Disclaimer: I own nothing but my imagination and it's sometimes brutal tendencies.

Beside You

Kurt's entire body felt numb as he made his way towards the choir room. He saw Mike walk in the door after giving a caring wave, but he couldn't return it, as he could barely make his legs work, if that.

So many things could go wrong. They could laugh. They could make fun of him. They could abandon him. His rational minds kept repeating that no, that wouldn't happen, but his anxiety got the better of him.

He couldn't fight the fears off; they threatened to spill over. In fact, as he approached the door, his nose stung with the promise of tears.

He wanted to leave. To go home and not do this. He wanted to run, or hide, or just vanish on the spot like something out of Harry Potter.

But most of all, more than anything, he wanted (although it felt more like needed) to tear into his skin.

"Hey." Came Blaine's voice.

He spun around and realized he had stopped two feet from the door. He was visibly shaking and his eyes were probably red.

Instantly Blaine collected him in his arms, pulling him close. The immense comfort that washed over him was impossible to describe. Blaine just had a way of making his fears cower in the corner. He made his anxiety step down, and rationality step back up.

He hugged back, nuzzling into his boyfriend's neck. This would be fine. He could do this. Nobody would laugh. If they did, they'd have to deal with Blaine and Finn. Nobody wanted that. But even more so, they wouldn't laugh because they were his friends. Friends who cared about him. Who hugged him like Blaine did. Who checked up on him like Finn did. It would be okay.

"You sure you want to do this?" Blaine asked when he pulled away.

Kurt could tell that his boyfriend was in ultra protective mode. His hands hovered on Kurt's waist, his eyes roaming all over for signs of him changing his mind.

"Yes. Yes...I...they won't laugh. They're my friends. And I need them to know, for my sake. I love you and Finn but...I just don't trust myself sometimes, like now, and maybe having extra people know might...help." He finished, exhaling with a shaky shrug of his shoulders.

"Like now?" Blaine repeated, his hand ghosting over Kurt's wrist.

"Not anymore. I'm okay now. See, you help me. Maybe they can too, you know?" He asked, feeling himself relax at his own idea.

"They will. You're gonna make it through this. We both will, and then we can go home and eat more jelly beans, eh?" Blaine half laughed, causing Kurt to chuckle.

"Sounds like a plan." He whispered, leaning in to kiss Blaine.

It was light and cautious, seeing as though there was the possibility of someone seeing. Granted, those kids would be the Glee kids, but Kurt and Blaine were just private people. Well...not now, apparently. Kurt thought, as he realized just how close his confession was.

"I...could you still say it? I just don't know if I could." Kurt sighed.

"Of course. Duh. I'll do anything and everything for you." Blaine whispered. He leaned in and kissed Kurt's nose, much like previously.

Odd, how that was becoming a symbol for them.

Before he could change his mind, he grabbed Blaine's hand, and lead him into the room. Everyone was sitting already, and every single person looked at him as he entered, making a red flush heat his cheeks. You could tell Rachel had been notoriously interrogating Finn. Santana and Brittany seemed to be calculating his every move. Before he could study anyone else, Mercedes hurried over.

"Kurt! God, boy, where have you been? What happened yesterday? I mean, you're scaring me. All of us!" She said, and hugged him awkwardly, half enveloping Blaine, although he didn't seem to mind.

"Actually, I kind of need to explain that...to everyone. Yay, announcement time." He muttered sarcastically.

Mercedes seemed to get the gist, and backed away to sit back down beside Sam and Puck. Beside them was Sugar, Artie and Rory. Behind them sat Santana and Brittany, who were whispering with Quinn. Tina was sitting on Mike's lap anxiously. Rachel was bouncing up and down beside Finn, who caught on and stood up to stand beside Kurt and Blaine.

Before they could say anything though, Mr. Shuester walked in.

"Alright guys, so today's lesson is going to be-" He started, but Blaine interrupted.

"Um, Mr. Shuester? Can we say something first? Kurt wants to explain the...er, incident from yesterday." He said awkwardly, squeezing Kurt's hand tighter.

"Of course, go ahead." William said, taking a seat beside Rachel.

The room fell silent, and suddenly it was really awkward. Like, palpable tension. You could feel the awkward. Great.

"So, um...you guys all heard that I went home early yesterday. Which normally wouldn't be a big deal, but Rachel happened to overhear something from Finn." Kurt said, his legs shaking beneath him. The thought of explaining this was scaring the hell out of him.

"Look Kurt, I'm sorry for spreading things around, but I was so worried after what I heard!" She exclaimed, in her usual Berry way, and he resisted the need to roll his eyes.

"I'm sorry, what did Rachel hear?" Mr. Shuester asked, obviously not being aware of the situation.

"That Kurt was...I mean, something about being hurt, right?" Tina questioned.

"Well..."Blaine started, as it was clear that Finn was lost. "Kurt has...a secret, if you will, and Finn and I found out. It was...uh, dangerous, and so I needed to take care of him. Um, so...well..." He trailed off, and Kurt sighed.

Maybe it would just be easier to say it himself. In fact, he should just take the plunge; there was no going back now.

"Let me say it, hon." Kurt said, stepping forwards.

All eyes were on him. Mercedes was trying to have a silent conversation with him, much like they always did. Santana was holding Brittany's hand, as if it might make the news better. Everyone else was just staring.

"You sure? You don't have to." Blaine said, and Finn looked at him in a worried way.

"Yeah. Might as well." He said, and before he could change his mind, he spoke again. "Um...alright. Wow. Okay. So, what you heard from Rachel, although it might have gotten a little warped, is basically right."

Rachel let out an audible exhale. Nobody else spoke, just exchanged looks.

"Ever since my mom died I've been...well it's hard to deal sometimes, you know? And the way I...what I did...what I've been doing for years...it..." He bit his lip.

"Kurt?" Finn asked, and Blaine wrapped a reassuring arm around his waist.

"No, I need to do this." He said quickly.

For himself. It was a big step, and it felt like a leap, but he didn't care. He wanted to get better. Make Blaine proud.

"Ever since I was younger I've been cutting myself." He blurted out, and Mercedes nearly ran towards him.

"What?" Echoed around the room.

"Self harming. You know, with a razor? I um...I have anxiety and it helped me cope because it felt like I had control. Yesterday...well, Finn found me and ran to get Blaine. He um...he took it from me, and we went home. But I couldn't help it...I needed to cut again, because that's how I deal, so...I did. And Blaine called Finn to come home, and that's when Mr. Loudmouth told Mrs. I-like-to-spread-rumours-about-Kurt-because-I-care, that I was cutting. So...yeah. That's it, I guess. That's why I went home." He finished, looking down in fear. His knees were weak and his hands were trembling.

He'd curled in on himself, as everyone could see. His arms were wrapped around his middle, and he was trying very hard to keep looking at the tiles, willing his tears to stop. Admitting it out loud...to so many people...that had taken the life out of him.

"And Kurt made the promise to get better. We all need to help him. Please don't make any remarks," Blaine warned, looking at Santana and Puck. "or smother him or anything. And don't treat him like he'll break. He's okay. Well, he will be. So can we all just support him and be a good family?"

Kurt risked a look up. Mercedes was in front of him, pulling him into a fierce hug.

"Oh Kurt, why didn't you tell me? We're going to help you, okay? You'll get better and it'll be fine, you understand?" She ranted, pulling away to kiss him on the cheek.

"Uh..yeah." He said, but couldn't help but smile.

"Kurt...why didn't you ever say anything?" Rachel asked, but remained in her seat. You could tell that she was worried about hurting him.

"It's not something you really tell people." He muttered. Mercedes was hovering by his side, and Blaine had tightened his hold on him even further.

"Why? If you needed help, then you should have said something." Puck told him, his eyes fixated on Kurt's arms, as if somehow they'd start bleeding.

"Dude! What did Blaine say?" Finn cut in, an attempt to defend Kurt.

"It's fine Finn. He wouldn't know. Nobody would understand unless they've had a self harm problem. You don't tell people because you're ashamed. Because that's like admitting that you can't handle anything, so instead you mutilate yourself because...because..." Kurt trailed off, his throat becoming tight.

"Because it seems like the only thing that will help." Quinn finished for him.

He looked up at her in shock, and she nodded. "I've cut before. It never became a problem, and I stopped, but I do understand. At least a little bit."

Instantly he felt a little better, and managed to relax slightly. She sent him a small smile, and he returned it.

"I tried once. Just the once, but I can relate with the feeling of being ashamed. I had to hide it for a while." Sam said, and Kurt relaxed even further.

He couldn't help the small, delighted chuckle that escaped him. "And here I thought you'd all laugh or something."

"Oh my god, never! We're getting you through this." Tina offered, grinning at him.

"Kurt, if you ever need anything we're all here for you, as well as all the staff." Mr. Shuester explained, nodding reassuringly.

"Thank you. I was so worried you guys would...I don't know, not believe me or something. Think I was being a drama queen." He mumbled, and Blaine rubbed his back.

"Of course we believe you. There's nothing overdramatic about coping." Santana offered surprisingly. Kurt raised an eyebrow, and she shrugged nonchalantly.

"Can we see them?" Sugar asked, and suddenly the room went very silent. Everyone looked at her in disbelief, and Kurt shrunk backwards again.

"You can't just ask him that Sugar." Artie said ludicrously.

"Why not? Are you hiding your unicorn powers Kurt?" Brittany asked, and he giggled out of shock. Santana elbowed her, and she shot him an apologetic look.

"Um, no, I'm not hiding any powers, Britt. I um...just don't know if it would be appropriate to show them." He managed to say.

"Do you think it's appropriate Mr Shue?" Sugar asked, catching their teacher off guard. He stuttered, running a hand through his hair.

"I only want Kurt to get better. So whatever he feels will help him, that's what is appropriate." He managed to put together, and Kurt bit back a groan of annoyance.

"Do you think it would help?" Rory asked in his thick accent. Kurt bit his lip cautiously.

"Guys, I think Kurt should just leave it at that today. We don't wanna make him uncomfortable." Blaine defended, kissing his cheek.

"Yeah guys." Finn added unceremoniously.

"Oh come on, it's not like we'll be blinded. I'm only asking cause let's face it, we all want to see, and maybe it would help. I mean Kurt, if we knew, if we see, we'll be able to help you better." Sugar said, cocking her head.

He knew she was manipulating him. Whether it was out of jealousy because of the attention, or curiosity (either mild or bordering on crazy) he didn't know. But what she was saying, despite coming from Sugar, held some weight. Maybe it would help. If they saw, then they'd understand. They'd see his private hell and maybe they would realize that he hasn't been doing well all these years. That he did need help (which was hard to admit) and that they should give it to him. He just wanted to get better.

Nobody had said anything, except Blaine and Finn muttering that he didn't need to do anything dumb. But it wasn't dumb because nobody else had spoken; giving them away. They were curious. They did want to see.

Reluctantly, and biting back a hiccup of nervousness, he reached down and undid the button on his cuff.

Alrighty guys! Next update will be soon, xoxo!

Review? They help a lot!

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