"Whoa, whoa, Jonathan don't!" Luke had jumped up and had his arms around him, holding him back. "If you cause a big scene, we will never make it to California in time for the New Year."

Luke was talking in his ear and Jonathan was trying to fight back the anger, the fucking fire that was taking hold of his body as Noah got closer. He took in Luke's words and instead of thinking about beating the shit out of Noah, he thought of Evan and how bad he wanted to get to the other side of the country to see him. He took a deep breath and nodded, Luke released him and stood by his side as the dark-haired dipshit finally stood before him. His green eyes were shining with amusement.

"Hi." Noah said with the smile that use to Jonathan weak at the knees, now making him hot with fury. "Jonathan, I just wanted to apologize-"

"No."

"No?"

"You don't get to apologize, Noah." Jonathan was digging his fingernails into his palm to keep himself calm, because one punch and security would be all over them.

"I don't want to hear it and I sure as shit won't forgive you."

Noah scrunched his brow in confusion, "You don't even want to know why I left?"

Jonathan shook his head and grinned, which shocked the other man, "I don't. I stopped caring a long time ago."

"Why aren't you angry? I left you when you needed me." Noah said and Jonathan bit his lip trying not to laugh at the fucking idiot.

"What? You thought you could show up once you figured out I was back in town and watch me jump into your arms? Because you left me forever ago and I needed you?" Jonathan let a giggle escape. "You have some fucking nerve, I'll give you that. But just so you know, I never needed you. Not once. I wanted you, Noah, and I gave you everything. But, I never needed you. I still don't need you."

Noah couldn't get any words to come out of his pretty mouth and Jonathan picked his bag up throwing it over his shoulder, "Now, if you don't mind, we have a plane to catch."

Luke laughed as they walked away and punched him in the arm, "That's my boy."

But just as soon as Jonathan was feeling good about things and was certain that Noah was permanently in the past, he felt a hand grip his arm and spin him around. Lips were against his and he saw green, then he saw red and it took Luke and five security guards to pull him off Noah who was rolling on the ground in pain with a bloody nose and busted mouth.

He could hear Luke arguing with security and the police just outside the door and he sat in silence for the rest of the night looking down at the blood on his hands. It was familiar, like when he used to cut the soft flesh of his legs to take his mind off of the ache in his chest.

And it was all because of Noah. All because he couldn't forget the feel of his hands running over his body or the sting of his teeth sinking into his skin or the way he would swallow down his constant plea for more. It was all because of Noah.

He didn't understand why he had craved it and missed it so much back then. Noah was so demanding and touchy and cruel. Why did he ever think that was good for him? He shook his head at himself and felt that ache in his chest again, the same one that had stayed for so long and nearly drove him insane until he tried to cut it out.

The ache took his words away and he felt himself falling down into that deep dark pit of self-loathing and hatred that he thought he'd never return to, but here he was. He didn't hear the police tell him he was free to go or that the guy he beat wasn't pressing charges. He couldn't feel Luke's hands on his face as he tried to snap him out of it.

"Come on! Don't do this!" Luke pleaded, his voice sounded muffled, distant. "We're leaving, going to Cali. It's done, man. You won't ever see him again. Jonathan! Look at me!"

He heard him but he didn't feel any sort of relief as he washed the blood from his fingers before they boarded the next flight. Now all he could think about was Evan and how he was just setting himself up for another disaster. He had almost kissed Evan a month ago and it could have been the end of what they had right then and there, but he'd stopped himself. More like the crowd did before it sent him into a panic. Either way, he couldn't stop thinking about him. He needed to ween himself off of Evan before he hurt himself anymore than he already had. Falling in love with him was his first mistake, everything after that was just wishful thinking. He didn't care if it meant he wouldn't be able to sleep or that his nightmares would return. He just didn't want to deal with the pain in his chest anymore. The pain of being in love with his best friend.

Evan was sitting in the living room of Tyler, Craig, and Brian's beach house. Some of the guys were bunking together since there were only four houses to choose from. They had refused to bunk with Evan and insisted that he should have the house and Jonathan to himself. He didn't know why they kept grinning about it, but he didn't argue.

Evan had been twiddling his thumbs the entire time they'd been there since they landed, which was going on twelve hours. It was New Year's Eve, Jonathan and Luke were supposed to be here already but something had happened and they had to catch a later flight. Luke wouldn't tell them why, he just said he'd explain when they got there.

"Evan, let's go grab something to eat while we wait. He said they would be here by two in the afternoon." Craig suggested and he couldn't refuse, maybe it would help the time go by since it was only eleven.

"Alright." He rubbed his face and Tyler put a hand on his shoulder, looking down at him.

"I'm sure it was nothing bad, probably just a misunderstanding that made them miss their flight." Tyler's expression was soft and Evan felt a little better from his words. "Now, let's go round up the rest of the gang and go find some grub, yeah?"

"Yeah." Evan managed a small grin and followed them out into the sand, the warm air blowing from the ocean swept over him, but he still had so much on his mind. He still wasn't at ease, not until he saw those blue eyes and pulled that warm body into a hug. His heart picked up it's pace just thinking about finally getting to see his face after a whole month of nothing but phone calls and listening to him over Skype while they played games. It was almost how it was before he took him back to Canada, before things got crazy. Now, he couldn't imagine it being like that again, he couldn't picture Jonathan being nothing more than a voice and a character on the screen.

Lui guided them further into the city to a small hole in the wall restaurant that served the best cheeseburger Evan had ever tasted and he made himself upset thinking about how much Jonathan would've agreed with him. Brock was watching him as Evan sat leaning against the window, looking out at the street not saying a word. He wasn't even paying attention to the fact that they were talking to him. Marcel was about to snap his fingers at him but Tyler caught his hand before he did, "Leave him alone. He's not in a good mood and you would be too if you hadn't seen Simone in a month."

Marcel's expression softened when he glanced over at his girl and he nodded at Tyler. "Sorry."

Nogla sat back in his seat, "Tonight is going to be the night. I've got a good feeling about it."

Craig sipped at his drink, "About what?"

Nogla motioned toward Evan, "You know."

Mini made an 'oh' with his mouth and gave him a thumbs up. "Gotcha."

Brock led his head rest on his hand, feeling sorry for Evan and what he and Jonathan both had been dealing with. He stuck another fry in his mouth, "I hope you're right about that, Daithi."

"Yeah, we all hope he's right." Lui said quietly, "They're making me depressed."

They glanced at Evan still sitting there quietly, lost in his thoughts, mindlessly stirring the lemon around in his water. They went quiet when his phone rang and watched him answer.

"Hello?" He paused. "Hey, Luke."

Tyler gave Brock a look and he started to feel uneasy, like something wasn't right and his hunch was correct when Evan stood suddenly and walked outside. They watched him sit on a bench and run his hand through his hair.

"He hasn't said anything?" They heard and glanced at each other.

Tyler rubbed his eyes, "Shit. Something bad happened. And I already tried to tell him that it was probably nothing."

Brock shook his head at him, "You didn't know, you were just being a friend, trying to calm him down. I would've said the same thing."

Tyler sighed and looked back at Evan. He was off the phone, but now he was pacing with his hands on the back of his head, eyes shut in frustration. Tyler stood, "I'll go talk to him."

Evan was sick to his stomach as he sat back down on the bench. No amount of pacing could make the worry go away or make Jonathan's plane arrive faster. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and tried to calm himself down.

Tyler sat down quietly beside him. "What happened, man?"

Evan looked over at him, more up at him than over, he was so tall even sitting down. "Jonathan's ex found him at the airport right before they were about to board. Luke said Jonathan told him off, but the guy kissed him." Evan paused and Tyler felt the heat come off of him. "Jonathan beat the shit out of him and security held them there all night. That's why they didn't get to their connecting flight until early this morning because all that happened before they even got out of North Carolina."

"Is he okay?" Tyler tried and Evan looked out at the cars going by.

"Luke said he hasn't spoke a word since it happened." Evan sat back, "And I don't know what the fuck that means."

"Whatever he's going through, we'll figure it, alright?"

Evan nodded and gave him a small uneasy grin, "Yeah. Thank you."

Jonathan's head was in a fog and he was rubbing at the tiny thread bracelet around his wrist. He'd first noticed it when he got on the plane to leave Canada. He remembered the feeling it had given him just knowing that Evan put it on him while he was asleep that night. It was red and blue, worn, special. He hadn't taken it off the entire month he'd been away.

He missed him terribly, so much that it hurt and he could feel Luke staring a hole into the side of his face. But, he really didn't feel like looking back at him or talking or thinking. All he wanted to do was forget everything. He wanted to forget those green eyes and how they had tore him apart with just one look. He wanted to forget all the pain, all the slices of that fine blade against his skin. He wanted to forget how good Evan was and how he felt. He didn't want to love him, he didn't want to love anyone because if he didn't love anyone then he there was no way he could be disappointed or let down or left behind.

Sometimes it was better to run away.

Evan was cracking his knuckles relentlessly, pacing while they waited in the crowded airport. There was a steady flow of people and Evan was thinking about how Jonathan would feel in a crowd like this. Probably like he was going to panic. Evan felt like he was going to panic.

"Hey." Brock squeezed his shoulder. "I see them."

Evan spun around and stood on the tips of his toes, craning his neck until he saw the spikey tips of Luke's hair and the glint of his sunglasses. And next to him, Evan saw those crystal blue eyes that sent the hair on the back of his neck on end and his heart into a violent race.

"Finally." He exhaled and took off into the crowd. The guys watched with smiles plastered on their faces. But they faded when they saw Jonathan take a detour and run to the restrooms.

Evan raised his hands in question when he reached Luke, "What the hell?"

"I don't know, Evan. Just give him some space." Luke shrugged in defeat. "He won't let me in, I don't know what's going through his head anymore."

Evan was getting angrier by the second. This was all because of Noah, the little fuck who had the nerve to come out of nowhere and screw everything up. Had the nerve to touch Jonathan, to kiss him. Evan ran his hands through his hair and pulled.

"Okay." He breathed, trying to calm down. "I'll go talk to him."

"Evan-"

But he was gone before Luke could stop him, running through the crowd, disappearing into the endless flow of people. His feet echoed as they hit the tiled floor of the restroom, it was empty except for one.

"Jonathan."

He looked up from where he was standing with his hands on either side of the sink. His face was drained of all color, he was thinner than usual, and his eyes were dark from a lack of sleep. Evan watched him look past him before he looked back down at the sink. Evan stepped closer and Jonathan held up a hand and took a breath before turning around into one of the open stalls and throwing up whatever was left in his empty stomach, which was hardly anything.

"Fuck, Jonathan." Evan stood outside the stall and was about to put a hand on him but he coughed and said, "Don't touch me."

Evan recoiled and tried not to let his feelings get hurt but those were Jonathan's first words to him since their last phone call two days ago and they cut deep. He watched him flush and rinse his face in the sink.

"Just tell me." He said quietly but his voice still echoed off the wall. Jonathan shrugged out of his jacket and stuffed it in his bag.

"Tell you what?" Jonathan said. His voice was exhausted and he sounded resigned, like he had given up, but Evan couldn't figure out what it was he had given up on. "You already know."

"I know. I just want to know that you're okay."

"I'm okay."

"No you're not."

"Evan, I just want to take my mind off of it." Jonathan rubbed his face, the color starting to show again. "And then I'll be okay."

"Alright." Evan nodded and walked over to him before pulling him into a soft hug. "It's just really good to see you."

"Yeah, you too."Jonathan held back the urge to bury his face in his neck and inhale the smell that always drove him mad, the smell of Evan that made him feel like he was home. Instead he hugged him back lightly, keeping his hands on his waist instead of wrapping them around him completely. He wanted to cry because he knew Evan could feel him holding back. But Evan didn't say anything, he let him go and tried to give him space as they walked out to meet the guys and Jonathan was grateful for that. It made it easier to stay away from him.

Luke gave Evan a nod as they joined the guys before piling into Lui and Craig's vehicles. It was a tight squeeze but it made it more interesting as they drove back down to the beach so Luke and Jonathan could unload their things. Evan showed him to the beach house and watched him silently unpack his things in the bedroom, the only bedroom in the cabin. He couldn't wait to be tangled in his long limbs with the smell of his hair filling his senses while his body heat seeped into his skin. He swallowed past the want that was pulling at his fingertips, the ones that felt the need to touch the lean muscle that was showing beneath his shirt.

"Are you hungry?" Evan asked and Jonathan shook his head avoiding his eyes.

"I can wait until dinner. It's no big deal."

But Evan knew he couldn't wait that long and he was right when Jonathan ducked into a small shop when they were walking the city. He came back out with a blueberry muffin the size of his hand and Evan laughed. "I knew you wouldn't last."

Jonathan just shrugged and it hurt. Evan didn't understand why he was closing up again. He jumped ahead of everyone and fell into step beside Luke. "Hey. I think he's trying to shut me out."

"I know, I've noticed. I don't why, though. I thought as soon as he saw you he'd be alright. But he's not." He said and looked over at Evan with a worried expression. "Be persistent but subtle with him, don't let him tune you out."

"Trust me, I won't. I just don't want him to be upset with me." Evan glanced back at Jonathan who had his eyes fixed to the ground as he was talking to Lui. He grinned at something he said and Evan felt the sting of jealousy because that grin wasn't directed at him. He shoved his hands in his pockets and Nogla nudged him in the back.

"You guys okay?"

Evan nodded, "Yeah, he's just still a little shaken up about the airport."

"That was crazy, man. At least he kicked the guy's ass." Mini said and Evan nodded, going quiet.

Now all he could think about was some other guy, a guy Jonathan loved at some point, kissing him. Pressing his lips against the ones he had dreams about. It fucking pissed him off. He fell behind until Jonathan was by his side again.

"How you feeling?" Evan asked him and let his arm brush against his.

"I'm alright." Jonathan nudged him back but didn't try to make anymore physical contact after that. "But, I don't want to talk about it."

"You don't have to talk about it. As long as you're alright." Evan said and it was silence from then on out as the warm breeze followed them down the sidewalk.

They flagged down a few cabs and headed down to Belmont park where they spent the next three hours riding roller-coasters and taking embarrassing pictures of each other and uploading them to Twitter. Evan was feeling a little better considering that Jonathan had finally lightened up a bit, he was laughing again, smiling as they rode one ride in particular. No one else could handle the twists and turns that it took, but Jonathan could. Evan was grinning as he waited in the crowd with his arms crossed when Jonathan climbed off of the ride for the third time, his hair an absolute mess. And for the third time he watched his smile fade with the adrenaline and Evan's heart sank every time.

Evan could feel the tension coming off of him and it was making his hands restless, desperately wanting to hold his fingers as they wandered through the evening crowd in search of funnel cakes.

"There!" Mini pointed and took off toward the vendor who was sporting the delicate powder-covered cakes. The boys took off behind him and Evan didn't realize he had slipped his hand into Jonathan's until he felt the warm fingers sliding away as he ran off after them. His feet were glued to the ground and he felt like he was losing something. His grip on reality maybe. Jonathan was pulling away, avoiding him, and he couldn't understand why.

What had he done?

Time felt slow and he watched Jonathan go, catching sight of the tiny red and blue bracelet he'd tied on his wrist almost a month ago. He blinked, letting his brain catch up. Jonathan was still wearing it. He could have taken it off at any time, he could have taken it off two minutes ago. But he didn't, he was still wearing it and that alone was enough to get Evan's legs working again.

Luke was taking pictures of Tyler cramming half of his cake into Mini's face while everyone clutched at their stomachs. Their laughter filled his ears and he took a piece of cake when Brian offered it to him.

"You alright?" He asked as they stood apart from everyone else, watching Lui climb up Jonathan's back so he could reach Daithi's face and slap him.

Evan swallowed down the sweetness and shrugged, "Yeah."

"You expect me to believe that shite?" Brian smirked. "Come on, man. Spill."

Evan opened his mouth to speak but he stopped when the wind blew, whipping his shirt around and he thought of Jonathan. Jonathan loved the wind and the storms that always blew up behind them, the ominous gloom and the promise of rain. Evan looked up at the blue eyes he couldn't seem to catch hold of no matter how hard he tried. But just as Jonathan stuck a finger in his mouth to lick away the sugary powder, his eyes caught his and Evan felt . . . . he felt like it should be impossible to be so in love with one human being, one person, one pair of eyes so blue they could drown him.

"I am so fucking in love with him."

He continued to stare, wondering why Jonathan was looking at him like he was hurting. It only lasted a few second, but it felt like an eternity. Then it was gone and there was a hole in his heart. A hole only Jonathan could fill but he was drifting away. Evan couldn't stop the sinking feeling or the panic flooding his mind.

"Evan." Brian said and finally got his attention. "We know."

Evan looked at him in confusion, "What?"

"We know you're in love with him. You're pretty obvious."

He swallowed, "I didn't know I said that out loud."

Brian laughed and hit him lightly on the shoulder, "It's alright, man. We all think it's awesome."

"What do you mean 'we all'?"

He laughed even harder, "Oh man, you have no idea. For months now we have been fangirling over you two. I won't go into detail, you'd probably blush. But yeah, we totally dig you guys. You need to get together. Like, right now."

Evan was surprised to say the least, but it didn't rival the heartbreak he felt. It didn't do anything to keep his eyes or mind off of Jonathan. It only made it worse.

The rest of the evening was spent eating cotton candy and mindlessly wandering around enjoying the scenery. Evan stayed close to Jonathan, but he didn't stay too close. He gave him the space that he obviously wanted because he walked ahead of him instead of beside him. Evan watched his back, the jut of his shoulder blades and his hair as the wind whipped it back and forth atop his head. The bracelet dangling delicately on his slim wrist. His fingers, long strong fingers that he could picture pulling at the button of his jeans, sliding up his stomach while pulling his shirt over his head.

Evan rubbed his eyes and shook his head trying to clear his thoughts. Jonathan's voice snapped him out of it.

"I am so sorry!" Jonathan said apologetically as he helped a girl to her feet. He wasn't paying attention and he had glanced back at Evan for a moment, long enough to steer him into another person who wasn't looking either. She laughed as he pulled her to her feet and helped dust the dirt from her shirt.

"It's okay!" She waved it off, "Not the first time I've fallen flat on my face in public."

Jonathan smiled, "Well, I hope this is the last time it happens to you, ever."

"Thank you! That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me all day." She laughed again but her smile faded when a guy she obviously knew walked up to Jonathan and shoved him hard in the chest.

"Hey, why don't you fuck off?!" The guy shoved him again and he heard the girl screaming at him to stop and that he was just being nice and oh my God, Adrian you're such a fucking asshole! All Jonathan could see was his father coming at him with fists, drunk and stumbling, slurring his words as he cursed him. You faggot! He shook his head and his vision cleared and then as the guy was coming at him again Evan stepped into view and grabbed the guy by the shirt and damn near lifted him off the ground before shoving him against the nearest wall which happened to be a vendor. The women inside yelped and clutched at their chests as they watched the two men struggle.

"How about you fuck off?" Evan seethed and the guy was drunk, he could smell it on his breath. He could hear the guys behind him trying to calm everyone down. He couldn't see anything other than the guy in front of him.

"He was all over my girl, man!"

Evan slammed him against the wall again, "Actually, he was being a gentleman and helping her off the ground, you dick!"

"Alright, dude! Calm the fuck down! My fucking mistake." The guy stopped struggling and Evan finally released him looking him in the eye before he said, "Yeah. Your mistake. Don't fucking make it again."

He pushed through the guys and grabbed Jonathan by the hand and started walking away, glancing at the girl as they passed. "You should find yourself a new boyfriend, the one you have is a real piece of shit."

"I know!" She called after them and waved at Jonathan but he didn't have time to do anything because Evan was dragging him through the crowd and closer to the exit, closer to a cab. The boys were trying to keep up and followed them in their own cabs back to the beach houses.

"Dude! What just happened?" Lui asked as he turned around to look at Luke, Tyler, and Brock in the back seat.

"That's the first time I've ever seen Evan angry. Pretty fucking scary if you ask me." Luke remarked.

Brock shook his head, "Evan's been on edge about something all day."

"And Delirious has been quiet. Like, really fucking quiet." Tyler said and looked out window. "They didn't fight, because we've been playing games together all month. Nothing was wrong. And we all thought Jonathan would be fine when he landed today. But he wasn't, even after he saw Evan. So all I can come up with is that he's stuck over what happened with is ex. Am I right?"

Luke shook his head, "No, he's done with his ex. He made sure of that. But he's done this before a really long time ago, he was really depressed, didn't want to talk to anyone. I bet he's thinking that he's going to make a mistake with Evan and have it end up like how shit was with his ex. So, he's trying to push him away."

"That makes no sense." Lui rubbed his head. "They clearly have feelings for each other, how can Delirious not see that? How can he not see that Evan would never do to him what his ex did?"

"I don't know what the fuck he's thinking." Luke shrugged. "Maybe he's afraid of losing what they already have. Maybe he thinks Evan doesn't want anything more than that."

"They're both idiots if you ask me." Tyler said and they all started to snicker at how absurd this entire situation was.

Evan was still fuming as they sat in the back seat of the cab together in silence. The sun was going down and Jonathan was getting really anxious. He just wanted to get out of here, away from Evan before he did something stupid like breaking down and falling into his arms. Something stupid like telling him the fucking truth. He was tapping his finger against his leg and Evan noticed it, that nervous tick he couldn't get rid of. Jonathan felt his attitude change and felt his eyes on him, but he looked away out of the window and pulled his fingers in a fist to keep them from moving.

"What's wrong?" Evan asked and Jonathan really loved the fact that he knew when something was wrong just by the way he moved his fingers. How the fuck was he supposed to break away from a bond that deep? How could he live without it? He licked his dry lips.

"I've just never seen you that mad before." He said quietly, watching the cars go by and the sky turn pink.

"I'm sorry. That guy was a dick, though." Evan shook his head. "I just saw him touch you and I . . . I fucking snapped."

That alone had Jonathan wanting to crawl over into his lap and kiss him for everything he was worth. He had protected him, just like the day he came and took him away, he'd protected him from his father and Jonathan would never be able to thank him enough. He would never be good enough for Evan, he deserved someone who wasn't so dependent on him, someone that wasn't so fucked up.

They got out of the cab as it pulled up and Jonathan took his shoes off so his toes could sink into the sand as they walked around to the houses. Hey heard car doors slamming behind them and the rest of the gang came stumbling after them.

"You guys let's pile up and play some Cards Against Humanity. Load all your beverages up and head down to my cabin, I'll get the cards ready and pull out some chairs." Lui beamed and ran past them like an excited child.

Marcel shook his head and laughed as he pulled Simone along and went to help him. "Come on, Nogla. Let's go help the little guy find some chairs."

"Yeah, I'm right behind ya." The Irish trudged along in the sand and gave Evan and Jonathan a glance, then a grin, before he kept walking. Evan raised a brow at him but kept heading up the stairs behind Jonathan, grabbing their cases of drinks and heading down to Lui's. As soon as they sat down Jonathan was on his second drink before anyone else could open their first. Luke eyed him across the table, but didn't stop him. If he wanted to get plastered, if it made him feel better then so be it. As long as he wasn't cutting himself.

The game was great, putting everyone into fits of laughter, even Jonathan along with large amount of alcohol he was consuming. They played the most ridiculous cards and Tyler was wheezing for three straight hours until they decided to go jump in the ocean even though it was dark and fucking creepy.

"Come on! We've got another hour, until eleven o'clock. Then they'll start the music down the beach and we'll head that way." Lui called from his room while he put his swim trunks on.

Evan pulled Jonathan along while he giggled to himself, but then it was like he realized Evan was touching him and he got quiet and pulled away again. Evan just let him move away and he clenched his teeth, trying not to just come out and ask why. They changed and the wind was blowing against their skin as they walked down the short distance to the shore. The water wasn't warm but their bodies got used to it as they waded in.

"Oh! Let's play chicken!" Brian yelled and Mini threw his hand in the air, "I call dibs on Tyler!"

"That's cheating! He's fucking ten feet tall!" Marcel laughed.

"Well, someone can get on my shoulders too, ya know." Nogla said and Lui swam over to him.

"Yeah! Me and Nogla versus Mini and Tyler. Come on, get down." Lui laughed as Nogla dropped down into the water and let Lui climb onto his shoulders. Tyler was having a harder time getting Craig on top of him. He kept falling and then laughing and that got Tyler laughing. It was a mess but it was worth it to watch them battle it out while sitting atop two giants.

Evan was shoulder deep in the water, tipsy and his mind drifted to the last time he was drunk in the water with Jonathan. The dream he had that night that he never could forget. He couldn't forget the way his skin felt beneath his fingers, his breath ghosting across his face as he ran his teeth along his jaw, or the long expanse of pale neck that he wanted to kiss and taste and bite. He inhaled the salty air and drifted over to Jonathan until his fingers touched his favorite spot, the base of his spine, the hollow of his back. He saw the goose bumps form on his skin and grinned.

Lights started to flash just down the beach, pinks and purples and blue as the music started to boom. Evan got closer and the tip of his nose brushed Jonathan's shoulder and he was about to press his lips against his smooth skin but Jonathan moved. Evan let out a breath of frustration as he watched him head to the shore and walk away up to the cabin. He glanced at Luke who gestured for him to follow him.

[Playlist for the show down the beach if you'd like to listen to what I imagine would be playing. Also, music that I personally listen to:

ODEZA-Bloom, ODESZA-It's Only(ft. Zyra), ODESZA-Say My Name(ft. Zyra), Tove Lo-Talking Body, Aluna George-You Know You Like It(DJ Snake Remix)]

"Something's about to go down." Luke said and it got the group's attention. They watched Evan follow after Jonathan, the tension was clear in the way he walked and he took the steps one at a time trying to think of what to say once he went inside. Jonathan was standing with his back against the wall that separated the living room from the kitchen, he didn't look up when Evan walked in and shut the door with a quiet click.

He grabbed the towel from the table by the door and wiped the water dripping down his stomach, "What are you not telling me?" He walked over to him and reached a hand out to touch his face, to reassure him that whatever it was, it was okay.

Jonathan turned away from his hand and Evan felt the frustration crawling up his spine, he clenched his fists and he couldn't stop it this time.

"Damn it, Jonathan. Stop fucking avoiding me."

"I'm not avoiding you."

"Like hell you're not! You haven't looked me in the eye all day." Evan tried to control his tone but it had been eating at him.

He felt his heart hammer when Jonathan finally looked up at him and met his eyes. He had craved that look for hours, but here it was and he was more scared than satisfied.

"I'm sorry." Evan let out a heavy breath and looked down at his feet. "I've just been freaking out a little."

Evan pulled at his fingers nervously, "Okay, no. I've been freaking out a lot. All fucking day. You haven't looked at me, you've hardly said a word. You won't even hold my hand."

Jonathan was silent as he let himself lean against the wall, he crossed his arms and was back to looking at everything but Evan.

"Jonathan, talk to me. You know I'll listen and I don't understand why you keep holding things in. I don't want you to because I know you." He gave a frustrated sigh and ran his hands through his hair as he paced back and forth. "I know you and I know how you get when you keep things locked up tight in that head of yours. You start thinking, then you get really quiet, you push me away and I have to fucking coax you out again. I can't fucking stand it when you shut me out, okay? It hurts. I want you to want to talk to me, I want you to tell me what's on your mind because I care and it makes me sick when I don't know what's wrong with you."

Jonathan caught his eye again and sighed through his nose, his jaw was clamped tight. Evan couldn't tell if he was mad or just upset. He couldn't tell anything and it was such a weird feeling.

"I told you I couldn't tell you everything, Evan." He said quietly and Evan's chest was about to cave in.

"Why not?!"

"Why not?" Jonathan pushed himself from the wall and stepped closer. "Because I'm a grown man who can make his own fucking decisions. If I don't want to tell you something, I won't fucking tell you. If I want to fucking sit by myself all day and drown in my thoughts then I will."

Evan tried not to pull his hair out, "Why?! Why the fuck would you do any of that? Why can't you just tell me?!"

Jonathan nearly snapped and Evan bit his tongue when he jumped. He'd never seen him like this.

"Because, Evan! I just can't! I can't do any of this anymore!" He gestured around and then at the two of them standing there. He took a deep breath and could feel himself start to shake as his heart jumped to his throat. "I can't keep doing this! I can't keep holding your hand, can't keep fucking sleeping with you, and I can't keep telling myself that it's okay!"

Evan was quiet but Jonathan could see his pulse in his neck, beating just as hard as his. Evan was scared and so was he, but he had reached his breaking point and he just couldn't . . .

"Why?" Evan said and Jonathan knew the dam was about break, he could feel the tears pooling in his eyes.

"Because." He managed to get out before he blinked and let the tears go. Evan was breathing hard and he wanted nothing more than to just let himself be wrapped up in his arms, because that's what Evan always did. God.

He looked back up at him and shook his head, "Because I am so fucking in love with you . . . that it hurts. And I can't do this anymore. I shouldn't have went with you that day, because I knew that I was going to like you more than I needed to, but you were so good to me. You're still good to me, you're fucking perfect Evan and I want it. I want all of you and I can't have it, because we're just best friends. Friends that hold hands and sleep in the same bed. I can't do it anymore."

Jonathan wiped at his face and Evan looked like he was searching for air, "Evan, I couldn't tell you because I've been fucking terrified that it would change what we already had. I love the way we are. It already takes everything for me not to wake up and kiss you every morning, or touch you every second of the day. Takes every ounce of energy to keep my fucking eyes off of you half the time. I have never wanted anything so bad in my life and I'm sorry that I just ruined everything. But, I'm not sorry that I love you because you fucking saved me."

Jonathan turned for the door and left, he couldn't look back and see Evan's face. Didn't want to look at him just standing there, blank. He didn't know what that meant and he was scared to know what was going through Evan's mind. It was something else he just wasn't willing to cope with. He wiped at his face but it didn't stop the steady stream of tears that continued to pour. He took the stairs and his heart started to slow when his toes sank into the sand. He barely heard someone calling his name as he kept walking.

"Jonathan, where are you going?! What just happened?" Brock yelled but Jonathan didn't even acknowledge him. He'd heard them yelling. Tyler shrugged at him as they stepped up to the door and knocked.

"Evan?" Tyler called and knocked again. "Evan, come on man. Open up."

"It's unlocked, Tyler. Just go in." Brock said and followed him into the beach house. Evan was standing stock still in the archway staring at an empty spot on the wall.

"Hey, man, what the hell just happened?" Tyler snapped his fingers in front of Evan's face and he jerked his head toward him. "What?"

Tyler opened his mouth but the door slamming open cut him short. A furious Luke came storming in with the guys behind him trying to calm him down.

"What did you do, Evan?" He asked but Evan couldn't even open his mouth before Luke started again. "What did you do? He looked fucking destroyed coming out of here! Do you have any idea how much that man loves you? Do you have any idea?!"

"Luke! Calm down, we don't even know what happened!" Brock yelled at him.

Evan just flinched the more they yelled at each other and he couldn't comprehend any of it, all he could hear in his head was I am so fucking in love with you. Their voices were blending together and he was trying, he really was, to hear what they were saying to him. One question stood out.

"You love him don't you?" Brian's calm Irish tone resonated throughout the room and every one went quiet.

Evan blinked at him, "Yeah. I do."

Brock sighed dramatically and said, "Finally!"

Lui giggled, "Well, that only took you twelve months to realize."

Luke's anger faded, "Then why the hell did he storm off like that?"

"Because he didn't give me time to tell him. He just threw his cards out on the table and left." Evan said and shook his head. A smile spread across his face and he laughed, "I am such a fucking idiot."

"Trust me, we know." Mini said and opened the front door. "Now get your ass out there and find him."

They all rushed out onto the sand behind Evan and stopped when he said, "Shit. How the hell am I supposed to find him in a crowd that big?"

Luke ran off to the house he was staying in and came back with his Phantom in hand. He smiled. "I have an idea."

Lui ran up behind them, "Here take this walkie, Evan. I'll stay with Luke and we'll guide you through the crowd once we get this thing up in the air. Everybody else spread out and head in, see if we can't spot him before midnight."

"Alright, squad. Move out!" Brian shouted and they took off running toward the music and the people moving in time with it in the distance. Ten minutes was all they had until midnight and Evan's lungs were burning as he ran down the shore line toward the unknown. He didn't know what would happen if he and Jonathan moved forward but he sure as hell was going to find out. The love he had for him fueled his day, fueled his heart and he'd spend the rest of forever with him if meant that Jonathan felt it too.

"Alright, Evan. We have eyes in the sky and we see you nice and clear." Lui said over the walkie and Evan looked up, seeing the white drone-like camera high above him in the sky. He waved and Luke made the thing move back and forth. He smiled and said, "Lead the way."

Lui was texting back and forth with the guys as they found vantage points and scoured the crowd for anything or anyone that looked like Delirious. Five minutes passed and nothing was happening. Evan was getting anxious as he stood outside of the crowd waiting for the okay. Three minutes left and the music was thrumming in his ears, the bass humming in his chest.

"Evan! Go in! We spotted him!" Lui shouted over the walkie and he held it close to his ear as he pushed into the crowd. "Go straight!"

He squeezed around the sweaty bodies that were giving themselves to the music and complete strangers, letting go. He felt hands brushing against him as he dodged left and right to avoid elbows and stray limbs. "Go right!" He veered to the right and the fucking crowd parted just enough for him to see the body he knew so well moving with the tranquil beat, his tattoos glinting with salty sweat as he rocked his hips and Evan saw him in slow motion. It felt like the past year had been nothing but a build up, leading to right here, this moment as he let the walkie fall to the sand. Jonathan was so fucking beautiful. His lips red from wetting them and his skin flushed with alcohol, his hair a light brown mess on his head and Evan could practically smell him. Just the though of his scent was intoxicating. Just the thought of his touch, those fingers splayed out across his chest and his lips. Yes, those lips that he wanted to himself for as long as he could keep them. And fuck, he would keep them.

"Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven!"

He saw blue and he was close enough the reach his fingers out and touch Jonathan's skin. He felt like fire and his eyes were locked with his. Why didn't they see this before? Why did it take so long to realize that this was where they were headed all along? Evan ran his hand up his chest, along his neck and l pulled him closer until he could let his lips trace his jaw line, until he could taste the salt on his skin. Jonathan was shaking and Evan let his thumb touch his lips before he threaded his fingers in his hair and pulled. Jonathan's lips parted as his head tilted back with Evan's grip and he let out a sweet breath that smelled like strawberries and Evan caught his eye one last time before he delved and chased the scent to it's source.

"Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!"

His lips were . . . everything. All mixed into one. They were soft and wet as they pressed against his and he let out a breath that he felt like he'd been holding for months. Jonathan grabbed his waist and pulled until there wasn't space for air between them. He tilted his head and Jonathan felt the flick of a warm tongue and he met it halfway with his own. Evan tasted like mango and whatever else he'd gulped down earlier. It tasted like fucking sin. Jonathan felt a noise crawl up his throat when Evan pulled back and yanked at his hair, pulling his head back further until he was biting at he skin of his throat, sucking at the salt and leaving marks upon his flesh; claiming what was his, what would always be his.

Evan made his way up to his ear and felt fingers digging into his skin when he said, "Jonathan. I love you and don't ever think otherwise."

Heyyyyy, guys. Next chapter is kind of filthy, but hey I went like, nine chapter without being smutty. So, next chapter is just . . . yeah. Just a warning in case it's something you want to avoid. I hope ye enjoy. -w.a.l.k