Leaving Wakanda was easier than they had expected. It was a somber farewell to the people that they had come to know. Though it was a relief to leave a place where they had witness so many horrors.
The ride back to the compound was painfully silent. The raccoon who went by Rocket sat next to Thor, and scarcely spoke. He had been known previously as the talking and talking and talking raccoon. Though Thor called him Rabbit. The Asguardian still needed to visit a zoo.
Thor had joined them due to a spur of the moment decision. He had been insistent on his plans to go back into space to find the rest of his people. Rocket had vowed to journey by Thor's side, since he too needed to find 'his people'. But before their galaxy trekking quest, Thor wanted to check up on some of his friends in the States. If they were even alive.
Rhodey helped Natasha pilot the quinjet. It was new territory for the both of them. Rhodey had never flown an Avengers Quinjet. He was use to air force issued planes. Natasha had always been the copilot to Sam while they were on the run.
Sam's absence was heartily felt by Natasha and Steve. Rhodey felt his absence too. He grasped the dogtags that hung above the cockpit window. They were Sam's from his time in service. He whispered a prayer for his fallen comrade.
Steve recalled calling Sam's only sister the day of the incident. It was by far the hardest phone call he had ever made. But he had to let her know. For Sam.
Steve pushed those thoughts aside. "Rocket. I wanted to offer my condolences. I only met your friend Groot on the battle field. But I greatly respected his bravery, ferocity, and kindness in the field. He will be sorely missed. I'm sure."
"Ha." The raccoon scoffed cynically. "Yeah. Yeah, he will be." Rocker raised his chin and straightened his back. "Who are you again?"
"I'm Steve Rogers. I don't think we've been properly introduced."
"Yeah. Well I'm Rocket."
Steve nodded, then turned to Thor.
"Thor."
The Asguardian remained silent.
"Despite everything, it's good to see you. I've missed having you around these past couple of years."
"Thank you Steve. I have missed your company too. I was sorry to hear of the civil war the Avengers went through in my absence. It would not have happened if I was here."
Steve doubted that. "Thanks. But I'm sure you were needed more elsewhere."
Thor grimaced, thinking back to what had happened to him the past three years. "Well, if you mean by Jane breaking up with me, my father dying, my evil sister showing up, Asguard getting destroyed, and seeing my brother die. I guess I was needed elsewhere. To witness it all."
Steve was speechless. He had no idea what Thor had been up to since he had last seen him.
"I uh... I wanted to give you some good news. Seems like you could use it."
"Good news. Now that's something I have missed. Tell me Steve."
Steve smiled slightly. He desperately wanted to give his friend somthing to cheer him up. He had seen so much pain.
"Natasha, Sam, Wanda and I have been on the run for the past two years." He paused. Trying to figure out how to get to his next point.
"Yes. I heard about that. Steve? How is this good news?"
"I was getting to that. Over that period of time the four of us became very close. Even closer than before."
Thor looked a little confused. He was unsure of what the back before referred to. He had missed a lot.
"When me and Natasha were training the new recruits. After Ultron, and before the civil war."
"Ah."
Steve hesitated a second before he continued. "While on the run some of us started to realize certain things about ourselves and each other..."
Thor let out the smallest smile. He had picked up something in Steve's tone of voice. "You've fallen in love, haven't you?"
"Ha. Yes. As a matter of fact. But I suppose I was already in love. It just became clear when we had scarcely anything but each other."
"I'm glad Steve." Thor placed one of his enormous hands on Steve's shoulder. He frowned. "I'm sorry too. I know it must be hard. Finding love and then losing it."
"Thor-"
He embraced Steve. "I'm sorry for your loss. Wanda didn't deserve to vanish. If anyone deserved it it's me. You two had your whole lives ahead of you."
"No. Thor." Steve broke out of the hug. "I am heartbroken for Wanda's loss, and Sam's, and Vision's. But I didn't fall in love with any of them. It's Natasha. Natasha and I." Steve smiled to himself.
Thor laughed. It was the first time Steve had seen him laugh in three years.
Thor brought his voice to a whisper. "But what about Banner?" His eyes pointed to the man who sat not too far behind them.
"Well, he left her... You both left a long time ago. Hearts healed and things happened. Time does things to you."
"Ah. His loss I suppose. Congratulations Steve." He took Steve's hand and shook it. His face soon returned to its stoic and emotionless expression.
"Thanks Thor. And that isn't even the best of the news. While we were on the run, we got married."
Thor's eyes lit up. He scooped Steve into his arms and lifted him in the air as he hugged him. "Congratulations!" Thor exclaimed.
"What's all that about? What do they have to be celebrating?" A gloomy Rhodey asked Natasha.
"I think Steve just told Thor that we got married." She said nonchalantly.
Rhodes nearly jumped out of the cockpit. "What?! You and Steve?"
Natasha let out a small smile. "Yeah. Two years on the run does things to you. We got board." She shrugged sarcastically.
"In Asgard wedding feasts take two whole months. Each month is dedicated to each of the two persons joining together in marriage. I love wedding feasts. All of Asguard knows that where the party's at, Thor is there also." Thor's eyes widened as if he had struck gold. "I have an idea! I've got to throw a feast for you and Natasha! Asguardian style." Thor's face screamed excitement.
"Two months is a little long. And we have work to do."
"How about this, when I get back from my quest to find my people, I will throw you a shorter feast. How does a two week long feast sound?"
Steve just smiled and shook his head. "Thanks Thor. I look forward to it."
Thor grasped Steve's arm. "Splendid!"
Thor went towards the cockpit. He patted Natasha's shoulder.
"Great flying, Rogers." He winked at her.
"Thanks Odinson. We wished you could've been there."
"That's okay. Steve has given me permission to throw you an Asguardian wedding feast. No one celebrates like we Asguardians." Thor boasted.
"Steve!" Natasha shouted the back of the hull.
Steve winced, he knew that tone. He should have okayed the two week wedding feast with his wife before saying yes. He was surely in for it now.
When they arrived at the Avengers compound everyone lost their smiles. Though Rocket and Bruce hadn't any smiles to lose. Memories of their dead friends haunted the hallls. It was a painful welcome.
They all settled into their old rooms. Tony hadn't touched them in the two years they had been on the run. This baffled them all.
Steve didn't take up his old room however. He gave his room to Thor and joined Natasha in her's. Rocket was given a guest room, and Bruce got to see the room Tony had made for him all those years ago. No one had touched it.
"Steve?"
He turned from Natasha's door to see Pepper Potts standing before him. She hesitantly stepped closer to him, there were tears in her eyes.
"Tony?" She asked hopefully.
"I'm sorry Pepper. I don't know where he is." He walked over and embraced his friend.
Natasha had made a pot of coffee and a kettle of tea. They all sat in the living room of the compound living quarters.
"He just left with the Wizard. Spider man showed up to help him too. He was in the reports. Then the ship took off with Tony in it." Pepper nursed a cup of hot tea in her hand.
"How do you know he was on it?" Natasha asked.
"He called me..." She trailed off, holding back tears.
"There's a chance he's still alive." Thor said. "I will search for him on my quest to find my people."
"Thank you Thor. But it's not likely he survived." Pepper admitted.
"Fifty percent, that's what Thanos said. I can run the numbers we currently have and try to see if I can come up with anything." Bruce offered.
Pepper nodded a thanks.
After their meeting Steve took Bruce aside. "You realize that it's impossible for you to calculate anything with any certainty. There are too many missing persons, and we have no way of knowing who is missing and who has vanished."
"I know that. It's just... it's the least I can do for Pepper. I have to try. Besides, just looking at everything could help. I'm curious if Thanos whipped out fifty percent of all life in the universe, or just fifty percent of humanity on this planet. There'd be an astronomical difference. Who knows, I might come up with something that can help us figure out a way get them all back."
Steve shook his head. "As much as I would love for that to be true..." he placed a comforting hand on Bruce's shoulder. "Do what you can, and let me know what you find."
Bruce let out a toothless attempt at a smile. He had his work cut out for him, and he was now living under the same roof as his ex and her husband.
"I know this must be hard for you. I'm sorry."
Pepper scoffed. "This has been hard for all of us. We all lost people."
"Pepper. I never got the chance but I wanted to congratulate you on the engagement." Natasha placed a comforting hand on Peppers.
Pepper chuckled, and then thanked Natasha with her eyes. "Looks like congratulations are in order for you too." Pepper pointed to Natasha's ring. The simple silver band.
"Oh. Yeah. I'm sorry you didn't get an invitation." Natasha eyed her ring for a moment too, she had nearly forgot.
Pepper smiled. "I'm glad though. You and Bruce deserved a win."
"Actually, this ring isn't from Bruce. It's been a while since we've talked, hasn't it?"
"Not Bruce?"
"No. This is the first I've seen of Bruce in three years." Natasha glanced at Steve talking to Bruce in the corner.
"Than who... hu." Petter smiled. "It's Steve, isn't it?"
Natasha simply nodded.
"Now that I think of it, I don't know how I didn't see it before. Are you two, engaged or..."
"Married. Sorry, beat you to it." Natasha said, teasing.
Steve walked up to Natasha and placed his hand on her shoulder. "Pepper, can I steel her away for a minuet?"
"Yeah, of course."
Steve took them to the balcony. The sun was almost set, and a cool breeze greeted them. Steve removed his sweater and placed it over her shoulders.
"So... we're getting an Asguardian wedding feast?" Natasha's tone conveyed irritation.
Steve scratched his head. This was not what he planned to discuss. "Oh yeah... I'm sorry about that. Thor seemed so down. I just wanted to cheer him up."
Her serious face let out a small smile. "It's alright. That's just something you gotta run by me next time."
"Next time, for sure."
She nodded, her eyes told him he had the floor.
He sighed. "Natasha, I don't think I should go to Washington. It's only... I feel ill-equip to advise the president of the united states. I fear I would do more damage than good. And we still have things to do, as Avengers."
"Like what? What have we to do here?" Natasha shook her head. "I know you feel a heavy burden. But we all failed together. You know that."
"I know. But..." He went silent.
"Steve this is a big opportunity for you to do a lot of good. It's the perfect platform for you. You advising the new president might just put the american people's minds at ease. It'll sure put mine mind a little more at ease. You will take this opportunity. And you will do me proud."
He let out a long breath, as if to ready himself for this job. He knew taking it was the right thing to do. He was going to do it.
"Okay?" She placed a hand on his arm.
"Okay." He assured her.
"And don't worry. I'll take care of things on this end."
Steve's shoulders drooped a little. He didn't assume she would come with him, but he had hoped for it. "You don't want to come with?"
"What would I do? I'm still the Black Widow."
"But you're still an Avenger."
"Steve, America needs it's captain, more than he needs me."
"That's not true." He said under breath with a ferocity that was to be reckon with.
Natasha begged to differ. Her face told him that despite what he said, her point still stood. The American people needed to see and hear from Captain America. They needed to see him help the new president lead the country to a better, brighter place.
"You'll do great." She assured him with a kiss.
That next morning Steve got dressed in his military dress suit. Or an exact replica of the one he had during the war. He was glad that it still fit. Though it brought back too many memories.
His was brought back to a war room besides Peggy Carter, Howard Stark, and Bucky Barnes. He was sporting this suit, and they were all wearing smiles. Then an image came to mind of Maria Hill bring him the recreation suit with a note from Tony, that read; "dad always said you looked great in this, hope it's as close to the original as can be, Capsicle". Then the image of Wanda walking into his room to talk, and glancing at the suit, then asking questions about the medals on it and the US military. Then he was in his hotel room in London, trying to chose between wearing his dress suit to Peggy's funeral, or a plain black suit. Sam stood beside him here, offering a sympathetic smile as he gestureed hopefully to the plain black suit. Incognito, the way they didn't realize that they would spend their next two years together.
All those memories, all those friends, all that time ago. They were all long dead. He let tears fall as the sun rose. He just felt so much pain, sadness, and exhaustion. He was so tired of watching his friends die, over and over in his head. He pondered the point of living with it all. Why did he? He had failed to save them, only he and his wife had survived. Steve wondered why he was still alive. For a moment he even thought about how he would like to die.
"Steve, my friend." The low Asguardian voice brought him back to reality. Steve was summoned away from his dark thoughts, to an audience with a king.
Steve quickly wiped away the tears on his face. "Thor."
The king of Asguard placed a hand on his shoulder. "We will weather this storm, and we will come out stronger for it."
He merely nodded.
"I was talking to Natasha earlier, and she made me laugh." Thor smiled, confirming the theory that he seldom laughed or smiled in recent days. "None of us got to chose who was left or who was taken away. But I am glad that you and Natasha both are here. You both give me hope. Hope that maybe one day I'll find a home again. And maybe one day I'll find one for my heart. So thank you for that."
Steve just nodded again. He wasn't really in the headspace for talking.
"I had heard you were heading to Washington today. Myself and the Rabbit will not be here when you get back. We have prepared our provisions and are about ready to go. I wanted to bid you farewell. And good luck with leading America."
Steve let out a sad attempt at a smile. It was enough for his friend. Thor patted him on the back.
Steve cleared his throat, and finally spoke. "Farewell for now, Thor. You travel safe."
They stood.
"And you and Natasha must prepare yourself for a fantastic wedding feast when I return. Fare thee well."
"Godspeed."
The two men embraced.
Natasha piloted the Quinnjet to the Whitehouse lawn. This had always been the plan since she wanted to see him off.
Steve hesitated a moment before he stepped down the ramp. They locked eyes.
They had intended to talk more but hadn't the chance. The ride was eerily quiet and that morning was spent focused on other thing. Saying goodbye to Thor and Rocket for one.
They had both been feeling an overwhelming amount of guilt and grief as of late. They had thought they were through it, but it turned out that it came in waves. At this point they couldn't help each other, as they were both struggling to stay afloat. Steve was usually the better of them at swimming. But recently he had been the one that was drowning.
She wanted to say something to him, but she held back. This would be their first time apart in two years.
Then he was gone.
Natasha cursed herself under breath. Pitying herself. Then she stopped doing that. She needed him, and he needed her right now. She ran out of the jet, leaving it unsupervised and running.
"Steve!"
He stopped and turned, the Whitehouse's imposing structure lay behind him. She ran to him and wrapped her arms around his weary shoulders. She drank in his tired eyes and sad face.
"Steve,"
His eyes told her that he was relieved to be there with her in that moment. Though they also displayed the guilt he felt. He felt guilt that he didn't save his friends nor half the planet. He felt guilt most of all because while everyone had lost everything, he and Natasha had each other.
"Don't think that." She whispered in his ear. Her eyes pleaded with him to see light. There was too much darkness in his eyes. "Things will get better. You'll see. We'll make things right." She straightened his tie, and tidied his loose hair. "Starting today you make things right. As best you can." She took his hand. "And come home soon."
"Yes ma'am." His reply was soft, and had needed much effort in its delivery. He squeezed her hand and then went on his way to the leader of the free, broken, world. His back straighter, and his eyes just the slightest bit lighter.
Natasha boarded back on the jet, amid thoughts of worry. Times were far past depressing. Just seeing Steve in this state had shaken her to her very core. Though she knew he would be able to turn on the part of himself on. The part of him that always got the job done, for the sake of the world, of the mission. He always did. Or always had.
He was not himself lately. Then again, no one was. But the strong and kind Steve Rogers she knew was somewhere else. Though she knew he would return. She prayed for it.
His usual consistent character made her think of times long past. She was brought back to their time on the run. As she flew the same jet they spent so much time in. She recalled some of the many months they'd either be cooped up in the jet, or at a safe-house somewhere.
There'd be days where they'd have not much else to do but lay low. During some of these days Steve would go find work. True to his ever working character.
He'd sneak off and not let anyone know. He needed to to gain extra funds. Mainly so he could have money to spend on the team, and his fiancé.
Since Natasha had come on board she was the one who financially supported the team. She was the only thing keeping them afloat, technically speaking. But she always insisted on taking this particular burden. She never mentioned how she had gained the funds. But Steve knew they were hers, and had been so for some time. He gathered that she hadn't been paid enough by S.H.I.E.L.D. to have been buying sleek sports cars.
Steve would hire himself out for farm work or day labor where he could find it. This is how he made what little money he had to buy Natasha a wedding ring. It was also a way for him to meet new people and gain new experiences. Even if these people and experiences were one time deals.
He learned how to coal mine, and was taught how to smoke a pipe from an old farm hand. He learned how to brew an ale, and how to tell the right ripeness when it came to picking figs. He even learned folk songs from the workers at a lumber yard.
Natasha was shocked to find out about his 'secret' work life. Mainly because she hadn't caught. She was impressed. He wasn't historically good at keeping secrets, or lying. But it went to show he was learning.
She confronted him about it one afternoon. He had gotten back from coal mining, and it was evident from his boots.
"Just getting supplies, hu?" She made a "tisk tisk" sound while flaunting her flirtatious grin.
"But I did." He held up a paper grocery bag, and a sheepish grin. He knew she had caught him. At this point they been engaged 3 months, they were starting to communicate even better without words. If that was even possible.
They went on a perimeter walk to talk. Multitasking while they scoped out and re secured the area. They were currently staying in an abandoned farmhouse just south of the the Belgian-German border.
"I just don't understand." Natasha started out.
"The team has funds, but I'm broke Natasha. I needed to make money."
"Why? What for?"
He hesitated to respond, "so I can buy you a ring."
She stopped walking, and her arm stopped him beside her. This was quite possibly the sweetest things anyone had ever done for her. "Steve."
"What? Did you expect that I would let you buy your own wedding ring?" He said it as if the heavens decreed that he'd be damned if he did, and as if that was the most obvious thing in the universe. He shrugged. "And, I started enjoying it."
She shook her head, trying to stop fawning over his actions in her head. "Wait, the coal mines?"
"Not so much. I enjoyed the barley fields more. I meant the community. The hard working people who nearly break their backs every day for their lives and their families." He smiled fondly at memories of the people he had gotten to know. "The long hard days, you bond with these guys. It reminded me why we do this. Why we keep fighting and helping to make the world a better place. For those hard working men and woman and their families. And it was nice to feel like I was one of them. Just a simple countryman, working a day job, for his family."
Without warning Natasha pull his face down to her for a tender kiss. This was the first time he had called her his family. He had said it with love in his eyes, while looking at her.
She let go of him and continued on walking as if nothing had happened.
"You realize that this was an unnecessary risk." She said matter of factly. Natasha the team leader speaking.
"I would't say that. I did extra recon, got to know the area, and the type of people in it. I also have a beard."
He let that last point sink in, though she shuddered at it. She disliked the beard.
"All in all. It was worth it." He said with a shrug and his honest smile.
"Now it's your turn."
Natasha looked at him questioningly.
He rolled his eyes. "I know you've been keeping something from me. You've been trying to bring it up all week."
As a spy she didn't like that he could read her so well. As a fiancé she loved that he could read her so well. He was right of course. But this thing was not something light and charming as his secret had been.
She had intended to tell him long before, but it had never come up. It wasn't exactly a topic that one came to casually. Now was as good a time as any, she figured. She owed him this truth. Though she was beyond terrified to tell him. To say the very least.
"I can't have children." She blurted out.
"What do you mean? Of course you can. You have nothing to be afraid of. You would make a wonderful mother."
"No Steve. I can't have children." This time she said it slowly, giving each word a chance to land.
He understood now. But he didn't want to believe it.
She was holding back tears now. She hadn't noticed them come over her. Natasha had intended to tell him this sooner. She had just been so afraid of what would happen after.
"In the red room..." she tried to explain, but her memories and his horrified eyes stopped her short. This was it, the moment she always knew would come. He would turn his back on her now and walk away. Like he always should have. He would leave her because she had nothing to give him.
He opened his arms to her and wrapped her in them. He held her close and she buried her face in his chest.
"This is terrible. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm so so sorry Nat." He couldn't fathom all the pain this had continued to cause her. The red room had taken away so much from her, adding this to the top of the list. It was something so precious. They had taken away her motherhood. It was something no woman should be robbed of.
"This doesn't make you any less in my eyes." He whispered into her hair. "This doesn't change a thing. It doesn't change a thing between you and me. I want you to know that."
This response from him full of compassion and support made her tears come all the more. If anyone deserved a family, with children, it was him. She couldn't give that to him, and in the past it hadn't hurt her as hard as it did now.
"I'm... I'm sorry."
"No, no." He said softly, raising her face to look at him. "You are enough." His said honestly.
A few more embraces and a couple of tears later things calmed.
"I am still sorry."
"Nat-"
"I should have told you."
"No. It's okay. Now is fine."
"But it really isn't."
"It is. And that's final."
She shook her head at him in playful annoyance.
"And know it's something we can talk about if you ever want to."
She just nodded. Thankful, but not to keen on bringing those painful memories back to light.
"And if and when you're ready, we could talk about your thoughts on adoption."
She smiled, "I'd like that."
"Me too."
They looked around them and realized they had walked the perimeter more than enough times to clear it.
"Actually, I think we could check the perimeter again. Since we're already out here." She said semi humorously.
"Wouldn't want to take any unnecessary risks now, would we?" He played along.
"No we wouldn't. And since we're at it, mind if we have that conversation now?"
"I wouldn't mind that at all." Steve let out his golden smile. Prompting them to continue walking and talking, hand in hand.