Chapter Nine
After Castiel and Dean have eaten their burgers (which Castiel is surprised to find actually taste very appetising making Castiel understand why Dean loves them so much) they stay sitting on the sofa watching re-runs of Dr Sexy. Dean pulls Castiel in close, letting his arms wrap around Castiel protectively, like he's apologising for his past self for hurting him. Castiel doesn't mind and lets himself be held tightly, his own fingers playing with Dean's shirt absent-mindedly as they watch the television show.
Even now, Castiel doesn't understand why Dean likes the show so much. That is until Dean starts flailing as soon as Dr Sexy comes on the screen without his shirt on (for no viable explanation, Castiel might add).
"You like Dr Sexy?" Castiel asks slowly, staring at Dean unblinking. Dean blushes and Castiel knows he's right, "You find Dr Sexy attractive?"
Dean squirms, "Um, maybe?"
"Oh," Castiel mutters, looking down at his fingers fiddling with Dean's shirt.
"Wait," Dean says, amusement in his voice, "Are you jealous Cas?"
"No!" Castiel grumbles.
"Aw you totally are," Dean laughs teasingly.
"No, I am not," Castiel feels himself redden which is ridiculous but apparently his vessel isn't on his side and clearly just wants to embarrass him further.
Dean kisses Castiel's neck, "Don't worry Cas, you're still number one for me."
"I am?" Castiel asks timidly.
"Definitely," Dean smiles fondly, his eyes twinkling in amusement as leans forward and kisses Castiel on the mouth, letting his tongue glide in gracefully. Castiel leans in, twisting his fingers into Dean's shirt, bunching it up in his grasp. Castiel feels Dean smile as he kisses him, his arms pulling Castiel in closer, making their chests touch.
A loud annoying ring interrupts them.
Dean groans but pulls back, gesturing for Castiel to answer the phone. Castiel does so quickly. Only two people know this phone number and Sam had said that he would only call if they were in trouble. What if Dean is stuck in a dream with Lucifer again?
He feels his heart quicken when he sees Dean's number light up the screen because the only reason Dean would call him now if he is in trouble of dying and even then it's questionable. What could possibly have happened in the few hours that he had left them?
"Dean?" Castiel asks frantically through the phone, Future Dean beside him holding a passive expression on his face.
"Cas?" Dean's slurred voice comes through the phone, "I wanna talk to you, get your stupid ass here."
"Dean, where are you?" Castiel asks urgently down the phone. After what Future Dean had told him, that Dean was only feeling guilty and angry at himself, the fact that he's now drunk himself to oblivion is not a good sign.
"C'mere Cas," Dean slurs through the phone, hiccupping between the words.
"Just tell me where you are Dean," Castiel tries to stay calm but knows he is failing, especially when Dean hangs up the phone, a droning beeping noise blaring out at him.
"Where is he?" Castiel asks the Dean beside him, feeling his stomach churn.
"At the bar just around the corner from the motel, I can't remember the name," Dean replies, "Now go."
Castiel hesitates, kissing Dean quickly on the forehead before leaving him, feeling that he is choosing one Dean over the other which is a foolish thought because they are the same person. Even if they are so different in how they act and treat Castiel, they are the same person and Castiel needs to remember that.
It doesn't take long for Castiel to find the bar and to find Dean sitting on the edge of the pavement, the impala parked on the car park behind him.
"Dean?" Castiel asks cautiously because Dean had asked him to come but what if he's changed his mind? Drunken Dean could change moods and ideas quickly, especially when he is already mad at you.
Dean looks up, his eyes bloodshot from the alcohol, "Cas? How'd you find me?"
"You told me," Castiel says truthfully.
Dean nods, scrunching up his nose, "Oh yeah, I forgot."
"Let me take you back to the motel room Dean," Castiel walks forward, standing over Dean. If his grace wasn't waning so much he would use some of it to make Dean sober but he doesn't know how much he has to waste and besides, he's unsure as to how Dean would react to having the alcohol forced from his body like that.
"No, I want to talk to you first," Dean reaches up and tugs at Castiel's hand, pulling him down to the floor. Castiel kneels on the tarmac in front of Dean, noticing that Dean is still holding his hand like it's his anchor.
"What do you want to talk about Dean?" Castiel asks, still staring at their hands interlinked. Perhaps Dean has forgotten that he is holding his hand? Castiel goes to take his hand from Dean's but Dean just holds him tighter and Castiel realises that the only way he is going to get out of Deans grasp is if he breaks Dean's bones. Castiel leaves his hand under Dean's, squeezing it comfortingly.
"M'Sorry, I didn't mean what I said," Dean mutters, looking down at the floor like a scolded child.
"It's okay Dean, I understand," Castiel says softly, hoping this is the right tone to comfort someone who is inebriated and trying to apologise.
"You do?" Dean looks up at Castiel, his eyes wide and childlike.
"Yes I do," Castiel places his other hand over Dean's slowly, ready for Dean to pull back, though he doesn't, "I am sorry for what I did though Dean. Even at the time I knew what I was doing was wrong but I still did it and I know I can't take it back."
"Wasn't your fault," Dean mutters, looking back to the floor, "You tried to stop it. You went against heaven so I could stop it and I failed. And now you're falling and it's my fault and I failed you Cas."
Castiel takes a sharp intake of breath, "You didn't fail me Dean, this wasn't your fault."
"Yes it was," Dean sighs and Castiel can feel his hand shaking between Castiel's. Castiel uses his hand to tilt Dean's head upwards so he's forced into looking at Castiel's face. Dean's eyes are full of self-loathing and Castiel just wants to lean forward and kiss it out of him but he knows he can't, that this isn't the Dean that would agree with that.
"Dean, none of this is your fault, Lucifer being set free, me falling, none of it. You tried your hardest to prevent all this, I know you did and now you're trying your hardest to end it all and I know you will succeed."
Dean shakes his head slightly, his eyes rimmed red, "I can't do it Cas, I can't."
"Have faith Dean," Castiel says simply.
"In God?" Dean snorts, "He doesn't give a shit."
Castiel ignores the insult to his father and instead leans forward slightly, "No, you should have faith in yourself. Believe in yourself like I believe in you, I have faith in you Dean."
Dean blinks, his eyes wide, and then he's suddenly closing the barrier between them, pressing his lips against Castiel's forcefully. Castiel keeps his eyes open, wide in surprise, never thinking that this would happen, not now, not yet. Castiel can taste the alcohol on Dean's breath; his lips dry against Castiel's. Before Castiel can even think of what to do the kiss is over. Dean leans back as far as possible, pulling his hand from Castiel's hold, a horrified look on his face.
"Fuck, I don't know why I did that," Dean stammers, looking a lot more sober than he had been a few moments ago.
"It's okay Dean, its okay," Castiel tries to soothe, his breath shaky as he tries to understand what's just happened. Dean just shakes his head in reply, his breathing heavy and Castiel feels his heart drop when he sees how truly terrified Dean looks, how much he clearly hadn't enjoyed the kiss, that he already regrets it.
"Let me take you back to the motel room," Castiel says, trying to hide the hurt in his voice. Dean just nods dumbly, flinching when Castiel rests his hand on his forehead to take them back. Thankfully, Sam is already asleep, clearly thinking that Dean could handle himself. Or he is just simply used to Dean going off angrily like this and only staggering back in the early hours of the morning.
Dean staggers away from Castiel as soon as they arrive, sitting on the bed, his head falling into his hands.
"It's okay Dean," Castiel says, not making any movement towards Dean, choosing to stay on the other side of the room.
"No, it's not, it's really really not," Dean groans quietly into his hands, "Look, I'm really drunk and I need to sleep this off so can you go please?"
"Yes," Castiel replies instantly, not wanting to leave Dean when he is at his most vulnerable but knows that he cannot force the situation, cannot force Dean to talk about this when he clearly doesn't want to.
Dean was just drunk, a drunken mistake that he didn't really want to do. Castiel can see he already regrets it and it scares- no terrifies- Castiel to think about how this is going to change everything. A melancholy feeling hits him as he realises that that is his and Dean's first official kiss. And it couldn't have been worse.
Future Dean is where he left him, sitting on the couch, watching Dr Sexy re-runs. His face lights up when Castiel arrives, shutting the television off, gesturing for Castiel to come sit with him.
"You okay Cas?" Dean asks as soon as Castiel sits next to him.
"I'm not sure," Castiel replies honestly, still feeling himself shaking slightly.
"Past me just kissed you huh?" Dean says softly, pulling Castiel into a hug, kissing Castiel's neck.
"Yes."
"And now you're really confused," Dean points out, a hand snaking up and down Cas' back comfortingly.
"Yes."
"And you're worried about how past me is going to act after this," Dean murmurs, a hand gliding through Cas' hair as he kisses him gently on the neck.
"Yes," Castiel mumbles.
Dean sighs, "I'm not going to lie to you Cas, past me is going to act like a bit of a dick to you for a while."
Castiel stiffens, feeling his heart fill with dread. He can't have Dean be angry with him, he just can't.
"Hey Cas, it's going to be okay though," Dean pulls back, kissing Castiel gently on the forehead, "It'll all work out in the end."
"I don't understand how it can, how that Dean can become you," Castiel murmurs truthfully.
"A lot of things happen between now and the future," Dean rests his forehead against Castiel's, "But trust me when I say this, it will work out, you and me will get together after I, y'know, get my shit together and finally admit to it all."
"How long until past you gets your shit together?" Castiel sniffs, letting his arms envelop Dean's waist.
Dean snorts, "Not long, but give him a break okay? He's not exactly going through the best of times. He's just helped start the apocalypse, just been touched up mentally by the freaking Devil and oh, he's just kissed his best friend."
"I'm your best friend?" Castiel asks, surprised at that.
Dean grins, "Course you are but you're a lot more than that, trust me."
"I am?"
"Want me to show you how much more?" Dean asks, his eyes glinting. Castiel doesn't reply, just leans forward and kisses Dean roughly, tangling his fingers in Dean's hair. Dean moans into Castiel's mouth as Castiel forces his tongue into Dean's, pulling Dean closer by his fingers. Dean tugs at Castiel's trench coat and Castiel shrugs it off, pulling his suit jacket off with it quickly. Letting his hands trail Dean's hair again, he pushes himself onto Dean so Dean has no choice but to lean back against the weight, his head resting on the sofa's arm chair. Dean pulls out Castiel's shirt from his pants, letting his hands trail up his back under his shirt, scraping his fingernails against him gently. Castiel just moans, tugging at Dean's shirt, at his jeans, desperate to get them all off, to start this because he needs this.
Castiel shifts to try and take some of his weight off Dean but somehow he shifts so their dicks are pressed up against each other and Castiel can't help but rut against it, rolling his hips to get as much as contact as possible, moaning into Dean's mouth.
Dean pulls free from Castiel's mouth, gasping, "Bed."
Castiel doesn't need to be told twice, flying them to the bed in a matter of seconds, letting Dean turn them over so Castiel is below, looking up at Dean. Dean quickly pulls his own shirt and jeans off, kissing Castiel every chance he has.
For a moment, Castiel is distracted, seeing a scar on Dean's abdomen that isn't on present Dean's. He lets his fingers trace it gently. Dean notices and reaches for Castiel's hand and kissing his fingers softly.
"Just another war wound," Dean murmurs before attacking Castiel's mouth again, his tongue sliding in easily. Castiel tries to unbutton his own shirt but feels himself struggling, he's never tried to undo his shirt before and it's proving to be difficult, especially with Dean's half naked body straddling him.
"De-Dean," Castiel pants between kisses.
Dean breaks free of his mouth, sees that Castiel is struggling and chuckles. Slowly he undoes the buttons, kissing Castiel's neck as he does so, occasionally nipping against him playfully.
After Dean has undone his shirt, he attacks Castiel's chest, kissing his collarbone, letting his hands trail down his chest to feel Castiel over his pants. Castiel can do nothing but lie there and watch, feel as Dean licks his nipples, sucking on them slightly as his hands start to unbuckle Castiel's trousers, pulling them down impatiently with a growl. Dean shifts down, pulling Castiel's trousers and boxers with him, Castiel moaning in relief when his dick is no longer constricted in his boxers. He watches as Dean pulls his own boxers off and then he's back to straddling him, letting their dicks rut against each other, both moaning as they shift against each other.
"You want me inside you baby?" Dean moans into Castiel's neck.
"Yes," Castiel groans, yes he does, he wants every part of Dean, to touch every fibre of his being.
Dean leans over to the small bed stand, ripping open the drawer, coming back with some kind of lubricant. Dean coats his fingers and his dick, Castiel feeling himself harden even more as he watches him, his cheeks flushed, his mouth swollen.
"You ready?" Dean asks. Castiel just nods, not sure what he's preparing for but knowing that he wants this, needs this.
He feels Dean's finger push in and he groans with half pleasure, half pain. He feels his muscles tighten against Dean, his body shuddering. Dean leans forward and kisses Castiel on the mouth and Castiel can see he's trying to distract him from the pain, to help him get used to the feeling and its working. Castiel lets himself focus on Dean's mouth, his tongue, as his body gets used to Dean's finger inside him.
"More Dean," Castiel tells Dean between kisses.
"Okay baby," Dean murmurs, pushing a second finger causing Castiel to moan again, clutching onto Dean tightly as he kisses him roughly on the mouth. Dean shifts his fingers inside Castiel and he hits something that makes Castiel moan, forgetting about any of the previous pain, arching his head back. Dean does it again and Castiel cries out Dean's name, pushing his hips further up to try and get Dean to hit it again. He does and it's like a tidal wave of pleasure overtaking him as Dean's fingers curl up inside him/
"Dean, I- I want-"
"I got you," Dean purrs, "And you're going to have all of me in you, you want that don't you?"
"Dean, please," Castiel finds himself crying out, feeling his forehead sheen in sweat as he feels Dean pull his fingers out. Castiel whimpers slightly, wanting the touch again, needing Dean to be inside him. Dean moves around to a better position, Castiel automatically wrapping his legs around Dean, understanding what's about to happen and craving it.
"You ready baby?" Dean asks.
"Ye-Yes."
And with that Dean slowly pushes himself in, Castiel crying out as he feels Dean inside him, feeling Dean and only Dean. Dean kisses him feverishly on the mouth, tongues clashing against each other, Dean's hands pressed against Castiel's chest to steady himself. While kissing him, Dean slowly starts to move, thrusting in and out of Castiel, moaning softly into Castiel's mouth. Castiel holds him tightly, lets his hand cover the hand print that he had marked on Dean's shoulder all that time ago.
Dean moans, starting to quicken his pace, letting his head rest against Castiel's shoulder, saying Castiel's name over and over like a prayer. Castiel doesn't notice he's doing the same thing with Dean's name until he cries it out louder when Dean hits against his prostate over and over, Castiel feeling himself reach closer and closer to orgasm. He clutches Dean closer, letting his legs tighten their grip around Dean, bucking his hips so Dean can pull himself in even further, moaning when he does.
"You're so fucking beautiful," Dean states, kissing Castiel hard and with that, Castiel comes with a guttural moan, his fingernails digging roughly into Dean's back. It's not long before Dean comes inside Castiel, shouting Castiel's name.
After that, Dean slows his thrusts before pulling himself out of Castiel completely, falling heavily on Castiel, burying his head in Castiel's neck.
Castiel holds onto him tightly, never wanting to let go.