Venus Rising
By Phillydi
Chapter Ten
What a long, incredible day it's been. If you told me I would be looking into Mac's eyes tonight, holding her hand and opening my heart up again to this beautiful woman, I would have said you were crazy. After she poured out her story, I was astounded at the pain she had endured. How could I not forgive her? Coop's death had broken us both and changed us irrevocable. We both learned a very hard lesson and maybe, just maybe, it has made us better human beings. The trick will be how we move on from here? Kensi was right… it's time to heal and move forward. Coop would have wanted us to celebrate his life with love and joy instead of remembering those horrific final moments.
Yet there are all these feelings that keep swirling around like a hurricane inside my soul. I have waited so patiently for Kensi to get over her fear of commitment and open her heart to me. She has been my world these past three years…I would give everything to have her by my side. But now I find my feelings for Mac were always tucked safely inside my heart. After she left, I hid them away in a box and thought I threw the key away, but tonight that box exploded wide open again. What do I do with the love I have for both these women? Kensi has made it clear she is not ready yet but I'm too weak and overwhelmed to rush into a burning affair with Mac again. We all need time to think and heal. Maybe for now I should just enjoy this feeling of peace and see where love takes me.
"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns in the world she walks into mine," Deeks did his best Bogie and smiled as he leaned his head up against the porch column. Mac smiled back and nervously folded her hands neatly in her lap.
"We'll always have Burbank, sweetheart," she giggled as she imitated Deeks, imitating Humphrey Bogart. She blushed as he continued to stare pleasantly at her. He couldn't believe she was back in his life.
"I guess we could have written our own version of Casablanca, huh?" he asked.
"Yes, but Ilsa and Rick have nothing on us!" Mac laughed thinking about the main characters in the movie. "They were star-crossed lovers, devastated by war, separation, heartbreak….seems like we hit all the main points in the film except for maybe the war part, huh?"
Deeks chuckled quietly, "Yeah, that sounds about right."
Silence sat comfortably between the former lovers. They had cleared the air and their hearts. Now they could endeavor to carry on as friends and colleagues. Anything more would be too much, too soon and maybe no longer appropriate. Deeks remembered all the times he held Mac so preciously in his arms knowing he was the luckiest man alive. He had wanted to experience all those same feelings with Kensi, or at least he thought he did. Now he wasn't so sure what he wanted anymore.
"So, where do we go from here?" Mac interrupted his thoughts. "We can't start over but we need to start fresh."
"Baby steps, Mac," Deeks insisted. "It's been a long time and we were both changed pretty dramatically by what happen. Why don't we just get to know each other as friends again? Maybe for now that's enough."
Boy, that sounded like a load of crap, Deeks thought. Could he really just be friends knowing what waited for him on the other side of the door?
Mac shook her head in agreement. It felt good to have Deeks back in her life again too. She had cherished his companionship once, and even a future as friends would be better than nothing. But Mac wondered if his affections belonged to another. A man like Deeks wouldn't be on the market very long unless it was of his own choosing. She wanted him to be happy and hoped he shared his life currently with someone special.
"I hope you found love again?" Mac asked shyly, almost afraid to hear the answer.
He hesitated, not knowing how to answer her.
"Yes, I think so…Well, maybe….Hell, I don't know." Deeks shook his head with frustration. "She's having a hard time making up her mind. I'm still waiting, patiently I'm afraid," he said regretfully. "You?"
"No, I was too busy with school." The response probably came out faster than she wished. "Besides I wasn't ready to get involved again with someone else, so I decided to throw myself into my career instead. You know how it is…" she said wistfully.
Deeks nodded appreciating how lonely it had been for him since they separated as well. It was easy to become married to your career but it was also a convenient excuse when you're trying to avoid love. Was that what Kensi was doing, avoiding his love?
"So, you and Kensi and have been partners for a while now. How's that going?" Mac decided to dig further, she had a feeling there was more going on between the two agents than he was willing to let on.
"Are you asking professionally or personally?" he looked over with no expression on his face to give him away. It's as if she was reading his mind.
"How about professionally? That's a a perfectly innocent question for me to ask as your new Psych Ops?" she smiled.
"Well, professionally we make a really good team," Deeks stared out over the backyard, shaking his head up and down a number of times. "Yep, good team," he repeated not knowing what else to say.
"….and personally?" Mac pushed.
"That... is a long story. One we will have to save for another boring night," Deeks definitely wasn't going there and decided to change the subject. He pointed to the street. "I'm going to check on the other agents and see if they need…"
Suddenly, Deeks was interrupted by a large crash and a scream that came from inside the house.
Both agents immediately squatted low to the floor boards and pulled out their weapons in tandem. Deeks rushed to the back door, peered in and quickly turned the door knob and dashed through the kitchen. Mac mirrored his movements but Deeks pointed her to the kitchen doorway on the far side that led into the dining room and around to the front of the house. Deeks was standing at the doorway to the living room and could hear more sounds coming from inside. He held his hand up into the air for Mac to see.
"In three," Deeks mouthed the words quietly and counted down. When all three fingers were in the air they both raced into the ruckus form opposite ends of the room.
"LAPD!" he shouted and swiftly switched on the lights. At the same time, the agents who had been keeping vigil in the car also burst through the front doors, guns held high.
"Please don't hurt me!" a small voice cried out from a corner of the room.
"Carter!" Darlene Nunez ran into the room and pushed Deeks out of the way to get to her son. Carter was sprawled on the floor beneath an overturned side chair and a floor lamp that had crashed down round him and was now in a number of pieces.
Deeks looked quickly around and surveyed the living room. When he realized the threat was unfounded, he walked over to the other two NCIS agents.
"We got this," he assured them and whispered a few more words as they withdrew to their car. Deeks heaved a sigh of relief, tucked his weapon back into his waistband and walked over to Carter who was now hugging his mother tightly. He knelt down beside them and looked around at the damage.
"What happen here, buddy?" Deeks asked with concern. "Looks like you got into a fight with a chair and a lamp stand and they won." Mac smiled warmly watching the close connection that he had established with Carter. If anyone could calm the young boy, Deeks could.
"I'm sorry, Detective," Carter sobbed. "I was trying to call Zach, my friend. But I couldn't get a connection in my room so I came out here to see if the call would go through."
"Is that when you were attacked by the chair?" Deeks asked with a lop-sided grin. Carter looked into Deeks face and smiled back in embarrassment. His shaking had stopped as he realized Deeks wasn't angry at him and was actually cracking a joke.
"I didn't see where I was going in the dark," he explained as he looked to his mother for forgiveness.
"As long as you're ok, buddy...but you can't be calling your friends while you're here. That's the whole point of hiding out. No more calls unless you ask us first, got it?"Deeks tried to get Carter to understand their situation.
Carter nodded, "I just needed to tell him I couldn't play Adventure Quest with him tonight because my computer's got a virus or something. It wouldn't work, all these funny shapes are all over the screen."
Mac frowned immediately. "Maybe I can take a look at it Carter," she asked. "If I can't figure it out we have somebody back at the shop who is real good at problems like that, ok?"
"I'll go get it," he popped up and rushed down the hall.
"Thanks," Darlene said to both agents. "It's time for bed; I promise he won't be causing any further problems for you the rest of the evening."
"That's ok, no harm done, except possibly to this lamp," Deeks bent down to pick up the pieces of the broken stand and tried to match the ragged edges together. Mac muffled a chuckle and returned to the kitchen.
"So much for a quiet night," Deeks finally joined Mac in the kitchen after straightening up the living room and doing another security sweep of the house. Mac was seated at the kitchen table staring intently at Carter's lap top. Deeks stopped behind Mac to catch a glimpse of the screen.
"Find anything," he asked giving her a tired look.
"Definitely some sort of virus, but not sure what we're dealing with yet," Mac studied the program intently and then looked up at Deeks. "Something about this looks funny to me, like I've seen it somewhere before," she stopped short seeing the blank look on Deeks' face. "You look beat. Why don't you go get some rest?"
Deeks stifled a yawn and rolled his head around on top of his shoulders hoping to get some of the cricks out of his neck. "Yeah, don't mind if I do. Yell if you need me."
Mac gave Deeks a compassionate smile and watched him walk into the living room and throw himself down on the couch. His eyes closed quickly and his breathing became even and quiet as he let sleep take over his body. Mac was glad their talk returned some of his trust in her. She hoped she could restore the closeness they once shared…she realized now how much she missed him. Being with Deeks today made all those old feelings come alive again. Maybe one day…. Baby steps, Mac, she reminded herself.
Deeks awoke the next morning to the smell of coffee brewing in the next room. The sun was just beginning to break over the San Fernando Valley and a small stream of light through the blinds was just enough to send Deeks burying his head into the couch pillows again. But the coffee was calling his name and he slowly pulled himself off the cushions and padded his way into the kitchen.
Mac was in the same exact place he left her, staring at the computer screen but this time sipping some of the coffee she had just prepared.
"You should have waked me up," Deeks mumbled. "You didn't get any sleep at all." Deeks opened the cupboard looking for a mug.
"That's ok, you needed it," Mac said softly. "I'm use to pulling all-nighters when I had to cram for exams. I'll take a nap later."
"You still working on that virus?" Deeks asked as he took a sip of the warm liquid and felt all his senses come to attention at once. Ah, the miracle of caffeine!
"This is really interesting," she said pointing to the computer. "I need to get this back to Eric to see if he can confirm my theory, but I think this is some sort of embedded code. I can't figure out if someone hacked into the boy's game account or if it's outside the game."
"I bit of junior cyber terrorism?" He joked. "I mean how sinister could it be?"
'You're right….It may only need a good old fashion anti-virus program but there is a pattern here that keeps reminds me of something I've seen before," she said again stubbornly
"If anyone can find it, Eric can," Deeks said as he checked his watch. "Our relief should be here shortly. If you want, we can swing by your place so you can grab a shower and a change of clothes before we head back to the Mission?"
"Sounds good," Mac closed the laptop and began to gather her belongings. An hour later, after saying goodbye to the Nunez family and debriefing their replacements, they pulled up in front of Mac's small bungalow in Studio City.
"I can't believe you held on to this place," Deeks said as he entered the front door. A rush of memories came flooding back overwhelming his senses, and stopping him dead on the spot. He was silent and deep in thought. He could remember every glorious hour they spent getting to know each other in this house, cooking their favorite meals, watching television, talking late into the night, making love.
"There were good memories here and not so good ones, I know. But I just couldn't sell it." Mac threw her back pack and keys on the hall table. "I put all my personal stuff in the attic and hung a rental sign out front. I always hoped I could come back to LA one day."
Deeks was afraid to tell her how many times he came looking for her at the house the weeks after Coop's death. "I drove by a few months after you left…but there was an older man and woman coming out the front door and I just assumed you sold it out right." Deeks admitted awkwardly.
Mac looked at Deeks and could see he was reliving some of the hard times he spent after she left. She was so overcome with grief for Coop, she didn't realize how much Marty has suffered as well. The guilt hit her hard again. A tense silence settled in the room.
"I'm sorry, Marty," she said. "We probably shouldn't have come back here."
"No, I'm fine. We're moving forward, right?" he looked at her over his shoulder and smiled trying to assure her that he was fine.
"Right, I'll just freshen up. I won't take too long," she smiled quickly and walked down the hall.
Deeks nodded and looked around the familiar room. Not much had changed except for a new flat screen TV and a few colorful throw rugs. Max always had shelves of books in every room, and they were packed once again to the brim with even more stuffed in nooks and corners of the room. Deeks walked over to one of the book cases and scanned the array of family pictures. He recognized her parents and her French grandmother in Nice and a few other relatives whose names he couldn't remember. He had hoped one day he would get a chance to meet them all, especially her dad. He picked up the picture of the retired Boston cop in full dress uniform. Deeks was sure he would have had a lot in common with the elder McGlone, unlike his own father. He sighed and placed the frame back on the shelf.
He was about to sit down and wait for Mac, when his eye caught a familiar picture over the mantel. He had forgotten all about the old oil painting. It was from the final scenes of Giselle, the ballet they had seen together on that clandestine night. Giselle's spirit rises from the grave as her lover begs for forgiveness. Funny how the irony of the play was no longer lost on Deeks after seeing this picture again. He had found the oil on canvas in an antique shop about a month after he had started seeing Mac. She was so delighted after unwrapping the painting that she hung it right away over the mantel.
Deeks felt Mac walk up behind him but he didn't turn around. "That painting was the only thing I took with me when I left," she said sadly. "It went everywhere as a reminder of our love." He felt an incredible surge of emotion that surprised even him and couldn't face her for fear he would quickly pull Mac into an embrace that would go on forever.
"I found these when I was unpacking last week," Mac said breaking the awkward silence. "I was going to give them to the Salvation Army but something stopped me." Deeks turned and looked down at the pile of clothes that she held in her hands. He recognized the jeans and t-shirt they kept hidden in her closet in case he needed a change of clothes.
"I thought you might want them back," she said as she held them in front of her. Deeks reached out to take the clothing but when their hands touched, his fingers tingled and his body shook with desire. Without warning, he leaned down to take her lips and the clothes dropped to the floor. His hands cupped her face delicately and he gloried in the familiar taste and feel of her mouth.
The gates of heaven had opened again for him.
He went to envelope her in that forbidden embrace, when his phone started to buzz. He stepped back for a second, startled but continuing to stare into Mac's eyes. He was unable to break the connection between them and punched the answer button without looking at the phone.
"Deeks," he said softly, still staring at Mac.
"Deeks is that you? Where are you?" a familiar voice came from the other end of the line and tore him away from his dream-like state. He stepped back from Mac and finally looked away.
"Kensi?" he sputtered and couldn't get another word out of his mouth.
"Who do you think it is?" Kensi said in irritation. "Are you alright? You don't sound like yourself," she prodded.
"I'm fine," he said but was clearly shaken after what just happen between him and Mac seconds before.
"Are you headed into the Mission now?" Kensi asked. Deeks turned to Mac who was also surprised by their brief encounter but smiled hesitantly back at him.
"We'll be there...ah... within the hour," he said and ended the call abruptly. If he revealed anymore he was afraid his voice would give away his emotions. As it was, he was sure Kensi was intuitive enough to read between the lines.
"I think we better get back to the Mission," he stuttered.
"Kensi is the woman in your life now, isn't she?" Mac asked begging for the truth.
Deeks threw his head back and stuffed his hands in his back pockets, unable to look at her.
"You can tell me, Marty."
He couldn't speak.
"That's ok. I promise, I won't get in your way," she said sincerely. "I'll meet you at the car, just give me a few minutes."
Deeks was still trebling as he walked to the door and looked back at Mac in confusion.
Love was taking him down a two way street this time and his whole world had just changed….again.
Well I got my answer. It was harder to take than I had originally feared. But Marty deserves love and from a good woman. I don't know Kensi but I'm sure she has everything he needs. I'd like to think he has pretty good taste in woman because I use to be her once. I promised him I wouldn't get in the way, and I will keep that promise. But if he comes back to me of his own accord, I won't turn him away either. I saw his face as he looked at me just now. The ball is in his court and my heart is wide open.
Hello Densi lovers! I heard you loud and clear...I know you want a Densi ending but I have nothing to do with what's in Deeks' heart...so why don't we let Deeks make up his own mind and see which one he chooses?:) Thanks so much for the positive reviews and the wonderful motivation I receive from you all!