Chapter 9: The Nightclub

Nightclubs were a huge phenomenon in the 1940s. They popped up all over America from grand-scale to hole-in-the-wall venues. Orchestras played lively jazz and swing music while cocktails were poured and people danced their hearts out. Jolie's was one of those big venues. Top performers of the decade crooned on that glittering stage as well as the occasional up-and-comer. It was the trendiest nightclub in the Brooklynn area and that's where I found myself with the stranger named Marcus Danvers. Marcus, I had come to find, had a passion for Big Bands and champagne. Who would've thought? As we sat at our cramped little table drinking bubbly, he pointed out to me all of the instruments and could name every song the band played. When we did hit the dance floor, Marcus proved to be a good dancer. It was evident that he was nervous, but I could tell he was having a good time. I was too. It surprised me. I hadn't had fun in so long. I had found myself smiling more often as Marcus looked down at our feet, counting out the steps to an easy jitterbug.

There was still that part of me that was wary. Something inside me was against this fun. It said to leave, return to Howard's and stay there until he found a way to get me home. I couldn't go out dancing in 1943! Ludicrous! I didn't deserve to have fun when my best friend, the man I had loved so much was either dead or dying! I didn't deserve to have fun in a foreign setting filled with potential lives I could ruin.

Fuck it. Fuck it all.

Howard said he didn't know if I would ever be going back. I don't even know if I will ever be going back. My life before I fell into Howard's garden is nonexistent. I'm not the person I was before I touched the Time Stone. In these past few days I have become a different person. I could start over; be the Macie Mitchell I always wanted to be instead of the Poison I was forced to be. A weight had suddenly been lifted off my shoulders. I was free. Free from the pain and the hurt and the disgust I felt inside my soul. When I look in a mirror, I wouldn't see an ugly monster, I would see a shining star. I would be the sweet, yet "quite intimidating" woman Marcus revealed he thought me to be.

Marcus and I clumsily danced for a few hours. He drank as much champagne as times we were on the floor and I could tell it was going to his head. His pale complexion became flushed and he had to sit down for a time. I didn't mind. I know new enough basic steps to move from partner to partner. I was having a ball. I couldn't remember ever having so much fun.

As the crescendo of an Andrews Sisters song ended, the beginning of a Rodgers and Hart ballad started. I knew it instantly as I was spun around by another faceless soldier. I lost my grip on his hand and then my balance. Before I hit the ground, a pair of hands gently surrounded my waist.

"Whoa there! Don't go fallin' for me now," a man chuckled. I turned around and found myself looking up into a pair of icy blue eyes. James Buchanan Barnes cocked his head in slight surprise when he saw me. No doubt remembering me from the alley. "Well, if it isn't the mysterious lady doctor."

I tried to find words, but they escaped me. James Barnes smiled and took my hand, tightening his other arm around my waist. We didn't say anything. We just danced; swaying to the melody of Where or When. I looked everywhere but at him. I tried to find Marcus but it was too crowed in the club.

It seems we stood and talked like this before
We looked at each other in the same way then,
But I can't remember where or when.

"Kismet," he finally said.

"Excuse me," that finally got my attention.

The clothes you're wearing are the clothes you wore.
The smile you are smiling you were smiling then,
But I can't remember where or when.

James Barnes grinned, "Kismet. Fate. It was destiny that caused you to help Steve before and now it's fate that we are here dancing. In this crowded club of all places? Funny, isn't it?"

Funny? I knew it wasn't fate. I didn't believe in fate or destiny. You made your own choices in life. It was my choice to help the boy who turned out to be Steve Rogers. That wasn't fate. I choose to go out dancing. That wasn't destiny. But I didn't choose to be dancing with James Buchanan Barnes. That was unexpected. Kismet… But why not? Maybe all of this was my preordained destiny. Kill my sister, kill my father, join the Brotherhood, kill loads of people, join the X-Men and become a good guy, get kidnapped, watch my best friend as he slowly died…

I looked up at James Barnes and sent him a disgustingly sweet smile. "You tell all the girls that?"

Some things that happened for the first time,
Seem to be happening again.

"Only the pretty ones."

And so it seems that we have met before
And laughed before
And loved before,

"Really now? So you're saying you could use that line on any pretty girl in here and she'd be putty in your arms?"

"Well, you're still here, aren't you?"

But who knows where or when.

"Oh boy," I muttered. "You know that's quite chauvinistic."

"Well, you got to be a little upfront to get what you want in life."

"You know, I'm a little dizzy from all the dancing."

I pulled myself away from the man I had thought so much of when I was growing up. That's the thing about meeting your heroes…sometimes they aren't quite the people you imagine them to be. I didn't say one more word to James Barnes. The feminist in me raged. Sometimes I forgot what era I was in. Women here were not treated the same way as they were in 2008. We were still thought of as the lesser gender; only good for household work and bringing up the children. But hey, if you have a pretty face, you could be a secretary or a nurse. I was stomping out of the nightclub before I even realized I was doing it. My autopilot was telling me to flee. I didn't worry about my bag. There was nothing really in it Howard couldn't replace.

It was chilly outside. Early spring. By the time I was on the sidewalk, I realized that, since I left my purse, I had no money to use for a cab. Groaning, I began walking. There had to be a free phone around somewhere I could use.

"Hey! Hey, Doc Lady!" I kept walking. My pride would not let me turn around and face the man I walked out on. Feet hitting pavement grew louder as I came to a stop at a corner. James Barnes came up next to me panting. "You walk fast, sweetheart," he chuckled.

Sweetheart?! I growled and booked it across the street. James Barnes called out to me again. When we were outside a cafe, I whirled around, "What do you want?"

"Hey now, don't flip your wig."

"What do you want," I asked again, crossing my arms.

"Look, I'm sorry, for what I said," his shoulders hunched as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Then why'd you say it?" James Barnes looked stumped. It was like I had been the first woman to run off on him. "You can't just treat women like damsels – like – like – meat. Didn't your mother ever teach you that?"

"Something like that," he muttered. "Again, I'm sorry. I'm shipping off soon and I just got caught up, ya know?"

"No. I don't."

I started walking off when I felt James Barnes grab my elbow. His hand was warm against my cold skin. I just yanked away. "Whoa," he backed away with his hands up. "I wasn't gonna hurt you."

I rubbed my arms. For some reason, I couldn't look at him. "I just don't like people touching me," I confessed slowly.

"Can I take you home," he asked with sincerity in his voice. "It's cold out and looks like you don't know where you're going." He was right. I had no idea where I was. Howard's mansion was outside the city limits but I wasn't sure which way to go or how long it would take me to get there. Lost and alone in an unfamiliar place. Story of my life.

I accepted the soon-to-be war hero's offer. He even offered his arm, but I declined. I already put up with dancing and I didn't want to touch him again. Touching meant familiarity and familiarity meant getting close. Dancing was close enough. Despite my insides screaming at me, I did not want to get to know the man who would perish in the war, no matter how handsome he was, because in the end, he would die and I knew I couldn't change that. It was so odd, walking next to a dead man. He looked so young and happy. James Buchanan Barnes had these lovely lips that turned up in a perpetual little grin and his eyes were bright and full of exuberance. It made me sad to think that he would eventually pass into history.

We didn't talk until he flagged down a cab when we were back near the club. It was still in full swing but James Barnes did not look back in longing once. He could have gotten me the cab and that would've been it. But he slid in next to me, perfectly content in leaving at that moment. My lack of conversation did not deter him. James Barnes told me his entire life story (one I already knew from my history books). He mentioned growing up in Brooklyn and his relationship with Steve, his parents and sister, basic training and being promoted to Sergeant. I listened more intently than I thought I would. His voice was soft and I could hear the admiration he had for those closest to him. On that ride I learned that James Barnes, if anything, had a genuinely good heart.

As the cab pulled up to the gate of the Stark mansion, my companion was gawking out the window. "You live here," he asked incredulously.

"More like staying temporarily," I replied as I got out of the cab.

He leaned over, head out the door, "So – uh – then are you and Howard Stark…?"

I snorted. "No! Howard Stark and I are not that. He's…" I thought about what he was to me for a moment. Definitely not a lover. No. I was never attracted to the suave player type. He was certainly not a captor and he didn't treat me like a lab rat. Sure, sometimes he looked at me like I was crazy, but he took me in with ease. He helped me get used to life here. He was there when I woke up screaming and he was there when I shut down. He became closer to me than even Peter. "…he's a dear friend."

James Barnes looked, dare I say, relieved. "So if you're not – an item, just friends, he wouldn't mind me asking if I could write to you?"

That caught me by surprise. "Me?"

"Yeah," he rubbed the back of his neck. "I got people to write to and all, but I want to get to know you. I've wanted to since that day in the alley. It doesn't have to be personal! Just the little things."

"Little things," I whispered to myself. I gave James Barnes a sad smile. "I don't even think you'd like the little things."

"Just give me a chance, sweetheart. I'll only keep pestering you. I know where you live now."

I don't know why I gave in. Maybe it was his smile or the way he bit his bottom lip when he asked me a question or maybe it was the annoyed harrumph from the cab driver. I got a pen from the driver and wrote my name and address on James Barnes's hand. This man, this historical figure, a man I shouldn't have ever met, wanted to get to know me. If you don't let people in, your life will become something not worth living. Logan, of all people, told me that. I did tell myself I could start over. I owed it to myself and to those I left behind. I wanted to be someone better than I used to be. I may never see him again, but James Barnes might just be the salvation I needed.

"There's your chance."

"Macie Mitchell," he muttered with another grin on his face. The cab driver revved the engine and I stepped back.

"Goodbye, James Barnes."

The cab pulled away before he had even closed the door. My mind felt cloudy as I walked through the side gate and up the path to the mansion. I had to knock on the front door a few times before Mr. Jarvis opened it. He didn't seem surprised to see me shivering in the cold sans purse. With no questions asked, I marched right down to Howard's lab.

"I want to meet Doctor Erskine."

Howard was testing out his latest experiment for the Allies when he jolted. A bullet was hurtled towards him and hit the slab of glass protecting him. It got lodged about halfway through as a string of spider web-like cracks disfigured the surface. "Damn," he muttered.

"Did you even hear me," I asked, rolling my eyes.

"Dollface, wasn't it your idea to stay a ghostly partner? Something about space and time or however you so expressively put it."

"It's different now, Howard."

"What changed your mind? Was it a soldier," he laughed.

"What – no it –" the image of James Buchanan Barnes smiling crossed my mind, "what if I was brought here to help? Maybe I'm not supposed to sit around and do nothing."

"You do things," Howard waved his hand at me lazily. "You go through my files. You patch me up after my experiments."

"That's not good enough anymore. Howard, I want to help. Please. Let me meet Erskine. Between history and the files you give me, I know everything about Project Rebirth. I can be an asset."

"Macie…are you sure? There's no going back from this."

I took in a shaky breath, "Yes. My mind is made up. Screw history. I'm doing this."