Hey guys, first of all I want to thank everyone for their opinion and their support. I'm having so much fun writing this fic, I never knew i would like writing so much lol Well just to clear somethings up.. I do like Em a lot and i feel bad for her getting screwed over but at the end of the day this is a Brittana fic. Second the next couple of chapters are going to continue being in Santana and Brittany's POV but i will also add a chapter where Quinn is the narrator as well as Emily. Please continue to review and follow! Thanks!

Santana's POV

Brittany pulled away just to look at me. Her blue eyes had gotten a shade darker and filled with desire. She pulled her hands up to cup my cheeks and leaned in again. This time the kiss was soft and i felt her lips slowly moving against mine. She then moved to kiss my neck planting soft kisses and gently sucking on my pulse point. I tilted my head to the side to allow more access. She wrapped her arms around my waist again and continued her assault on my neck. I didn't realize my eyes were closed all this time so when they shot open they landed on one thing that made my heart stop. I looked across the living room table and there it was staring back at me. Our graduation picture, my eyes landed on Emily, her graduation gown and that big smile she had on. Her arms were wrapped around me and i was sporting the same smile too. I could remember that day like it was just yesterday.

..FLASHBACK..

NYU graduation day.. "Santana Marie Lopez.." I went up the stairs to the stage and walked over to the faculty administration and began shaking hands, I let go of the breath I was holding as I was congratulated by the staff. Finally after all that hard work and dedication I was a college graduate. Even though i was secretly a bookworm college was a whole different ball game compared to high school. You wouldn't believe all the sleepless (and sexless) nights i endured in order to finish my projects in order to receive this diploma. "WOOO SANTANA.. I LOVE YOU!" I turned around to find Emily on the bottom of the stage clapping like a crazed maniac. She had already recieved her diploma since it was alphabetical order. She stood right next to Quinn who was snapping pictures of me like crazy. They both were cheering for me and yelling at the top of their lungs. The final hand i shaked was the deans and he handed me the diploma. "congratulations" he said with a smile. "Thank you sir" I responded. I held my diploma and waved over at my parents who were sitting on the stands and I could tell my mother was balling her eyes out by the way she was shaking in my dad's arms. I made my way down the stairs and enguled in Emily's arms. She picked me up and spun me around planting a million and one kisses on my face. I couldn't help but squeal at how happy I was right in that moment. She then turns to Quinn who had her camera and says " Q snap a picture of me and my baby, today we take on the world as college grads! Im so proud of you baby, I knew you could do it!" She pulled me close and planted one last kiss on my lips and turned her head and smiled. I did the same thing and two seconds later the flash went off, leaving that picture as a memory of one of the most important days of my life.

PRESENT DAY

I couldnt do this to Em. No matter how much I wanted to be with Brittany tonight, Em deserved the truth, I know she wouldn't want to hear it but I couldn't hurt her by staying with her knowing with who my heart was. Dont get me wrong I love Emily, she's such an important part of my life. When Brittany chose Sam, I pretty much had given up on the chance of ever feeling anything for anyone until she came around. With every single day that passed she showed me that she was willing to go above and beyond for me, and she proved to me she did. I had to be honest with Emily and tell her what was going on. But first I had to stop this, I couldnt start something with Brittany while being with Emily, it wasnt fair for both.

I picked up my arms and put them on her shoulders " Britt.." I whispered. She was still kissing and biting my neck. I pushed her away so i could look at her in the eye "Brittany we can't do this.." i managed to say. She looked up at me and i could see all the different emotions running through her face. " Dont get me wrong, I really do want to do this, I did mean it when i said i wanted you, but we cant, I'm sorry" I grabbed her arm and unwrapped them from my waist. With an apologetic look I turned around and made my way to my room. I closed the door and leaned against it and let go of the breath i was holding. I couldnt stick around and wait for Brittany to respond and I couldnt look at her anymore with out giving her an explanation.

I undressed myself and went to take a shower. I sat in the tub and let the the water run, I had no other choice but sit there and come clean about my feelings. I loved both girls both Emily and Brittany, but in different ways. Emily had grown to be such an important part of my life. Since day one she took care of me, she loved me even though i was broken and unsure of my life. She loved me for almost 5 years and watched me become the person I am today. If it was for Quinn, Rachel, Kurt and her i would probably still be working at a bar and hating the fact I never went and pursued my dream. Em was the perfect person and I would be a fool to let her go and at the end of the day i loved her but i wasnt in love with her.

I had to be honest, when I left Lima almost 5 years ago my heart was left. It stayed back with Brittany, truth is I think my heart belong to her since we were kids. It feels like just yesterday when I met a little blonde girl who was willing to help me color and decorate my art project. Since that day Brittany stood by to protect and take care of me, and i did the same. I would cheer her up and make her feel better when she thought she wasnt good enough at school and she was there to take care of me when ever anything happened. Like such as when Quinn dared me to climb the tree outside of her house back when we were 10. I was almost at the top when a branch snapped and i feel breaking my leg in 3 places. Brittany never left my side, she even cried her eyes out when they didnt allow her in the x-ray room. She spent the summer with me indoors when she couldnt been out having fun the like rest of our friends. She would always tell me we were going to be together for ever, and i believed her. I loved Brittany since day one and no matter how much i tried, that would never change.

I had to be honest with myself. I didnt want a life with Emily, I wanted one with Brittany. I always have and i always will. I noticed my hands were all wrinkly from being under the shower so i knew it was a sign for me to get out. I finished showering and made my way back to my room and started to change for bed. The room was dark and ive never been happier to feel the bed sheets covering me and protecting me in my cocoon. Tomorrow was going to be a new day, I was going to talk to Brittany and let her know what i was feeling. All these feelings were dying to get out of me and i couldnt help but dread to feel is Britt felt the same. Sure she wanted to have sex with me not even 3 hours ago but that didnt mean she was in love with me. Before i knew it I was beginning to drift off into sleep so i turned around and hugged my pillow and closed my eyes.

The next morning I woke up with one thing on my mind: Brittany. I had to tell her that I was going to leave Emily and tell her that i was deeply head over heels in love with her. If she was willing to be with me I would want to start all over again and work on a relationship with her. I wanted it all with her because i was in love with her. 5:45 am. I had just enough time to get ready for work and talk to Brittany before i had to leave to the label. I got up and walked over to my closet to find something to wear. I decided to go for a gray pencil skirt with a black tight button down shirt and black high heel pumps. Since for some reason my hair decided to look crazy today, wearing a pony tail was going to be the easy way out. After applying some light make-up to hide my lack of sleep i looked over the clock and was pleased that i had a little more than 30 minutes before i had to go.

I walked over to Brittany's room and knocked. Nothing, maybe she was sleeping.. I knocked harder this time and waited, still nothing. I slowly opened the door and peeked my head in, the bed was perfectly made and there was no sign of the blonde, where was she? I searched the apartment and the last place she could be was the kitchen. I walked in and found that the coffee was made and there was a bagel with cream cheese ready on the table. I got closer to the counter and found a note under the plate:

Santana,

Went out for a run then to run some errands then to my apartment. It was still early so i didnt want to wake you, ill be out for the rest of the day.. Britt-

Well there go that plan of unleashing my feelings to Britt. I sat in the counter and took a bite of the bagel she had ready for me.. mm strawberry cream cheese. Breakfast was delicious, and it was time for me to go to work. After an annoying ride in the subway, i was sitting in my office at the label. Around mid day, and i was still sitting in my office chair and not being able to concentrate. There was no way I was gonna get any work done, so i got up and packed my things. I was determined to go see my blonde and once and for all let her know how i felt.

Brittany's POV

She pulled away from me and told me she couldnt, then she went and locked herself in her room. I stood there motionless trying to process the fact that just a couple seconds ago I was standing there kissing Santana, feeling her lips on mine and the next I was standing there alone. Why did she pull away? i know it wasnt the right thing to do becuase she was still with Emily but i couldnt control myself. While we were waiting in the sidewalk to cross the street I knew she was feeling just like i was. She wanted to kiss me too! Did that mean she also had feelings for me? Was she just drunk and horny? ugh, all these thoughts were driving me insane. I wanted to walk right into her room and ask for an explanation because I felt like i needed one.

Buzz, buzz...

I was ripped out of my thoughts when i felt my phone vibrate.. There was an unread text message on the screen.. It was Sam.

Britt, I just landed in New York and am staying in the hotel on 7th. Can we meet today and talk and settle some things? Let me know? -Sam

Damn, out of all days Sam would choose the day that i have so much on my mind to add more things. I huffed and wrote out a response.

Sure, lets meet up say in 2 hours or so, meet me in the apartment, we can talk and sort to things you would like to take back to California. -Britt

Sounds good, see you then. -Sam

I looked at the time and it was 5:00 am. Santana was going to be getting up anytime soon, even though a couple of hours ago I wanted an explanation right now i felt it wasnt best to see her. I walked into the bathroom for a quick shower and then proceeded to change into some sweats and my favorite black hoodie. Before seeing Sam, I decided on going for a run to clear my mind. I had to figure out what to do with Santana, cause clearly after what happened last night things were going to change and then i had to think of what to say to Sam. A couple of weeks had passed since I had left him at the altar and I knew today I had to once and for all explain

After walking into the kitchen and making a fresh pot of coffee and a bagel with strawberry cream cheese (her favorite). I set everything on the kitchen counter and wrote a note for Santana, I know how she tends to worry when people disappear.

Santana,

Went out for a run then to run some errands then to my apartment. It was still early so i didnt want to wake you, ill be out for the rest of the day.. Britt-

There. I grabbed my cell phone, keys and backpack and was out the door.

I ran until my lungs were about to burst, the faster i ran the more I managed to think about this whole situation. Kissing Santana was the best feeling I have had in a really long time. She was always it, that person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. The last time we saw each other in Lima, I knew if I would've told her that she would've stayed in Lima for me and now she would be a completely different person. Seeing how happy and successful she was being a music producer made me realize how letting her go back then was the best thing I did.

Sam. That was another thing flooding my mind. Sam was the person I chose to be with so he could help fill the emptiness that Santana left. When she came back to be together again, I chose to stay with Sam because she needed to grow and there was no way she would be able to staying in Lima. Before I knew it, we had graduated McKinley and we had been together all through college. In a blink of an eye, we were engaged and standing in front of each other at the altar. I loved Sam, i did, but I couldnt spend the rest of my life forcing myself to be happy with him when i wasnt. My happiness was with Santana, and even though she was with Emily that wasnt going to change.

In about an hour, I made it to my apartment just in time to be alone for a couple more minutes before Sam got here. I was going to just be completely honest with Sam and then go back to San's place and just let her know how i felt. It was going to be a long shot since she was madly in love with Emily and I did witness the conversation she had a couple nights ago.

There was a knock on the door and I didnt even have to get who it was, I walked over to the door and took in a deep breath before i opened the door and saw Sam for the first time in almost a month. It had been the longest time that had passed without seeing each other in almost 5 years. He looked good, he had gotten a haircut and left his beard grow a little. He was wearing jeans and a black v-neck and i could tell he was still working out like always. He looked at me and offered a small smile

"hi" i whispered as i signaled for him to come in. He nodded and bashfully walked into the living room. We stood there staring at each other for a while taking in each others appearance until he finally spoke.

"hey Britt, its been a long time, you look really good. How have you been? Did you already start working at the studio?" he said as he took a seat on my newly purchased couch.

"thanks, yeah ive had a lot of free time so I've been going on a lot of runs. Overall, ive been pretty good just trying to get everything settled over here" I said as i point around all over the apartment. " and i actually start work next week. Im actually really nervous because now im in charge of the place and i don't want to mess up."

"nah don't worry about it britt, you'll be amazing as always" he said with a smile. I smiled back because this is the Sam that i always knew. He always reassured me and said things were going to be ok. I could tell the conversation was going to end up at me explaining to why i decided to break things off, so i decided to prolong it a little.

" would you like some wine, I figured you would be hungry so i ordered pizza"

"yeah, thanks" he said.

I made my way to the kitchen and pulled out two wine glasses from the cupboard and a wine bottle that Quinn had brought a couple of nights ago. I filled up both cups and quietly took a sip out of the bottle to calm my nerves. I walked back into the living room and found Sam looking over some boxes that i had started to unpack just before he had arrived.

"You know feel free to take back what ever you want Sam. After all this stuff belonged to both of us" I said as i walked over to him and handed him his wine glass. He nodded and proceeded to sit back on the couch and this time I joined him. We sat and talked about how he was working on a big project at work and if it took off like the company was expecting to he would be offered to become head of his advertising firm. I couldn't help but tell him how proud i was of him because i was. He was such a nice guy and he deserved good things happening to him.

The pizza arrived 2 minutes later. Sam insisted on paying the delivery boy and said he wouldn't take no for an answer. I laughed and allowed him to, we sat right back down and ate. 10 minutes passed and no one spoke, we just sat there avoiding contact until he decided to speak up.

" It's Santana isn't it?" he whispered as he brought his wine glass to his mouth. I was in the middle of swallowing my pizza so it gave me a bit of time to think of an answer.

"Sam, nothing happened between me and Santana for me to decide to leave you. I couldn't go on and marry you because deep down inside I wasnt happy and I know you weren't. Yes, I still do have feeling for her, and im not going to lie there was times i thought of her, but if we ended up getting married-"

"Britt, I know you think i wasnt happy but i want to tell you that I have never been happier being by your side. You decided to be with me back when Santana came back to Lima to be with you. And you chose me. I always knew that you would never love me like you loved her but i always dreamed of the possibility." he said as he put down his wine glass and got up. He paced back and forth until he stopped right in front of me and grabbed my hands pulling me back up as well. " Brittany, I know you weren't happy with me and i knew deep down inside you still thought of her but I want you to know that if you let me Ill spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel as happy as you make me feel"

"Sam it's not about" My words were cut off because his lips suddenly came crashing down to mine. He held me close to him, his arms were wrapped around my body so tight that i couldn't move my arms. I just stood there shock at the fact that even though I had told him I didnt want to be with him he was still attempting to kiss me. I about to pull away to tell him that this couldn't happen and i would never get back with him when i felt eyes staring back at me. I opened my eyes and saw that Sam was still kissing me with his eyes closed and his arms wrapped around me. I instantly pulled away when my eyes wandered to the door and found it wide open and a small brunette staring back at us in shock. Her mouth was wide open as she stared at Sam at me. I saw her mouth close and her bottom lip begin to tremble.

"San.." i said as i pulled away and caused Sam to step away and look at Santana as well. It was too late because she turned around and walked away as I saw the first tear fall from her eyes. " San wait!" i yelled as i ran after her.

"I-im sorry i didnt mean to interupt-" she mumbled as she frantically pressed on the elevator button desperate for it to open " oh, fuck this thing! ill take the stairs"

" Santana, wait" i said as i grabbed her arm as she tried to make a run for the stairs "What happened last night-"

"what happened last night was a mistake Brittany. It wasnt supposed to happen and it will never happen again. I have a girlfriend which may i remind you I will be seeing tomorrow and you.." Her face dropped "you have Sam"

Oh no. did she think i was getting back with Sam? Even though my heart broke at her telling me it meant nothing I felt the sudden urge to clear everything up. "San, what happened with Sam was-"

" you dont have to say anything. Im no one for you to explain anything to Brittany. Look i got to go, I dont even know what im doing here, I have packing to do" with that said she turned around and made her way to the stairs. She was gone.

I brought my hands to my face and couldnt stop the tears from streaming down my face. This was so messed up, I had no idea what to do. In the middle of my break down i felt a hand on my shoulder. I picked my head up and saw Sam standing right next to me with a sad look on his face. "brittany... im sorry" he whispered.

"It better if you leave now Sam, Im sorry there will never be an us again. I care for you a lot its just that I cant be with you anymore, you will always have a friend in me. Ill send you back all your stuff" i didnt feel like dealing with anyone right now, so i made my way back to the apartment and shut the door leaving Sam in the hallway.

I wanted to hide in a corner and just cry my eyes out. I had officially lost Santana, I knew that now she wouldnt talk to me because she looked so hurt watching Sam and I. It broke my heart to hear her say our kiss didnt matter when to me it was the most important thing that had happened to me in a long time.

"what happened last night was a mistake Brittany. It wasnt supposed to happen and it will never happen again. I have a girlfriend which may i remind you I will be seeing tomorrow and you have Sam"

those words were still invading my brain. I laid down in the couch and couldnt help the tears continuing to stream down my face. This heartache killing me softly. I had to tell Santana how i felt, but i knew there was no use in going to look for her now. She wouldnt listen, i looked around the room and found exactly what i was looking for. I walked up to one of the boxes and pulled out a notebook and a pen. I sat by the kitchen counter and began to write. I poured my heart and soul into each word i wrote.

A couple hours later, I found myself standing outside Santana's apartment with the letter in my hands. I looked through my purse and found the key she had given me a couple days after I had randomly appeared in her house. I opened the door and was welcomed to complete silence and darkness. I walked into the living room and figured that maybe she wasnt home yet, until i heard a voice coming from her bedroom, her voice. I walked up to her door and stood quietly listening, she was singing.

I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away
I want you back
I want you back
My neighbors think
I'm crazy
But they don't understand
You're all I had
You're all I had

At night when the stars
Light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the Moon.
Trying to get to You
In hopes you're on
The other side
Talking to me too.
Or Am I a fool
Who sits alone
Talking to the moon?

Ohoooo...

I'm feeling like
I'm famous
The talk of the town
They say I've gone mad
Yeah
I've gone mad
But they don't know
What I know
Cause when the
Sun goes down
Someone's talking back
Yeah
They're talking back

Ohh
At night when the stars
Light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the moon.
Trying to get to You
In hopes you're on
The other side
Talking to me too.
Or am I a fool
Who sits alone
Talking to the moon?

Everytime Santana sang she did it with so much emotion. She would always bottle up her feelings until they overwhelmed her, then she would sing to allow herself to release those feelings. I could tell her voice beginning to fade as i heard her cry. Hearing her sobs made me feel like crap, i couldnt stand being there any longer so i walked back to the living room and left the letter i wrote in the living room table where i saw she had her passport and purse that way i knew she would see it.

"Bye Santana, I love you" i whispered. I knew she wouldnt hear me but i couldnt help myself, with tears in my eyes i closed the door behind me knowing that in a couple of hours she would be in someone elses arms.

Guys i hope you like this chapter, it was so hurtful writing this chapter.. The song i picked is one of my favorites.. Bruno Mars- Talking to the moon

Please favorite, follow and please please please send me your feedback!