Chapter 10: Pœnitet

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering" -Yoda.

Turning around she saw Carlisle slowly getting up and made his way towards her but stopped when she growled at him. "Let this go, Carlisle. Find yourself an Esme and be happy. I ain't no ones mate." And with that she left the poor broken heart doctor in the middle of the woods, wondering what in Gods name happened.

The guilt sat not on her chest but inside her brain. What she had done she could not undo. She could make amends in subtle ways but a confession was out of the question. Only in her silent prayers could she speak her heart to the Gods and beg for mercy. She didn't feel like she deserved the love of Carlisle nor his forgiveness. She had pushed him for from his limits, made him do things she knew he would have never done, but she cannot go back. They can never go back to the way they were before. She only hopes that one day, perhaps a thousand years from now, she would feel removed from her sin, but the guilt was a stain on her, a hideous scar.

Emptiness, that's the only thing Bonnie was left with. Empty. It's like a void. A dark void. A never-ending dark void that consumes everything, so she was left feeling nothing.

Empty. Nothing to subside her hollow soul that creeps in the shadows, away from any other human life because it's emptiness is so consuming it cannot bear to pretend that everything is okay, and it always will be. Why can't she just admit that she's just a hollow plastic doll with a painted face revealing no guilt, sadness, emptiness- emotion?

Charlie waited for Bonnie at her houses after work. He hasn't talked with her since she came back and he felt bad. With all his work and trying to work things out with Sue, Charlie hasn't had the time to hang out with Bonnie. So after work, he decided to surprise her with dinner. Obviously, Charlie wasn't going to work so he brought take-out from their favorite place.

When he got to her house Charlie was surprised that she wasn't there, usually, she'll be there. Not making a big deal, he opened her front door with the spare key she had given him many years ago. Charlie waited for her in the living room until she came back. It was starting to get pretty late, the food was cold and Charlie was getting worried. He began to wonder if something had happened to her. So getting his phone ready to call her but stopped when he saw her coming from the window. Charlie stood up and waited by the front door with a smile, expecting her to greet back with her beautiful smile but instead, he was greeted with the opposite.

Before Bonnie could open her front door, she had to take a deep breath. Everything that just happened with Carlisle she couldn't shake away. It was eating her alive, more than she was willing to admit. She was feeling so emotional that the smallest thing would have her flying into a rage, yelling, saliva spitting out with each jagged word. And she couldn't afford to hurt another person, especially not the person behind her front door. Poor Charlie is on the other side of the door, she had to get him out of there before she'll do something she'll regret... yet again.

Opening the door, Bonnie didn't waste any time to kick him out. "Get out," her voice hard, cold, distant.

Charlie's smile quickly dropped and he looked at her with narrowed eyes. "Bonnie--"Charlie stopped when he saw her eyes. Her eyes weren't the usual dark brown but red. Shocked was an understatement. Lost for words was more like it. Red. Her eyes were red, but it wasn't the color of her newfound eyes that caused Charlie to stop talking but what held behind them. Charlie looked into her eyes, but it was like nothing was there to behold.

Her red eyes were an endless depth of red ink, sorrow, and pain.

Ignoring Charlie, Bonnie continues to walk past him towards the stairs, desperately trying to get away from Charlie. She didn't want her anger to cause another fight. She didn't want to lose another important person. She didn't want to hurt yet another innocent, good man. Her heart wouldn't stand it.

Charlie grabbed her arm, stopping her from leaving. He felt her body tensed, watched as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Charlie leave now or else I might do something I'll regret," her voice had a hard edge. Her comment was so out of character, so far from what he knew of her, he just stared at her open-mouthed. His brain formulated no thoughts other than to register that he was shocked.

Shaking his head, "talk to me," he pleaded. And to make matter worse, Charlie's plea caused Bonnie to remember how Carlisle begged her to let him fix his mistake. She remembered his reaction when she told him to let her kill one of his coven members-one of his family members. The guilt and hatred came rushing back a hundred times worse.

Bonnie's face became ridge, jaw clamped tight, teeth grinding. It was time to get out of there before she does something she'll regret. Pushing Charlie's hand off her arm, she turned around and started to walk towards the door. If Charlie wasn't going to listen to her, then it was she who had a leave.

It was times like this where she regrets giving Charlie a spare key. Things would have been fine, just peachy if only Charlie didn't unexpectedly come. She would have taken some time off, be away from everyone until she cooled down. But no, life wouldn't let her off so easy.

"Bonnie May Jones don't you dare leave. Talk to me," Charlie's voice was unexpected. It was low, with an agreeable trace of aggression and with a hint of more power than the frail body would suggest.

Bonnie stood there, not turning around nor did she talk. She swallowed her rising anger she didn't want to release it on the person she loved the most. Regrettably, the unwanted wrath she felt consumed her, engulfing her moralities and destroying the boundaries of loyalty.

White knuckles from clenching her fist too hard, and gritted teeth from an effort to remain silent, her hunched form exuded an animosity that was like acid- burning, slicing, potent. Her face was red with suppressed rage, and when Charlie placed his hand on her shoulder, she swung around and unfortunately snapped.

There was a cold burning to Bonnie's rage, an ice that scared Charlie. He'd seen that look in her eyes before, but never towards him. It was how she showed hatred, dominance and imparted fear. In one stride she was in his space and he knew that a friendly hug wasn't coming next. For a woman, she'd had her fist closes already, for him it was an open hand. The impact confused Charlie's brain as it rapidly flew to the right, a red welt already rising on his skin. Charlie flew backward, falling into the vase by the stairs, tears welling down his eyes, hand raised to the injury. The damaged-- surprisedly wasn't so bad compared to what she'd done to Carlisle-- was already done, Charlie on the floor shocked that Bonnie had actually hurt him. He thought that she was done but she wasn't. Bonnie couldn't control her anger anymore, her monster was out and he was hungry for blood.

In another stride-- faster than any human Charlie seen-- Bonnie was over him, sweater held in her fist, face contorted into a version of her Charlie knew he'd never forget. "I fucken said to leave, Charlie!!!" Bonnie's holler echoed in Charlie's ears like a clap of thunder, such was her rage. It was a roar of pure anger, and it made Charlie fear for his life.

Adrenaline floods through his system, it pumped and beat like it's trying to escape. Charlie believed that his heart will explode and his eyes were wide with fear. His body wanted to run far away from this unknown person, this wasn't the Bonnie he knew. Charlie had never seen Bonnie look that way, her eyes had a deadness, a stillness. The girl who laughed often, the one who loved to smile had developed a hardness. Charlie couldn't recognize her anymore, the girl he used to know was gone. She was someone else, someone that scared him.

Without a warning, Bonnie yanked Charlie's shirt exposing his neck. Charlie looked at Bonnie, her eyes weren't brown nor red, but pitched black. Pure terror surged through his veins, icy daggers straight to the heart. The fear he'd felt before was nothing compared to how he felt now. Now that he's being held against Bonnie's true self, gasping for air not being able to do a damn thing about it. He thought that maybe it would be better if he never came in the first place. At least then the nightmare would never happen.

Suddenly a loud scream filled the silence, neither of them realized that it was Charlie who was screaming. Bonnie's teeth were sunk into Charlie's neck, the hunger of not feeding for days or the overwhelming emotions she was feeling was too much for Bonnie to handle.

Putting a hand over Charlie's mouth to stop him from screaming, Bonnie kept drinking. Once Charlie sweet blood entered her mouth Bonnie couldn't stop. Just from his smell, Charlie had a sweet scent but his blood was something else. It was heaven to her, she questioned why it took her so long to take a taste of him.

As if Bonnie was on fire, she quickly pulled away from Charlie. The scene before her was quite unbelievable, shocking really. Bonnie's mind was sent reeling, unable to comprehend or process the images it was being sent to her brain. She looked away, then looked back to see if Charlie was still there- skin pale, eyes widened, breath ragged and harsh, tears falling down, body trembling, neck bleeding.

And he was. She has finally done it. She did what she never wanted to happen. She has done the exact thing Billy Black said she'll do. She hurt Charlie. She drank from him. She showed him a side of her she never wanted him to see. She almost killed her best friend. She became the monster she feared the most.

He saw her expression- terrified and guilt. He knew she didn't mean to harm him. He knew that despite what just happened, his Bonnie would never harm him. Regardless of what just happened, Charlie tried to get up. He tried to comfort her, tried to open his mouth but it was no used. He couldn't feel his legs, he couldn't feel a thing. He lost to much blood. He could barely open his eyes.

She stumbles back, rapidly shaking her head, eyes swelled. "Nonononononon. What have I done," her voice cracked from all the pain she felt. "Bonnie--" without a word Bonnie turned around and left.

She ran and ran. Bonnie wasn't stopping for anything. Her mind and emotions were all over the place. Her spirit broken, she couldn't face anyone. The guilt. The hatred was all too much. She couldn't do it anymore. First Carlisle and now Charlie, what has she become? Another James? It seems like it.

Out of a sudden, away from anyone and everyone, in the middle of nowhere, Bonnie stopped. In her intense silence, she somehow screamed with her whole body. Her eyes wide with horror, her mouth rigid and open, her chalky face gaunt and immobile, her fists clenched with blanched knuckles and her nails digging deeply into the palms of her hand.

She dropped to her knees and looked up at the sky. There is a scream from deep within that forced its way from Bonnie's mouth, it is as if her terrified soul has unleashed a demon. The scream tore through her like a great shard of glass. The scream came again, desperate, terrified... inhumane. All she felt was intense anger, all she felt was that she didn't want to be around anyone at all because she wouldn't be able to hurt anyone, it'll be safer, easier to choose not to stay.

Yet there was another side of her, telling her to let her anger out. It was telling her to let her monster out. She already hurt her mate Carlisle and her best friend Charlie, it's not like she can do any more damage. This side was telling her to give up. To stop and give up...

Looking up at the sky, she stood up and looked towards the nearby city. As she gave in to her anger, her pitched black eyes started to hunt for the unfortunate soul.

May God have mercy on the person who crosses her path, for she will not show any.