Ana
I hate Elena Lincoln. There is no nice way to say this. I despise this woman with a passion. We are still in Tennessee and for the last four days, it has been one shocking thing after the other that slowly came to light.
The first would have been Leila's confession. Her story of how she met Elena was very similar to mine, only that Leila had a sister and Elena threatened to have her murdered if Leila wouldn't agree to help Elena, which is why she kept her mouth shut until her sister died in a car accident. What Leila confessed was nothing short of horrible.
Elena Lincoln had not just planned to murder Christian by having Leila poison him, she also forced Leila to have Christian's child. Teddy was supposed to be Elena insurance police so to speak. They had planned to fake Leila's death a while after Christian was dead and then Elena as Teddy's godmother would have taken full custody of him, insuring that this way she would have gained full access to Christian's fortune. Elena had told Leila that she wanted to raise Teddy to be submissively dependent on Elena. She said she couldn't make Christian stay with her, so she wanted a second chance with his son.
Leila told the cops that she never got emotionally attached to Teddy, because she always knew that she wouldn't keep him and because she never wanted to be with Christian in the first place. She told the police that she knew much more about Elena and she would testify against her if she was allowed to attend her sister's funeral, which of course the DA agreed to.
Elena herself hasn't said a single word since she was taken into police custody. She has hired a lawyer, but we don't know what she has told him. What we do know is that after the police searched her house they came out with countless boxes of evidence. The day after Leila's confession, we found out that the police had found hundreds of video tapes that Elena has made in her dungeon. None of the boys in the tapes where older than 18, so this is now not just a case of attempt homicide, but also child abuse and rape.
The DA called us and we were informed that it would take months to get through all of the evidence that was found alone and of course, they now have to find all of her victims.
As if that wasn't bad enough yesterday Christian's COO Ros Bailey called him and told him that after Elena was arrested she went through all documents they had of the Esclava beauty salon chain, which is owned by Elena Lincoln with Christian being a silent partner. It took Ros almost an entire day, but now she is convinced that over the years that old bitch has stolen at least 2.5 million dollar from GEH and therefore Christian.
After that, Christian had enough and wanted to go back to Seattle. So, we all got ready and just as we wanted to leave Taylor informed us that we had to stay. The security detail assigned to Christian's brother Elliot caught someone who was sneaking around Elliot's car and stopped him just as the guy was about to cut the break hose.
He was arrested and confessed that Elena Lincoln had hired him in case she got arrested to bring any harm possible to any member of the Grey family. So now, instead of us going back, we are waiting for his brother, sister in law and father to arrive here in Tennessee.
To say that Christian is not happy about this would be an understatement. He feels responsible for the whole dilemma and he hates to hide here instead of facing the situation head on. Maybe normally no one would stop him from doing that, but he is still recovering and he is in no state to defend himself if someone would overwhelm his security and attack him. In the end, he agreed to stay when his mother told him that if Elena wanted to hurt him, she would go for Teddy first. That did the trick, because he would never put Teddy in danger.
But it also means that the danger isn't over. I got so sick with worry that something would happen to my Dad that Christian offered my father to stay with us, but my Dad being my Dad he refused and said he couldn't just close his workshop for an unknown amount of time. He is worried about everything that is going on, but he knows that I am safe here, though I am dreading the conversation I will have to have with my Dad once I am back in Seattle. He knows that I am more involved in this whole mess than I am telling him, so he will demand answers soon and I have decided to come clean to my Dad about my lifestyle and anything else.
It won't be an easy conversation and I am sure I will probably die of mortification, but I don't want to lie to my Dad either. I just hope that he will understand my reasons or at least that he won't just walk out on me. I always wanted my father to be proud of me, but I guess the choices I have made regarding my private life will make that a lot harder for him.
"Me help, Ana?" I look down and find Teddy next to me in the kitchen.
"You want to help me Teddy bear?" I ask and he nods.
"OK, I have lunch almost ready, but I could really need some help setting up the table. Would you like to put the placemats on the table?"
He nods, so I get the placemats from one of the kitchen drawers and Teddy helps me to set the table.
"Good job, Teddy bear, I think you have just earned yourself a popsicle after lunch."
"Yeah!" He whoops making me giggle and I turn around when I hear a chuckle behind us.
Oh. My. God. Christian is casually strolling into the kitchen dressed in nothing but a tight pair of black boxer briefs.
"Daddy, me helped and Ana saided me get pop after lunch." Teddy tells him happily while I try to look anywhere but at him.
"Really, man you are lucky, Teddy, I wish I would get a popsicle, too."
"You need helped too, Daddy then Ana gives you pop." Teddy says in his most serious voice, which makes me giggle.
"Well, let's see if that works for me, buddy." He says and the next second I feel him right behind me.
"Is there anything I could help you with, Anastasia." He purrs into my ear and I feel goose bumps spreading all over my body.
"No, thank you, Christian." I murmur not daring to turn around and face him, because I know my face is a flame. Shit, I need to go for a walk again...
"You know there is no time for a walk before lunch." He chuckles and I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
"Damn bro, I hope you are not that happy to see me, but don't you think it is a little inappropriate to walk around with a hard on in front of your son." We both hear a very amused voice and turn around to find Elliot Grey walking into the house.
"Fuck off, Elliot." Christian says without thinking about it and just when his sister in law and mother come into the house, we all hear Teddy.
"Fuck."
"Oh you two boys are in so much trouble! And for the love of god Christian, go and put some clothes on, it's really not appropriate to parade around in your underwear in front of Ana, you are embarrassing the poor girl." Their mother says picks up Teddy and starts to tell him how this is a very bad word when she walks out of the house with him.
"Lunch is ready whenever you are." I say and want to check the food on the stove, but Christian who is standing behind me grabs my shoulders to hold me in place.
"Please don't move, Anastasia or my sister in law is never going to let me live this down." He whispers into my ear and I am sure this is the most awkward situation I have ever been in. His brother and sister in law are eyeing us suspiciously, but then Elliot shrugs and ushers Kate out of the house, as they will be staying in the other guesthouse next door.
"Well, looks like we are alone, Anastasia." He says and I want to step away from him, but he pulls me back against him, so that my back is against his front and I can feel his erection pressing against the small of my back.
"Please, let me go, Christian." I ask and again I can't even convince myself that this is what I want. I don't want him to stop, I want him to never let me go, but I know that I can't have that. Not if he wants a traditional relationship without safe words.
"You don't want me to let you go, Anastasia." He murmurs and strokes over my cheek and down to my jaw with one hand, turning my face as he does to gain better access to my neck.
"You want me, Anastasia... your body language gives you away." He whispers and licks and sucks on my neck. "You are pressing your thighs together and your breathing has changed... you see, Ana, you can say one thing, but your body gives away what you really want."
Instead of an answer, a soft moan escapes me. I feel him smile against my neck and his hands start to roam over my body.
"We could be so good together, Ana. Just trust me, you don't need BDSM, what you need is someone who wants to love and protect you. I don't want to do scenes with you; I want to make love to you. No contracts, no rules or safe words, just you and I." He whispers huskily against my neck, but all I hear in my head is no safe words, no control, not safe over and over, and it is like a bucket of ice water to my libido.
"No, I don't want that, let me go!" I scream, he immediately steps back and my instincts kick in making me run out of the house as fast as I can. I run until my lungs are burning and sink into the soft grass by a big old tree. Leaning against it, I pull my legs as close to my body as possible and start to sob into my hands.
Why can't I be normal? Christian is the nicest most handsome person I have ever met and he wants me! Not just as his sub, but he wants more with me and I just can't do it. I want him so bad, want to have more with him, but I just can't.
"Ana?" I look up and see Christian in front of me, he is still bare feet, but is now wearing a jeans and t-shirt. When my gaze reaches his face all that I can see is confusion and worry and I know he is going to ask for answers. Answers I am not ready to give him.
"I'm sorry; I'll be right back and get lunch on the table..."
"Ana, forget about fucking lunch, I'm worried about you. Did you think that I was going to force myself on you?"
"No! No, Christian... I would never think that... it's just... it's complicated; I'm complicated and that would be putting it mildly."
Christian looks at me and sits down in the grass too, but it doesn't go unnoticed that he makes sure not to come too close to me. He is giving you enough space to run again. I think to myself bitterly.
"What happened, Ana? Why did you panic?" He stares at me waiting for answer, but I remain silent.
"Ana, talk to me, please. I'm trying to figure out what just happened. My imagination is running away with me and I don't like what comes to my mind. Look, I'm just going to ask you... so when whatever it was happened to you, did this person not just attack you physically, but also sexually?"
Oh my god, he thinks someone raped me! "Christian that is not what happened. No one has ever raped me or forced me to do anything I didn't want to do sexually. My introduction to sex might not have been the most common, seeing that I have started out as a submissive, but it was all consensual."
He blows a deep breath out and nods. "So your issues have nothing to do with sex?" He asks seeking confirmation.
"No, I enjoy sex. I have trust issues... among other issues of course, but the thing is a normal relationship doesn't work for me."
"Have you ever tried it?" I stare at him for a moment, not sure what to answer but I decide to tell him the truth.
"I've had a boyfriend back in Montana, but we only dated for a few months and it never went beyond kissing."
"Did he hurt you; was he the one who has given you your scars?"
"No." Not the complete truth, but close enough...
"Then what is that BDSM can offer you that a normal relationship cannot?" He asks and he looks slightly frustrated that he is not getting any answers out of me.
"I know it sounds weird because I have chosen to become a sub and not a Domme, but it's the control, the safety and most important the safe words. I know they are worth nothing if I am unfortunate enough to end up with some wannabe Dom, but the Doms I had honored them. I need to know that I have the power to end no matter what is done to me with one word. Everyone says to be a sub you need to have a lot of trust, but to me it's not true, I don't trust anyone... well not enough to come close to me. When I first heard that in a Dom/sub relationship it is the sub who can end any scene with just a word, it dawned on me that I could do that, give someone the illusion of being in total control, when in reality it's me who is in control. Pretty selfish, right?"
I stare at my hands, but he leans forward and lifts my chin with one finger, so I have to look at him.
"You are not selfish. You are trying to protect yourself and that is okay. Everyone copes differently with traumatic events in one's past. The thing is, are contracted relationships all that you want for your future?"
"No, of course not, I would love to get married one day and have at least three kids, but I don't know how to get there."
"Well, Miss Steele, everything starts by taking the first step. So, if I would offer you a contract, no rules, no nothing, just giving you the right to use safe words of your choosing if you feel the need to do so. Would you consider then to have dinner with me?"
"Yo- you want to give me safe words?" I ask a little confused.
"What I want is for you to trust me, but I have to earn your trust and until we reach that point or figure out that we can't make it work, I will sign a contract between us giving you the right to use a safe word whenever you feel the need to."
"But you don't want me as your sub?"
"No, I hope one day soon that you will agree to be my girlfriend. That doesn't mean that our relationship is going to be strictly vanilla, because I am pretty confident that I know a thing or two that are not vanilla, but will give you a great deal of pleasure." The way he looks at me when he says that goes straight to my lower region and makes me wet. How can one guy be so freaking handsome?
"You know you want to." He says with a wry smile.
"You are still married." I blurt out without thinking and bite my lip. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to remind you..."
"It's alright, you are right; I am still married, though my lawyers are working on getting the marriage declared void. Ana, why is it so important to you that I am no longer married... well I mean, I can imagine why, but it seems to be more than that to you."
For the longest time I say nothing, thinking about what to tell him. "If I share a tiny bit of my past with you, will you promise not to ask me more?"
"Yes, of course." He answers and I take his hand in mine enjoying the feeling of this simple yet to me so meaningful touch.
"What happened to me, it wasn't aimed against me. I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. It... was about revenge. Revenge against my mother who had managed to break up many families in my former hometown by seducing married men and making sure that everyone would find out ... it ... it was her hobby. And I ... I can't be like that, I don't want to be like that, it would prove all the people right who would look at me and think like mother, like daughter. I'm not like that."
While I was talking, I just kept focusing on his hand in mine and now that I look up, he looks absolutely horrified.
"Someone did this to you because your mother wasn't there?" He asks finally and I nod.
"Can I ask where your mother is?"
"I don't know, all my Dad told me was that he told her to get out of our lives and never come back. For most parts she does just that."
"Most parts?"
"She called me a couple of times, but I didn't take her calls. I can't; for years I begged her to stop doing this... she never did. It was her way of making life in a small town more exciting and she just didn't care how it made my father and I feel or that it was me who had to pay the price for it in the end. This may sound harsh, but to me she is dead."
"It doesn't sound harsh, Ana. Not after what you've just told me." He says and I blush when my stomach starts to roar.
"Well, we better get you back to the house and get you fed, your stomach sounds quite demanding." He says with a wink and we both get up. "What are your safe words, Ana?" He asks as he looks at me and I frown.
"Red and yellow, why do you ask now?"
"Because from the moment I have first laid eyes on you, I wanted to do this and I don't think that I can't wait any longer." He says, pulls me into his arms and I know that he is going to kiss me, but I can't look away or do anything other than to get lost in his beautiful gray eyes until our lips touch. And it's unlike anything I have ever felt before, not that I haven't kissed before, but for the first time it feels right and when I sigh his tongue slides into my mouth tasting and teasing me. My hands glide in his hair while his have found their way under my tank top and neither of us can or wants to stops. I suck on his tongue and he groans into my mouth, but suddenly we both hear someone clearing his throat.
We stop and turn around to find his brother who has the biggest grin on his face.
"Sorry to interrupt you two, but Mom is worried where you are, bro and you need to take your meds."
"We're coming, Elliot." Christian mutters obviously not happy about the interruption.
"Cool, see ya." Elliot says and walks back in the direction of the house.
"So, where were we?" Christian asks with a salacious smile, but I shake my head.
"You need to take your meds, Christian. Come, it's important." I say and giggle when he pouts.
"That is a very lovely sound, Miss Steele. So are we going to have a dinner date tomorrow?" He asks and I know that even the attempt of having a normal relationship will be nearly impossible for me, but if there is one person in this world, I am willing to take the risk for than it is the beautiful man right in front of me.
"Yes, I would love to have dinner with you, Mr. Grey." I finally answer and with the biggest smile on his face, he puts his hand in mine and we walk back to the house together...
Just a little info, don't be surprised if you see a lot more updates on my other stories until the end of this month and only one or two for this one. I'm trying to get the other three finished by the end of November so that I have all of December to focus solely on this story...