Liar. . . Liar. . . Liar. . .
"H-How could you think. . . I-I'm lyng to you?" I choke out, "Why would I be lying about this?"
"'Cause. . . 'Cause. . . 'Cause you'r always so desperate fer attention, Tim! You always have be the one people think about! Have to be the one everybody's scared of! But now you have to be the one everybody's sorry for? I mean, I've heard you lie to get what you wanted before, but rape? Really? You'd lie about that? About yer own dad too? Face it, Tim, yer just an attention whore!" With that said, he spit on my face, and started walking away.
. . . Me, an attention whore. . . ? Me, an attention whore. . . ? You know what? screw it! I'm done trying to win his brotherly love. He's gone way too far this time.
"You got some nerve!" I yell, wiping his spit off my face. "You have no right to call anyone an attention whore! Do you have idea what I went through when you and Angela were born? I barely had any attention at all! I basically had to fend for myself, Curly! Do you have any idea what it's like to have raised yourself since you were five? No, you don't because you and Angela were too busy being spoiled rotten! The only thing i'm desperate for is love, and I can't even get that, can I? I didn't even want to be a gang leader, but those idiots made me their gang leader because of the fight I had with that tramp!"
The tears start to flow, and I pause for a moment.
". . . Being touched sexually isn't something you can just lie about, Curly. . . You have no idea how much mental and emotional scarring I was given. But, I should really blame myself, I shouldn't have made you harden up like that. I-I guess I was just so worried that the same thing would happen to you, that I didn't even think about how you would feel about it. . . How you would feel about me. . . I think I can accept that you'll never love me like a brother, but please - please - don't trust our dad, Curly. You'll regret it. And make sure you keep a close eye on Angela - I don't know for sure, but there's a chance he'd try to touch her too. . ."
". . ." Curly stayed silent for a while, his glare not faltering a bit. I hang my head down, not wanting to see the hatred overflowing from his eyes.
Curly started to say something when. . . He walked in.
My dadn took a quick glance at me and a flash of surprise and anger came across his face, but it went away just as quickly. Curly looked over at me, then at dad, then at me again. . . and walked over to our father and stood beside him. . . loyally. . .
"So," He starts, "What've you two been talkin' 'bout?" He smile innocently as if he really didn't know what we were talking about.
That made me beyond angry with him. "You know damn well what we're talking about! How you defiled me, you bastard!"
He furrowed his eyebrows as if he was confused. I gotta admit, he's a good actor. "Timmy, I don't know what you'r talkin' 'bout. I would never touch you that way! I'm not some sick pervert that would ever think about laying their hands on theri own flesh and blood!" HA! He's such a fucking liar! He even added a single tear sliding from his eye, as if he were hurt that I'd "lie" about something like that.
"Really?" I say doubtfully, "Really? That's funny, 'cause I distinctly remember you raping me everyday for two years!" My voice was rising dramatically, "But those entire two years must have been a dream!" I yell sarcastically.
"Shut the fuck up Tim!" Curly yelled, grabbing me by my collar, "Just stop lying already! I'm sick of you always getting yer way 'cause of yer big fat lies!"
I push him away and corner myself with the wall behind me. "It ain't a fuckin' lie, dammit! If it was a lie, why else would Ma kick him out?" Curly went silent.
He made a sullen face and cleared his throte as if he was going to cry. "Yer mother didn't kick me out, son. . ." He quietly cleared his throte again. "I left ya'll. I left ya'll because I felt like I let ya'll down as a father; we were broke, lived in a bad neighborhood, and you kids were getting the wrong influences. Heck, ya still are! I just got so disappointed in myself, that I left. But that just made things worse, I guess. . ." He hung his head down low in fake shame.
Wow. . .
And the award for best actor of the year goes to! . . .
"Wow Dad. . . I-I didn't know you cared so much about us." . . . Realy Curly? Realy?
"Jesus Christ Curly! How the hell are you buying this load of shit?"
Dad sighs. "Alright Tim, if you'r gonna hate me fer nuthin' I can live with that. But you will NOT mistreat yer brother - yer LITTLE brother. You've stepped way over the line too many times, Timmy, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave my house."
I was so shocked that I blinked repeatedly a bunch of times, mouth agape. I even took a few steps back. "Your house?" I say after finally gathering myself, "You ain't even lived here fer like, ten years! Who the hell do you think you are calling it your house?"
"Timmy." My mother's voice. We all look over at the kitchen door to see here standing there, holding back sobs. "Just go." She sais, and I nearly pass out.
"M-Ma? . . . But. . . why? I-I thought you were with me me?"
"Don't make tihs harder than this has to be." She sais sternly, "Just go!"
I stood there for a few moments trying to process what's going on. . . Why? Out of all the people in the world that could turn on me. . . why does it have to be the one I trusted most? Does she not remember everything that's happened? She's the one that told me the truth about what dad was doing to me. She was the one that comforted me! She's the one loved. . . the one that - I thought - loved me. But no, now she's siding with bastard - that damn bastard - that struck and violated both her and her child. So, the only question I have left to ask the universe - to ask the HEAVANS even! - is. . . Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
. . . Can't I be loved?
After all. . . it's the only thing I've ever asked for. . .
Why? . . .