Chapter Ten: The Dragonballs are Stolen, again

There was a reflective mood in the air as Bulma and Kakarot drove onward through the mushroom fields. Ever since Kakarot had snapped those guys necks, she'd been giving him the cold shoulder. It was starting to get downright irritating, and Kakarot didn't like it at all.

'Look, they did try to kill us first.' said Kakarot after a moment. 'And Monster Carrot turned you into a vegetable and was probably going to eat you. And given how afraid that town was of him, he'd turned other people into carrots before now.

'He was a cannibal. Except he was actually a rabbit so not really.'

Finally, Bulma spoke. 'Kakarot, you do know that you can't solve all your problems by killing people, right?'

'And you are picking now to tell me this?' asked Kakarot, perplexed. 'You didn't have any issue with me killing that flying dinosaur.'

'He was going to eat me!' said Bulma.

'So was Monster Carrot.' said Kakarot.

Several hours passed. Some manner of bird called out, echoing across the fields. Kakarot looked up to see a blackbird flying too and from. A burrowing mole popped its head above the ground to look around. Kakarot glanced back to where Yamcha was following. 'On the brighter side we're still being trailed by Yamcha and Puar, so things are still going as planned. I'm not sure they are even bothering to hide from us at this point.'

Bulma took out the dragon radar and looked at it as she drove. 'It won't be long now, Kakarot.' she said, tone distant. 'Soon I'll be able to get my wish! I wonder what he'll look like!'

Kakarot remembered her planned wish and grimaced. 'Stop the car. Now.'

Bulma looked at him strangely and slowed the car down. 'Yeah, what is it?'

'Okay, we've got to talk about this wish of yours.' said Kakarot. 'That is to say, it's stupid. It's really, really stupid.'

'Yeah right, you're just jealous.' she said.

'Jealousy doesn't factor into it!' snapped Kakarot, though actually, he was. 'I did half the work, and this wish of yours will give me nothing for my trouble. And it's not going to give you anything either! Do you have any idea how good looking you are? You could get a boyfriend easily if you actually started paying attention for once!'

As the bickering went on, the bird from before looked down with robotic eyes upon the car. Confirming what it saw, it took off and flew back towards Pilafs castle.

Meanwhile, Yamcha and Puar were driving after them. 'Hey Yamcha,' said Puar. 'I'm beginning to think they are lost. I can't believe the last Dragonball is way out here.'

'Just be patient Puar,' said Yamcha, 'it's out there, I can feel it! We're close, real close, soon I will wish away my fear of women!'

The proclamation hit him like a thunderbolt. Kakarot turned to where Yamcha was, down the road, then back to Bulma. 'What the hell is wrong with you people? You can get literally anything you could ever want! Riches! Fame! Immortality! Don't you think these wishes are a touch petty?!'

There was a long awkward silence.

'Wait…' said Yamcha 'you knew we were here.'

'You've been following approximately twenty feet behind us for the last THOUSAND MILES!' roared Kakarot. 'Do you think we're blind, deaf and stupid?'

'Yamcha was following us?' asked Bulma. 'That's so sweet…'

'…Okay, do you think I'm blind deaf and stupid?' asked Kakarot, double facepalming.

He looked back to Yamcha and saw that Yamcha and Puar were no longer there. Once again, they had disappeared. 'Typical really.'

Meanwhile, without Pilaf's Castle, Shu rushed up the stairs with all the speed he could muster. Sweat was pouring down the ninja dogs brow. 'I'm going to be toast if I don't get to that meeting with Emperor Pilaf!' he cried.

The Dragonball detector was on the fritz, and Mai had been giving the job of fixing it. Unfortunately, Pilaf was quite impatient. He pressed a button, and out of the ceiling came a glass box with two crocodiles inside it.

'Mai,' said Pilaf's voice. 'if you don't fix that Dragonball detector by the time I count to ten, you will be joining my friends here for lunch.'

The crocodiles roared, and Mai stepped back in fear.

'One,' said Pilaf with a smile.

Mai began hurriedly working to replace the damaged parts.

'Two, three, four…'

She worked faster, as sparks kicked up from her efforts. She needed more time.

'five…'

Mai looked up. 'Uh… Emperor Pilaf, speaking of lunch, you must be hungry, right?'

'Hmm,' said Pilaf, distracted, 'well actually I am hungry. Starving really.'

Mai got back to work, using the time she had bought.

'You know, a hamburger would be nice right now.'

One of the screens flared to life on the console. Success! A crocodile wouldn't eat her. Or not, it wasn't entirely done.

'Hold it.' said Pilaf. 'What number was I on Mai?'

'Uh… number?' asked Mai.

'Nevermind,' said Pilaf. 'I'll start over. One, two, three, four, five, six-'

'Emperor Pilaf!' said Mai.

'What now?' asked Pilaf.

'Oh nothing,' said Mai. 'it's just sometimes when you take command like this; it's invigorating to be around you.'

Pilaf blushed, quite distracted. 'I see…'

The roar of the crocodiles brought him back to his task at hand. 'Oh right, now where was I?'

'Huh?' said Mai in false innocence as she looked up from her work.

'Okay,' said Pilaf, 'maybe I should start at six.'

At that moment, Shu came back, rushing into the room. 'I made it sire! I made it!'

'Excellent Shu,' said Pilaf, 'you are right on time. Now have you located the balls? Report.'

'…I ordered pizza.' said Shu after a moment.

'Sir, I got it!' said Mai. 'I'm scanning the area, and I'm picking up the energy of one of the balls. I'm isolating the signal to get a closer look.' She looked at it. 'Oh my, this can't be… there is a ball just ten steps south of this location. And a couple of steps east.' Shu began following the instructions she was saying. 'No wait, it's south. By about, oh, I'd say seven paces. Then six steps straight ahead and you are there.'

'I found it.' said Shu, picking up a green box.

Pilaf hit Shu over the head, and the box fell open as a Dragonball rolled out. 'Oh, look at what we have here. It's a Dragonball. The one we already have! That monkey boy and his friends have the dragonballs we want, so where is he?'

'We have a spy bird tracking him.' said Mai. 'Mecha no 7.' There was a bird cry as a bird flew through the window. 'There it is now, Emperor. Once we download the visuals for mecha 7, we'll know exactly where they're going.'

Some hours later Mai was standing atop a giant mushroom, watching as their prey drew ever nearer. The car passed right out under her, and still, she observed, her dark hair and trench coat flowing in the wind. 'Ringleader, they just passed out of the northern quadrant, and their heading south-west. Over.'

'Excellent,' said Pilaf over the walkie talkie. 'tell big brother to engage.'

'Roger,' said Mai, 'come in big brother, do you copy, over?'

'Ten four baby sister, I got my ears on.' replied Shu's voice.

'The subject is approaching.' said Mai.

'Okie Dokie, over.'

On they went, flying over the sand, and Kakarot stared out over the mushrooms to gaze at the clouds. He wondered what lay beyond them, and if he would ever see it. Was the universe the result of some cosmic coincidence, or was there a god with a plan for them? Finally, he looked up. 'Bulma, I'm going to ask you nicely this time. Would you please change your wish. There must be something you can wish for, which will actually benefit me.'

'Look we've come all this way,' said Bulma, 'let's just keep moving and go for it!'

Kakarot looked at her. '…Yeah, okay.' he said in a tranquil tone.

That settled it. Kakarot was going to hijack the wish for himself. Unlike Bulma, he had a wish that was worthwhile.

And then a missile was fired out of nowhere, right into their path. The car was thrown back, destroyed as they landed with a crash some ways away. Kakarot forced himself to his feet, his vision a blur.

'What happened…' said Bulma.

'We're under attack.' said Kakarot.

The two bandits watched from approximately forty feet away behind some giant mushrooms. The smoke cleared, to reveal both Bulma and Kakarot whole and alive. 'Think we should help them?' asked Puar.

'In a minute, Puar.' said Yamcha.

At that moment a metal monster landed before them, with four legs. No one could be seen past the cockpit. Kakarot took a stance and readied his pole. 'What the hell is that?'

The machine began searching through the wreck of the car. 'I've come to repossess your dragonballs!' it proclaimed in a booming voice as it took the case. 'Thank you, and so long suckers. The balls are mine now.' Then its rocket boosters activated and it flew away.

'…That thing stole our dragonballs.' said Bulma.

'No worries,' said Kakarot, 'you didn't have a decent wish anyway.'

'Kakarot, you're our only hope!' said Bulma. 'Use your power pole to pursue him!'

'Fine,' said Kakarot, before drawing it and beginning to pole vault after the machine.

Leaving behind the machine suit, Shu and Mai made their way onto their plane and flew away. As they got into their cockpit, they were in a very good mood. 'We did it, Shu.' said Mai.

'Emperor Pilaf will be very happy.' said Shu. 'Maybe he'll even stop yelling at us.'

They both laughed uproariously.

Kakarot vaulted through the landscape until he saw the monster from before. Descending with a war cry, he smashed it with his pole. He then knocked its legs out from under it and bashing it repeatedly. On and on he struck it until it was dented and broken. Finally, he tapped it.

'Yep, it's dead.' he said.

Meanwhile, Bulma was walking back and forth, becoming increasingly frustrated. 'It sure is taking Kakarot a long time…'

There was no one to talk to. She waited there, bored, for quite a few moments. Then Kakarot finally landed in the clearing, spinning the power pole and sheathing it. 'Hey Bulma, the monsters dead.'

'Kakarot,' she said, 'who's got the dragonballs?!'

'How should I know?' he replied. 'I mean Yamcha still has five. Am I too late to miss your panic attack?'

Bulma fell to her knees as the spotlight of the universe fell upon her. 'It's all over… my boyfriend… it's not fair… they probably have summoned the dragon already…'

'…Apparently not.' said Kakarot. 'Y'know they didn't rob Yamcha! They probably don't even know he exists.'

Instantly she cheered up. 'Of course! They thought they could outsmart us! No way mister! Now let's go Kakarot! Get in the car, we can track them with my radar!'

'Hey fearless leader,' said Kakarot, 'our car got blown up.'

'Ah ah ah,' said Bulma, 'you forget Kakarot, I still have my dino caps!' Then she stopped. 'Oh… I forgot. They were in there with the dragonballs.' And then she began crying again, much to Kakarot's displeasure.

'What should we do Yamcha,' said Puar. 'I think they need a lift?'

'I know,' said Yamcha, 'and she scares me.' He thought about the situation. 'We could go after those guys on our own, but without being able to locate them, we'll never be able to find them. No choice, we have to give them a ride.'

'But Yamcha,' said Puar, 'what about your fear of girls?'

'I don't have a choice,' reflected Yamcha, 'if we don't help them now we're never going to get those dragonballs.'

'We should probably hide the ones we do have here.' said Puar. 'That way Kakarot won't be able to steal them. We can backtrack later and make our wish.'

'Good thinking Puar.' said Yamcha.

They dug a shallow hole and set the five dragonballs they did have into it.

Meanwhile, Bulma was still crying. Kakarot sat cross-legged, eyes narrowed. 'I don't see why you are getting so worked up. There is no hurry. We can always walk.'

'You moron!' shouted Bulma 'I don't want to walk miles on my own, and eat rats and drink cactus water! I was a nightmare the last time, and it won't be any better now!'

'Wow, I guess your right.' said Kakarot. 'Still, at least we have a scenic view.' Bulma glared at Kakarot, who shrugged. 'Well I'm not saying I'd want to live here, but the mushrooms are actually pretty nice'

At that moment a car came into view, with Yamcha and Puar driving it. 'Oh hey, look who it is…' said Yamcha.

'Hi Yamcha!' said Bulma, instantly infatuated to Kakarot's displeasure.

'Oh what a coincidence,' said Yamcha, looking like he was about to have a mental breakdown. 'Are you guys stuck out… here…'

'Oh I get it,' said Kakarot, 'you've been relying on us to find the balls for you since we have the means to find the dragonballs. Now that we no longer possess means of transport, you are forced to take the stage directly. Very shrewd.'

'Yeah,' said Bulma, sitting next to Yamcha with a flirtatious appearance. 'We were until you showed up. Could you give us a ride, Yamcha? Pretty please…' And she winked at him.

'…S-sure…' said Yamcha, 'we'd be… we'd be happy too…'

'Really?' said Kakarot. 'Everyone is just going to pretend like I haven't just revealed the obvious truth?'

Everyone just pretended as though he hadn't just revealed the apparent truth.

As the group made their way onwards, Bulma looked to Yamcha. 'Hey Yamcha, would you mind just closing your eyes for a second.'

'C-close my eyes…' he said, shaking.

'You want the person driving the car to close their eyes?' asked Kakarot. 'Oh, this is gonna be good.'

'Yeah just for a second,' said Bulma, 'pretty please.'

'What for?' he asked.

'You'll see…' said Bulma playfully.

For a moment, Yamcha remained silent, keeping his eyes wide open.

'Oh come on, please,' said Bulma 'just for a few moments. You too, Puar.'

'I think I'm going to be sick.' said Kakarot.

Yamcha closed his eyes. Bulma then took out her radar and looked at it. 'Okay, we're about twenty-five miles away. Alright, you can open your eyes now.'

'…Nothing happened,' said Yamcha, 'oh nothing happened.' He sounded relieved and disappointed.

'Well something happened,' said Bulma, 'but we girls have to keep our secrets, you know. Don't be mad,..' and then she pressed her face against his.

They nearly crashed as Yamcha yelled in fear.

Within the castle of Pilaf, the Emperor was satisfied. Pilaf opened the case and gazed down into it. He smiled. 'At last, I have all seven dragonballs!' And he began to do a victory dance.

'Uh… sire.' said Mai, unsure how to break it to him.

'We need… five more.' said Shu.

'We only have two,' said Mai.

'You counted wrong.' said Shu.

Pilaf stopped. 'Did I just hear you say we are missing five dragonballs?'

'Yes sir,' said Mai and Shu, 'there is only two.'

'That can't be!' cried Pilaf, and he rushed to count his balls. 'One… two… there are five missing!' He searched through the case and found no others.

'Sorry boss,' said Mai and Shu.

Pilaf's cries of rage could be heard outside the castle. 'Fools! And you call yourselves agents!'

'I think two is pretty good sire.' said Shu.

'We have to be better than pretty good to win this game!' snapped Pilaf. 'This is the world, we're talking about!' Suddenly a beeping sound echoed throughout the room, and Pilaf rushed over to the console. 'You did say you fixed this thing, didn't you?'

'Yes sir.' said Mai.

'Good,' said Pilaf, 'then that means those lousy kids are coming this way! When we capture them, we'll force them to tell us where the other five dragonballs are located.'

As they drove across the desert, they soon came into sight of a massive castle. It towered over the landscape around them, with many towers and terraces. It's shadow when cast reached for nearly a mile, and as they drew nearer to it, Bulma craned her neck in awe. 'Look at the size of the place…' she reflected.

'It is impressive,' said Kakarot 'one day I'll make one like it.'

Yamcha in the meantime looked to be recovering from being in close proximity to Bulma for an entire day. Puar approached him. 'Are you okay?'

'I'm alright,' said Yamcha 'I just need to make my wish. Then I'll be cured of this…'

From where they watched, Pilaf and Mai were satisfied. 'Everything is ready, sir.' said Mai.

'Excellent,' said Pilaf, before looking at the kids. 'Amateurs, they have no idea what they are getting into. Soon they will feel the wrath of Pilaf.'

The company approached the doors with cautious steps. As they did so the castle loomed over taller. It seemed almost a manmade mountain, more than a castle.

'It doesn't look like there are any guards,' said Kakarot 'odd really.'

'See if it's open, Kakarot.' said Bulma.

Stepping forward, Kakarot set his hands to the door and pressed against it. The strength of the door was amazing, and though he pushed with all his might it made him fight for every inch. Little by little it was shoved open, and finally, it stood open.

Within was illuminated a vast hall of carved stone, reaching deep into the darkness.

'Let's go,' said Kakarot, leading them in.

'It's as dark as night in there,' said Bulma as they pressed onwards.

They walked through the hall for around thirty minutes. They saw no sign of guards, servants or any other kind of life. It was disturbing, actually. Then red eyes appeared in the dark by the hundreds. Countless bats came flying past them towards the light. Bulma screamed and hugged Yamcha, who screamed in turn and shoved her off.

She landed on the floor hard. 'What did you do that for?'

'I… I thought you were a bat!' said Yamcha.

They walked onward, and Kakarot increasingly got a sense of danger. They soon rounded a corner to find. 'Another dark hall. My, the designer for this place was a man of one idea, wasn't he?'

Suddenly great pillars of stone began to come out of the walls and ceilings. Kakarot dodged them, as Bulma found herself hemmed in. Puar was nearly crushed as she scrambled out of the way. Bulma slipped under a horizontal pillar and into open ground. Suddenly a pillar came out of the floor, driving her towards the ceiling.

Then Yamcha surged forward and with one kick shattered the pillar in time. Bulma fell down and was caught by Kakarot, who appreciated the warmth of her body. 'Got ya.'

There was no time to be satisfied, however, for at that moment, another pillar arose in front of Yamcha. The bandit smashed it, before dodging one that came out of the wall.

Kakarot put down Bulma, drew out his power pole, and began smashing pillars as they came out. After tearing through half a dozen of them, he finally stopped amidst the rubble. Yamcha was beside him. 'Is Bulma okay?' he asked Puar.

'I'm fine,' said Puar. 'I dodged them.'

'Great. I was asking about Bulma.' said Kakarot in irritation.

'Alright,' said Yamcha 'that does it! Let's go get em!'

At that moment, Bulma rushed up and hugged him. 'Thank you; you saved my life.'

'…Typical,' said Kakarot with narrowed eyes. What did Yamcha have that he didn't?

Yamcha screamed. It echoed throughout the castle as he rushed away to hide behind a pile of rubble as Puar tended to him.

'…You know, his wish isn't a complete waste.' said Kakarot after a moment.

Pilaf was not pleased as he watched the cameras. 'That trap didn't work! Who designed that trap!'

'Uh… it wasn't me sir.' said Mai.

'I want the name of the ninny who designed it!' Pilaf pressed her.

'It was you.' said Mai.

Pilaf facepalmed.

The group proceeded carefully after that, sliding along the walls with eyes peeled. A sound echoed in the dark, and Bulma looked around. 'What was that sound?'

'It's your imagination.' said Kakarot.

Then they came upon the arrow. It was a bright pink arrow that glowed in the dark, and Kakarot looked at it for only a moment before walking onward. 'Hey, what's this?' asked Bulma.

'It's a trap.' said Yamcha.

'It's too obvious,' said Bulma.

'There is another arrow over here.' said Kakarot 'I wouldn't be surprised if whoever lives here gets lost in their own castle.'

'Let's check it out.' said Yamcha.

On they went, around another corner, finding more arrows as they went. Several passages opened up on either side of them like gaping passages into the void. Then they came to a dead end.

'It's a dead end.' said Kakarot 'Well that was anticlimactic.'

And then the walls closed behind them, locking them in.

The trap had been sprung and had worked perfectly. Their enemies were trapped within the dead end cell that had been made for them.

'So what do you want to do now?' asked Mai.

'I think I'll have some fun with them.' said Pilaf. 'Ah yes, but first I'll take their dragonballs!'

Pilaf's laughter echoed through the night.

If Pilaf had his way, what hope was there for the world? Find out on the next exciting episode of Kakarot and the Quest for the Dragonballs!

Authors Note:

Well, here we with another episode of Kakarot and the Quest for the Dragonballs. I hope you enjoyed this one. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to have to slow down my update schedule a bit.

Removing Oolong from the story has made me realize the flaws in the original Dragonball. When we first meet Bulma she is introduced as a practical, and savvy individual who is the brains to Goku's brawn. Once Oolong joins the group, however, Bulma rapidly devolves into the milestone. Meanwhile Oolong does all the work. In this version, Bulma is actually much more useful, since sheis the one driving the car. Funny how things work out.