I lied. I got no reviews but I still wanted to post this. Its not as good as I had hoped but whateverr(: Enjoy, my loves.
Alex and I got to the funeral about ten minutes before it started. I knew we didn't have to but it made me feel like I would have a deeper connection since I was there early. Anyways, Alex and I had just pulled up when he looked over at me. He met my gaze, my eyes stinging with tears; Alex told me that he loved me. He said me he would always be there for me and that he wasn't leaving my side today unless I asked him to. I looked at him and I told him that that is the sweetest thing he had ever told me and that I really loved him too. I told him I wasn't going anywhere and then, I thanked him. At first he didn't understand but then I explained him how if I was alone right now, I would have just walked out on my family and my friends. I would have moved half way around the world and started over where no one knew me. Then, I got choked up. All I said was that I was ready and we got out of the car. Alex walked around to my side of the car and just gave me a big hug. I wanted to cry but I knew there would be enough tears once we got inside so I held back.
We walked in holding hands and we were the only ones there. The first thing I did was walked up the casket. Andrew's eyes were closed and he was in a dark blue suit. He had on a pin for serving and there was a folded up flag in his hands. Alex squeezed my hand to make sure I was okay and I told him to go stand in the back because I needed to say goodbye to Andrew. Once Alex had walked away, I grabbed Andrew's hand. It was cold but I didn't mind. I started to whisper to him.
Andrew, Andrew, Andrew... This is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Remember when I was seven and Lucy, out two year old puppy, ran away? I told you that we had to find her. You said it was best not to chase after her because it might make her run further. That was so hard not to yell and scream but I listened and she came home. I thought that was hard and look, now I am standing over you saying goodbye. And do you remember the day you told me you were going to Iraq? You walked out the door and I bawled my eyes out. They always say that when someone goes to war, hope for the best but prepare yourself for the worst. And I hoped everyday. I prayed for you once a day because you mean that much to me. I don't know what I am going to do without you but I know that you are still here. I know we didn't see each other much but I just want you to know that I love you. I always have and I always will. Thank you, Andrew for being there for so much for me. When you get to heaven, make sure you say hi to Alex's brother for me. Tell him I miss him, okay? But when I get up there, were gonna catch up on everything. I will tell you all about my life and you teach me all about heaven and everything else. Just know I love you and I am going to be looking for signs that you're still here watching over me and Alex and Mom and even Martin. I know you'll always be watching me and just know that I will always be looking for you, even though I know you're gone. I love you, Andrew. And I hope you like it where ever you're going. Goodbye, brother. I sure do miss you, already.
And with that, a tear silently slid down my check.
Once I am finished, I feel a hand on my back. I turn around really fast, half expecting to see my mom, and there's Alex. He stands there and wipes away my tears and then gives me a big hug. We are walking back to my mom when I see a car pull up outside. Since were the only ones who have a room for a viewing right now, I run outside to see who it is. When I notice the license plate, I know its Martin. I tell Alex to head on inside so I can tell Martin everything that's going on. Then I assure Alex that nothing will happen. Once he is inside and Martin gets out of the car, I decide to walk over to him. We don't even speak, he just wraps me in a hug and whispers "I'm so sorry for your loss, Jasey" Yes, Martin knows that that will not bring Andrew back but it's still comforting. We just stand there for a while, and it's sort of awkward. But then, I realize that just because Martin's in a fancy suit and I am in a black dress does not mean that were any different then when he was in boxer and I was in over sized sweats.
I tell Martin to head on inside since I just need some fresh air. And I just kind of sit there. I watch as the leaves blow in the wind and the cars that make an illegal U-Turn when no ones watching. I watch as the kids run around at the park across the street but the most important thing I notice is a shadow. There's a big oak tree and it looks like some one is standing behind it. I walk over to the crosswalk and cross the street. Once I get to the tree that I swear someone was just standing at, I notice no one is there. And I know they would have walked away because I was watching it the entire time. All that's running through my head is how Andrew really is looking out for me and that he really is here.
Once I get back inside, the room is practically full. There are at least 35 people here. When I finally find Alex, I ask him if he wants to stay any longer. When he says no, I tell him that I wanted to go out to lunch with him and Martin if that's okay with them. Of course, it is and we all head on over to the house so we can change into more casual clothes to go out for lunch.
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