- Chapter 5: Hole In the World
When Haruhi and I returned to Yuki's, I noticed that Mikuru had been busy helping Yuki decorate her place a bit better. I think she noticed right away from the look in my eyes how things had changed between me and Haruhi. I got the feeling she was a little surprised, but it also looked like she approved, as well. That was definitely not the reaction I was expecting, but oh well. People convey their feelings in strange ways.
Haruhi and I spent some time alone in Yuki's bedroom just to be alone together, and I learned that you don't have to kiss or anything to have romantic interactions. In fact, between holding hands and kissing is a whole world of interaction that I hadn't realized existed. Koizumi didn't really know what he was missing out on. Haruhi focuses a lot on her hands, and I think her hands are very sensitive. She has this kind of touch-language she's developed, and I really liked a lot of what her hands were telling me. I'm pretty sure she was enjoying that language even more. She conveyed to me a lot of depth of feeling to me, or so it seemed, and I began to feel right at home with the thought of Haruhi being near me, as I had expected would happen.
I warned her about her tendency to ignore me, but she just looked at me and melted away that concern. I get the feeling that she just thinks I'm being stupid sometimes, and maybe I am. I really shouldn't take myself so seriously, but I doubt I'm ever going to see eye-to-eye with her on this issue. About books, Haruhi told me that as long as she could have her way with me, she didn't really care if I spent a few hours reading. It then occurred to me that at least I wouldn't have to fight with her over books that I wanted to read, and I really don't mind the thought of Haruhi having her way with me, as long as that didn't mean she'd be throwing out my books. If anything, I think Haruhi holds herself back a little too much. In fact, I got the feeling that there was something she wasn't telling me that I really needed to know.
We kept to the same sleeping arrangements, although I think Mikuru was a bit more comfortable, and I was the one who worried that Haruhi might try something, but of course she didn't. We played a lot of games the next day, and I found that Yuki really enjoyed that. In fact, of the four of us, Yuki probably likes games the most. Yuki learned how to play a number of games from us, and some variations from Mikuru that seemed interesting. Mikuru also enjoys reading, albeit not as much as Yuki, but I learned from her reading selection that she's a sucker for cheesy romance novels. It fits so well with my image of her, that I think I don't mind her not showing any sign of having had a crush on me. I realized that I only had Koizumi's word for that in first place, anyway.
The whole time, I kept thinking that there was something missing. In particular, Haruhi needed to convey to me something vital. Some piece of the puzzle was missing from all this. She was understandably confused by my earlier musings, and she brought up the subject later, as we were sitting around the table having tea.
"We're still alive," I remarked. "That's something."
She complained, "I don't know what we're waiting for."
"You're bored?" I asked.
She answered, "Don't get me started."
I picked up a stack of books and said, "We have all this stuff we can study."
"I think we're good to go," she answered.
"You're just saying that, right?" I prodded her.
She answered, "I think I'm saying what we're all thinking."
"Come on," I insisted. "You know you love studying."
"You're killing me," she softly complained.
I found that all amusing, but I put away the books, as I could see that she was serious.
"We could play another game," Mikuru suggested, and that seemed to set Haruhi off a little.
"Could we talk?" Haruhi asked me, and that was her usual signal that we needed to be alone.
- x -
I went with Haruhi to Yuki's bedroom and sat as Haruhi leaned against a wall with her arms folded.
"Getting tired of the tea?" I asked.
"Getting sick of us," she answered. "It's been two whole days. I don't know what we're doing here."
"There's still one more thing left to figure out," I said.
"Meanwhile," Haruhi added, "Mikuru is going to drive me nuts."
"You're jealous?" I asked.
"Yeah, right," she said, rolling her eyes. "You can't sucker me with that one again. No, I mean with that constant staring."
"She obviously idolizes you," I admitted.
Haruhi complained, "Even Koizumi never stares at me that much. It's freaky."
"You have a lot to look at," I casually remarked.
She smirked and said, "Well, of course. But, come on!"
"Everybody's a little bored," I said in my most serious tone. "Honestly, even I get a little bored from all that reading."
"You know how much I hate it," she added.
"Did a book break your toe when you were young or something?" I asked.
"Books always suck in some weird way," she replied.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I mean," she answered, "they're never fun or exciting enough. If it's non-fiction, it never tells me what I really want to know. It's so irritating!"
"Let's figure something out that you would like," I offered.
"Okay," she answered.
"Have a seat," I said.
"Okay..." she said, sitting next to me.
"What filled your time when you were young?"
"I don't know. Just normal stuff."
"What does that mean?"
"I mean, just doing things around the house that needed to be done. It felt good. Watching TV or talking with my mother. She mostly did all the talking, though."
"You weren't very talkative?"
"I didn't have anything to talk about. I was young."
"Okay."
"I liked art."
"Art?"
"I could sit and stare at a painting for hours. That was fun, actually."
I had a good laugh when she said that, and I added, "I get it."
"What?" she asked.
I guessed, "You were really boring as a child, right?"
She softly complained, "You don't have to rub it in."
"But that explains it," I said.
"Explains what?"
"Your obsessions, I mean. Think about it. You never got in much trouble as a child, right?"
"Yeah."
"So, your mother, being the talkative type, would just naturally brag about what a super special child you were."
I don't think Haruhi had really thought about any of this. Maybe she was learning as much as I was.
I continued, "And then some idiot like me would come along and say, 'Wow, you're right. I've never even heard of someone like that. She really is special.' You became confused about what it meant, and you've been obsessed with it, ever since."
"I don't know," she said. "It seems too simplistic."
"What do you think?" I asked.
"Okay," she said a little hesitantly, "there was this baseball game."
"Baseball game?" I wondered.
She explained, "About three years ago, my family went to a baseball game. I asked my father how many people there were in the audience, and he told me there were about fifty thousand. It kind of woke me up. I thought about what it meant to be just one person in that huge mass of people. And then I went home and compared that number to all of Japan, and I thought about the fact that Japan is just one small country on this planet. Then I thought about how this planet is just one little planet in this galaxy and how this galaxy is just one little galaxy among billions of galaxies. What am I? I'm a speck. I'm less than that. I'm a speck on a speck on a speck, ad infinitum."
"Okay," I said.
"I panicked," she continued. "I thought, 'Why can't I be special?' I always thought I was special."
"I see," I said.
"You do?" she asked.
"Yeah," I answered, casually explaining. "Like I said. You were just confused."
It seemed pretty obvious to me, and it would be a wonder if it wasn't obvious to her. She had had screwy thoughts and got all twisted up in them.
"The truth is," I softly added, "your world is you. That already makes you special."
"What does that mean?" she asked, very skeptical.
"When you were young," I replied, "you loved yourself. You didn't think you were special because people told you. People told you that you were special because you were. And you still are special to me."
She grinned and scolded me, "You're just trying to make me kiss you."
"Is it working?" I asked.
"Keep dreaming," she said.
"Sheesh," I complained.
She added, "You're really corny sometimes, but I like that. You don't need to flatter me."
I then told her, "I've resisted the urge to flirt with Miss Asahina and Miss Nagato."
"Yeah," she said. "I have to give you that. Let me reward you for that."
We then softly kissed in the most beautiful way I think is possible. She tasted like tea, though. So, it was bittersweet.
"Admit it," I said. "You like that."
"Yeah," she admitted.
I added, "I think we might have found something fun to do, after all."
"Jeez. I really don't want to do this. Not here."
"What's wrong with it?"
"It's Yuki's place. No telling what kind of alien technology she's using to spy on us."
"Right..."
Haruhi does have her painfully shy side. It's a bit of a turn on for me, but it can be rather frustrating.
- x -
I later found myself drifting through the forest of my mind, aware that I was asleep, but not quite sure where I was sleeping.
That I felt drawn to Haruhi then, I knew for a certainty. My infatuation with her might have been a mistake, but I don't think being in love with her was. Here was someone I could see wanted my love, she seemed to love me, and even if she didn't love me, I think she deserved my love anyway. I didn't have any proof, but I could feel it was real. I embraced that feeling, and then I started to understand.
Yeah. I didn't really have any puzzle figured out here. The real puzzle had been me. Specifically, what could Haruhi say to make me love her? That had been the missing piece. The funny thing is, though, it could have been anything. It didn't have to be some story of her youth or some special insights into her stupid obsessions. She could have just babbled about sex, and that would have been plenty. The point had been that I cared enough to listen.
And it wasn't enough for me to just nod my head and agree. I had to really listen. When she jumped to conclusions, I helped her see how ridiculous those were in some silly way. When she was contradicting herself, I pointed it out to her. When she just felt like complaining, I felt her pain along with her. These were all things that no one else she knew was willing to do for her, not even that guy she had been with for six months who seemed like he could solve any kind of puzzle he wanted. The only puzzle he couldn't solve was how to like Haruhi as a friend and not just as a convenient target for his patronizing attitudes.
I like how Haruhi has a lot of interesting things to say. I'm just some guy who likes to listen. Thanks to this, it was easy for me to notice how she wanted me to love her and to respond by obliging her.
And now, because I had figured all that out, it finally dawned on me why Mikuru and Yuki were so interested in Haruhi. Yuki's boss, this Data Entity, noticed how Haruhi has the ability to make things happen that are nagging her in the back of her mind, whatever they may be. This explained why she was such a boring child. Anything she wanted would just suddenly appear. What else could a child want? If she wanted to meet time travelers or aliens, poof. They would appear, no matter how ridiculous the notion. She wanted me to fall in love with her, but it wouldn't be good enough to just make me love her. She needed me to walk into it, willingly. Mikuru and Yuki didn't tell me all this because they don't want Haruhi to know. Yuki had said that that would cause a catastrophe. I think I can agree with that. A trouble-maker with that kind of power at her conscious control would be a scary thing, for sure.
It isn't quite the power of a deity, but it's probably powerful enough to manipulate a whole world in a timely fashion, which is really the only thing that could explain the need for "autonomous evolution." I mean, if you or I want to manipulate our environment, we could just open a window. It's not that easy when you're trying to create an entire race of beings of your own, which seemed to be the puzzle Yuki's boss was facing. Yuki's boss would want the power to precisely measure masses and such involved in creating the right rivers, forests and mountains necessary for a surface race to evolve just right (for some mysterious purpose). If Haruhi could help toward that goal, a little thing like leaping between time planes would be nothing for her. I just wondered if that's what she really wanted in the back of her mind. Was she as bored subconsciously as she was consciously? Yeah, I think she was.
- x -
I found myself asleep with my head on my crossed arms on Yuki's table, though I awoke with a blanket over top of me. There was this strange blue light coming from a figure standing next to where Mikuru was also suddenly standing. It was weird because I don't remember feeling at all shocked or afraid. It just seemed to me that this figure was nothing but calm and affectionate, and that we would soon find ourselves back at home.
"Um... Kyon?" Mikuru said, her voice sounding harsh compared to the way I felt.
"What is it?" I asked.
She answered, "This is what we were waiting for, I think."
I got up and said, "Yeah... I wonder where Miss Nagato ran off to."
"Probably off reading," she said.
"Well," I said, softly sighing, "it's been fun."
"Yeah," she agreed.
"I guess this is goodbye, huh?"
"I don't want to go."
"We'll see each other again. I promise."
"Okay."
- x -
I then suddenly found myself sitting in my living room at home, and it appeared to be afternoon. It seemed as though I had just woke up from a nap or some horrible "deus ex machina" had just occurred (although, in this case, I think I understood why the "deus" would employ some "machina"). A few moments later, I heard the doorbell and found Kunikida at the door.
"What's up?" he asked. "Just you here?"
"Yeah," I answered. "Come on in."
"Thanks," he said, entering. "It's cold out there." He then eagerly added, "I heard Miss Asahina was over here, so..."
"You just missed her," I answered.
"Shoot," he said. "I was hoping to speak to her again."
"Yeah," I softly remarked. "You and half the town."
"So, I noticed," he added.
"She went back to the future," I explained. "I hope."
"That was really something," he admitted. "What is it with you and the weird ones?"
"I guess I'm just a weirdo magnet, huh?" I said, not too happy admitting it.
"I heard about Miss Suzumiya and Miss Nagato," he added.
"You heard about Miss Nagato?" I asked.
"Yeah," he answered. "I saw some guy following her around town yesterday. It seemed kind of weird, so I asked the guy what was up."
"What was that about?" I asked.
He replied, "He turned out to be Miss Suzumiya's boyfriend. I thought he was stalking Miss Nagato, but then we had a nice little chat."
"Then what?" I asked.
"I don't know. I didn't think to ask him where he was going."
"I think I know what ended up happening with him."
"Anyway. Nice to see you're here."
"It's nice to be back."
That gave him a bit of a start, and he asked, "Back? You went somewhere?"
I then waffled and lied my way out of that.
- x -
We then went to watch some TV, since there was really nothing else to do on a Sunday afternoon. I didn't want to think about Haruhi, since I figured she had a lot on her mind. I kind of figured the subject would come up, but I had no idea which direction it would come from. I heard the doorbell, and I found Ryoko at the door, looking cheerful as always.
"Hello," she said.
"Hello," I answered.
"Is it okay if I come in?" she asked.
"Yes, of course," I replied. "Please do."
"Thanks," she said, entering.
Since she had arrived, I assumed the topic of Haruhi wouldn't take very long to come up, though Ryoko has a talent for avoiding topics.
"So, what's up?" I asked.
She answered, "Just came by to say hi and make sure you were still here." While she was speaking, Kunikida appeared, so she greeted him, "Oh, hello."
He said, "Hello, Miss Asakura."
"Well..." Ryoko said, creating this awkward tension between us that I felt might go on for hours.
Kunikida then said, "Oh, don't tell me. You're going out with Kyon, now?"
"Don't be silly," she playfully scolded him.
"I was just kidding," he said.
Ryoko sighed and finally stated, "Kyon has decided to start flirting with Miss Suzumiya. The silly boy. And even after I warned him not to."
"What can I say?" I responded. "I'm a glutton for punishment."
"Oh, well," Ryoko added. "Better luck next time."
"Next time?" I asked.
She then added, "I hear Miss Suzumiya is going to transfer to North High."
"She is?" Kunikida asked.
"I wonder who could have persuaded her to do that?" Ryoko casually said, looking at me.
"That's a pretty bold move," Kunikida said.
"No kidding," Ryoko agreed.
It occurred to me then that nothing I did with Haruhi would ever be hidden from Yuki or Ryoko. Their mission was to observe, after all. Even if that meant deploying an army of microscopic voyeur insects, they would discover how Haruhi was able to create temporal disturbances or whatever. I felt a bit like I was suddenly their older brother, but then I'm used to being an older brother. Little sisters are totally overrated.
Ryoko added, "Makes me feel silly. Here I am, all alone. And Christmas is just a few days away."
"We could hang out here at Kyon's, right?" Kunikida offered. "I'm sure he won't mind."
- x -
With that shoe dropped, I suspected it was only a matter of time before the other one dropped. Sure enough, that evening in my bedroom, I got a call from Koizumi. This is what a nice guy I am: I answered his call.
"Hey," I said. "What's up?"
"Nothing much," he casually answered. "Just trying to get my bearings on this whole situation."
"You have a situation?" I prodded him.
He laughed and remarked, "That's a good one. No, I just spoke with Miss Nagato. Delightful girl. She told me an interesting story about you and Miss Suzumiya."
I said, "Yeah, we had a lot of fun. Too bad you missed out."
"Ah..." he said. Then added, "I guess I had that coming, huh?"
"Sorry," I said, not really sorry at all. "Things just kind of turned out this way."
"Yeah," he said. "I'm going to need to keep my distance. I mean, if we were to bump into each other, it would probably get ugly."
"Probably," I agreed.
"On the bright side," he then added, "I did meet a charming girl, yesterday."
"You like her?" I asked.
He answered, "I suppose if I went deaf, I might start to like her."
"Oh..." I said. "That's too bad."
"Yeah," he said. "I have to hang up, now. I don't want to start something I'll regret."
Funny. Can you believe this guy? I sighed and let it go. If I were him, I'd probably say something similar, although I can't imagine being stupid enough to let a girl like Haruhi get away from me.
- x -
Three days later, it was Christmas Eve. I hadn't heard from Haruhi in all that time, so I invited her over. She said she would think about it, but I just assumed that was her way of emphatically saying yes. I then soon heard the doorbell and thought it odd, but it was just Mikuru.
"Hello!" Mikuru greeted me in her lovely, wispy voice. She was dressed up for Christmas, and that made me wonder if she was planning on staying.
"Oh, hello," I said. "Nice to see you again."
She then rushed in and embraced me, then quickly backed away again, saying, "Oh no! I'm sorry."
"That's okay," I said, slowly recovering. "I'm starting to get the idea that you're used to these displays of affection."
"I really shouldn't, though," she said. "I don't want to get you in trouble."
"I haven't seen Haruhi just yet," I admitted. "I'm not sure what's going on with her."
"She'll show up, soon," Mikuru assured me.
"You want to come in?" I offered.
"I really shouldn't," she said. "I just came by to say hi, and thanks."
"You're welcome," I said.
"Stay warm, and don't do anything I wouldn't do, okay?"
"Okay."
"See you later!"
"Goodbye."
Mikuru left, and it seemed I had just closed the door when the doorbell rang again. I opened the door to find Haruhi standing there. She immediately entered, while I said, "Hello."
"Yeah, yeah," she said. "Let me in, already. It's freezing."
"So, what's up?" I asked.
She replied, "Did I leave that homework assignment here? It's driving me crazy."
"Didn't Koizumi take that?" I asked.
"I thought we left it here," she said.
"I didn't see it," I said.
"Figures..." she complained, scowling. "I'm not looking forward to asking him about it. Oh..."
"What?" I asked.
"I'm not crazy, am I?" she asked. "Was Mikuru just here?"
I replied, "Yeah, you just missed her."
"What's up with that?" she asked.
I answered, "I think she's not taking any chances."
"Sheesh," Haruhi added. "You cause one little incident, and..."
"Hey, Haruhi...?"
"What?"
I caught her in a surprise kiss, and she immediately responded, but then she pushed me away almost as suddenly.
"Okay, stop that," she said, scowling in a nice way.
I told her, "Miss Nagato isn't here to spy on us."
"I don't know about that," she softly stated.
The doorbell rang again, and I greeted Yuki and Ryoko. These visitations were all rather sudden, and I'm forced to think they must be related, somehow. It's a bit of a puzzle, but I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually.
"Hello," I said.
"Are we interrupting?" Ryoko asked, smiling in a way that made it clear she had witnessed that kiss.
"What do you guys want?" Haruhi asked her.
"Just making a polite visit," Ryoko replied. "Isn't it best to have get togethers on holidays?"
Haruhi didn't look too sure about how to respond to that, but I just casually said, "Sure. The more the merrier."
- Fin
- x -
- Extra
- The perks of being president
Kyon is giving his phone number to Ryoko.
Kyon: You like being class president?
Ryoko: It's okay.
Kyon: It just seems like a bit of a hassle.
Ryoko: I see what you mean. It is a good excuse to chat with the boys, though. That isn't easy when you're as popular as I am.
Kyon: Hmm...
Ryoko: I usually find out who likes who before anyone else in class. Sure, it's rude to poke your nose into other people's affairs, but I find that people just like talking to me. It helps them sort through their problems. The girls, especially, like to confide in me. It's kind of weird how you can really get to know people just through chatting or notes.
Kyon: You settle a lot of arguments, I suppose.
Ryoko: Yeah. It's mostly just girl stuff. I doubt you'd be interested.
Kyon: So, people put a lot of trust in you.
Ryoko: I guess so. You have to get something out of it, but I have to admit I just love the attention.
Kyon: Really?
- x -
- The mystery cat
Kyon is upstairs in the hallway, speaking to Sister.
Kyon: What's up with Shamisen?
Sister: Something wrong?
Kyon: No. Just wondering why you named him that.
Sister: I did?
Kyon: Aren't you the one who found him?
Sister: I thought you found him.
Kyon: ...
- x -
- Plans within plans
Haruhi, Mikuru, and Kyon walking through the park at night.
Haruhi: So, Taniguchi had actually set you up with Tsuruya?
Kyon: Yeah.
Haruhi: What's she like?
Kyon: She's actually pretty nice. A bit of a spaz, but in a good way.
Haruhi: As opposed to...?
Mikuru: I've met her, actually.
Kyon: Oh?
Mikuru: She was in the class I had joined.
Kyon: So, you were in second year, as well.
Mikuru: That's right. And Miss Tsuruya complained a lot about her reputation. She said all the boys hated her.
Kyon: Really?
Mikuru: Yeah. She said she wanted to date this really cute guy, but he snubbed her. She said she had a plan to get back at him.
Kyon: ...
Haruhi: And Kyon was a part of that plan, huh?
Mikuru: Huh? Um...
Kyon: It's okay. I was expecting it to be something like that.
Haruhi: You were already thinking of conning her into a relationship, anyway. Weren't ya?
Kyon: No.
Mikuru: Oh, jeez. I guess I shouldn't have brought it up.
- x -
- Deep thoughts from an imaginary author
Author: It's funny, but I'm just now noticing this.
Proofreader: What?
Author: I didn't cut anything from Harlequin.
Proofreader: Yeah, weird.
Author: Everything just spilled out perfectly.
Proofreader: So, how come you're just now noticing that?
Author: Probably because I just did the fifth cut on this story. Jeez, what was I thinking?
Proofreader: Oh, yeah. You probably want to rewrite that foreword, as well.
Author: Yeah, that seems a bit harsh.
Proofreader: And flesh out that whole "deus ex machina" part. That seems a little light on narrative.
Author: ...
- x -
- More deep thoughts from an imaginary author
Author: Where are we going with Mikuru, here?
Proofreader: What do you mean?
Author: She's just going to continue being clueless?
Proofreader: Probably. I don't see that changing in the next two volumes.
Author: Okay. Just assumed Yuki might be getting involved in that.
Proofreader: Nah. She's too busy being Harlequin.
Author: Yuki is Harlequin even in other time planes?
Proofreader: She becomes Harlequin in every time plane except Gamma.
Author: Okay. So, what's up next for Yuki?
Proofreader: (chuckling) She's the narrator.
Author: Say what?
Proofreader: You heard me.
Author: Oh, damn. That's going to be some heavy lifting.
Proofreader: Don't worry. I'll help out.
Author: You better, you schmuck.
- x -