Chapter 10

Occlumency

"I heard that Dumbledore wants you to learn occlumency with Professor Snape," Jordan told Harry one evening. Harry had been acting strange lately, but she could not figure out why. To be honest, she didn't really care that much, but it was strange nonetheless. . She really didn't think it was because of the O.W.L.s coming up. He was fine until Mr. Weasly got injured over Christmas break. Maybe it had something to do with that. In fact, maybe these sudden lessons were connected with both.

"Yeah, so?" he replied grumpily.

"Well I asked him if I could learn too, and he said it was alright, so I will be going with you."

"Why would you want to spend more time with Snape?" he spat. "Oh, yeah, I remember now. He is your favorite teacher," he said with a sneer. "I bet you just couldn't pass up the opportunity to be with your mentor."

"You don't have to be a git about it. I don't bother you about being so close to Hagrid do I? Just let it go."

"WHATS WRONG WITH HAGRID?"

"I didn't say anything was wrong with him. I am just saying you like to spend time with him, and even though I don't understand it, I still accept it. Can't you just accept the fact that I don't hate Snape, even if you do?" She knew she was being logical, but she also knew none of it was sinking in. She chose that moment to walk away, and for the rest of the week neither Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, or Ada would speak with her. Fine, I don't give a shit, she thought angrily.

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She knew better to be late for anything having to do with Severus Snape. They may be friendly, but that didn't mean he didn't have a temper with those who wasted his time. When she and Harry arrived, Snape was waiting for them.

"I want you to close your minds. Potter, if the dark lord can enter into your mind and see your thoughts and feelings, you will be dead in less than a minute. He will know your weaknesses, and will be able to hear your attacks before you even have time to lift your wand. I am somewhat pleased that you are both here. This way if I tire of you, Potter, you can practice together. I will hold each of you accountable to practice during the week. I do not wish to waste my time." Both students nodded. Jordan, somewhat eagerly, Harry, with an attitude portraying get on with it. "Okay, I will attempt to break into your minds."

The hour went by too quickly for Jordan's approval. Snape repeatedly tried to break into her mind, but she was fairly good at hiding her emotions, and pushing him out. It was most likely because she had pushed everyone out and tried not to feel anything since her childhood. Harry was slow to progress, and this seemed to anger Snape. Jordan did feel a small amount of sympathy for him by the end of the lesson. The lessons continued for weeks. Harry was actually improving, but Jordan felt she was regressing. All the extra time she spent with Snape was changing her. Part of her did not want to push him out, but part of her knew the consequences of him seeing into her past. What would he think of her? Her pensieve could not hold two full years of her memories. She was also very hesitant to put them in there anyway. Her necklace was something special. It held memories, thoughts, and feelings of Snape, and only Snape. She did not want to taint it for even a moment. Well, at least this would make her work even harder at occlumency.

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"Harry, hurry up, I don't want to be late."

"Of course, you wouldn't want your precious Professor getting upset, would you?"

"I am sick of this Harry, shut up," her voice menacing. She was truly tired of it.

"You're late," Snape snapped. Jordan gave Harry a dirty look. He rolled his eyes and said nothing. "Lets begin before any more time is wasted."

"YOU'RE NOT TRYING POTTER," Snape yelled after only a few minutes. Suddenly Draco came bursting in and Snape had to run out the door to stop some mischief. Jordan and Harry glared at each other. Suddenly Harry's eyes fell to the pensieve. He started walking towards it, but Jordan stopped him.

"You can't look in there," she said angrily. "That is the Professor's memories, its wrong and you know it." Harry looked at her with rage. He pushed her out of the way and, wanting to make a point, stuck his head in. He could no longer hear Jordan shouting at him, for he was immersed in Snape's memory. Jordan never knew what he saw, for Snape had returned and yanked him out of the pensieve. After screaming at him, and throwing him out, he sat at his desk and glared at nothing in particular. Whatever Harry saw, it was enough to make Snape raving mad, and for Harry to look differently, almost apologetically, at his hated professor. Jordan wasn't quite sure what to say.

"Shall we continue?" he said softly after some time went by.

"Professor, I told him-"

"I am well aware you did not approve of his actions. Otherwise, I would not allow you to still be in my presence. I will ask again, shall we continue?"

"Yes Sir." But Jordan was not concentrating one hundred percent, and that was the first mistake. She had let her guard down, and he broke through. Memories came back that were long buried within her. She stared in horror at the images, feeling powerless to stop them. The first night Joe had his way with her. Joe, as he slapped her into submission, and laughing at her. Joe pulling her into the bedroom by her hair, and throwing her on her bed. Her sitting on her bed when he was finished, hating herself. The night her mother died. The day Joe tried to take Ada. Many other horrible, disgusting images flew around her. The pain was unbearable. She had tried to make herself forget, to turn cold, but now she was forced to remember, and it was killing her. He finally stopped, and she fell to the floor.

What have I done? This girl has had a life I would not wish on my worst enemy. Well, maybe that was not true, but still. He was dumbfounded. He wanted to go to her. Comfort her. Be the only one who showed they cared, but he couldn't move. What shocked him further was her reaction. Slowly, she rose up, with a face that showed no emotion, and gave nothing away.

"Thank you for giving me the opportunity to try and learn occlumency, Professor Snape. Obviously I am a lost cause, so I will stop waiting your time. Have a pleasant evening sir." She quickly gathered her things, and walked out the door. He could not move.

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"Headmaster, I really must speak with you," Snape said urgently. He did not know what to do. He was confused, and the only person he would ever consider going to was Albus.

"Of course, Severus, what can I help you with?"

"It about Miss Madison."

"The Miss Ada Madison, or the Miss Jordan?" he replied, his look revealing that he was pretty sure he already knew.

"Miss Jordan."

"Hmm, well what seems to be the problem?"

"Well I have been teaching her Occlumcy," he started.

"Really? How delightful, but Miss Jordan should breeze through that, with her natural defense and all." Snape was now more confused.

"Natural defense? But Just last night I was able to break through her mind," he replied. Dumbledore looked thoughtful for a second, and then a smile played on his lips.

"How interesting, there must be some explanation to that. Part of her must have wanted to let you in. Isn't it amazing how the body can know what's best for you, even when your mind wont accept it? Well nothing to worry about I am sure."

"But sir, that is not my point. I saw things. Horrible things. Things that I don't believe any one has seen-" Dumbledore put a hand up, almost to say he was not as unaware as he seemed.

"Well what did she do after you saw them?" he inquired. Snape told him her reaction, but the older man did not seem surprised in the least.

"Ah Severus, you should have some understanding of her situation. I see many similarities between the two of you" a twinkle appeared in his eye, and disappeared just as quickly. "Perhaps the two of you can sort this out. It seems that she, whether knowingly or unknowingly, has chosen you to help her. You appear to be very concerned for her. Follow your heart."

"Sir," he began bitterly," we both know that I don't have a heart. Not like what she needs right now."

"Now, now, Severus, we both know that is untrue. You have a heart, and so does she. Perhaps she needs someone to relate to first. She probably feels like no one could understand, and that she is lost. Maybe you can help her find herself?"

"You know Headmaster, I am not good at this sort of thing. I wouldn't know where to begin, maybe someone else would be-"

"Nonsense. I know you care about her. Did you think you could hide that from me? I know you better than you think. She needs someone to care for her. Maybe then she will begin to care for herself. She has spent her entire life in sacrifice for others. Maybe it is time she gets what she wants."

"But I have no idea what she wants, how am I supposed to help her?" He wanted to help. He wanted to comfort her. He wanted to be the one to come through for her. It gave him some hope that he was meant to be more than just a spy. Maybe he was meant to make a difference to someone who cared whether he lived or died. Someone who knew his past, for they had discussed it recently, and accepted him, even tried to understand. If she wanted to hear his past, why couldn't she share hers? He had been hesitant, almost afraid to tell her, but he finally opened up. He had expected her to run away in disgust, but all she did was put her hand on his and quietly say, "I'm so sorry". He swore he could still feel her hand an hour after they left. He wanted to be able to do the same. He wanted to be with her. But there were just two tiny problems. She was a student, and she would never look at him in a romantic way. She was too beautiful, too full of life. "And she is so young, what about-" but Dumbledore cut him off.

"I am sure you will figure it out in time, and really, age rarely makes a difference. Besides, our miss Jordan is seventeen. She is a young woman, but still a woman. She just needs a little help finding herself." With that, he popped a lemon drop in his mouth, and floated away.

If Severus Snape didn't know any better, it would seem that the headmaster was trying to play Yenta. He smiled for a moment, but only a moment. It died when he realized how his and Jordan's encounter had ended. How would she act towards him now?

(A/N: So he has seen her demons. Will she be okay with that? hmmmm Does he have a little more sympathy for her now? Obviously. But what do they do now?)