Misunderstanding
"Go away, Gai," Iruka commanded in a low voice, as he found the hunter's skinning knife. "Unless you think you'd enjoy watching me kill myself." Gai felt his eyes go wide at this last statement.
"Iruka," he left behind his normal flowery speech in this delicate situation as he hurriedly, but carefully, swept a long stick in front of his feet in order to clear away any traps in his path, "Why in the world would you even say something like that?"
The sky was graying towards dawn, and Gai knew that if he could keep Iruka talking for a few moments more this danger would pass. A trap snapped the end of the stick. How in the world had Sano gotten past all of these in the dark, Gai wondered to himself.
"Because he thinks I hate him…" Iruka started. He looked down at the knife in his grip. "Because everything's entirely my fault. If I had committed suicide when this mess began, none of this would be happening. No one would have been hurt, or killed, or… Hell, even Orochimaru may have been shamed enough to change his ways."
Gai thought Iruka sounded like his spirit had broken. He really hoped that wasn't the case.
"Orochimaru has neither shame nor honor. You know that, Iruka," Gai murmured, hoping to keep the young man talking. The light was growing stronger as Gai continued finding and disarming traps. "Killing yourself back then would not have changed him. And killing yourself now will not solve anything."
Iruka responded with a deep breath and placed the tip of the knife to his navel.
"Iruka! Please put the knife down! I know you are not this selfish. If you do this, you will be throwing away everything that Kakashi and I have done for you!"
"Last night, I told Kakashi that I hated him Gai; he thinks that I hate him. Thank you for everything that you've tried to do for me, really, but I think that everyone would be better off with me I'm gone," Iruka chocked out, gritting his teeth and closing his eyes.
"IRUKA! NO!" Gai shouted, lunging forward, traps forgotten.
Naruto watched from the stall they'd found the ninken in as the cold dawn painted the wind tattered clouds with streaks of pink and gold. The large bull dog, Bull, broke the wind and his tail swinging violently, slapping Naruto stingingly on the back as if he were an annoying fly.
"Damn it Bull, this is not the time for jokes…" Naruto growled, as he pushed the dog's hindquarters away.
A cold shadow fell upon the boy, and he looked up into a single dark blue eye. Naruto swallowed, suddenly unsure of what he was going to say.
"What are you doing here? Did Gai send you to rub my troubles in my face?" Kakashi muttered as he entered the stall. He began rummaging through the saddlebag for his clothes without looking at Naruto.
"Iruka asked us to come here and talk to you," Sasuke stated quietly. Kakashi's sudden glare made whatever words Naruto had freeze on his tongue.
"Maa. I would have thought that Iruka would at least be smart enough to know that he said everything he needed to say last night," Kakashi feigned indifference as he put on his underclothes.
Naruto frowned at him.
"He didn't mean what he said to you," Naruto said quietly in the face of the man's obvious irritation. Kakashi snorted and slipped on his kimono. "He knows he hurt your feelings, and he's…"
"Sorry?" Kakashi interrupted coldly, without looking up or ceasing to dress. "Is he worried that I'll kill Orochimaru, dooming him to half a life forever? Tell him that after justice is served, I'll be sure to commit seppuku, so he can live free of the curse." He pleated and tied his riding hakama. Naruto felt his own anger rising.
"Justice? You selfish bastard! You never really cared about Iruka! I don't see how he could have ever fallen in love with someone like you!" Naruto screamed.
"You claim to want to become a Hokage. The Hokage is also the greatest shinobi of a hidden village, tell me, what are the five virtues at the heart of a true shinobi?" Kakashi asked calmly. Naruto frowned quizzically and wondered what the man was driving at.
"Loyalty, justice, love, self-control, and simplicity," Sasuke answered in Naruto's place. Kakashi nodded once, like a teacher to a slow pupil.
"I did not choose to take up this mission because Iruka loves me; I have never been under the illusion that he does; I took up this mission because fighting against injustice is the path of all true shinobi," Kakashi stated, but now it was Naruto's turn to interrupt.
"Shut up, you emotionless bastard! You don't know anything!" Naruto spat. Kakashi raised a fine eyebrow at him. Naruto ignored him. "Follow me, and maybe you'll learn something."
Kakashi, rather bemused by the blonde's statement, surprised himself by actually allowing the young thieves to lead him back down the main road toward the forest. If he was honest with himself, he knew that some part of him wanted Naruto to be proven right; wanted to believe that Iruka did care for him and that the last two years of their lives together hadn't been a waste of time.
The hurt part of his conscious, however, laughed at the sentimental thought. It was obvious that Iruka blamed him for their predicament. And the bad part about it was that he was pretty sure the younger man was right.
If he had had enough self-control to resist Iruka's pleadings in the first place, then none of this would be happening now. Kakashi brutally suppressed the sigh that was trying to escape his lips.
Sasuke signaled them to stop as they rounded a bend in the road and came upon a wagon parked in the tall, dead grass. The blonde weaved out from around the canines and stalked toward the wagon.
"Last night, as we were heading for the inn, we came across this wagon," the boy said as gruffly as he could with his cracking voice. He watched with irritation written plainly across his face, as Kakashi slowly waved off the pack and examined the wagon and it's grizzly contents.
"The wagon's owner called Iruka by name." Kakashi frowned, understanding what Naruto was implying.
"This hunter was after me, specifically," he said as he coolly counted the gory pelts on the wagon. "And that's why Iruka didn't want me in that clearing." Sasuke smirked as Naruto nodded.
"There were traps all around that clearing," the blonde said as the two thieves turned and began walking toward the forest on foot. Kakashi ordered the ninken away without another thought as they vanished in puffs of smoke and followed, watching the two boy's retreating backs without really seeing it.
It was clear to him now that Iruka had deliberately put himself at risk by looking for this hunter who was obviously in Orochimaru's service. That had been the fear he had smelled last night; that had been the danger he had sensed. Some genius you are. He thought belatedly
They walked the forest in silence, with only the sound of snow and twigs crunching under their feet as Kakashi thought through the events of the night before from the perspective of a human being, instead of that of a wolf.
Baka! Kakashi thought with a certain fondness for his…he cut that thought of at the knees. Iruka had never been his anything. Still, the chuunin's reckless bravery on his behalf silenced the cold, cynical mutterings of his mind for now.
Naruto and Sasuke were slowing as they near a clearing and Kakashi frowned slightly as some part of him recognized this place.
If he wasn't mistaken, this was the same clearing from the night before. Another thought made its way to the front of his mind.
"Earlier you said Iruka sent you to talk to me. He must have gotten away from the hunter. So why are you bringing me here? Is he hurt?" The very thought that the hunter could have hurt Iruka made Kakashi reach for a kunai.
If Iruka had been hurt, the man would die a slow, and very painful, death or maybe Kakashi would chidori his ass. Naruto and Sasuke had stopped altogether and turned to look at him with a look that seemed to measure and weigh everything about him.
Kakashi caught his breath in the face of the boys' cold assessment.
"Iruka killed the hunter last night, Kakashi," Naruto said quietly. "Was he hurt? Not that I could see. He was very upset though, and very worried that he had hurt yourfeelings. He told me to tell you that he loves you, and that you're free. He said that you would know what he meant."
Kakashi felt his heart freeze at the boy's words. He could only be free if Iruka were dead. He began walking quickly toward the clearing, pushing past the boys without a second glance.
Gai knelt on the cold, stony ground, staring down at the disaster that he had been unable to avert; a small breeze ruffled Iruka's green shirt and toyed with the small hair tie. He barely noticed the shallow gash on his arm throbbing.
In the distance, he could hear Naruto and Kakashi's voices as they approached the clearing, but his mind refused to hear what they were saying.
Evidently the traps were easier to spot now that the sun was fully up. There was the sound of rushing feet in the underbrush, and Gai finally lifted his eyes to find Kakashi staring down at him. Gai watched as Kakashi's already narrow blue eye narrowed further as he took in the sights of the clearing.
"Where is he?" the Hound growled at the Green Beast.
"Gone," Gai sighed as he began folding Iruka's clothes. He watched as Kakashi whistled, waiting. "I don't think he intends to come back." Kakashi glared at him and Naruto frowned.
"What happened after I left?" the young thief asked, breaking the tense silence that had sprung up between them. Gai turned his gaze toward the boy, unable to take Kakashi's death glare as the man finally accepted that the snow leopard was gone.
"He found the hunter's knife," Gai said with a glance toward the stiff body of the hunter. "You were right, Naruto. He planned to kill himself. He seems to think that everyone would be better off without him, that if he had killed himself in the first place, even Orochimaru would have been shamed."
Gai watched as the boy nodded thoughtfully, all the while, he could still feel Kakashi's continued glare like a sword thrust between his shoulder blades. "I tried to stop him, but I was too far away when he placed the blade to his stomach. The only thing that stopped him was the rising of the sun."
"Hn," Kakashi snorted, as he looked away from Gai and began exploring the clearing. He turned over the stiff body, the distaste obvious in his harsh features.
"What happened to your arm?" Naruto asked Gai, again drawing his attention away from Kakashi.
"Iruka clawed me in his effort to get away quickly." Kakashi snorted again. Naruto winced in sympathy.
"Where's the knife?" Kakashi asked suddenly, his eyes sharp. Gai started at the question.
"He… took it with him…" Kakashi's frown deepened. Then his eyes widened.
"He's going to Konoha," Kakashi spoke more to himself than to either Gai or the two thieves. Gai's eyes widened with the realization.
"How can you know that?" Naruto asked.
"I've traveled with him for the last two years. I know how he thinks," Kakashi replied tersely. "Stupid Dolphin." This last part was murmured under his breath.
"Iruka mentioned confronting Orochimaru," Gai added, seeing that Naruto and Naruto were still a little confused. Kakashi nodded curtly.
"When is your 'eclipse'?" he asked, looking at the sun.
"Sometime tomorrow morning," Gai answered solemnly.
"Iruka will be in the city this afternoon, but he won't be able to do anything until after sunset. If we start now, we will be able to make it by then. If we are able to find him, we may be able to stop him from doing something stupid."
"Then what are we sitting around here talking for?" Naruto yelled. "Let's go!" The two thieves began heading back towards the main road, leaving both the Green Beast and the Hound to watch their retreating backs.