Eddie had her next therapy session today, and a present for Dr. Aubrey. A whole month had gone by since the Sunday dinner, she had given Frank his sketch. She followed Dr. Aubrey into her office, and sat on the couch. "How are you doing Eddie?" Dr. Aubrey asked.
"Fine. I'm moving on like you asked. Are you happy?" Eddie replied.
"That was supposed to be for your benefit not mine. I don't understand, why you believe that would make me happy." Dr. Aubrey said.
Eddie reached out and said "Here.", thrusting a wrapped package at the Doctor.
"Thank you." Dr. Aubrey said, as she took the gift from Eddie.
Dr. Aubrey opened the gift and was surprised to stare at a sketch of herself. "You drew this?" Dr. Aubrey asked.
Eddie was so angry inside, because she had found this amazing talent and couldn't tell Jamie about it. "I'm in the NYPD sketch class. It's a new program to try and train cops to double as a sketch artist." Eddie said.
"I'll hang it on my wall. I have a blank space, because I was debating ordering in some new art." Dr. Aubrey said, and got up to place it on the hook. "It looks great. Thank you Eddie. You are very talented." Dr. Aubrey complimented.
"I can't... I can't tell Jamie. He would be so proud of me, and I can't celebrate with him, or tell him or anything." Eddie said, as a few tears slipped from her eyes.
"Well who else have you told?" Dr. Aubrey asked, trying to direct the conversation away from Jamie.
"I told my sister Kara, and also Jamie's family. His Dad is the police commissioner. He's the one who started the program, and he was so happy that the program was successful, so close to home." Eddie replied.
"That's good. Are the Sunday dinner's still helping?" Dr. Aubrey asked, as she jotted down a few notes.
"Yes they are. They call me aunt Eddie now, the younger Reagan's, and it's really cute. Jamie... I wish he could enjoy all this with me. I'm still struggling." Eddie replied.
"Describe a good day." Dr. Aubrey instructed.
"Let's see... a good day would be at work. I'm distracted from Jamie, because I have to focus on the streets and searching for trouble." Eddie described.
"That makes total sense. Now describe a bad day." Dr. Aubrey instructed.
"A bad day would be... a day off. I'm at the apartment, and I will keep thinking about him. I will spend the whole day in bed sometimes, depressed and refusing to do my day." Eddie described.
"That's normal for people in your shoes. I think you are definitely progressing. We've been working together for about two and a half months now, and I feel like you are doing quite a bit better." Dr. Aubrey noted.
"I do feel more peaceful. At first I was having constant nightmares, but those dwindled and now it is only once or twice a week. I think I am learning to make peace with his death now. This has been the hardest thing for me to do. I feel like I am giving up a piece of my heart. I can feel this hole and it aches." Eddie explained.
"That void or hole may never be filled, but eventually it won't hurt anymore. You will feel a sense of peace and calm, when thinking of it." Dr. Aubrey said.
"So how do you feel about being a cop? Do you have days where you wish you weren't?" Dr. Aubrey asked next.
"I have always loved it. When I get certified to be a sketch artist, I will get a slight pay raise. I don't want to quit being a cop. It helps me to stay grounded, gives me something to look forward to and gives me goals to accomplish." Eddie replied.
"That's good. Now I want you to share a memory of you and Jamie at work." Dr. Aubrey said.
This confused Eddie, as she thought the doctor was trying to get her to think less about Jamie. "Okay... Well one afternoon, we were eating shaved ice, when we got a call and had to respond. I had really enjoyed laughing and smiling, just leaning against the squad car with him, eating our shaved ice." Eddie said.
"That sounds like fun. What else can you remember about that moment?" Dr. Aubrey asked.
"I had asked him why we always got a call when I was eating, and he had said it was because I was always eating. Now that I think about it, he was right. I am always eating." Eddie replied.
"That's really humorous. Sounds like you two had a lot of fun times together. Now how did you feel when talking about this memory?" Dr. Aubrey asked, as she jotted down notes.
"I felt comfortable. Like I could talk about him, without getting emotional. I feel better about talking about him now." Eddie replied.
Eddie was surprised she hadn't cried, when sharing the memory, but if she had to guess as to why she hadn't, she would say it was growth. She figured she was growing, and learning to be okay and to remember without getting emotional. Eddie loved that her sessions were paying off, and were really helping her.
The session continued for another 15 minutes, before Dr. Aubrey checked her watch. "Well that's time. Over the next two weeks, I want you to continue your art class, but also make a list of things you are interested in, that you and Jamie don't have in common." Dr. Aubrey said.
"I can do that. I'm assuming, that my next project is to pick one of those things, and pick it up as a hobby." Eddie said.
"You'd be correct. Think long and hard after you've made your list, because it could be the next hobby, that really helps you have a big breakthrough." Dr. Aubrey said as she walked Eddie out of the office.
"Same time two weeks." Eddie said and smiled, before going to the receptionist to pencil in her appointment.