Chapter 10

THE PARENTS HOUSE

I opened my eyes and they felt swollen and sore, and my nose was stuffy. The sunlight streaming in the room hurt my eyes, and I felt like hell. Almost immediately, I realized this was not my room; I was in her room, in her bed. The previous day's events descended on me. Yesterday had been the longest, most trying day of my life. I lay there trying to absorb it all and not fall apart again. Crying was not going to fix things. I needed a plan of action. One that would make me feel better.

The last thing I remembered was falling apart on the couch. So how did I end up in here? Damn! Edward must have carried me and I slept through it. Well that sucked.

I heard a soft musical laugh come from the corner. My eyes immediately fell on Edward, lounging in a chair and smiling at me. I was instantly self conscious and pulled the covers over my head. Edward laughed even louder and said in a lighthearted voice, "What are you thinking about? Your expressions are driving me crazy."

I pulled the covers back down and stared at Edward. My dream, my dark angel: he was so perfect, so unimaginably beautiful. Half man, half mythical creature, was this real, or was I in a coma somewhere dreaming all this up? I shook off those thoughts. Be proactive, I told myself. "So what do we do now?" I asked out loud.

Edward still smiling, answered, "We have a long day ahead of us. We need to get to Jen2's parents' house and find the journals. Get dressed, and then it's to the outskirts of Chicago."

One second he was smiling at me, lounging in a chair, and the next second he was gone, the door closed behind him. Even though I knew he was a vampire, seeing that live and in person still felt surreal. The clock on the wall said three thirty-five p.m. Wow, I had slept late! I guess that was a hazard of staying up with a sleepless vampire.

I got out of her bed and hit the bathroom for a quick shower and discovered a door from the bathroom that led straight to that magnificent closet. As I entered her dressing room, I thought that it would have done Sex & The City's Carrie proud. I followed Edward's lead, and picked out a pair of dark blue jeans with a matching jean jacket. Even though Edward never got cold, he knew his role well enough to dress appropriately. I grabbed another white T-shirt with a pretty multicolor print. I was determined to wear those LV sneakers and that matching LV purse.

All the while, I thought about Edward and how absolutely beautiful he was. It was easier to think about him than about the possibility that I was simply a delusion. But, we had a simple plan: find the journals, find the answers and then everybody goes home. I didn't care how bad it looked; I was sticking to the belief that I was real.

Everybody goes home. I missed my home, but, now, after everything, I would miss Edward something fierce. If only, if only.. If only what? If only he wasn't supposed to be with Bella, and I didn't have a family to return to? Well, I couldn't worry about any of that right now. First things first: I just had to keep moving forward. We would find the journals and worry about the rest later.

A knock on the door broke me out of my reverie. "It's open," I called out. Then I had to smile, like a locked door could keep a vampire out. Edward strolled gracefully into the room in blue jeans and a gray t-shirt, looking more gorgeous than anyone had a right to.

He brought in a tray with a full breakfast. There was coffee, toast, an omelet, a fresh fruit cup, and freshly squeezed orange juice. I was surprised, to say the least. "Where did you get all of this?"

"While you were sleeping last night, I had to keep myself distracted. So, I watched the Cooking Channel and decided to try my hand at breakfast." He seemed pleased at his handiwork, he was also wearing a devilish smile, like he had said some private joke I didn't quite get.

"Thanks," I answered. He gracefully set the tray down on Jen2's bed. The sunlight was streaming into the room and bouncing off his exposed skin, cascading light everywhere he went. It was surreal and breathtaking and hard not to gawk at him when he was just so splendid. It was easy to see how women of previous centuries would have easily mistaken Edward's kind for angels or demigods. I was glad I had the food for a distraction.

Surprisingly, I wasn't that hungry, but I ate because I knew he had made the effort. It was actually wonderful! "Wow, this is good," I said, in between bites.

I sipped my orange juice and Edward seemed to breathe a sigh of relief and responded, "I wasn't sure how it turned out, it all tastes like dirt to me." I almost laughed, because I remembered him eating the slice of pizza in Twilight and saying that exact same thing.

Edward was watching me eat and I felt self-conscious. So I asked, "Is what I'm wearing okay? I have no idea what season it is, or what the weather's like here."

He watched me carefully, still smiling and replied, "It's springtime and unseasonably warm for Chicago. Most people are dressed in light jackets. How was your breakfast?"

"Everything was delicious. Even the coffee was just how I like it," I said as I pushed the empty tray away.

He gave me that crooked smile and seemed very pleased with himself. I couldn't help but smile back at him and sigh. His amber eyes were warm and full of delight, his bronzed hair was perfectly tousled, and his magnificent face was sparkling in the sunlight. He was so beautiful, he took my breath away.

His smile deepened and he cleared his throat and said, "Breathe, Jenny."

I snapped out of it and realized I had been staring at him and had forgotten to breathe again. I took a big gulp of air. My heart was pounding in my chest and my ears. I felt myself blush from my ears to my toes. There was no point in trying to do math; it was too late. Besides, if we were going to be in such close proximity, it would be useless to hide my physical reaction to him. It would have been a full-time job. I'm sure I was not the first female to have this kind of reaction around him; he was probably used to it.

I smiled sheepishly at him, then put my head down and buried my nose in Jen2's purse, pretending to look for something. I heard Edward collect the tray and then he was out of the room. I breathed a sigh of relief. He was going to have to get used to me gawking at him, but I knew blushing wasn't good for him, so I was going to have to stop being embarrassed. I gathered her purse, checked myself in the mirror and headed out to the living room.

Edward was by the door, keys in hand, and he motioned for me to go first as he held the door open. I looked everywhere but at him. We headed to the elevator, then downstairs to his car in silence.

Although his windows were tinted, it was a cloudy day, so we didn't anticipate any problems. Once inside the silver Volvo, thankfully, Edward broke the silence. "So, have you been to Chicago before?"

"A few times on business, most of what I have seen is downtown, but that's about it." The drive to Jen2's parent's house was like my own personal question and answer session. I wanted to know all about Jen2: anything I thought would help get to the truth. So, I spent the three-hour car ride asking questions about her family, her career, her childhood, her best friend, and her high school. You name it, I asked. Edward filled me in on everything he had found out.

It was almost dusk when we arrived at what was supposed to be Jen2's childhood home. I could feel Edward watching me intently, looking for the same thing I was: recognition. The two-story colonial was white with red shutters. The lawn was manicured, but all the curtains were closed and the potted flowers were dead. All signs of an empty, lifeless house.

In my mind I could clearly see my parents home. I grew up in a yellow and brown one-story rancher in New Jersey. Flower pots overflowed with red geraniums. Curtains and windows were wide open, with arguments and laughter echoing out of them. The house was always bustling with a constant stream of family and friends. This was wrong; everything was wrong.

I shook my head and said aloud, "This is all wrong."

Before I could say another thing, Edward was opening my door, "Let's go inside."

I felt reluctant to go in, and responded, "But we're parked in the driveway, won't the neighbors wonder why we're here?"

Edward smiled at me patiently and reminded me, "They will recognize you, and it will be fine."

"Right, right," I replied, reminding myself of Jacob, as I mechanically got out of the car.

We walked up to the front door. It was red and all wrong. I felt myself lagging back and asked, "Are you going to break in?"

Edward gave me a mischievous smile and answered, "I could." Then he flashed something silver in his hand, "But we have Jen2's keys."

Although there were a number of keys the on her key ring, Edward had the front door open in seconds.

I took a deep breath, and followed him into the front foyer. It was a small foyer with steps leading up to a second floor. It had a formal living room on the right and a formal dining room on the left. All wrong.

I followed Edward's lead and we headed past the steps, straight back to the family room. It was way too modern, so not my mom's style. There were family pictures on the wall, and once again, most of my brothers and sisters were missing. Edward looked at me questioningly. I gave him a panicked look and said, "I don't remember any of this. Shouldn't some of it be familiar? Something? Anything?"

Edward responded, "Not if this isn't your childhood home."

"But those are my parents and my brother in her pictures, and most of my siblings are missing. This doesn't make sense."

Edward answered me in his soothing voice, "Let's focus on finding the journals."

I didn't answer, but nodded in agreement. I wasn't sure what I was expecting or why I was so freaked out. I knew I was real and Edward was right. I shouldn't remember these pictures, or this house. Wasn't that a good thing?

We were still on the first level. I was blankly staring around me, and Edward said he was going to look in the garage and then the attic.

I didn't want to separate from him, but feeling foolish, I nodded my head in agreement. As I wandered alone through the downstairs, I felt my fear and anxiety growing exponentially.

Suddenly, I couldn't breathe and it felt like the walls were closing in on me. I had to get out of here. I saw the front door and bolted for it, and before I knew it, I was outside and running. I barely looked where I was going, but I needed to get far away from that house. I felt my sleeve snag on a bush, but I continued to run, not caring where I was headed, as long as it was away. I planned to keep going until I ran out of breath, but surprisingly, that wasn't happening. I finally stopped when I no longer felt the need to keep running. The fear and anxiety had past, so I stopped and looked around me. It was getting dark, but I could easily make out trees and trails. I seemed to be in a park, so I sat down on the grass. I hugged my knees to my chest and began rocking back and forth with my head down.

I tried to make sense of what I was feeling. Although I didn't recognize anything, the house felt familiar, somehow. This was crazy! I was real and not some delusion. I was suddenly tired of adventure, and I longed for my mundane life once again. I could hear my mother's voice in the back of my mind, "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." I felt like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz or Alice in Wonderland who fell down the rabbit hole. All I wanted right now was to go home. And if I ever got back home, I would never take my day-to-day life for granted again.

I am not sure how long I sat there rocking back and forth, but then Edward was beside me. Of course, he followed me to make sure I was okay.

"Are you alright?" I heard him ask in his soothing voice.

I looked up into his beautiful, angelic face, full of concern. He was beside me, crouched down on his feet. I shook my head no. He asked, "Do you want to talk about what happened?" I nodded yes, but didn't speak and continued rocking. He continued, "Did something happen in the house? Did you remember something terrible?"

I felt hysterical laughter almost bubble to the surface when he asked that. It took me a moment to get myself under control enough to speak. "No, nothing happened, that was the problem. I didn't have a single memory inside that house. I don't remember any of it; I just have some strange feeling like I should. I don't understand; this is all crazy. I miss home. I just want to go home. I just want to go home," The rocking got worse.

An electric shock ran through me as I felt Edward's cool touch on my cheeks. He was gently wiping away my tears. I hadn't even realized that I was crying.

Distracted by his unexpected touch, I stopped rocking. Then he removed my hands from my knees and placed them around his neck. His face was right next to mine. I had never been this close to him before; I was dazzled by his nearness. His beauty was overwhelming and it left me stunned. Very slowly, as though I were extremely fragile, he gently lifted me up in his arms, and began carrying me back to the house.

Still intoxicated by his nearness, but also exhausted mentally and emotionally, I relaxed in his arms. I buried my face against his cool shoulder. It felt good against my hot, tear streamed face. I breathed in and he smelled sweet and delicious; it was mouthwatering. I breathed in deeper and I felt dizzy, almost heady but in a very good way. It felt wonderfully good to be this close to him. I let the warm, blissful feeling spread through me, and my earlier sorrow seemed to dissipate. It was replaced by an intoxicating, warm, and electric feeling.

We said nothing as we headed back to the house, and I just allowed myself to enjoy being in his arms. Edward was touching me, not just touching, but holding me in his arms. It was impossible to feel anything but bliss in his arms, so I allowed myself this momentary pleasure.

After a while, I noticed we had been walking for a long time. I had not realized how far I had actually run. I also noticed that Edward seemed to be breathing heavy. I lifted my head and braced myself to look up at his beautiful face. I'd forgotten I couldn't think with his face so close to mine, and then ridiculously asked, "Am I too heavy for you? I am okay to walk now." After the words were out, I realized what a stupid question that was to ask a vampire.

Edward looked down at me bemusedly and smiled, "Of course not, what a strange question." His amber eyes were full of amusement.

As soon as he turned his face to mine, I felt myself gasp. God, he was breathtaking, and I stuttered my reply. "B.. b.. but your breathing is heavy?"

Edward stopped breathing immediately, and turned his face forward. Then he said in a teasingly seductive voice, "I don't mind carrying you. I am rather enjoying it, and there are other reasons why a man holding a beautiful woman in his arms might be breathing heavily."

Although I knew he was teasing, I was still surprised and flattered. "Oh," and I instantly felt my face flush with heat, and my heart beat faster. Knowing he would sense both my embarrassed blushing and heartbeat, I buried my face back against his cool shoulder and breathed his scent in deeply. God, but he smelled like heaven.

Edward laughed and responded, "Don't worry, I'd be blushing too right about now, if I could." And at that, we both laughed. The sound of our laughter was the only sound on the empty streets. Although he felt cool through his clothes, I was warm all over, and it felt wonderful to be in his arms. It felt right, like this was where I was supposed to be.

I thought about his words, his heavy breathing, and then no breathing. Could Edward be attracted to me? That would be wonderful, heavenly, and… no that was wishful thinking. I was reading too much into his comment. But his heavy breathing was unconscious. I knew that from the books. He didn't even need to breathe. If I was just a delusion of a dying woman and he desired me, why couldn't I have this? If Jen2 had her fantasy life through me, couldn't I have mine?

I felt momentary guilt about my husband, and then I remembered that I might not really have a husband. I thought of my daughter, real or not, I missed her terribly. No, I couldn't give up. I needed to focus on finding Jen2's journals and finding the truth. If I was real, I had a daughter waiting for me on the other side of the universe.

I was still lost in my own thoughts, when I heard Edward ask, "Where did you go just now? I can tell by your heartbeat that you're upset."

There was no point in lying. I said I wouldn't when possible. "I was thinking about my husband and daughter." I felt him stiffen when I said the word husband. "And I was wondering if I am real or not? That seems to be the question of the hour."

Edward said nothing; he just kept looking forward. But I could see he had his mask back on. We had been laughing, maybe even flirting, and I had ruined the moment. I was the queen of 'open mouth, insert foot'. All too soon we were back at the house and I could have literally kicked myself.

I reluctantly removed my arms from his neck and he carefully set me down on the porch without looking at me. I wanted to say something to make things lighter again, but Edward spoke first. "Are you ready to go back in the house, or do you want me to search it by myself?"

"No, I will go back in as well. Maybe it will be different this time. Even if nothing happens, at least I know what to expect."

Edward responded, "Ladies first."

So I walked back in the doorway. "Yep, still nothing."

I decided to focus on the journals. I felt like the answers we needed were in them. We were looking for boxes shipped from Jen2's apartment. Edward found the boxes in the downstairs library. He called me to him, but I didn't know where that room was. So he brought both boxes into the living room. I searched one while Edward searched the other.

As I looked through more strange things, I kept reminding myself that strange was a good thing. Edward said, "I found something. It's a journal. No. It's a notebook, a handwritten notebook entitled Twilight."

I froze, as fear ripped through me. A handwritten notebook entitled Twilight? It couldn't be! She didn't know Edward or the Cullens. Jen2's lack of that knowledge was the only proof I was real.

As Edward read aloud the beginning of the notebook, I only half listened to the familiar story: the story I knew by heart. I felt like I was falling. So, I began clutching an end table for dear life, and I asked, "Wh.. wh..where does it end?"

Edward answered, his voice filled with confusion, "It ends with Bella and E.. (he stuttered over his own name) Edward on their way to meet my… uh, his family. "

Edward seemed lost in his own thoughts and then he asked me in a voice filled with wonder and awe, "And this is how you see me?"

I was numb, but I somehow found my voice and answered, "Yes."

"And this is how you think I feel about Bella?" I could hear the incredulousness in his melodic voice.

Again, I responded numbly, "Yes."

Edward breathed his reply in a whisper. "Remarkable," his expression was unreadable, but his eyes were unmistakably full of wonder.

I spoke again. "If she has the Twilight book, then there's no chance…" My voice trailed off. I couldn't speak the words.

Edward was still amazed over what he had just read. I could almost see his vampire mind at work, processing all the insight and the revelations of the notebook. He was so engrossed; he didn't notice I was still gripping the table. When I asked him to give me the notebook, he mindlessly passed it to me. As soon as it touched my hands, I saw a flashback of me, or her, writing in that notebook. I dropped the notebook like it was fire, which he instinctively caught.

It didn't feel like I was speaking, but I heard my voice saying, "No. No. No! I am real! I am real! I know I am! This is all wrong!" Those last words had a hysterically shrill note to them.

Edward immediately snapped back to the moment, and to the realization that this meant I was the delusion of a dying woman.

I felt the panic and despair well up inside of me so big and strong it was going to swallow me whole. I had to escape it. My eyes darted around the room looking for an exit. I saw the ugly red door, and I bolted in that direction and I collided into a wall that came out of nowhere. It was Edward. He had beat me to the door and I slammed into him. I heard the screaming continue, and I can't be sure, but I think I was hitting something with my fists, maybe him. At some point I heard the screaming change to incoherent sobs, and I felt my face against something cool and hard. I was pretty sure I was now leaning against Edward's cool chest. I deeply breathed his intoxicating scent and felt immediately better. Another part of my brain, that was still somehow functioning on adrenaline, recognized this was just one of many vampire lures. A scent that was delicious and intoxicating enough to alleviate fears, and replace it with a languid warm electric feeling. Right now I wanted nothing more than to drown in that feeling. I felt his arms encircle me and I was in his cool blissful embrace, surrounded by him. I felt safe in his arms, like whatever I had been running from couldn't touch me here.

For a long while, he simply held me while I slowly came back to my senses. There would be no more talk of me trying to go home anymore; there was no home to go to. Although my mind carefully ran through my current situation, it was literally impossible to feel despair while in his arms. My breathing and heart beat had returned to normal as well. I was so thankful for the shelter of his arms.

Then he swept me up into his arms and carried me over to the couch. Without letting go of me, he sat down, still cradling me in his arms. I looked into his face to see Edward gazing down at me, his face a mere eight inches from mine. I did not want to move. I wanted to stay here forever and just gaze at his beautiful face, until I was no more.

He did not say a word and yet his beautiful amber eyes spoke volumes. I saw anguish, despair, desire and longing. Did I see desire and longing? No, he couldn't want me, he was supposed to love Bella. Or was that all my imagination, or Jen2's imagination? Did Edward want me? What if he did? Wasn't I free now, anyway? Couldn't I have this?

I was lost in his gaze and my own thoughts. I felt his cool fingers tenderly brush the hair away from my eyes. Then he lightly caressed the side of my face, I responded immediately to his touch. It was pure bliss, featherlite, electric, cool and hot all at once. This simple touch had set me on fire.

I continued to gaze passionately into his beautiful eyes as my breathing became erratic and my heart pounded in my ears. His fingers left my jaw line, which ached immediately for their return. Then he ran one finger gently down my nose, over my lips and chin, leaving waves of pleasure in its wake. I immediately and unconsciously licked my lips, and his amber eyes were instantly drawn to them, smoldering with desire. He began adoringly tracing my lips with the tip of his finger, I felt my heart beating even faster and every nerve ending in my body seemed to spring to life.

That intoxicating, electric feeling was spreading through me like wild fire. His smoldering eyes said it all; he wanted to kiss me, but he didn't know if he would hurt me, or if he should try. We both knew there was line in the sand, and we didn't know what would happened if we crossed it. I was ready to cross it. I wanted this! Right now, I wanted this more than anything in the world! Even if he couldn't read my mind, there was no mistaking what my body was saying. My breathing was fast and uneven, my heart was hammering, and then, as though they had a life of their own, my arms reached up, my hands wound around his neck and pulled him down to me. He stopped his face a few millimeters from mine, and then he very slowly brushed his lips to mine. I breathed in his dizzying scent while his cool marble lips gently brushed against mine, and a jolt of desire shot through me. It was unlike anything I had ever known. It was all-consuming, even if I had had the will to stop it; I would have been powerless against it. But I had more will to carry on than to stop. My hands were now in his bronze hair, and then suddenly, abruptly Edward's head swiftly shot up. It was so fast, I felt like he almost took my fingers off. He hissed, "Another vampire is here."

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