they should do along with her siblings.
That was until the door burst open wide as Olaf's henchman, the individual who looked like neither a man nor a woman, burst through the door and let it slam into the wall on the other side.

"Run!" Violet yelled and did so, closely followed by both her siblings and Willis who was keeping unusually quiet through the terrible events. As they ran the man who looked like neither a man nor a woman was pushed to the side by Olaf who sprinted after them.

They ran for their lives – quite literally, I'm sorry to say – and threw things down behind them in order to impede Olaf's progress as he made chase. A lamp there, a vase here, and after a lot of breaking and shattering they found themselves locked – but not at all safely – in their own room while trying to gain themselves some valuable time to think of an idea.

Violet quickly wedged a chair underneath the doorknob as extra support against the siege on their door. It wasn't exactly an invention but it did help hold off the bombardment for the time being.

Violet panicked again, and therefore also shouted her increasingly favorite phrase to say while in this kind of desperation, "What do we do? What do we do?" The question was most likely directed to Klaus, or at least at him, considering she was squeezing both his arms so hard they cut off his circulation. He could see her brow bead with sweat and feel the spit as it flew out of her mouth when she screamed.

"I don't know!" he gave his increasingly hated answer again and shook off her attack on his circulatory system. She gave the room a slapdash examination trying to make connections to things she could make that might plausibly help.

She looked at Sunny and saw her frightened face, she looked at Klaus and saw him look at her hopefully, she looked at Willis who just sat there wondering what the heck was going on. She looked at Sunny again. She looked at Willis again. The two younger orphans could see an idea bloom in her head.

Sunny watched her look at her, at Willis, then back at her. "Ohno!" she told her, which probably meant, "That'll never work! I wont agree to that! You'll never make me do it! They'll never be fooled by it!"

"It has to. They have to," Violet said and hurried over to Sunny's chest of clothes and pulled some out. Quickly she and Klaus grabbed Willis and dressed him up in Sunny's clothes. A process which Willis accepted passively as if he wanted to help the Baudelaire orphans get away from Olaf.

They looked at their creation. "Perfect," Violet said.

"Lhys!" Sunny exclaimed, which probably meant something along the lines of, "What are you talking about, he looks nothing like me!"

"Sure he does, Sunny. Look, he even has your teeth," Klaus pointed out and Willis grinned to prove he had them.

Sunny looked at Willis and seemed extremely frustrated by this, "Nyah!" she screeched, which can be translated into, "I am highly offended by this."

"I'm sorry Sunny, but it's the only thing I can think of at the moment," Violet apologized as she steered Sunny toward her clothes chest. "Hide in here until Olaf takes us away and go get some help from the town."

Sunny followed her directions, albeit unwillingly, and no sooner had they lowered the lid so no one could see her then Olaf's henchman came bursting through the door, sending the chair tumbling into Klaus.

The Baudelaires' adversaries rushed into the room and apprehended the two elder Baudelaire orphans and the Sunny-monkey before Klaus even had a chance to say "ouch".

The fat person of unknown gender held both Klaus and Violet easily as they fought against his hold in hopes of somehow escaping. Olaf had "Sunny" in his clutches and was cackling maniacally in his triumph.

"OOK!" Willis shouted protest to Olaf's treatment and attempted to bite him; unfortunately, he was thwarted in this attempt when Olaf maneuvered the monkey's mouth so it couldn't reach any part of his skin.

"OOK!" Olaf screeched back at the monkey-Sunny mockingly.

"Hey, Boss," the fat person said pointing out the window, "someone is headed this way." And it is here where I feel I must urge you to stop reading the story because it only becomes worse and worse as time continues on. There is no happy ending to this story and I beg you to please, please stop reading now and keep yourself from reading something terribly unpleasant.

Olaf went over to check it out himself and leaned toward the window using the clothes chest as support, which closed with a click, and looked out to find a man tottering down the street while attempting to keep his feet as clean as possibly but failing miserably. "It's that fool Mr. Poe," he said in contempt. "Come on, lets go to that place we found out in the woods."

His henchman nodded – as if he had a choice – and followed after him dragging the Baudelaires along with them. The faces of the two elder Baudelaires were panic stricken whereas before they were merely frightened: the real Sunny was locked in the clothes chest.

Author Notes: Please, Please review. It makes me feel like doing alll this work is actually worth it instead of a waste of time.

Sorry, once again there is no poetry
because I'm greatly lacking in creativity.