EVOLUTION
TEN
"Rose…" The Doctor dropped her hands and held his open to her, pleading.
"I've already explained. We can't go back!"
"But I heard you, you promised, you told me you'd take me anywhere I wanted to go…"
He steepled his fingers.
"Rose, we can't save her.
"I can't take the chance of introducing a paradox that will unravel Time.
"Rose, I would do anything for you – I'd die for you – but I won't risk all of spacetime for you!"
"Doctor, I'm not asking you to do that, hush and listen to me." Rose was calm as she stood up and looked at him.
"I realize you can't change what happened and I know the harm it would do if you even tried. I am not asking you to bring Wil back, Doctor, believe me. Or to change anything that took place.
"I just need to go back. I want to see it – it's all that is left of her and… I …" She fumbled for the right words.
The Doctor stood, shaking his head, "Rose, I don't understand."
"I need to grieve. I can't grieve properly for Wil here. I feel trapped as if the walls are closing in on me. I don't know – it's as if I can't breathe – I feel helpless; I need to do something…
"You know what it's like? It's like at the scene of an accident, by the side of the road where loved ones later erect little wooden crosses, and leave flowers, hand-written notes, t-shirts, or stuffed animals.
"I need to go back there and see it, feel it, touch it.
"I need to leave flowers. I need to say 'good-bye' properly."
There was something else she meant to say… her mind was racing for the thought and then she had it.
"Doctor, I don't want to stop traveling with you; I don't want you to disappear from my life.
"But if you don't allow me to do this, I'm not sure…"
She stifled a small sob. "I'm not sure I'm going to make it."
The Doctor nodded, "Ah, right. I see. Rose, please forgive me for sometimes appearing crass…"
The Lord of Time thought for a few monents before continuing. "I press ahead quickly because, if I didn't, if I stopped and thought too much, I fear I would be immobilized – unable to do anything at all. Or worse, it would drive me mad. This has been my way for, oh, a very, very long time. I do not mean to appear insensitive, and in fact I'm not. I'm not avoiding or in denial; I feel the same emotions you feel, but I've learned to process those feelings quickly and move on. It's a survival tactic…
"Needs must when the devil drives," he whispered to himself; a momentary look of sadness graced his face and was gone.
"I may be the worse for all that, but it is the essence of who I am. I know you are different and I treasure you for it."
He shook himself and inhaled deeply.
"Opposites attract! One of the most immutable laws of our universe!" The Doctor smiled and clicked his tongue.
"And if you want to go back to the Brave Woman galaxy, then I'll take you there. 'One round trip ticket'!"
He winked as his smile grew brighter. Rose giggled, a little embarrassed but a lot relieved.
"We'll lay flowers, cry together and sing hymns if you like. And we'll stay as long as you need."
"Doctor, can we swing by Cardiff first?"
The Doctor raised an eyebrow but responded unquestioningly, "Of course! Cardiff first!"
The two friends hugged and then Rose stepped back and laughed, "What do you mean that you sometimes – sometimes! – appear crass?"