Chapter 10: Everyone is Sorted Out

The first years disembarked from the boats, and followed Hagrid to the castle door. He knocked on it, and it was opened by a tall woman whom Eren and Mikasa immediately recognised as Professor McGonagall.

"The firs' years, Professor McGonagall," said Hagrid.

"Thank you, Hagrid. I will take them from here," she replied, pulling the oak door open wide.

The entrance hall, like the rest of the castle, was huge. The Shiganshina Three however, having grown up in the shadow of Wall Maria were unimpressed. Though Armin did note that though the walls were lined with lit torches, the air was not unbearably smoky. It was a subtle magic, but one that Armin appreciated. When he whispered about it into Mikasa's ear, she too nodded.

Somewhat more impressive was the magnificent marble staircase facing them, which led to the upper floors, but compared to Gringotts, it was understated.

They followed Professor McGonagall across the flagged stone floor. They could all hear the drone of hundreds of voices from a doorway to the right, and so assumed that the rest of the school must already be waiting for them. Neville seemed to be rather nervous, but Eren noticed and patted his shoulder comfortingly.

"I don't know about you," Eren muttered, "but I'm starving. I can't imagine this will take too long- they wouldn't want to cause a revolt amongst the students."

Neville smiled weakly back at him.

Professor McGonagall showed the first years into a small, empty chamber off the hall. They crowded in, standing rather closer together than they would usually have done, peering about nervously.

"Welcome to Hogwarts," said Professor McGonagall. "The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses."

"See?" Eren hissed smugly, ignoring the sharp look McGonagall shot him.

Neville's smile grew a smidgeon stronger.

"The Sorting is a very important ceremony," McGonagall continued, "because, while you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory, and spend free time in your house common room…" she continued on, but Eren quickly tuned her out, more interested in looking about at his future classmates. The red-haired boy who had been mean to Neville was standing nearby, glaring at a boy who had hair that was a whiter blonde than Armin's had ever been who stood smirking between two larger and rather hefty boys with dopey looks on their faces. Twin girls with dark skin stood closely together, clearly for solidarity, beside a girl who resembled Mikasa's appearance from their past life. Eren could not help his double-take when he saw her, and noted that Armin did the same thing.

(Mikasa took a moment to figure out their reactions, and then blinked. Huh. So that was what people meant when they said she was exotic-looking. It was somehow more obvious when it was someone else. It wasn't that she'd never seen what people on this world called "Asians", but Lower Tadfield wasn't exactly a multi-cultural centre, so she'd never met one in person before.)

"The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of the school. I suggest you all smarten yourselves up as much as you can while you are waiting." She glared around at a few of the scruffier-looking first years, but the Shiganshina Three were unruffled.

(Neville on the other hand was uncomfortably reminded of his Gran.)

"I shall return when we are ready for you," said Professor McGonagall. "Please wait quietly."

She left them, and a few minutes later, pale, insubstantial beings came out of the walls.

"Holy shit," breathed Armin. "Are they…"

"Ghosts," said Neville, his tone steady. The Shiganshina three heard how unconcerned he was, and stared. They had yet to hear such a self-assured tone from him thus far, and the difference made when Neville wasn't sounding nervous was stark. Neville half-squirmed under their attention, reverting to form. "What? It's not like they're poltergeists. They can't hurt you. They're dead," the side of his mouth quirked a little. "Some of them are even friendly- my Great-great Uncle Bertie haunts one of my family greenhouses, and he's tried to teach me everything he knows."

As though to confirm what Neville just said, a few of the ghosts smiled at the gathered children.

"New students!" exclaimed a rather rotund ghost wearing some sort of robe. True to "About to be Sorted, I suppose?"

A few people nodded mutely.

"Hope to see you in Hufflepuff!" the ghost continued. "My old house, you know."

"Move along now," said a sharp voice. "The Sorting Ceremony's about to start."

One by one, the ghosts floated away through the opposite wall. Armin couldn't help but notice how most of them looked somewhat offended at her tone. He exchanged a glance with Mikasa, and saw that she had noticed the barely-veiled hostility too. Interesting.

Not something that they had time to worry about just now though.

"Now, form a line," Professor McGonagall told the first years, "and follow me."

Wordlessly, Mikasa nudged Neville into line between Armin and Eren, and then followed behind them. Armin noticed what she was doing, but didn't protest. He was well-used to her over-protective instincts from their first life, and it was nostalgic for him for her to be looking out for him again already. A large part of him just wanted to find a quiet corner and hold his partner for a few more hours, but he knew it would have to wait for now. He hoped they ended up in the same house. The alternative didn't bear thinking about.

Eren also noticed Mikasa's mother-henning, but chose to pretend that it was entirely for Armin and Neville's sakes. (Also, if he protested, then Mikasa would kick his arse. If there was one thing he had finally admitted to himself, it was that his Sister was able to out-hardcore him without even breaking a sweat, and she was not above making painful public points should he make her feel underappreciated. (He did appreciate her. Of course he did. The fact that she was his Sister aside, he wasn't suicidal.))

They stepped through the double-doors that entered the great hall, and the Shiganshina three were impressed by the spectacle.

"If I didn't already believe in magic," Armin murmured to Eren, "the sight of hundreds of candles floating in the air and not dripping wax on the heads of everyone below would have probably sold it to me."

"Have you looked at the ceiling?" Eren muttered back. "I skimmed Hogwarts A History, and I didn't think it would look that amazing."

Neville, seeing the mildly-impatient, mildly-anticipatory crowd of students below, gulped, but Mikasa elbowed him and pointed towards the battered and dirty-looking hat that Professor McGonagall was placing on a four-legged stool in between them and the audience.

"What, exactly," Mikasa questioned him under her breath, "is that for?"

It was at that point that the hat started to sing.

Mikasa blinked. "Never mind," she muttered to Neville.

A hat that sang blatant propaganda. Now she'd seen everything. And what was that it said about being able to see inside their heads?

Mikasa shared an uneasy glance with Armin, who naturally was on the same wavelength as she was (oh how much she had missed that… Eren tried, and she loved him dearly, and always would, but he was about as subtle as a singing hat painted purple and on fire) and who wrinkled his nose in the sign that they had made between themselves meaning, "hold formation until further intel has been gathered." Mikasa sincerely hoped that that hat could keep its brim shut, otherwise there might be… trouble.

Professor McGonagall now stepped forward holding a long roll of parchment.

"When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted," she said. "Abbott, Hannah!"

A pink-faced girl with blonde pigtails stumbled out of line, put on the hat, which fell right down over her eyes, and sat down. A moments pause—

"HUFFLEPUFF!" shouted the hat.

Mikasa took it back. Now she had seen everything. These magic people were, as Pepper would say, completely fucking bonkers. Who the hell thought it would be a good idea to give a telepathic hat the job of deciding their futures?

Then again, she supposed that it wasn't really any more backwards than anything else she had seen in the wizarding world in regards to decision-making processes.

At least the process was simple. Children sat on the stool, put the drab hat on their heads, waited for some varying period of time, and then proceeded to their house table, whilst people clapped politely.

"Hermione Granger!"

Mikasa blinked as Armin stepped forward, and then remembered that that was his name in this world. This might take a little getting used to.

Armin put the hat on his head, and waited.

"No need to be so nervous," said a small voice in his ear, "I don't bite, wait, what the blazes!?"

"Any chance we can keep that between ourselves?" Armin muttered under his breath.

"You're mentally 34, male, and in the body of a 12 year old girl. And you're in love with an – according to you – older woman who is in the body of an eleven year old girl," the hat said sternly. "Give me one good reason- oh." The hat was silent for a moment. "So you're a reincarnation, not some kind of creeper," it said in a much friendlier tone.

Armin nodded slightly, ignoring the whispers he could hear in the hall. "I'm trying to make the best of a bad situation here. I have to look out for Eren, because otherwise he's going to get his fool-self killed, again and Mikasa, because otherwise she's going to get herself killed trying to prevent that. I, I… I can't let her lose Eren again, that nearly broke her last time. And more than that, I can't lose her…" he murmured as softly as he could.

Armin had the disconcerting feeling that his memories were being rifled through like records in a discount bin. "Merlin's beard, kid, your past life reads like something out of a horror story, and… oh my tattered brim." The hat whistled lowly. "If this friend of yours you call Eren is in the body of Harry Potter, you're going to have your work cut out for you. Especially if I sort him into Gryffindor like everyone is expecting me to."

Armin shook his head, composing himself. "Bravery isn't the strongest part of Eren's personality. I mean, it's not that he isn't brave, or chivalric, it's just that he's mostly just angry."

"Well there isn't exactly an 'angry' house," the hat pointed out.

"Not the point I'm making," Armin insisted. "You'll get a look at the inside of his head in a minute, and then you'll see what I mean. Look at why he gets so angry."

The hat made a dubious noise, but instead of arguing, it replied, "well, I can see where you at least are going. You've got the brains to do extremely well in Ravenclaw, but we've been talking long enough, and with that kind of loyalty, better be HUFFLEPUFF!" it said, shouting the last word for the rest of the Great Hall to hear.

Armin took the hat off his head, and smiled back at his friends, offering a thumbs-up before he walked over to a table full of students with yellow ties and welcoming beams.

A couple more kids were sorted, and then, "Eren Jaeger-Smith!"

Eren stepped forward, and put the hat on his head.

"…and I thought that other kid's head had some shit in it," the hat mumbled.

"What?" Eren demanded, offended.

"You're practically a berserker in the body of an eleven year old kid. I haven't seen anything like this since the Middle Ages, and from what I can see you've been like this since before you were this old in your previous life. Merlin. If I hadn't come across that man in a girl's body first, you'd be the weirdest kid I've sorted this century."

"Hey!" Eren protested, loud enough to get some bewildered and interested looks from his audience.

"Oh calm down," the hat said. "I wasn't disrespecting your friend. Although wow. Those eight years you missed? Not necessarily a bad thing for you to have missed, if you ask me."

"I didn't ask you," Eren scowled. "And I don't care how bad it was. I would never have left them alone if I'd known…"

"Huh," the hat interrupted. "I see what he meant. Alright then. I can work with this. Well kid, thanks in advance for making my life more interesting for the next couple of years- considering that I sit on a shelf in the headmaster's office all year, I'm thinking the conversations I'm going to be overhearing are going to be fascinating with you and your friends around. The proverbial fly on the wall has nothing on me, and you are definitely going to shake things up in HUFFLEPUFF!"

Eren took the hat off his head, and quickly joined Armin. As Mikasa started walking towards the hat before her name was even called (it was obviously going to be her, so why wait,) she could see the two of them whispering together, looking somewhere between smug, annoyed and freaked out. She glanced up at the staff table, and was interested to see that Dumbledore looked intrigued, McGonagall looked disappointed, and Snape looked perturbed.

Sprout on the other hand, looked downright smug.

Mikasa shot her a smile, and put the hat on her head. She didn't bother wondering what the expressions could mean- that was more Armin's thing. Assuming he hadn't already noticed (she doubted this, but it never hurt to be sure,) she would tell him later, and he would analyse what the expressions could mean better than she ever could.

If the hat didn't put her with her Brother and her Lover, then she was going to –

"BLOODY HELL!" the hat shouted.

The hall went deathly silent.

"Oh, sorry," the had said in a somewhat chagrined tone of voice. "I didn't mean to say that out loud."

Mikasa rolled her eyes.

"Honestly though, that line of thought was a little uncalled for," it sniffed. "I'm just trying to do my job. And I already saw in your Brother's head, so I know about the vow you too made, and frankly lady, even without that, you're the scariest pure Hufflepuff I've seen in centuries."

Mikasa just waited patiently.

Silently. Motionlessly.

Like a crocodile in a billabong.

Thinking of what she would do to the hat if it didn't keep its brim shut about her and her boys.

"Alright, alright," the hat said in a distinctly nervous tone, "go join your boys in HUFFLEPUFF!"

Mikasa ignored the tiny sigh of relief she heard as she removed the hat from her head, and moved swiftly over to where Eren and Armin were sitting.

"That hat," she said, "had better…"

"Shhh," Armin said, folding her into his arms. "Don't worry. We'll burn that bridge if we get to it."

Mikasa leaned her head against his shoulder, and hid a small smile in her lover's bushy hair. (This gained them a few odd looks from the children sitting around them at the table, but most of them were more interested in the ongoing sorting, and so it was not remarked upon. Yet.)

Next, since there wasn't anyone with a surname beginning with 'K', it was Neville Longbottom's turn.

"Huh," the hat said, its tone indecipherable to Neville when he put it on. "Well at least I won't have to try and convince you that you wouldn't fit in well in Gryffindor— that's not a slight, kid," it said sternly when Neville crumpled slightly, "you've got a good heart, and you crave acceptance and I'd rather put you somewhere where that's valued and not going to be taken advantage of. And don't forget that your mother was a Badger too. Not to mention those new friends of yours... yes, they do like you, oh Merlin, small wonder they managed to get you onside so fast, kid, with a family like that, who needs enemies? Either way, even without having met those lunatics, you'd be a good fit for the house of Loyalty and Hard Work."

Neville's spine straightened. That was right, and Eren had said so, and made it sound like a good thing, and so he was going to make the best of what was doubtless going to be a poor reaction from his relatives.

The hat chuckled, but not unkindly. "From what I can see of your head, you're a good kid, so I'm going to give you some free advice. I can't tell you what I saw in another student's head, but from what I've seen, those three you met on the train are going to walk straight into trouble."

Neville bit his lip, but didn't protest. That was the impression he had got from them as well. Despite that…

"Oh why do I even bother," the hat muttered. "Well, at least I know this is going to be a good match. Try not to let them get you killed in HUFFLEPUFF!"

Neville took the hat off, and looked over to see Armin, Eren and Mikasa grinning widely at him and beckoning him over.

He grinned back. Friends. The hat had confirmed it. This might be the start of the best year ever.

The rest of the students were sorted, the Headmaster made an odd little speech that wasn't as funny as he thought it was, and then suddenly there was FOOD.

The Shiganshina Three, who remembered what famine was like, thought the emphasis was appropriate to the size of the feast that was suddenly in front of them.

"Wow," breathed Eren.

Mikasa and Armin nodded silently.

"What, haven't you ever seen a conjured feast before?" a red-haired girl who later introduced herself as Susan Bones asked in a somewhat surprised tone.

"Nah," said Eren. "We're not from magical households."

"Oh," said the pig-tailed girl who had been sorted first (Hannah Abbott, Armin remembered,) "so you're all muggleborn then?"

The questions were asked in a tone of friendly curiosity, so Eren found himself more than happy to respond. "I'm technically not, but Mikasa and Armin are. Neville, your family are magical right? You seem to know about this world."

Neville nodded. "Yes. I'm a pureblood," he said simply, and a boy who introduced himself as Ernie Macmillan chimed in and said that he was too.

From the expression on Susan Bones' and Ernie Macmillan's faces (and the fact that he knew Bones and Macmillan were both Old names in the Wizarding world), when he in turn introduced himself as Neville Longbottom, he suspected that they probably knew all about his family, but to his relief, neither of them said anything.

Instead Susan asked Eren how someone could be "technically" not muggleborn.

She nodded sympathetically when Eren explained that he was an orphan, (this time forgoing the explanation about his relatives, he didn't want to put anyone off their food). "I'm a half-blood myself. I live with Dad and Auntie Amelia though, because Mum got scared when she found out that we were all magic."

Armin found this interesting. "When did she find out?"

Susan shrugged. "When I was four, I summoned a ball from across the room, and Auntie Amelia says it freaked Mum out good and proper. Then after she figured out what Dad and Auntie do for a living, she decided that she didn't want to end up dead like the rest of my family, so she moved to New Zealand. I talked to her once, and she said that if it wasn't for the fact that I was magic too, she would have taken me with, but she," Susan made air-quotes, "'didn't feel equipped' to look after a kid with 'special needs' like mine," she shrugged at the mildly horrified looks she was getting from a few of the other Hufflepuffs around her. "It's alright. Dad and Auntie are more than enough for me. She can't help being a Muggle."

"It's not because she was a Muggle," Armin said in a tone that spoke of endless patience. "My parents were frankly relieved when we found out about magic, because suddenly the weird things that kept happening around me made sense."

"Mine too," chimed in a boy with curly blond hair and a somewhat upper-crust accent. "Well, Father was anyway. Mother was a little disappointed that I wouldn't be going to Eton, but magic," he grinned. "I'm Finch-Fletchley by the way. Justin Finch-Fletchley."

Mikasa snorted. "Our Mum flat-out didn't believe it originally, but after a couple of the teachers showed up and showed her some things, and after Diagon Alley, she stopped thinking she'd accidentally cooked with the wrong mushrooms. Again."

Armin's eyebrows raised to his hairline.

Mikasa blinked, and then said in their language, "Oh wow, I haven't told you about Sunflower yet, have I?"

Armin shook his head.

Eren grinned. "Our 'mother' is an interesting lady. Our big sister Pepper though, girl after Mikasa's heart."

"Right," Armin muttered. He was going to have to get the low-down, and soon.

"What's that language?" Hannah asked them.

The three of them exchanged glances, but before Armin could make something up (it wouldn't do for someone to go and discover that there was no such language on this world as the one they spoke,) Dumbledore stood up to give another speech.

Like his first speech, a number of odd things were said, but by far the strangest was:

"And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a very painful death."

Armin blinked, appalled.

"Isn't he supposed to be the headmaster?" he asked rhetorically, "it's like he's never met a kid before!"

"What do you mean?" Eren asked him.

"What was your reaction to being told that going beyond the walls was certain death? Hell, what was my reaction?"

"Point," conceded Eren, as Mikasa rolled her eyes.

"If you two even think about it," she warned lowly.

Eren and Armin both threw up their hands in supplication.

"Wasn't even thinking about it, Darling," Armin said.

Mikasa rounded on Neville and the other children sitting within earshot.

"And that goes for you lot too. Don't. Even."

"Yeah," Eren said, side-eyeing Mikasa, a little warily, "take my advice, and don't make her worry. You won't like her when she's worried."

The other first-year Hufflepuffs as one observed Mikasa's expression, gulped, and hurried to promise that none of them were going to go looking for trouble.

"Good," was all Mikasa replied.

As the Houses were all dismissed to go to their common rooms, a few of the elder Hufflepuffs who had overheard the conversation between the firsties exchanged looks. It seemed like the new crop might be worth keeping an eye on.

(And if anyone had told them an hour ago that a short eleven-year-old girl with blonde hair and freckles could have an expression that scary, most of them would have laughed. They weren't laughing now.)

It was only later, when the students had all been sent to their respective dormitories, (after a friendly welcoming speech from Sprout, and the firsties had been set up with mentors from the fourth year, as was traditional in Hufflepuff House,) that one of the elder students wondered aloud to his dorm-mates.

"Hey, wasn't Harry Potter supposed to be a firstie this year? I wonder what happened to him."

The topic was one that would be idly discussed on and off for quite a while.

Little did they know that their Defence Against the Dark Arts professor was currently asking the same question in a rather different tone of voice.

...

Oh look, an update. Believe me, I'm as surprised as you all are. I'm guessing the sorting results didn't exactly come as a surprise to any of you, but eh. Now that I've got through the semi-obligatory bull, the timeline is going to considerably speed up. But not the update speed, because that's unfortunately how I roll, what with having other life commitments and stuff. Alas, being able to feed, clothe and house myself comes above writing fanfiction, so as usual, updates will occur with no notice and in no pattern discernible to an outside audience.

Hope you enjoyed anyway :)

Oh, and to the Guest reviewer bravely anonymously calling me an asshole for not tagging a PG-rated relationship between two physically female characters:

Ummmm so far all they've done onscreen is hug. And it's all they're going to do. (Maybe if I get excited, there will be some vigorous hand-holding. Oh God, tag that shit amirite?) They're not the focus of this story. I'm actually pretty bewildered that you seem to think this is a "fetish" thing for me. What it is is an egalitarian thing. I consider relationships between consenting individuals of legal equivalence in terms of the laws of consent to be you know, normal. If I was going to break out the sexytimes, then of course I'd tag it (and I have in the past). But if you can't handle two characters hugging or merely being in a relationship in fic, and it does your head in, then that says a lot more about you than it does about me my friend.