Disclaimer: I don't own Calvin and Hobbes or the Lord of the Rings. I also borrowed a few lines from the movie version of Fellowship of the Ring.
A/N: Whoa! Sorry everyone! Now that I'm done with my other story, "You Have My Sword", I can start updating FOTC more frequently. My goal is weekly updates, with this fic hopefully being done by early summer. That's my goal. Hopefully it'll work. Now, let's see, we left off with Calvin in Moria and the Ringwraiths in Movie Magic, headed for Calvin's world…
Chapter 10: A Stupendous Encounter with Orcs
Movie Magic had done its job. The box landed smoothly in Calvin's hometown, with the Ringwraiths intact. And now the world was in serious trouble!
They all got out and walked through the neighborhood. After rounding a corner, they came across Moe, the class bully.
"Where is Calvin's house?" hissed the first Ringwraith.
Moe started to shake. These strange, hooded figures creeped him out. "Who? Twinky? He lives over there."
"Not Twinky! Calvin!"
"I kn-know! Twinky lives over there! Really!" squealed Moe.
"Tell us where Calvin is or we shall destroy you!" snarled the second Ringwraith, unsheathing his long sword.
Moe lost it. "MOMMY!!" he screamed, racing all the way home.
"Nice going you worm!" groaned the first wraith.
"I didn't see you coming up with anything better!" the second one shot back.
Meanwhile, in the dark mines of Moria, Calvin was growing sick of walking, again. Gandalf's glowing staff was the only thing giving off any light, which also made the place look spooky. Surprisingly, it was Hobbes who was terrified.
"I HATE being underground!" he said shakily for the millionth time.
"You know what this reminds me of?" asked Calvin, "That Tom Sawyer movie where the creepy guy chases him through the old mine…"
"STOP! STOP!" yelped Hobbes, covering his ears.
"And then…"
"STOP IT!"
Everyone else turned around and shushed them. "You must be quiet!" hissed Gandalf, "We don't know what lives here, and if you inform something unfriendly of our presence, I don't want to think of what might happen!"
"So basically, if we keep this up, we'll be lucky to get out of here alive?" asked Calvin.
"Yes."
"Oh that's real comforting…"
They continued the four day journey through the mountains. Hobbes continued to clutch the wall for support. The sleek, cocky jungle cat was gone. He was terrified. Then he heard a soft voice.
"And then the creepy guy falls…"
"SHUT UP!" Hobbes howled as he dashed to the front of the line. Gandalf turned around and glared at the innocent-looking Calvin.
This is going to be a long trip…
Meanwhile, the Ringwraiths walked to the next neighborhood, where they met just as much luck.
"Where is Calvin's house?" asked one of them to Susie.
"That pig? He's…"
"No! Not a pig! A boy named Calvin!" roared the second one, clenching his fists and stepping forward.
Susie screamed and ran.
"This is not going very well," announced the first wraith.
"Tell us something we don't know!" snapped the third one.
After a few days of walking, the Fellowship arrived at a point where the way was split into three tunnels. The problem was that Gandalf couldn't remember which way to go. So everyone had to sit down and wait for him to think of where to go next.
Hobbes felt a little better. They were finally situated in a place where he was not in danger of falling off a cliff into nowhere…provided he stay near the tunnels. He curled up by the middle tunnel, intending for a nice cat nap. That was his intention. The problem was that Hobbes had an incurable sleepwalking habit. The result was that he began walking straight into the left tunnel.
Gandalf was thinking hard and did not here Calvin say, "Hobbes? Where're you going? Come back!"
"Mmmm, I just love this new deli…of course I'll be your new taste tester! I'm already on my way to the back room!"
"Hobbes, you idiot, you're sleepwalking!"
Hobbes didn't hear Calvin. He was too busy chewing on an imaginary piece of meat. "Tasty! Not as good as humans are at times, but definitely delicious!"
"What do you mean not as tast- oh never mind!"
As the sun set, the Ringwraiths were thoroughly frustrated and unbelievably furious! There was no sign of Calvin or Hobbes anywhere! Where could they be?
"Now what do we do?" hissed a wraith.
It was the leader who felt a light bulb go off in his head. "We shall take over this miserable village and make these worthless people slaves to our Master! That will be how we get our revenge on the boy and his pet!"
"The Dark Lord will be pleased!" agreed Ringwraith #3. They all cackled gleefully.
"Hurry! We have work to do!" shouted the leader.
But Calvin had his own problems to deal with. And anyone who knew Calvin at all knew he put his own problems far ahead of everyone else's.
It was very dark inside the tunnel, and Calvin only had Hobbes' voice to lead him in any direction. "C'mon Hobbes!" he said for the millionth time. "Let's go back! It's too dark in here!" He paused. "Not that I'm afraid of the dark or anything…" Fortunately, Hobbes couldn't hear a word he was saying. He was happily lost in dreamland.
Suddenly the passage seemed to give way to an open, airy space. Unfortunately, it was still pitch black. Calvin was getting extremely nervous, but tried not to show it. It didn't really matter, since no one could've seen his face in the dark.
At that moment Hobbes woke up. "Huh?" he said, "Where am I?"
"You were sleepwalking you idiot! Now we're lost!" snapped Calvin.
"Calvin? Where are you?" asked Hobbes. He stumbled along until he banged it something. That something appeared to be huge. Hobbes gulped. "Uh…Calvin?" he called, "Is that you?"
"I'm over here."
"Th-then…what's this?"
"What's what?" asked Calvin, heading in the general direction of Hobbes' voice. SMACK! Calvin jumped back. "I ran into one too!"
"They're everywhere!" cried Hobbes. Instant panic would follow in a matter of seconds.
Meanwhile, Gandalf had just realized that the left passage was the right way to go. The Fellowship got ready to leave. "Wait!" cried Pippin, "Where are Calvin and Hobbes?"
Gandalf groaned. Why me? he thought.
"We'll have to look for them!" said Merry.
"Did anyone see where they went?" asked Aragorn. Everyone shook their heads.
Suddenly, screams could be heard from the left passage. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! MOMMY!"
"Oh dear," sighed Gandalf, "If they haven't woken every creature in these wretched mines, we will have used up all the luck we had!"
They found the pair screaming and running in all directions. "Silence!!" shouted Gandalf. Calvin and Hobbes froze in their places. They immediately began rubbing their eyes to adjust to the new light coming from the wizard's staff. "Now," said Gandalf slowly, trying to contain his frustration, "Tell me what is going on!"
"There's something in here!" hollered Calvin, "They're big, and they're hard as a rock, and they're everywhere!"
Gandalf took his staff and allowed more light to shine from it. "There's nothing here."
"What are you talking about? They're all over the pl…" Hobbes stopped and looked around.
"Pillars," said Frodo, trying not to laugh, "You two were running into pillars!"
Calvin glared at Merry and Pippin, who were laughing hysterically. Then he turned to look around at their surroundings, which were much nicer to see than the entire Fellowship smirking at him. "Whoa!" he said.
There was no doubt that this room alone could fit Calvin's entire neighborhood. The pillars which had scared him so badly were gigantic, and their tops could not be seen. He and the others gazed open-mouthed at the place. Gimli was especially excited, because this was the Hall of Durin. It was a piece of dwarven history since the height of Moria's splendor, thousands upon thousands of years ago. But because any history reminded Calvin too much of school, this was completely lost on him.
Just then, they saw a light up ahead. It was a small chamber with light pouring from a window near the ceiling, but that wasn't the only thing that made it stand out. There were skeletons lying in the doorway, and from the looks of it, all throughout the door.
"No!" gasped Gimli, and rushed forward.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! It's like the Tom Sawyer movie! We're all gonna die!" Hobbes yelled and took off in the other direction.
Gandalf was very quick. He decided to let Gimli go ahead into the room, since the bodies probably belonged to dwarves he had known. As for Hobbes, he stuck out his staff in his direction. Hobbes froze. His whole body went rigid into the position he had been in, and he could not move a muscle.
"Wow," said Calvin, "I should take you home with me!"
Gandalf quietly scolded Hobbes for losing his head at a time like this, and then let him loose. The tiger slowly rubbed his head and joined the rest of the group. "Come on Hobbes, cheer up," said Pippin, "Be brave like you were when you took on the Ringwraiths!"
"I. Don't. Like. Mines," said Hobbes.
"I don't like them either," added Legolas. He too looked anxious, but was better at hiding his feelings than his friend.
Sadly, the skeletons did belong to dwarves that Gimli had known. There was a tomb marking the grave of one of his cousins, Balin. The dwarf kneeled in front of it and began to cry. Calvin looked disgusted, but actually kept his mouth shut, for once. That was because he was finding the rest of the room much more interesting.
It was by far the most brightly lit place he had seen so far in Moria. Skeletons, cobwebs, and dust littered the floor, and much of the place looked like an ancient ruin. One might feel sad at the sight of what looked like a once great civilization, ruined by greed and the evil of Sauron. But being a six-year old, all this blew over Calvin. He was thinking about what a great addition this would be to a haunted house back at home.
Over to the side there was a large stone well, and propped up against it was another dwarf's skeleton. Curious, Calvin went over to get a better look at it. But when he reached out to touch it, it fell over backwards and toppled into the well! There was a loud clanging noise as it tumbled out of sight. Everyone winced and stared at Calvin in dread. This would definitely wake up any monster hiding in the mines!
"Cool!" exclaimed Calvin. He grabbed another skeleton and started dragging it toward the well.
"What are you doing?!" hissed Gandalf.
"I want to do that again!"
"NO!" Gandalf rushed forward, but it was too late. Calvin threw it in. It made an even louder sound than before!
"Have you lost your mind?" snarled Gandalf, yanking Calvin back.
"Geez Gandalf, what's your problem?" Unfortunately, Calvin got his answer a second later, as everyone heard the sound of booming drums. "Um, what was that?" he asked sheepishly.
"Orcs are coming, thanks to you!" snarled Gandalf.
"Oh…"
"Get back!" commanded Aragorn, pushing him and the hobbits farther away. He, Legolas, Boromir, and Hobbes began barricading the door. But nobody expected it to hold the orcs back for long.
Then, Boromir stuck his head out and jerked it back as an arrow came whizzing towards him. What he had seen was not good. "They have a cave troll!" he announced. Everyone's faces paled.
"Just how big are trolls?" asked Hobbes anxiously.
"This one would have to be tall enough to almost reach the ceiling," replied Boromir.
"Terrific," said Hobbes, "So we're all going to die."
"No we won't!" said Calvin in his most authoritative voice. Everyone turned to watch as he fled behind some rubble, completely hidden from view.
"That won't work," said Legolas, "They'll simply smell you out."
"I'm not hiding, dummy!" called Calvin, "Mild-mannered Calvin…"
"Oh no!" groaned Hobbes.
"…has just hidden himself, so that he can transform himself into his alter-ego, the amazing, the incredible, the indestructible…"
"What is he doing now?" asked Gandalf.
"You don't want to know," replied Hobbes.
"…the sensational, the unbelievable, the fantastic, the incredible…"
"You already said 'incredible'," Merry pointed out.
"…the INCREDIBLE, the courageous, the handsome, the kind-hearted…"
"Are you done yet?" asked Hobbes.
"Hold on, I'm still looking for my costume!" snapped Calvin, "…the super-cool, the bold, the…oh, here it is!" He was quiet for a minute, and then he announced, "The powerful STUPENDOUS MAN!!! Dun dun dun dun!" He popped out from behind the rubble wearing a bright red mask and cape.
"Calvin? What are you doing?" asked Pippin.
"Who's Calvin? I'm STUPENDOUS MAN! I'm here to rescue you good people from the evil orc army!"
"That'll be the day," muttered Hobbes.
"Nothing can withstand my stupendous strength!" announced Calvin, glaring at Hobbes, "Or my knife, for that matter."
"So you admit that Stupendous Man needs weapons to win?"
"Shut up Hobbes!"
At that moment, there was a loud thud, quickly followed by several more. Then the door started to break. The orcs were coming through! One looked through a hole, only to be shot by one of Legolas' arrows. It shrieked and fell back, but the rest of the army continued their attack, until they managed to break down the door and stream in.
The orcs were ferocious fighters, but they were evenly matched by the skills of Gandalf, Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas, Gimli, and Hobbes. Hobbes pretty much used the same fighting strategy he used with Calvin, since these orcs were roughly about that size. It worked quite well. Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin were not as experienced as any of the others, but they weren't helpless either. They did the best they could with their sharp daggers, and managed to survive. Only one member of the Fellowship was not doing his part.
"Stupendous Man surveys the scene of the battle, and with stupendous intelligence, he deducts that the evil Orc-Creatures are too powerful for even HIS stupendous strength! With great speed, he climbs up through a balcony and watches from a higher level!" Yes, Calvin had fled. Talk and bravado, he realized, could only get you so far in war.
But the orcs were just the beginning. They were soon backed up by the troll that Boromir had warned them about. With a wild roar, it surveyed the area and caught sight of Calvin, who was the closest to its eye-level. Being up high hadn't been the greatest idea after all.
Shaking all over, Calvin stood up and bared his chest. "You've dealt with Stupendous Man for the last time, sinister fiend!" he shouted.
The troll blinked, then proceeded to wrap its chain whip around Calvin, and pulled him in. "HOBBES!" he screamed, "SAVE ME!!!"
Hobbes had taken one look at the troll and fled for the nearest hiding spot. Even tigers couldn't be expected to handle these types of dangers. But when he saw his best friend in his current predicament, he knew he had a serious moral crisis on his hands. Hmm, he thought, Think Hobbes! What are the pros and cons of staying? Well, the pros are that I won't get killed, and the way things are going, I might get to read those Captain Naplam comics without interruption…
"HOBBES!"
Hobbes groaned. When it all came down to it, he knew that he wanted to help. So he charged forward and leapt onto the troll's back, sinking every one of his sharp claws in deep. The troll screamed and began thrashing all around, shaking his whip with Calvin still stuck on the end! "H-hobbes, m-make h-him s-stop!" But there was nothing Hobbes could do; he was just as stuck.
Finally, the troll decided to yank Hobbes off his back. In order to do that, he dropped his whip. Fortunately, Aragorn was stabbing at his foot from below, and caught Calvin before he was killed. Meanwhile, the troll reached behind its back and grabbed Hobbes, but was having trouble pulling him off. The harder it pulled, the more he dug in, causing it even more pain.
"Somebody do something!" shouted Calvin in panic, "That thing's going to kill Hobbes!" He didn't seem to realize that the Fellowship was already doing everything possible to bring down the troll, part of the reason why it continued to stumble and thrash around. "Fine!" he said to himself, "I'll do it!" He unsheathed his knife and flung it at the beast. It hit its chest, but the knife only made a scratch.
Then, suddenly, Calvin watched in surprise and awe as the troll let out a last pained moan and plunged forward, dead. Hobbes leapt off, severely shaken, but otherwise unharmed. Calvin was thrilled. "Hobbes!" he shouted, racing over to give his friend a huge hug, "You're safe!" Turning as if to face an audience, he announced, "Once again, STUPENDOUS MAN manages to tackle extreme evil and save the day!"
"Good job, Stupendous Man," said Legolas with a slight smirk. He decided not to tell Calvin that at the exact moment he threw his knife, it just so happened that the elf had shot the troll in the head with one of his arrows, causing it to die.
"Stupendous Man" took a bow. Hobbes rolled his eyes. "You hardly fought at all!"
"That's because I have such high intelligence; I can determine when it would really be the best time to join any fight!"
"Like being dragged in by a troll so that you can get thrashed around and almost killed?"
"Exact- hey!"
Everyone started laughing, until they were interrupted by the sound of more drums beating. Gandalf led them away as fast as they could possibly run. They flew back through the giant pillared hall, but it wasn't long before they were completely surrounded by thousands of snarling orcs! Before they could do anything, however, there was a loud roar, and the orcs scattered just as quickly as they had come.
"See?" said Calvin, "It's just like I said: Stupendous Man always triumphs!"
"I don't think they were afraid of you, Calvin," said Hobbes slowly. Calvin was about to retort, when he realized that for once, his friend was not teasing him for the sake of it. This time, he was scared, because he wondered what could possible frighten that big of an army.
"No," agreed Gandalf quietly. He too was uninterested in whatever Calvin was doing. His expression was filled with dread. "It is a Balrog."
Almost everyone, except the newcomers, stiffened. Calvin watched with wide eyes as the hall began to fill with an orange glow, like fire. It was clear that whatever was giving off that glow was huge. Now he was beginning to get nervous too. When Gandalf suddenly shouted at them all to run, he was the first to begin fleeing for the exit.
Unfortunately, the way there was treacherous. They had to run down crumbling stairs and almost fell through to their deaths several times. Orcs were watching them from far off and shooting at them with their long-range bows. And then, just as they reached the long, skinny, stone bridge that would lead them out at last, the Balrog leaped out behind them in a fiery blaze! Calvin and Hobbes looked up at it and started screaming. It was an enormous creature, with a scaly black body, sharp curved horns, fiery eyes, and a flaming whip! Worse still, it could breathe fire! Gandalf herded the entire Fellowship over the bridge, and then he himself started to cross. But towards the middle, he stopped, and bravely stood there, blocking the Balrog with his magic. "Gandalf!" cried Frodo.
Calvin watched with a mixture of awe and curiosity as the wizard plunged his glowing staff into the ground. With the roaring of the fire and the Balrog, it was hard to hear, but he was fairly sure that Gandalf had yelled, "You shall not pass!" The Balrog hesitated, stepped forward, and plunged through the bridge into the chasm below.
Calvin was stunned. "Wow," he gasped, "He's good!" It was amazing to think that what he considered to be a grumpy old man could kill a giant demon like that. He wondered if he should treat Gandalf with more respect. But he also knew that idea would be less appealing as time went on.
He never had the chance to think about it anymore, because at that moment, the falling Balrog cracked its whip, and it wrapped itself around Gandalf's legs! He was pulled down, but still managed to grasp the ledge as he looked at the Fellowship for the last time. "Fly, you fools!" he whispered, before he was pulled over.
Frodo screamed. Everyone else was in shock. Nobody wanted to move, or do anything for that matter. Fortunately, Aragorn and Boromir were able to pull themselves together and lead the rest of them out of Moria and into the warm sunlight.