I'm getting drunk tonight. I don't care if I have to do it alone or not, but after all that sharing with Katniss last night, I need to get out of my head for just a moment. I'm not a big drinker and I never have been, but I'm gonna do some drinking tonight.
"Let's stay in a hotel," I say after a couple hours of driving.
Katniss looks up from her iPod and over to me. "Why?"
I shrug my shoulders. "My back is a little sore from sleeping in the tent for a couple nights in a row now, and I'd love to go to a bar and get a drink."
"But you didn't even roll up the sleeping bags this morning; you just threw them in the back." She points her thumb behind her where the sleeping bags are piled haphazardly in the trunk of the Jeep.
I shrug my shoulders. "I didn't feel like doing it—but it'll be fine. Would you like to stay in a hotel or not? We don't have to if you don't want to."
Katniss scrunches up her nose a little bit, but eventually nods her head in agreement. "A hotel sounds fine."
I nod my head. One point for Mellark.
When we get to St. Louis, I find a hotel in West Downtown and get a room for the two of us. The place actually ends up being fancier than I intended, but the price was nice so I stuck with it. Katniss and I take the elevator up to the third floor and drop off our bags in our room (with one King bed) before we head out to find the nearest bar.
We're lucky. It's only a little down South 20th street, barely three blocks. It's a decent-sized Irish pub and the two of us immediately head to the bar. I order myself five shots of whiskey and Katniss a coke—this pub cards, apparently.
"You really weren't kidding when you said you wanted a drink," Katniss comments as she takes the first sip of her coke.
I nod my head. "No, I wasn't." Katniss watches me with curious eyes, waiting for me to say something. But I don't say anything else. I just toss my shots back and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand when I'm finished.
"Are you okay?" she asks, her rough voice smooth for once.
"Fine." My sentence is clipped and harsh.
She nods her head once and leaves me, taking her drink with her. I know I'm being cold. I'm trying to be. I just can't open up tonight. I can't do it. I already said too much last night and I can't be vulnerable around Katniss. I have to be strong for her. Someone needs to be there for her and not disappear, and I want that to be me. But we are getting closer and closer to the end here, and once we get there, I'm not gonna be around. I can't let her in only to lose her.
If I'm cold to her now, maybe I can end this thing happening between us. She acknowledged it last night and as much as that excited me, it fills me with regret. I know she'll hurt me, that's guaranteed, but the last thing I want is for her to be hurt any more than she already has. So if I stop whatever flirty thing we have now, our trip will end before she has the chance to fall for me and she'll go back to her normal life perfectly content.
I sit down on the barstool and order a whiskey neat next. Drowning my sorrows has never applied to me before this night, and I have to admit that it's kinda fun.
"Let me guess, you're just passing through?"
I look to my right, the direction of the voice, and instantly smile. She's pretty sexy; not my type—with the push-up bra and the bleached blonde hair—but still pretty bonerific.
"Yeah," I say, taking a large swig of my drink.
"Where are you headed?" she asks, licking her red lips before she sips her margarita.
"Home—in Oklahoma."
She nods her head and leans in closer to me, exposing more of her—yep, definitely fake—breasts. "I'm Glimmer, by the way."
"Peeta." I extend my hand to her and she shakes it daintily.
We talk for a while, enough long for me to forget about Katniss and my feelings for her and all the drama that comes with it. I just focus on this woman in front of me. She's a senior in college, a Communications major and already has a job lined up for her when she graduates—with someone Daddy has connections with. She's a little full of herself and obviously from a wealthy family, but she's amusing.
"So Peeta," she says when I'm officially drunk and she's finished her third margarita. "Are you looking for a night of fun while you're in town?" Her hand is suddenly on my thigh, inching closer to my crotch. But I don't twitch in my jeans like I normally would. I don't feel anything for this woman. She's nice enough, and pretty enough, but, nothing. I feel nothing. And I know why—it's obvious. She just not—
"Peeta, it's time to get back to the hotel," Katniss says, popping up out of nowhere. Her grey eyes are slit in anger, her voice commanding and leaving no room for interpretation. She's pissed. She pulls me off the barstool, using that unexpected strength, causing Glimmer's hand to slip away. But don't miss it. What I've missed is this: Katniss's touch. Even when it's rough like it is now, her nails digging into my bicep, it feels better than any other woman who has ever touched me.
Who am I kidding? I'm in this. My heart and my soul are invested now, and pushing Katniss away isn't going to help shit.
I lean into Katniss, unsteady on my feet, and tuck my head in to the crook of her neck; she smells like lavender and sandalwood.
"Who is this?" I hear Glimmer ask, but I don't answer. I just wind my arms around Katniss's small frame, my hand finding an exposed patch of her back and touching her warm skin.
"It doesn't matter who I am," Katniss says, her voice still cold and angry. "The point is that you're done having your slut hands on him." Is she jealous? Holy shit, she's jealous.
But I don't have time to dwell on that thought, because then she's dragging me out of the pub. I stumble along next to her, one arm wrapped around her shoulders, doing everything in my power not to fall.
We silently walk down the few blocks to the hotel. Then we mosey through the lobby and into the elevator. But as soon as the electric doors close behind us, isolating us from the rest of the world, I can't help myself. I pull her body towards me and press her chest to mine. My hands slip over the curves of her ass, remembering the way it felt in my hands when I went down on her. God, she tasted so good. I'm drooling at the memory. I'm drooling for her.
Katniss sighs into my ear, but she doesn't say or do anything; she just lets me continue my gentle caressing.
When the ding of the elevator alerts us that we're on our floor, she pulls me out of it and down the hall to our room. Still steadying me with her strong form, she slides the electronic key in the door and opens it for the two of us.
She pushes me down on the bed immediately and I fall on my back, groaning slightly. Then she leaves me. She turns on the lights and I can hear water running in the bathroom.
I squeeze my eyes shut, cursing myself. I shouldn't have touched her like that. It was too much. But then I remember: she could have told me to stop at any time and I would have.
"Here."
Katniss is suddenly at the end of the bed, holding a plastic cup full of water. I sit up and take it from her hand—and drain it. She takes it back and heads to the bathroom, only to return seconds later with it filled again. She does that three more times until I feel my head clear monumentally.
"Where were you?" I ask, falling back on the bed.
She furrows her eyebrows at me as she begins unlacing my shoes. "When?" She pulls them off my feet and strips off my socks next.
"When that girl was talking to me. Where were you?"
She unbuckles my belt and unzips my jeans; I lift my hips up and she yanks them off. If she notices the small tent in my boxers, she doesn't say anything. She shrugs her shoulders. "You sounded like you didn't want me around, so I disappeared."
She sets her hands on my chest to begin to unbutton my shirt, but I stop her. I take her left hand and press her palm to my cheek; my heart jumps in my chest. "I always want you around," I mumble, my eyes meeting hers.
I can't read her expression. But I see her eyes flare with something. The corner of her mouth turns up just a little before she pulls her hand away and continues to undress me.
When I'm just in my boxers, she begins to undress for bed too. She slips off her jeans and removes her shirt. Then she heads to her bag to get her usual baggy shirt and tiny pajama shorts. But I don't want them there.
"Stop," I call out. Katniss turns to me with a questioning look in her eyes. "Don't put on any clothes." My eyes trail down the expanse of her olive skin, only two spots covered up by the light blue fabric of her bra and underwear. "Just come to bed."
She hesitates for only a moment; then she turns off the light and crawls onto the bed with me. As soon as she's lying down on her back I roll onto my side and lean my body over hers, so close our noses almost touch.
Then I do it—despite what I convinced myself of two hours earlier.
I open up.
"I'm broken, you know," I tell her. "I used to think it was my mother's fault. And then I thought it was all the women I've dated's fault. But it's mine."
"Peeta…" she trails off, her voice sad. I feel her hand land on the bare skin of my back.
"What could I have done to make them love me more, Katniss? Why does every woman I love run in the opposite direction? What am I supposed to do to make someone stay?"
She doesn't say anything, but I don't expect her to. She doesn't have any answers. No one does. Releasing a sigh, I press my forehead to hers and breathe in her comforting scent as I let my land trail up and down her flat, muscled stomach.
"Thresh was the strong and silent type, ya know?" she murmurs, her mouth only an inch from mine. I open my eyes to look at hers, but she's squeezing them shut; her throat bobs with a nervous swallow. "I never thought he'd cheat on me. He was so honest and protective. We weren't together for long, maybe only two months, but I found out that he had been fucking his ex-girlfriend Rue the whole time. I guess they weren't exactly ex." She mumbles the last part almost to herself. "But it threw me off when I ran into them at the store, making out in front of the peaches. He used to get so territorial whenever we were around a guy who showed even the smallest amount of interest in me; he made sure they knew I was taken. But here he was, fucking someone behind my back."
She finally opens her eyes and meets mine. "I can never be cheated on again. I think it would kill me. It made me feel so used and empty—like I felt when that guy took my virginity—like I felt when I lost Prim." She slides her hand up my back to shoulder. "I don't know how you've survived it all these times, Peeta. You are the opposite of broken if go through it more than once and still be so caring." She kisses the tip of my nose. Just once, but I feel it all through my whole body, making me feel alive. "You're the strongest person I've ever met."
She turns on her side then, holding my arm to her stomach, snuggling her back to my front so we're spooning.
"Promise me you won't forget this tomorrow, okay?" she finally whispers into the night.
I nod my head. "I won't forget I single moment I spend with you."
Hey guys! Sorry this update took a bit, but I got a little busy. Thank you so much for your support, with the reviews and follows and favorites! This chapter is a tad short, but it's essential for next chapter which is probably my favorite one so far and the most important in the developing Peeta/Katniss relationship! I'm excited for you to read it. But this chapter comes first.
And I need to give out a special shout out to Cat O'Hara Butler who designed the new artwork for this fic! Thank you so much! I'm in love with it!
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