Chapter 10: Admirable Attempts part 2
After surviving the trip from London to Malfoy manor Dudley had lived in a kind of daze for about 2 weeks now.
He knew he would not be able to impress Draco, he was all aristocratic and had a grace about himself Dudley couldn´t even dream to possess. So instead Dudley had set his mind on being a good guest, not being too much trouble.
It seemed Draco had sensed Dudley´s need for some peace and quiet and some time to himself because he had been there when Dudley needed him but had not made him feel uncomfortable or inquired an actual serious conversation above normal pleasantries and information of the house and what to expect of the wizarding aspects in it.
It had been hard though, Dudley had come in contact with so many magical things he had never even heard about before and all through the first week at the manor the things around him had scared him more then he wanted to admit.
For example the talking portraits was freaking him out to no end, and that they were able to follow him around the house from frame to frame didn´t make it any better. If that hadn´t been enough they taunted him constantly and called him things as impure and mud blood, he hadn't seen a smile on any of the occupants faces since he had arrived at the manor.
At first he had thought they had been against his sexuality as his own family but he had soon realized it was his non magical status that they sneered about. He had even heard them arguing with Draco one evening. Draco had threatened to take the portraits down and dispose them at the family vaults, which had at least made the portraits shut up when Draco was able to hear their evil comments.
Being the subject of verbal abuse from the Malfoy ancestors, and this only for not being of magical heritance made Dudley feel guilty. He almost felt that he deserved the treatment from the portraits, it was as if he now was on the other side, because really how was this any different than what he and his family had done to Harry just for having magic?
He was now on his way down to breakfast, really these stairs and corridors went on forever, it took about 10 minutes just to go from his bedroom to the dining room, to have an estate like this for 1 person was ridiculous to him.
Waking this morning though he had a new sense of calmness and he felt grounded. He was ready to explore his surroundings and take the next step to find himself.
When he walked past the door to Draco´s room he could hear the shower running, so Dudley knew he would have time to prepare breakfast.
Dudley had actually always enjoyed cooking, he had almost forgotten through the years though. First his parents had made Harry cook as a punishment, and when Harry didn´t cook Petunia had done so saying it was the task of a housewife and not something a boy like him would have to worry about. So of course he had not argued and instead gone to his room to play videogames or gone out with his father to a football match instead, things he didn´t much care for doing.
He had noticed that since he had arrived, no one had come and visited Draco and as far as he knew Draco had never gone out either. This made no sense to Dudley as Draco seemed like a smart and rather kind person, he had taken Dudley in hadn´t he? He´s also handsomely gracious his mind helpfully supplied without his approval making him blush thinking of where Draco was at the moment.
His true intentions was hard to establish though, It was hard knowing for sure if he would have taking in a stranger out of his good heart as Draco had this icy aloof exterior that didn´t give others much reason to think him as anything other than coldhearted.
Dudley had started to think that maybe Draco was lonely and therefor he was going to try to at least offer his company today. As it where he needed new friends as well, friends that were friends with the real him and would support who he really was.
LOTB∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞DD∞DM∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞LOTB
Newly showered and freshly dressed for the day Draco was met with a delicious fragrancy, the aroma he felt come against him made him feel warm inside and his stomach to make itself known. It also made him nostalgic, for a few years in his childhood he had lived in France and fresh pastries had been a frequent occurrence.
When he reached the kitchens he saw Dudley moving around between bowls and pans, he had an apron on that Draco had no idea where he could have found. If it wasn´t for the fact that the boy in front of him was a muggle he would have bet on that he had to have transformed or conjured it.
The guy he had been around for the last few weeks had been shy and a bit cautious around him. It had almost seemed as if he had been lost and that he didn´t know himself enough to know how to find himself again. The guy in front of him now was the opposite, he looked happy and at home in Draco´s kitchen with the green and grey apron and some flour on his left cheek.
Draco was fascinated by the site, he did not even remember the last time he had seen anyone cook by hand in the kitchen, let alone with a smile and a flourish in there step. He leaned against the doorframe and watched him work in silence, after a while he even started to hum on some tune Draco had never heard before.
And to think that someone was actually cooking for him without wanting or asking for something in return was also very fascinating and refreshing. As a true Slytherin to get something nice without an ulterior motive was very rare.
When he saw the plate with freshly baked waffles he decided it was time to make his presence known. If the guy wanted to make them breakfast there was no reason he wouldn´t enjoy it, and as long as he did it voluntarily well he didn´t even use him in a morally incorrect way.
And anyway the guy should do something nice for him after everything Draco had done for him, discarding that he had chosen to do so for his own reasons and for his own personal gain in the end. It seemed more and more like the decision had been a good one, even if his plan failed he would have a more interesting time with the muggle in the manor then without him.
He took a step forward and cleared his throat. The humming stopped in an instance and Dudley turned towards him in a blink of an eye, he looked surprised and a little humiliated, his cheeks turning red. Draco smirked he loved always having the upper hand on people.
After cocking his head a little letting Dudley feel embarrassed, Draco had to admit to himself the boy was rather cute all flustered and bashful. "Good morning" Draco bit his lower lip when he saw Dudley search for something to say, the boy was like an open book, Draco was sure he would have been in Hufflepuff had he gone to Hogwarts.
Before Dudley had time to answer Draco nodded at the pile of waffles "are these for me, how lovely." Dudley nodded, "if they taste as good as they look, you can stay forever." Draco hadn´t meant to be flirting with the guy, but whatever, he hadn´t done so in ages and he had earned some fun so he even winked as an afterthought.
Dudley just stared at him so he took the plate and made his way back to the entrance leading to the dining room. Turning around he felt a strange feeling of wanting to do something, wanting to give something back, merlin help him he thought this was so out of character for him. Without really thinking it through he said "join me in the back yard for some flying after breakfast? There is still a lot about magic you have never experienced," he should still be the polite host even if he was the one served "and thank you for breakfast," he gave him a small smile to show his gratitude. Why had he asked him out flying? Oh well, it could be fun and he really did love flying and didn´t know why he hadn´t done so in so long.
Either way it could also be fun to maybe flirt some more with the muggle boy just for fun, he needed to practice anyway for when it was time to win Potter over.
LOTB∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞DD∞DM∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞LOTB
Dudley had stood there for a minute after saying "sure" and "you´re welcome", he had watched Draco walk out of the kitchen and just stood there blinking at the entrance.
Why had he just said that he would be out there FLYING, he was scared of heights for Christ sake. At least he would not be able to fly on his own because of his muggle status, that was always something.
Maybe he had said yes because Draco had asked to do something together, he would probably have said yes to almost everything or maybe it was because he had thought earlier just that morning that he would try to make more contact and get to know Draco better.
Or maybe it was just the elated feeling to actually be doing something for someone else, that he chose to do, he hadn´t done that in a very long time. He had literally made breakfast that morning because he wanted to and he had enjoyed it very much, he had forgotten how much fun it was to do something because he liked it, doing so made him feel alive.
Maybe flying would have the same effect on Draco? He seemed to lack that sparkle in his eyes, they had the potential to be this astonishing silver but was now only a dull grey.
He had to admit he wanted to be there when Draco came alive.
He had to try to not get ahead of himself though, he was there because he had to and because Draco for some reason had taken him in. He was there to become who he wanted to be, to find himself. He was not however there to get attached or to get inappropriate crushes.
He knew this all too well but on the other side of things this was the first time he really allowed himself to both be who he was meant to be and to allow himself to feel what emotions that came to him naturally. To not actually let those emotions be expressed or explored in any way would be a shame.
But he would really try to keep it at the bud without letting something bloom. An unrequired interest could make what he now had started for himself to crumble around him, he could not risk that and he also surprisingly really liked living at Malfoy manor.
He had been confused though about Draco´s words earlier, it had almost been like he had been flirting but surely he had been mistaken. Some people also was like that to everyone, all the time, so it really would never mean anything. It could also just have been that he had been lucky and Draco just really liked waffles.
After going through all his thoughts he made a cup of tea and ate some scones before cleaning the kitchen. He took a deep breath before heading out to the back yard and Draco, he was standing there holding a broom.
"Ready to reach some new heights?" Dudley wanted to say no, but he found himself nodding tentatively in response. "Good" Draco was giving him a confident smile "I thought I would demonstrate some moves to get you exited." He was excited all right and slightly terrified for his life but perfectly all right all in all. He swallowed "sounds good, can´t wait to see it."
Draco put the broom between his legs and soared into the air, he hovered in front and above Dudley. Smirking down he said "I was a seeker you know, when we fly I will not be doing anything that dangerous. What I´m saying is that I can master quite a few maneuvers and for you not to worry about me, it´s perfectly safe." Draco smiled a smile that Dudley did not think of as safe, it was a dangerous smile for Dudley´s plan at staying completely professional in his head.
What was a seeker? Dudley had no idea, if anything though it seemed Draco had said it to impress him and that notion made Dudley feel something, a warm and pleasant feeling inside.
He hadn´t more then said an "okay" before Draco had shoot up in the sky like if he was catapulted from a cannon like those he had seen in circus tricks when he was younger.
The next few minutes made Dudley have his heart in both his throat and in his pants, at the same time, several times, no matter his efforts of not letting it go there. Draco was gorgeous with his hair flying in the wind, his slim shape doing the most elegant and effortless movements through the air. His determination and happiness shining through his face expressions clear as the sky surrounding him.
Dudley was breathless and he could feel his own heart hammering against his chest, he knew he was doomed. He would gladly stand down there and watch Draco fly around all night long.
He had only felt something of this nature once before, a long time ago. There was only one other person that had ever made him feel this way, one other person he had had a very inappropriate crush on, that he had had to fight back against the best way he knew how.
Dudley was going to be 13 that summer and he had had a pretty good year. He had perfected sounding uninterested about things he actually liked, he had made his father proud by standing up for douchebags like himself and getting detentions "for doing the right thing" if you asked Vernon that was. He had come a long way in making a bad boy persona that was respected, mostly out of fear or disgust but well as long as he was loved by his parents it didn´t really matter.
He had gotten summer break just the Thursday before, there was this cosplay event in a town very close to Little Whinging and he so wanted to go the next day. He had in secret worked on a costume for the event and found that he really liked crafting with his hands. It was a costume that maybe even his father wouldn´t disapprove of.
He had done a Flynn Rider costume from Tangled. He was a guy that got the girl in the end. He was a cool bloke that was after a crown, valued money and good looks, really how could his father disapprove? Well there where the little detail that it was a Disney convention, and that he had done the costume by himself in the first place.
He signed and thought he had everything he could ever want or rather everything he should ever want. In reality it sometimes felt like he had nothing, and it hurt to even try doing things he enjoyed, so why even bother?
Earlier that day Petunia had informed him they were going on a business event his father had worked so hard on, they were going to start introducing him to people in the company and help him make connections for the future. He snorted remembering his mother saying "it is never too early to start forming a career path, darling" like he would ever be cut out for being a businessman.
Just like that his plans had been ruined, he had no excuse they would accept for not being there tomorrow so he would not even bother with voicing any. It wasn´t worth trying to be who he wanted when nothing he did then really mattered in the end.
He went to his mirror and practiced his sneer and haughty look instead, his cousin was coming home soon and he had to be at his best nonchalant and cruel behavior.
He didn´t much look forward to once again having to be evil and bigoted not only at school but at his own home as well. He had to be alert and ready to slip his mask on at any time, if he didn´t treat Harry badly his parents would think something was wrong.
The irony was not lost on Dudley, if he treated him bad his parents would smile and pat him on the shoulder but if he treated him as a human being they would think he must be getting down with something. In reality being cruel all the time was exhausting and he would much rather just be him.
He was in his own head and was startled when he heard a harsh "boy" echoing from downstairs, Harry must be home then he thought and signed. He went out of his room and down the stairs, time to make a performance.
Before he had reached the bottom of the stairs though he lost his determination and instead stood as if petrified looking down at the small figure looking as miserable as he had felt just a few minutes ago, the only difference he could show it. Although if he did and spoke up about it he would be punished for sure.
It was not this however that made Dudley abruptly stop in his tracks, now there was something different with his cousin from when he saw him last, at the end of last summer.
He looked more sure of himself and confident in his own skin, it wasn´t that either though, no it was the way he held himself and radiated some sort of glow, making it seem like as if nothing around him was worth looking at except him. He felt dizzy and a little of balance, there was something beautiful about his cousin even as he looked bashful down at his feet and Vernon was screeching something so that his spit flew in all directions.
Dudley was broken out of his stupor by Vernon´s pitchy accusations because he had been muttered about by Harry.
"Speak up boy, what did you say to Dudley?" Harry looked at him and if he was not mistaken he gave a changing little smile, he silently groaned even that was making his new intake of air hitch in his throat, "I just asked if he had seen a Basilisk… Sir" the last was part was said mockingly and Dudley held his breath for the explosion that was sure to come.
Predictably Vernon was turning read, not because of the "sir" though. "DO NOT, I warn you boy, DO NOT MENTION MAGICAL THINGS IN MY HOUSE" this was said in a very unpleasant way bombarded between clenched teeth.
Harry just raised an eyebrow and muttered a "sorry" before disappearing from the welcoming feast he had been met with coming home for the summer.
As he went past Dudley he had accidentally brushed his arm against his and Dudley had felt something, he was not used to feel anything, what was happening to him.
Vernon seemed to have been surprised by Harry´s rebellious behavior and therefore let Harry get away from any more confrontations. Dudley was not that lucky though "what´s wrong with you, you are supposed to help me keep him in his place. How exactly have you planned doing that just standing up there staring?" Dudley blushed and as Harry had did muttered a "sorry" and went away, he tried so hard but his father sometimes saw even the fake him as something not good enough, he had to try harder.
Later that night he could not get the picture of Harry from his mind and he found himself smiling. The boy had made something real in him react, had made him feel something, had made him want to stand up for himself in a way he had almost given up for an unforeseeable future.
Seeing his cousin being defiant to his father and not caring about the consequences made him feel like everything was possible. Made him want to dream about himself doing the same thing someday. It made him admiring Harry in a way he had never thought possible, it made him almost seem attractive.
It hit him with a disgusting wave of sensation, what he had felt earlier had been him being attracted to Harry Potter, his freaking cousin, a boy, a magical boy. His life could literally not get any worse. Of all the things that could possible happen, a start of a freaking crush on the last person appropriate was not something he was ready to deal with right now. Not something he would ever accept, he was not the freak, Harry was he tried to convince himself.
He started to feel anger bubble inside him, why did Harry have to make his life more difficult all the time. He deserved a break, why did he have to have that boy standing in the way of him being the perfect son.
The anger was a good thing though, it was also a genuine feeling and he would hold on to that, maybe being cruel to Harry would not be that hard after all. Maybe he could even do the things his parents wanted out of real resentment instead of just fake and empty shells of unreal emotions.
He balled his hands into fists and fell asleep with a frown between his eyes on his all too troubled face.
Dudley knew his reactions had been wrong and that Harry hadn´t really done anything wrong but had still ended up on the wrong end of his frustration and confusion at the time. He was long over that small crush he had had on his cousin so long ago, he also regretted how long it had taken him to see it for was it had really been, he could have used it to make his situation better but had instead used it to make life harder for everyone.
He was adamant that this time he was not going to let an inappropriate crush make things harder and destroy the only relationship he had with anyone for the moment. Looking at Draco again he saw him descending with that open and warm expression on his face, he was so much warmer and kinder than what people would ever believe at first glance.
He would do whatever it took but he would manage it, he would ignore the traitorous feelings and the tentative start of something resembling a friendship or at least an agreement would not be affected.
Draco had now reached the grass "ready for a tour of the grounds? So much better from the sky" he sounded so sexy when he was out of breath, and he looked so cute when his cheeks was going pink with a loose strand of liver blond hair hanging down in one of his eyes. He almost wanted to reach forward and touch… Dudley shook his head to reed of those kind of thoughts and nodded with determination, gave a small smile and said with fake confidence "sure lead the way."
Later that evening he signed, the flying hadn´t been that bad actually, he had not even remembered to be afraid because of the height. He didn´t really remember much though except the feel of sitting behind Draco, the feel of the warmth emitting from his back, the strong muscles of his abdomen as he had held on a little stronger than he had really needed to. The delighted laugh Draco had let escape at one moment, the rumbling sensation under his fingers.
He signed this would be harder than he had thought, he would just have to try harder.