A/N: Thanks for all the reviews - you're all such lovely people :)

Sarah x

Serena looked up to see Ric standing over her, holding a bottle of Diet Coke and a sandwich. She couldn't help feeling disappointed. "Thanks," she whispered, her throat stinging.

"You've not eaten all day," he reminded her gently, pulling up a chair next to her. "I've phoned your house and got Eleanor. I've told her you're needed here but didn't say why. She's fine," he assured her, handing her the sandwich and bottle. She looked up at the clock – it was close to midnight and Henrik still hadn't woken up. She tried to open it but found her arms were weak and unwilling to cooperate. "Give it here," Ric sighed.

"No. I can get it off," she said, determined she was capable of doing things for herself. But the cap wouldn't budge, and she quickly admitted defeat and handed it to Ric with a sulky huff. He opened it with ease, and it made her wonder why she was so weak. "What have I done, Ric?" she sighed, taking a drink from the bottle. It immediately made her throat feel a little better. "Look at him. That's not Henrik Hanssen lying there. Is it?" she added, knowing it was but also hoping this was some sort of sick, twisted hallucination.

"I can assure you that is Henrik Hanssen, I'm afraid," he said, reaching out to rest a hand on her leg in comfort. "But he'll pull through, and he'll know it's not your fault."

Serena's head snapped round and she glared at him, realising she'd never spoken to him about her guilt. "I don't remember telling you about that," she said, her tone deadly. She didn't know why she was taking this out on him. She knew it wasn't fair. But it didn't stop her glaring at him.

"Michael told me you had a bit of a panic about it, thinking you might have done it deliberately," he confessed. She opened her mouth to berate him for talking about her but he cut her off. "Don't start. We're just concerned for you."

She said nothing, just staring at her hands. To think these hands had done that terrified her. She knew she probably should have been over that particular hurdle by now, but it kept creeping up on her when she just wanted to forget. She actually just wanted to forget it now. She'd punished herself. She'd went over and over it in her mind so she couldn't even escape it when she was sleeping. She knew what she'd done now and, though she would never forgive herself for it, she just wanted to look forward to her future, whatever it may be.

She wondered if Henrik really was so forgiving. As Ric sat by her in silence, she wondered why he would forgive her. She'd given him no reason to give her a second chance. She'd went around him, slagged him off, embarrassed both of them on AAU, shouted at him, called him names...why would anyone forgive someone like her? She cleared her throat lightly and said, "Could you go to my house and get me some clean clothes please? Take them to work with you tomorrow morning?"

"Of course," Ric immediately said.

"And keep Eleanor away from here. I don't want her seeing me in this state," she confessed. She didn't like the idea of her daughter seeing her mother was capable of hurting another human in such an extreme way. "My keys are in my bag, in the office," she added. "If you get lost, phone Eleanor. She knows this place like the back of her hand by now."

"Stop rambling," Ric ordered her gently, taking her hand. "I've got enough common sense to work it out, contrary to what you hark on about all the time," he smiled at her.

"Sorry," she sighed. She didn't know what to do. The thought was laughable – Serena Campbell didn't know what to do. Speechless, functionless, clueless. And she couldn't do anything to help herself, or Henrik. She didn't know what she was doing her if she couldn't do anything to help, but she felt she had to stay.

Ric stood up, and put a hand in her hair. "Try and get some more sleep. You were muttering about something when I came in, so I'm guessing it isn't that pleasant, but your body needs it, OK?" he told her strictly.

"Yeah," she breathed. He pressed his lips into her head before he left, and she knew he was trying to cheer her up and make her feel loved and wanted. She heard him close the door behind him, and she made herself look at Henrik once more before she drifted back to sleep.

She was not surprised to see snow this time, and she studied her dress more closely. It was lace layered on satin, the pattern delicate and fragile. Her hands moved to her neck and chest to find the dress was also sleeveless, and there was nothing over her shoulders. How the hell was she not freezing to death?

She felt the necklace she was so prone to losing around her neck, and smiled to herself.

She looked up to find Henrik had materialised before her, standing over her with a soft smile. His hands moved her fringe out of her face, and she grinned up at him. She looked down to his abdomen; there was no patch of red this time. What did that mean? "Henrik," she whispered.

"Welcome back," he replied, his hands moving to her waist. "Miss me?" he asked, a smile playing on his lips once more. He leaned down and she felt his lips move against hers, kissing her gently and yet still with a huge amount of passion.

"Of course I'm missing you," she sighed, kissing him again. "Why can't you just wake up already?"

He didn't reply; he just kept kissing her softly, and she couldn't resist letting him. There were questions she had that burned her from the inside out, but, for now, she just wanted him to hold her. She let him pull her into his arms, her head resting against the white cloth on his chest. She felt his hand on her head, holding it into his chest. "You do know how to wind me up, Henrik," she said into his chest. "I'm worried sick."
"You're a doctor, Serena," he reminded her. "You know these things can take time. Patience is a virtue." She heard the smirk in his voice and she resisted the temptation to smack his chest.

They stood there in each other's arms for a long time; what Serena found odd was that, though it was cold and it was heavily snowing and she was scantily dressed, it wasn't uncomfortable. It was cool but not frozen.

"Wake up," he whispered to her. She looked up at him and he quickly kissed her before he elaborated, "Jac Naylor wants you. Wake up."

She kissed him once more and then did as he said, returning to the grey world of the hospital.

She looked up and found Jac standing, looking down on her, just as Henrik predicted. "Ric asked me to bring you these," the redhead said, handing her a pile of clothes. "They're overrun on Keller but he says he wants you to stay here."

Serena said, "Thank you," as she scanned the woman's face for the disapproval she expected to find, but there wasn't any.

"How is he?" she asked.

"No change."

"He was in some mess," Jac revealed. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised. You been here all night?" Serena just nodded, unsure of what else to say. What was there to say to the coldest woman in the hospital? The hardest, cruellest, most broken woman she knew. "Why don't you go and get changed and I'll sit here in case he wakes up?" she offered, much to Serena's surprise.

She remained silent but stood up, finding she was very stiff from the way she'd slept last night. As she locked the door to the nearest bathroom, and changed out of her scrubs and into her proper clothes, she found she was wondering whether he was ever going to wake out of this. What if she'd killed him?

The thoughts she'd tried so hard to banish had returned to haunt her while she was aware of what she was thinking. While her imagination wasn't in control. While her rational mind was in the driving seat, she knew Henrik was in a bad way, and that she'd been the one to put him there.

She was as quick as she could be, returning to the room in under five minutes to find Jac still sitting where Ric had sat last night. "Nothing?" she asked, secretly hoping her absence had made some sort of difference. But Jac shook her head, and Serena saw the sadness in the manner in which she did so. Henrik wasn't just something to her. He meant something to Jac, too. He meant something to everyone she knew and worked with here.

Jac was staring at Henrik's lifeless form. If the two women weren't doctors, and there were no monitors regularly beeping, they would've said he was dead. But he wasn't, and that was all Serena had to cling on to at the present moment. "I've got to get back to Darwin, before Valentine and Lo run my ward into the ground," Jac broke the silence. On the way past, Serena was surprised to feel Jac's slender hand catch hers briefly. "Just be patient. Henrik Hanssen never gives up."

The door opened and closed again, and Serena felt the hope draining from her body. The pessimism was like a disease, running through her veins until it was impossible to actually believe she hadn't killed the first man she'd loved in a long, long time.

After everything, after all the lying and the shouting and the anger, she'd come out the other end in love and guilty as hell. How sickeningly ironic.

She took his hand in between both of hers, and could feel his pulse on her fingers. She counted the beats, over and over again, every minute. It calmed her every minute he was still alive, and that she could feel it in her own fingers, touching his wrist as she held his hand.

She absent-mindedly stared at the posters all over the room, reminding people how to was their hands, and notices for the nurses that came to check on him every so often. Anything to keep her mind working, to keep the bad thoughts at bay. She just wanted him to wake up and stop torturing her now. She knew she was just doing it to herself, and he was in no way to blame, but she knew some of the pain would go away if he could see her, and speak to her.

The only thing left to do was stare out the window at the city surrounding this room, never breaking contact with his hand. She even took to counting the windows on the flat blocks close to the hospital, floor by floor, home by home.

Until she felt something move between her hands, and her head whipped around so fast it hurt her neck. "Henrik?" she said, standing up to see his face. And, sure enough, his eyelids were moving as he tried to open them. Her subconscious linked her fingers in his and held onto his arm. "Henrik, it's me, Serena," she told him when he finally managed to open his eyes.

The wave of relief that washed over her was something she'd never experienced to such a degree. "Serena?" he asked, clearly confused. He tried, as she knew he would, to sit up, so she gently pushed him back down. "Are you alright? Nurse Maconie? Mr. Arklay?"

He obviously recalled what happened, then. Henrik being Henrik, it hadn't taken him long to get his priorities in order. "Yes, yes, we're all fine," she said, not letting on about her feelings of guilt about what happened. "Just relax," she ordered him, pressing a kiss onto his forehead.

She was pleased to receive an icy but soft glare for her public display of affection – it meant Henrik was alive.

Hope this is alright!
Please feel free to review and tell me what you think!
Sarah x