Collision

Chapter Ten :)

Oh guys it's been ages, I'm so sorry…I guess I'm just missing our beloved Stendan. I will try harder to update quicker.

I thought that we shared something together; I thought that after last night things between us would slowly move on to the next level. I know that he has Carl, but I thought he wanted this as much as me…I guess I'm deluding myself. Maybe I've just spent too much time loving him onscreen, because now I'm pretty certain that I'm in love with him off screen too. I feel kinda stupid now though, I never thought that I'd be anyone's mistake. It's gonna be weird seeing him at work now, but I guess if it gets too much I can just leave…I have no ties now.

It's been two days since I've seen Emmett and I'm dreading going back to work. We have a big scene together tomorrow and I know it's going to make me want him all over again, but I have to resist him. I have a life with Carl and I can't just give that up for something that might not even work out…no matter how wonderful I feel when I'm with him. I've wanted to text or call him to explain myself but I think that would only make it worse…I called him a mistake…it doesn't get any worse than that. I hope that we can still work together at least.

He acts like nothing has happened between us when we see each other and in a way that makes me feel worse, I kinda wanted the awkwardness. I honestly have no idea what is going on in that head of his. After lunch we have a bedroom scene and I don't think I can pretend anymore. I want the world to know how he makes me feel, only I don't make him feel the same so what would be the point. I try to keep my distance from him, but it's hard to stay out of each other's way. I can hardly wait to kiss his lips, even if it is just as Brendan and Steven.

I try my hardest to keep my cool with Emmett, because if I don't I know I'll fall apart and that means falling back into his arms. I can tell he wants answers from me, but I carry on as normal because that is all that I can offer him at the moment. He has Claire and I have Carl and nothing else can happen between us. I can tell he is avoiding me, but in an hour or so we'll be in bed together snogging each other's faces off. Okay so it might all be for show, but deep down I know it's more than that…for both of us, but first I have to clear the air.

"Emmett could I have a word?"

"You'll have to make it quick Kieron…can't you see I'm busy?"

"Oh yeah you look really busy…you're on your third BLT, how much more can you possibly eat?"

"You know me and food. Anyways what can I do for you?"

"It's about us and you know what happened."

"Save it Kieron, its fine honestly. Like you said it was a mistake…it shouldn't have happened."

"It's just not fair on Claire and Carl you know?"

"I know…it's okay. Claire and I have gone our separate ways now anyway, but you and Carl…I totally understand."

"Why have you split up? Is it because of us? Emmett I don't want what happened between us to affect everything else."

"Thanks for the concern Kieron, but my relationship with Claire wasn't working anyway. You just confirmed that. As for us - there is no us, you made yourself pretty clear…let's just forget that it ever happened okay? Now if you don't mind I'd like to eat in peace."

I watch him walk away and it pains me to see. I knew that coming back to work here would be a big mistake; I should've just listened to my instincts. There was no denying it…I wanted Kieron and I wanted to be with him, but I wasn't going to make myself look stupid in the process. Maybe Hollyoaks could kill my character off, that way I wouldn't have to see him nearly every day. All I know is that staying away from him will be tough and I'm not sure if I'm strong enough. I don't think I've ever wanted anyone so bad in my entire life.

I try to make peace with Emmett, but he's not interested…I guess I can't blame him. I just wanted to make working together a little easier, even though everything inside me was telling me to rip his clothes off and taste his lips, his skin…every part of him. I feel something immense for Emmett, so much so that the feeling is overwhelming. I wish I could tell him how connected I feel to him, how much I wish that I was single so that we could be together, but I have made my choice and I can't destroy Carl when I don't even know what Emmett feels for me.

After being around him today I know that I can't work with him any longer…not like this. We took our friendship to the next level and I don't want to go back to that now…I need more from him, more than he is willing to give me. After this scene I'm going to the producers, tell them that I've been offered another job. They will just have to kill Brendan Brady off; I don't think the fans could cope with Stendan just splitting up. Kieron and I are being called on set and my heart is beating in my chest. We both climb into bed half naked and my mouth is on his before they even shout cut.

I feel the butterflies in my tummy as Emmett's mouth engulfs my own. I moan almost too loudly nearly forgetting that people are watching us and that this is in fact supposed to be an act…some act. Every part of me reacts to his advances and I'm just glad that the hardness in my boxers isn't on show for everyone to see. Emmett is touching my face, kissing me hard, making the skin around my lips sore and I love it. Emmett breaks the kiss and climbs upon me, dominating the show, just like he always does. I look up at him with such admiration and feel his lips on me once more. I know we have to make it look believable, but this is something else…I'm slowly beginning to lose control.

I hear them shouting cut, but I don't want it to be over yet…Kieron and I are both left flustered and panting when I eventually tear myself away from him. The producers and camera crew don't say a word to us, but the silence in the room says it all. I leave the set and return to my dressing room, I need to pull myself together and I'm not going to do it all the while I'm Brendan Brady. I put on some clothes and head on out of the door where I come face to face with Kieron.

"Emmett…I need to…"

"Look Kieron its okay…I'm gonna quit. Get them to kill Brendan off. It's the only way; I just can't be round you anymore."

"But what if I don't want that?"

"Like you said it was a mistake."

"Do you really believe that? What I felt back there when you were kissing me I've never had with Carl."

"You're just fucking with my head Kieron."

"I don't want that Emmett."

"Then what do you want?"

"I want this…"

I kiss him again, pushing him back into the dressing room and even though I know I shouldn't be doing this I just can't help myself. I thought that I was happy with Carl; I thought that he was the one, but now feeling this way with Emmett I don't think I've ever really loved him at all…at least not in the way I should. Emmett pushes me back against the closed door and locks it and I know that after this there is no going back. I look at the man standing in front of me and I can hardly wait to be touched by him. Our lips find each other easily and I let him take me to a place that I've only ever been before with him.

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