The Wind Waker: Captain Crawfishes Adventures
Christmas Shopping
Link and Romani end up at the frozen Dragon Roost beach. The are both shivering. Luckily Red Simba has come back to the beach.
Medli: Hey, Link!
Link: Oh, it's you *beep*.
Medli: Good job on saving my island . . . I guess.
There is a loud roar from Dragon Roost.
Link: stupid dragon . . . It should get a life!
It roared again.
Medli: Valoo said that you are the most annoying and whiny person he has met in a few millennia. He also says you are the true retarded one. Oh, and he told me to do this:
Medli pulls a harp off of her back and slams it in Link's face. Then she stomps on his foot really hard. Link screeches in pain.
Link: YEEOOOOOWWWWW! WHY THE DIGGITY DOG ARE YOUR TALONS SO HARD AND SHARP!? AND WHERE THE *BEEP* DID THAT HARP COME FROM!?
Medli: *ignores him* And that's all I have to say. Good bye, Link! Thanks for giving me someone to vent on!
Komali: MEDLI! Someone! Help! What is this junk!?
Komali is wandering around like an idiot in the snow.
Romani stumps through the snow to get over to Komila - er, Komali.
Romani: What is wrong, young prince?
Komali: *whiny* I'm so confuuuuuuused! What is this white stuff? Why is it so cold? And where's the sun that you talked about? The great star in the sky? You know? And where are the people? *Komali realizes it's Romani* Ah, it's a girl!
Komali covers himself in snow and curls up into a ball.
Romani: Well, right now it is winter, and the sun is harder to see often. And people are on other islands. Since it's winter, Your people probably don't -
Komali:*stops being a weirdo* Huh . . . what island? What even is that?
Romani sighs.
Romani: Those are like Dagnabit - I mean, Dragon Roost island. Island. And see this blue stuff?
Komali gasps and looks over the blue stuff.
Romani: That is how you get to the other islands.
Komali: So . . . much . . . to process . . . can't handle . . . THE PRESSURE!
Komali faints. Medli curses Link. Why Link, since he had nothing to do with this, we won't know.
Medli: Oh yeah . . . I almost forgot. Quill forced me to bring you these warm eskimo jacket things. Take em, Stupes.
You got an Eskimo jacket! This nice warm jacket was prepared to help you stay warm in the winter! Thanks, Quill!
Link puts his jacket on and stops shivering.
Link: Cool . . . tell Dumb Postman I said thanks! Now I am Eskimo Link! Cool!
Romani also puts on the jacket and stops shivering.
Romani: Cool . . . Romani isn't shivering anymore!
Link: Let's go Romani.
The jump into Red Simba.
Red Simba: Link, you have to -
Link: *mimicking Red Simba*Link, you have to blah blah blah!
Red Simba: Shut it, stupid!
Link: Shut it, retard!
Red Simba and Link: I hate you!
Romani: Calm down, guys!
Red Simba: Just get in me already.
Romani: Sheesh!
Romani jumped into the retarded boat.
Romani: Ooh! Apple cider!
Link: Yes! We can drink it together, finally!
Romani: Say what, Grasshopper?
Link: Ummm . . . nothin'.
Red Simba:We have to go south, so change the wind direction! Zephos the frog of wind told me that the Wind Waker is actually not a toy! Isn't that weird?
Link: that was a horrible pun.
Link plays a song. The wind changes direction.
Red Simba: Wait . . . how the *censored* did you do that!? I didn't even teach you the *beep* song!
Link: I'm naturally gifted! One's gifts grow when you listen to Queen music -
Red Simba: WHAT?! YOU LISTEN TO QUEEN!? NOT THE BEATLES? NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! OH FARORE, WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS TO MEEEE?!
Link: Oh, shut up, retard! Do you even know what that means? Shut up?
Romani: *quickly* OK time to go! Let's go! Set sail or whatever, Grasshopper!
Link mutters something about Red Simba and not appreciating real music before he set sail.
Red Simba: I am ashamed, Link. Very disappointed.
Link: Well I hate the Beatles! They are bad!
Red Simba: *gasps* That is so not true! They are more popular than Queen!
Romani: Romani likes a little bit of both.
Red Simba:*chuckles* Romani, Romani, Romani. One cannot like both the Beatles and Queen. It does not work like that in our world.
Romani: Ohhh . . . well sorry, Red Simba. I'm still going with that.
Link: Heheheheheh . . . so do you like Queen? Huh? Or the other one. The Bottles.
Romani:*nervously* I like . . . the . . . umm . . . apple cider! I'm having some apple cider!
Link: Oh yeah! Can you pour me a cup?
Romani: Sure.
Red Simba: Hey, you have to get me a gift, guys!
Romani and LInk: Why the diggity dog would we ever do that?
Red Simba: It's almost Christmas!
LInk: *facepalm* Ohh, I forgot! Let's go to Windfall Island to get some Christmas stuff! It's time to go . . . Christmas shopping!
Soon they arrive at Windfall Island. Link jumps out of Red Simba with Romani and they look around. There is a choir of people caroling. Next to them is a bottle of Rupees.
People:*singing*
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
And a happy new year!
Link grabs their bottle of Rupees.
Romani: I wouldn't do that, Grasshopper . . .
You got a Bottle of Rupees! It has, what, a purple Rupee and a yellow one . . . That's cool! But not so cool to the carolers . . .
The carolers get angry and chase after Link and Romani. Link laughs evilly.
Link: Come get me, *beeps*!
Link runs up the hill with Romani following and goes to a shop with a little guy in a huge coat. There is a little building above the shop.
Guy in Coat: Do you have anything you wish to buy?
Romani shakes her head no, but Link ignores the guy and goes up some stairs that lead to a door. He goes inside. Romani follows Link into the room. It is a bar. A bunch of people are drinking eggnog. Link walks up to the bar.
Link: Hey, I'd like a mug of eggnog please.
Bar-keeper: You're way too young to be in here drinking that stuff. Go back to your house, kid!
Link: I don't have a house! Now lemme try some eggnog, fool!
Link pulls out his sword.
Bar-keeper: OK, OK! Jeez . . . kids these days. Who let's their kid carry a sword around all day?
Link sheaths his sword and grabs the mug of eggnog.
Link: Neh-heh-heh-heh-heh! I love this stuff! Another!
Link throws the mug down. (Heheheheheh . . . quote)
Bar-keeper: Stop shattering my *beep* mugs!
Link orders four more mugs of eggnog. Then Romani intervenes before he orders ten more.
Romani: Ummm, let's go Grasshopper, yeah?
Link: FIne . . . you should try this stuff though, heh heh . . . pretty good.
Romani: Time to go, Grasshopper.
Romani drags Link out of the bar and down the stairs. Then she runs off somewhere. Link isn't really paying attention as he starts writing an order of hot chocolate from the Rito tribe. He puts a green Rupee in the mail with his letter.
Link: Uhhh . . . my stomach huuuuuurts . . .
Link stumbles to the beach and throws up in the sand.
Link: Bleaaaugh . . . that's gross. At least it doesn't hurt anymore.
Romani comes next to Link.
Romani: Hey, Grasshopper . . . ready to go?
Link: I guess so.
Romani: OK, great, now carry this bag!
Romani drops a a huge bag into Link's arms.
Link: Wha-wha . . . n-no!*gasp* Stop it! What's in here, rocks?
Romani: Let's go!
They go down to the beach where Red Simba is.
Red Simba: Oh, it's you two. Link. I can't believe your nerve.
Link: *ignores that* OK, *gasp*, I'm going in.
Link throws the bag into the boat.
Red Simba: Ow! What's in there?
Link: Who knows . . . can we just go into the boat or whatever it's called and leave this crazy place?
Romani: Yeah.
The go into the boat, which is now very cramped.
Romani: *whines* But I barely have any spaaaaaace!
Red Simba: Be quiet! Now set sail Link!
Link: *mimicking* Oh, Link, set sail, blah blah blah! Bossy old nut . . .
Red Simba: SET SAIL IDIOT!
Link: WHENEVER I WANT, RETARD! Gosh . . .
The sail goes up and Red Simba glides through the water away from Windfall Island.
Link: I'm going to sleep. I need to heal myself . . .
Romani: Yes. *yawn* Romani is very tired. Good night, Grasshopper.
Red Simba: Hey! You have to control the boat, idiot!
Link: You de boat. You control it. Good night Romani! *giggles stupidly* Love you!
Romani: what?
Link: ummm . . . nothin'.