"What?"
As if my life isn't surreal enough!
"You love me. And I love you." He says it so calmly, so surely, as if merely telling Kurt what the time is. Kurt gapes at him, his mind reeling with a thousand thoughts per second. He's surprised, and then thinks Karofsky is tricking him because there's no way he'd ever love the former jock, but the tone of his voice and the honesty in his eyes make him think it might actually be true. But then he remembers Karofsky isn't gay, which means this is obviously a trick. Everything Kurt felt in that moment turns into anger.
"You jerk! How can you do this? You're despicable! God, and here I was beginning to think maybe you had changed!"
"I'm not lying. I do love you, Kurt. More than anything and anyone."
"Get out of my house!"
"Kurt!"
"GET OUT!"
"LISTEN TO ME!"
The booming voice startles him and he takes a step back.
"Listen to me… Please." Karofsky lowers his voice to barely more than a whisper. "I love you. We're lovers."
"I would never do that to Blaine."
"You don't love him. You did, for a while, but not anymore."
"I don't believe you. You're not even gay."
Karofsky laughs. It's an unstoppable laughter that has Kurt wondering what's so funny. He finally stops, catching his breath. "I'm gay, Kurt. I'm definitely gay. I've always been gay. I just wasn't out during high school. But you found out…"
"And what? We magically became lovers? That's bullshit! Blaine and I have been together since high school!"
"No, it is… A lot more complicated than that. You dated Blaine in high school, but you moved to New York after you graduated and Blaine stayed behind. You tried to stay together, but it didn't work and eventually you broke up. I was in New York as well and we ended up becoming close. We started dating after some time. I couldn't believe it for a while. I always had a crush on you, a big one, and suddenly you were kissing me and telling me you wanted to be with me. It was like a dream come true."
His voice is raspy and he's looking at the ground while he speaks and it touches something within Kurt, who now wants to know everything. He encourages the other man with a whispered "go on".
"We stayed together for nearly eight months. Eventually we broke up because… Well, I guess we were very immature. I put you on this high pedestal and seeing you as normal human being with flaws took its toll on me. You, on the other hand… You said I had no ambition, that our relationship wasn't going anywhere. You called it off. And it devastated me. I wasn't myself for months. But I moved on, sort of, and so did you. I had other boyfriends – well, flings to be honest, but none of them lasted more than a few weeks. You tried to get back together with Blaine, though he was already living here in California, trying to get his big break. But you couldn't deal with the distance, like you hadn't before. After about a year apart, we got back together."
"How?" The question draws Dave's attention and he looks up for the first time and smiles, pleased that Kurt seems to believe him. A faint blush colors his cheeks.
"During a party. We got a bit drunk and… well... we spent the night together. After that we talked and confessed we missed each other and that we still had feelings for one another. I told you I had changed and pretty much begged you for another chance. And you gave me one."
"But we broke up again." Kurt states the obvious.
"Yes, after two and a half years. We had been living together since we graduated, but we still struggled with money. I was still an office-boy and was waiting for a chance to get a better job. You were already designing costumes, but to an off-Broadway theater group and you wanted more. Then Blaine came into our lives again. He contacted you to let you know he would be appearing in a movie and to make sure you wouldn't miss it. He was boasting, of course, applying salt to your wounds. I told you that, but you claimed that he hadn't meant to, it is just the way he is. The movie was a success and the lucky bastard got his big debut. He went from no one to the A-list within weeks and got a second movie. You were jealous and kept saying that life was unfair. You've always had these big dreams of fame and fortune and the reality was a far cry from it. We were living in a tiny apartment and counting coins to do the groceries. Then Blaine called again and told you that apparently the designer for his new movie was looking for an assistant and that he had mentioned you. We had a big argument about it. I wanted you to stay because I was afraid of losing you, but you told me you had to take the chance. You asked me to come with you, but by then I was working in an agency and leaving would mean missing that opportunity as well. In the end, our careers set us apart."
"Then I married Blaine."
"Yes. Less the six months after leaving New York. It was a shock. I was depressed once more. But after a while I decided to come after you."
"But I was married."
"I didn't care. I had lost you twice and both times I didn't even try to stop you from leaving. I decided this time I would fight for you and I would get you back. I moved to California and got a job in an agency, which wasn't hard because I had good references. I got lucky, because shortly after Blaine had a disagreement with his previous agent, who didn't want him to come out of the closet. Everybody heard about it, it was quite a scandal. It only made Blaine more famous, though, and LGBTQ organizations started using him as a poster boy, a gay hero. I approached him by then and said I wanted to represent him. He knew who I was, of course, and I thought that could make him reject me, but it was the opposite. He accepted my offer and treated me extremely well all the time. Of course he also managed to mention you and how much the two of you loved each other and how happy you were together at every chance he had."
"What a jerk!"
"I thought we couldn't insult your husband." For the first time since Karofsky had started talking, Kurt smiles.
"And I just jumped right back into your arms?"
Karofsky laughs again. "I wish! At first you were shocked to see me again, and were very cold to me. Blaine made sure we were left alone, like he was testing us or something, and I tried talking to you, but you didn't seem to want to talk to me. After a while Blaine stopped forcing us to socialize. I was getting tired myself, but I was still determined to set things right between us. And I needed you to know I still loved you. One night at a party, much like the one you had this week, I noticed you had disappeared and found you all by yourself right here, in the dining room. And then I told you."
"Told me what?"
"That I loved you. That I missed you. That I was sorry for the mistakes I had made, but that I was never going to give up on you or stop loving you."
"Did I tell you to leave?"
"No."
"I should have." It's said with a hint of a smile and Karofsky chuckles.
"Probably. But lucky for me, you didn't. You broke down. You started to cry and I just held you for a while. It felt so… familiar. It was like I had found a part of me I had been missing."
"Why was I crying?"
"Because your dream life wasn't as dreamy as you wanted people to believe. You had the job you wanted – by then you weren't even an assistant anymore and you were designing your own costumes – but the people you worked with treated you coldly. You had no friends and even your best friend had stopped talking to you."
"Mercedes?"
"Yes. You told me later that she didn't want you to marry Blaine and had said it was a mistake, and you told her to take care of her own life."
"I'd never say that!"
"But you did. And she was right, because you weren't happy with him. He wasn't mean or anything, but the relationship between you two was cold. He liked to show you off and demanded the best of you, while at the same time making sure you knew how inferior you were, though of course he never said it in so many words."
That doesn't sound so farfetched.
"Did we get back together after that?"
"Not immediately. You didn't want to cheat on Blaine. You kept avoiding me for a while – in fact, that is why you had been avoiding me before that as well. It took months for you to come around. One day you just appeared in front of my house out of the blue, saying you missed me and still loved me. We made love and talked and it was perfect. You spent the entire weekend with me – Blaine was travelling, as he often does. I thought I had gotten you back for good, but you avoided me again once the weekend was over and told me to pretend it had never happened. Until it happened again. And then you couldn't fight it anymore. We started seeing each other regularly and making plans. You were going to leave Blaine, to ask for a divorce, but you kept waiting for the right time. Then suddenly, you had the accident. At first I didn't even know there was something wrong. We sometimes would go days without talking to each other, especially when you were very busy or when you thought Blaine suspected of us. Then Blaine called me and told me." He pauses then, taking a deep breath. He averts his eyes and sniffs and it's clear he's trying not to cry.
"He asked me to go to the hospital and make sure you had everything you needed. I went. You were still in a coma. It was horrible, seeing you like that. I thought you were going to die." His voice breaks and he can't continue. He's struggling to control his sobs and Kurt feels tears running down his own face.
"Your father was there. I don't know how, but I think he suspected us as well, because he told me that if I loved you, I wouldn't come between you and Blaine. I didn't want to intrude, so I just stopped going there. I did visit you once more, but only because I knew Burt wouldn't be there. I was updated through the hospital staff, but they wouldn't tell me much. They did tell me when you woke up… God, that was one of the happiest days of my life! I waited for you to call me, but you didn't. At first I thought it is because Burt was around you. Then I talked to Blaine and he told me… He told me about the amnesia. I thought he was making it up. I got paranoid and thought he had found out about us and was trying to set us apart. Then at the party… "
"You found out the truth. That I really didn't remember."
"Exactly. I was lost for a while, but after thinking hard and long about it, I made up my mind about coming here and telling you the truth. If you really can't remember me, I want you to at least know about our love."
"And why should I believe you?"
"You don't? I told you everything!"
Kurt shrugs. "You may have invented it all."
"It's true!"
"Prove it then!"
He barely has time to realize what's happening before Karofsky's hands are gripping his face and pressing their lips together. His lips are hard and warm on his and he smells musky. Kurt's eyes, which had gone wide with shock, now close on their own accord. He hears Karofsky whimper and feels an electric current running up his body.
"Hey! I am talking to you!"
"The girl's locker room is next door."
"What is your problem?"
"Excuse me?"
"What are you so scared of?"
"'Sides you sneaking in here to peak at my junk?"
"Oh, yeah, every straight guy's nightmare, that all us gays are secretly out to molest or convert you. Well, guess what hamhock? You're not my type!"
"That right?"
"Yeah. I don't dig on chubby boys who sweat too much and are going to be bald by the time they're thirty."
"Don't push me, Hummel!"
"You're gonna hit me? Do it!"
"DON'T PUSH ME!"
"Hit me 'cause it's not gonna change who I am. You can't punch the gay out of me any more than I can push the ignoramus out of you!"
"GET OUT OF MY FACE!"
"You're nothing but a scared little boy who can't handle how extraordinarily ordinary you are!"
And suddenly Karofsky lips were on his and everything stopped making sense.
Kurt pushes Karofsky back with all the strength he can muster. The larger man looks hurt.
"You kissed me."
"You asked me for proof."
"Not now. Before. You've kissed me before."
"You remember?" There's a start of a smile in Karofsky's face.
"You forced yourself on me. In the locker room."
The smile fades. "Really, Kurt? Of all of our kisses you could have remembered, that is the first one that comes to mind?"
"It's really a memory, isn't it? I did remember something."
Karofsky grins. "When you went after me in the locker room asking me what my problem was and then told me I was chubby and scared of how ordinary I was? Yes, that really happened."
"I remember. I actually remember something. My memory is coming back!" He jumps a few times, clapping his hands excitedly. He stops suddenly, narrow eyes staring at the man in front of him. "Wait. You lied to me. You invented all that crap and I'm so STUPID I nearly believed you!"
"What? No, I didn't! Everything I said is true!"
"What about this kiss? Why didn't you tell me about it?"
"I… I don't know. It isn't exactly a happy memory or one that mattered to our history."
"What else didn't you tell me?"
"Are you accusing me of something?"
"Yes, lying!"
"Kurt, I wasn't lying…"
"You know what? I'm very confused right now. Plus, I have a headache. Could you leave?"
"Kurt…"
"Please?"
Karofsky looks defeated, but nods and heads out. As soon as the door is closed Kurt collapses back in his chair.
What else can't I remember?