Russian Fairy Tales with Ivan Braginski 10

Warning: Some implied RussiaXPrussiaXCanada because who doesn't love that nonsense. Also some SpainXRomano implied... and some implied beginnings of some one-sided RussiaXRomano I think...

A Note from the Narrator:

Privyet readers! I deeply apologize for my long absence, unfortunately it took longer than I expected to track down and enlist the two I had in mind for this next story! But they've finally agreed, as long as they may go home when they are done!

Honestly I don't know why they were so reluctant, it is not even a bad pair of roles, da? I hope my other actors have not been spreading nasty rumours about my lovely fairy tales... kolkol...

Anyway, this story is a poem about two brothers played here by the Italy brothers! I'm so excited! Maybe we can all be friends when this is finished, da? I'm sure they will love to play with me in the future... anyway, enjoy the story, I am glad to be back!

XOXOXO

Foma and Erema, the Two Brothers

"Damn it, I can't believe this! Stupid vodka bastard... least I'm not in some weird outfit like that one friend of yours was warning us about..."

"Feliks? Si, he said that we should stay away from Russia ve~ he is scary, but, I'm not too worried since he told us we were just being in a play, that won't be so bad, fratello!"

"Speak for yourself, idiota! "

Oh, so it was Poland that warned you? I will have to pay him a visit later... kolkolkol...

"AH! SCARY VOICE FROM THE SKY!"

"I-I think that's a speaker system... maybe... where the f-fuck are we anyway, v-vodka bastard?"

In my fairy tale of course, silly Italies! Now then, I will make things easy and use your own names instead of Foma and Erema, but for the purpose of this, Foma is Feliciano and Erema is Lovino!

"N-No one said you could use our human names, bastard!"

"Ve~ Okay Russia! You can count on us!"

"What the hell fratello!"

Now then!

Oh Feli and Lovi, two brothers they were

Alike in body, alike in mind

"Phht, alike in mind? You've got to be kidding me! I'm way smarter than that noodle eating idiota!"

"Ve~"

Alike their noses, their eyes their hair-

Oh, two such brothers you'll seldom find.

"Damn it, I guess we kind of hair the same hair... I... I'm not sure about the eyes though..."

"But fratello, you've seen my eyes before!"

"No I haven't! Well, a long time ago maybe but I don't remember!"

"Oh, well then..."

"AH! CLOSE THEM! CLOSE THEM!"

"Ve~ but why fratello?"

"It's too weird... I mean they did look like mine but... damn just keep them closed, that was too freaky for me..."

Ah, da, that was a bit strange? But his eyes were cute!

"Thank you, Russia!"

"Whatever... are we doing anything in this story other than standing here?"

Da, da, I'm just getting to that!

One day the two went to church to pray,

One in a pew, the other at the altar.

Lovino took hymnal, Feli took psalter;

Lovino recited and Feli prayed

And this was heard by priests who stayed

On hilltops, learned priests devout

Who came to church and kicked them out,

"DAMN! WHAT THE HELL? I didn't even sing that bad damn it!"

"Ve~ You sang beautifully fratello! I think it's just part of the story!"

"Um, d-don't worry, we won't kick you out too hard eh, right Gil?"

"Kesese, sorry kids, the rapist hooked me up with Mattie last story so he thinks we owe him one. But you gotta admit, I totally work in this priest outfit! Don't I, Birdie?"

"Um, sure Gil..."

"ALBINO POTATO DON'T TOUCH ME!"

"Nope, no choice! Take it Ruski!"

Kolkol... you both look good in priest robes da... uh... but da, I will continue!

One out the window and one out the door

"YOU COULD'VE OPENED THE WINDOW FIRST! DAMN IT!"

"Kesesese..."

"Th-that was mean Gil, I just pushed North Italy outside..."

"Ve~~"

"SHUT UP IDIOT!"

"Ouch! That hurt, Lovi!"

Aw, that wasn't nice Romano! You made your brother cry, da?"

"Well fuck my brother, I WAS THROWN THROUGH A WINDOW! I HAVE GLASS IN MY SKIN! I THINK I SHOULD BE THE ONE CRYING!"

Anyway...

And they hastened away forevermore.

"So the story's over then? Thank God, let's book it Feli!"

"Si! Let's run!"

Nope, the story's still going, you won't get far!

"The hell is with all these trees? Where the fuck are we? WHY THE HELL IS RUSSIA'S HOUSE SO DAMN BIG?"

They went to the woods where later they met

And there they decided gray rabbits to get

"Yay! Bunnies!"

Gray rabbits, fast runners, to hunt and to kill,

"AH! I don't want to hurt the bunnies, Lovi!"

But none could they find in hollow or hill.

"Oh good! Hide little bunnies!"

"Idiot... shouldn't care about killing rabbits... er... they are c-cute though so... n-never mind!"

Hmm, Romano looks cute when he blushes! Only don't worry, I know better than to do anything, Spain would likely try to kill me! Only it's not as if he's actually a threat to me...

"H-hey, quick looking at me like that vodka-breath! And... and why can I see you now anyway?"

I decided to come visit! Hello!"

"Hello Russia!"

"Quit waving, idiot!"

Instead they went to the river banks steep,

To river banks steep where waters ran deep.

"Well, at least the water is nice..."

"Hey look fratello! Cute little duckies! Hello ducks!"

Two ducks a-swimming they saw down below,

Lovino took stick and Feli grasped knife,

"What? A knife? Am I going to cut pasta?"

Each was longing to take a duck's life.

"WHAT? I DON'T WANT TO KILL THE DUCKIES!"

"Idiot! Aren't you hungry? I mean I understand the rabbits but the ducks... the ducks are... kind of... cute too..."

Da, you're very cute when you go red! Just like-"

"IF YOU SAY TOMATO I'M STABBING YOU WITH THE STICK!"

Hmm, well coincidentally I was going to say like my enemies when I stab them in the face, but tomatoes work too! Oh, you've gone very pale suddenly...

"J-just... k-keep talking... then..."

"Ve~ um, Russia is scaring me fratello..."

But Feli threw far and Lovino too near

And the ducks swam away, swam away from there.

"Swim duckies! SWIM! Ve~"

The brothers then thought to catch some fish

To catch some fish was now their wish.

"At least that's fucking reasonable."

"Si! Fish aren't cute, and they taste good! Grandpa Rome really liked them ve~!"

Oh, Lovino sat in a deep-bottomed boat,

But the boat had no floor and would not float.

"AH! W-what the hell! Damn, I'm soaked and... GET ME OUT OF THE WATER IDIOT!"

"C-coming fratello! I've got you!"

And Feli did sit him down in a barge

That had no bottom but was very large.

"AH! Your boat has no bottom either! What the hell IDIOT!"

"Huh, that is really weird ve~!"

Three years they sank but could not drown;

Three devils in vain tried to pull them down.

"HEY! I was already a priest! Why do I have to come back for this?"

Because when they mention three devils, who else can I think of?

"AAAAAIIIII! IT'S FRANCE!"

"Big Brother Spain! And Big Brother France! Ciao!"

"Bonjour Italy! Bonjour Romano! You're looking very cute today!"

"Hola Feliciano! And Lovino!"

"Always second... WH-WHAT'RE YOU DOING TOMATO BASTARD? STOP PULLING ME DOWN! Wait... how're we breathing underwater anyway?"

"Kesese, well, uh, at this point I'm guessing Russia's using some kind of weird magic, but I don't know if it's on purpose or not..."

Silly Prussia! It is a fairy tale! And you can all three let go now!

"HE SAID LET GO TOMATO BASTARD!"

"Aw, but my Lovi is so cute! I have to snuggle him so he knows!"

But the story says you must let go so...

"AH! QUIT PULLING ME! I-I'M GOING TO RIP IN TWO!"

"Don't tug on my Lovi!"

"Ve~, um, Big Brother Spain? We will both visit you very soon, so for now we should finish Russia's story, okay?"

"Feliciano? Oh, well, si, okay I'll let go."

Spasibo, Italy!

"AH! R-Russia... um..."

Romano is so red faced! Anyway...

"Ve~ where did France, Spain and Prussia go?"

Away for now, there isn't much story left, da?

The brothers now wished their bodies to feed,

To feed their bodies was now their need.

"Ve~ I am hungry..."

"M-me too... idiot... kind of sudden though..."

They made up their minds to plow their fields

To take whatever the good earth yields.

"Yay! I'm going to plant PASTA! And Lovi can plant tomatoes for the sauce!"

"You don't plant pasta! Uh... do you?"

To market went Feli, Lovino to fair,

A foal and a colt the brothers bought there.

"Wait! What happened to planting tomatoes, bastard?"

"Oh, but the ponies are so cute! I should call Poland, he loves little horses!"

Lovino's colt refused to work

"Heh, a horse after my own heart I guess."

And Feli's foal his tasks did shirk

"Um, come on little foal, what if I gave you pasta? Oh... you don't like pasta? But... but..."

The brother's then slew their horses they say,

And ran from the fields, oh, quickly away!

"CAN DO THAT! LET'S GET OUT OF HERE AND THAT CRAZY RUSSIAN!"

"Fratello, what does 'slew' mean?"

Hmm, well off they run... don't worry though, they will be back! That Romano is... interesting... so I will definitely invite him back! But for now I have the entire bad touch trio waiting in the wings, so I will go and enjoy their company before I make Spain turn against me forever! Gilbunny is always more willing with his friends, but I'm not sure why. Oh well! I am now back, so expect more from me very soon! Do svidaniya little ones! I make you all one with me soon!