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Expiration Date

X.

I awoke early the next morning. Too early. Especially for having drank so much the night before then stayed up for a few hours during the night. I tried staying in bed in the hopes that I would fall back to sleep for a few hours but my body wasn't having it. And so, with an annoyed sigh, I got myself out of bed to get dressed.

I figured I would walk home and get myself together before meeting up with Ferb later to go to the beach. He did say we would go to the beach, right? Or was that just a dream…?

Either way, I knew what wasn't a dream. And that was Ferb giving me his shirt to wear. A shirt that I wasn't ready to take off. Plus my own shirt smelled like bonfire, which reminded me of last night, which wasn't my ideal morning reflection.

When I walked out of the bedroom it occurred to me that Ferb was probably still sleeping. He was completely worn out last night (and by that I mean a few hours ago) so I left a note on his fridge telling him to call me when he read it.

As soon as I stepped outside, I knew that we wouldn't be going to the beach. The sky was dark with clouds and I could practically feel the storm in the air. Still, my house was only about a ten minute walk from Ferb's, so I figured I would be able to make it. I was actually kind of grateful for the overcast because I didn't even want to think what bright sunlight would have done to my head.

So I enjoyed the warm windy walk home by myself; it was too early for anyone else to be out and about yet so it was like I had the world to myself. I let myself speculate what Ferb and I were going to end up doing now that our previous plan was shot. I wondered if he would enjoy sitting on my porch swing with me as we listened to the rain pound on the gable and drank freshly brewed coffee.

I caught myself smiling stupidly and tried to hide it behind my fidgeting hand. Not like it mattered, no one was around to question my sanity, and truthfully, it didn't matter if they did because…I was smiling.

Unfortunately, it was short-lived. I turned the bend that would lead to my house but stopped dead in my tracks when I was five feet from home. Scarlett spotted me and stood up from her spot on my steps. She looked inept as she wrung her hands insistently and shifted her weight from foot to foot. She seemed dressed too properly with black slacks and a blue blouse, her beige purse hanging from her right shoulder.

"We need to talk," she said and I could tell she was trying to keep her voice calm.

Oh…right. Her text.

"Do you think we can do this another time?" I asked quickly, speed walking up my sidewalk and my stairs, rushing past her to get to my door.

She cleared her throat, "No…this can't wait. You…you can't keep doing this."

My keys dropped from my hand and I scrambled to pick them up. I needed to get inside fast and lock her out. I got the key in the lock and turned the knob.

"I told Phineas."

I froze. My heart began pounding in my ears and I was too afraid she would see the terror in my eyes if I turned around, "…What?"

"I told Phineas that you love…no, that you think you love him and that's why you always act the way you do," Scarlett sounded more confident now, if not a bit overly so for effectiveness.

I finally turned to face her because I knew hostility replaced terror. I looked her straight in her eyes and said, "You don't know anything about me."

"I know enough!" She countered, "What I don't understand is why you're trying to get Phineas when you already have such a great guy always—."

"Don't bring Ferb into this. He has nothing to do with any of this. He—."

"Phineas didn't believe me," Scarlett interrupted, her statement said so matter-of-factly that it threw me off, "He told me I was crazy to think that you loved him. 'She's always been a best friend to me,' he said. And you know what else he said? He said that he knew you didn't love him because if you did, you would be happy that he's happy with me!" She pointed to herself, her finger digging so hard against her chest that it curved awkwardly.

My lungs felt empty because of how terrible of a person I was. Did Phineas really say that? Did he really think that? If he didn't think I loved him…then what did he think?

Scarlett calmed herself down as she stared pitifully at me, "Listen…Isabella, can I just come in and talk to you? I can make us tea and—."

I laughed scornfully, "You think I'm just going to invite you in now?"

She narrowed her eyes in a confused sort of way, "I really don't get it. Phineas and I have been dating for seven years now and he still calls you his best friend. Despite you never accepting me. And I've tried to be patient with that because I didn't want him to have to choose between his friend and me, but—."

I stepped forward as a lot of my senses diminished with fiery rage, "You better not force him to stop talking to me or—."

"I don't want to do that!" She defended, her hand now gripping her purse strap so hard her knuckles were turning white, "I don't ever want to have to give Phineas an ultimatum. That wouldn't be fair to him, but this whole situation isn't fair to me."

It was the second time she emphasized the word and it was beginning to get irritating.

She sighed inwardly, "I'm just asking, as your best friend's girlfriend, why you can't at least try to get along with me."

I tore my eyes from hers and focused on a spot on the ground behind her. A few dark spots were appearing on the cement as the drops of rain fell. Was this some sort of sick joke? Was it a trap? How could I tell her that I loved Phineas more than she could ever imagine and that was why I couldn't like her, couldn't accept them, couldn't believe that there would never be a chance for Phineas and I? She wouldn't understand. She would have understood by now if she could.

And I wondered…did she really tell Phineas this? Because I couldn't imagine it if she did. No…not after all these years of me keeping it hidden from him, could this other girl, his girlfriend, just so casually tell him about my feelings. It just…it wouldn't be right. A seventeen year secret just outwardly spoken so carelessly as if none of those years even mattered? Could life be that anticlimactic?

"You're wearing Ferb's shirt," she said when she realized I went off in my own little world and wasn't going to respond, "Is that where you're coming from?"

"I…" I looked down at what I was wearing and tightly gripped the fabric over my chest as if I just comprehended what was on my skin.

"Isabella, you really need to see what you have because I think—."

"I get it…." I cut her off, an awareness dawning on me, "I get it! You've been telling Phineas this whole time that's something has been going on between Ferb and I. He doesn't believe you because he thinks I love Ferb…"

She looked taken aback, "I'm sure he doesn't believe me for more reasons than that…"

There was a burst inside of me that finally made me see what I had to do. This girl…this stupid girl went and told my most sacred secret—the part of me that's been kept hidden yet very alive for almost my whole life—to the guy I've been keeping all of it from. She told him this secret so casually that it was like she was mocking me. It was like she was trying to prove she could do something I couldn't.

And I knew I had to tell him. I had to see Phineas and tell him myself because the reason he didn't believe her was because he didn't hear it from me.

"I need to talk to Phineas," I mumbled more to myself but she heard me loud and clear. Our shoulders hit as I walked past her and I could feel the raindrops already zigzagging through my hair.

"Good!" I heard her yell after me, "Maybe now you can put an end to all this!"

All this! All this! What in the hell was she talking about, putting an end to all this?! My anger gave me the adrenaline I needed to begin running in the direction of Phineas' house. This couldn't wait a second more than was necessary. Yes, it was definitely time to put an end to something. And that something was her.

The raindrops soon turned into a steady sprinkle. I became painfully aware of my lack of chest support as the rain plastered Ferb's shirt to my skin and the unrefined bouncing of my breasts was almost more than I could bear.

I made it to Phineas' fence, running around the side of it to reach the gate. I pushed it open and rushed through the wet lawn before my hands smacked against the window of his glass door. My hands pounded quickly and loudly and it was only when I saw Phineas' confused and shocked face did I wish I was invisible and could just turn away.

"Isabella?" He hurried across the kitchen and slid the door open, "I thought you were at Ferb's, what are you doing out in the rain?"

I crossed my arms over my chest in self-consciousness but felt too afraid to step into his house. I was breathing in and out of my mouth deeply from the sprint I just did and I was shivering, though I wasn't sure exactly why.

"Do you need to come in?" He asked when I didn't automatically accept his offer, "I can get you a towel, hold on." He rushed out of the kitchen but I continued to stand in the rain. What was I even doing here…?

He came back a few seconds later with a blue towel. When he saw I wasn't entering the house, his eyebrows scrunched with puzzlement, "Aren't you cold just standing there like that?

I swallowed hard before opening my mouth to speak but then paused as though my voice was unexpectedly stolen. Phineas waited for a moment for me to say something before looking awkwardly at the towel he was holding.

He didn't want to wait forever.

"There's nothing going on between me and Ferb," I spit out, automatically thinking that that was one of the worst things I could've said in this moment.

Phineas looked at me again, "That's—."

This is it.

"Because I love you!"

There.

It was out there. It was floating in the air, waiting to be caught, waiting to be received, waiting, waiting, waiting…

It's sad, but I don't even remember Phineas' initial reaction…did he seem shocked, normal, baffled? It was like my eyes shut down and my mind was on autopilot. I spewed out confession after confession until I finally settled with: "I've loved you since the moment I met you."

I felt like this would have been the perfect opportunity to just run to him and kiss him as hard and as long as I could. I wanted to, I think, but my feet wouldn't let me move.

And I waited. I waited for him to respond because waiting was apparently what I did best.

Then finally:

"But I'm engaged to Scarlett…"

I wasn't sure how to follow that statement. Was he saying that I wasn't allowed to love him because of this fact? Or was he saying that my feelings didn't matter because he loved—

"Isabella, please come inside, I'm starting to feel weird watching you stand out in the rain while I'm in here."

I wanted to cry. That's all he had to say…?

"I just need—."

"Just come inside!" He suddenly snapped. It took me by surprise because I haven't heard him sound like that since…since we were kids and Candace would get on his nerves, either by not taking that bike to jump over that stupid hole to make it home before sunset or by messing with stuff in the S.H.E.D.

It was hard not to listen to Phineas when he's upset, mostly because he hardly gets that way, so you know he's completely serious.

I stepped inside the kitchen but wouldn't walk any further. He handed me the towel and I quickly wrapped it around my shoulders, making sure that it slung down to cover my front.

"I talked to Ferb last night after Buford's party," he said, "I told him I was worried about you. He kinda went off on me…" Phineas chuckled but it was hardly mirthful.

I narrowed my eyes and wondered what this had to do with me telling him I loved him. Oh God…I told him. The idea still sounded crazy to me.

"He told me that I'm about seven years too late on the worrying thing. He said he couldn't believe that I didn't see what's been happening to you or…or whatever. Either way, Ferb was really mad at me and that's rare. At least…him expressing as much is rare…"

I closed my eyes as my lips began to shiver. Why was he talking about everything except what I wanted him to?

"I honestly don't know what he's talking about though," he continued, "or Scarlett. Ferb's statement makes me believe something's been going on with you for seven years and Scarlett tells me that you hate her because she's dating me, and you…" trailing off, chuckling, "I didn't even know you hated her…I mean, you don't really hate her, do you?"

What a horrible question to ask. In all honesty, I couldn't completely blame Phineas for being oblivious to everything. I made sure to hide all the ugliness from him. When he was around, I cleaned up my act so he would always see the bubbly girl he grew up with. It was really no surprise he only became concerned last night over how I acted at the bonfire.

"She took what I wanted…" I responded lowly, standing in the AC starting to chill me to the bone.

Phineas cocked his head to the side, "She took something of yours?"

Oh, Phineas…

"She took you," I bravely said.

He looked even more confused, "She didn't take me. I chose her."

I know he didn't say it with the intent of hurting me, but little did he know that he just killed me. I was a puzzle that was almost complete and he smacked his hand across me and threw all my pieces to the ground. There was no way I was going to be able to find all those missing pieces; there would forever be chasms.

My throat was dry, "What if…what if I had told you how I felt before…before you started dating her?"

He looked uneasy, "I suppose it would have been different before…" He rubbed the back of his head nervously before his hand snaked down to tug on his ear.

My eyed widened. I'm sure he didn't realize he did it, but…he just gave himself away. He did the tale-tell sign that he was lying. I was never an option for him. He didn't love me then…he didn't love me now.

Phineas didn't love me.

I felt my heart beating. I felt my lungs breathing. So if these were happening, why did I feel so dead? I was sure my eyes were working fine; I saw Phineas' mouth moving. He was talking to me. So why couldn't I hear him? It sounded like there was a raging river wallowing through my eardrums that was drowning out the world around me. Or maybe I was drowning.

Before I knew it, I was turning and running back out into the rain. I heard static and I hated it because it prohibited me from thinking straight. Whether Phineas tried to call me back or not, I wasn't sure, but it wouldn't have made a difference because I wouldn't have responded.

All of this seemed like nothing more than a horrible movie. No…even movies aren't this cruel. Even movies would give the protagonist some sort of happiness. But then again, I wouldn't go so far as to call myself a protagonist. I was more like…like someone that didn't even exist. Whose feelings didn't even count. What was I really doing hiding myself from Phineas all these years? Waiting for him to notice? Waiting for the perfect moment to tell him? But now it was over. Neither of those things happened. He found out through someone else and I ended up spilling my guts to him while being soaking wet and wearing his brother's shirt after having just kissed him the night before.

Oh God…how can I talk to Ferb now after…

I turned a corner before collapsing to my knees; I felt like I was finally going to vomit everything I poisoned my body with throughout the last seven years. I cried as I dry heaved because it felt more like my heart was sick than my stomach.

I don't know how long I stayed there like that, nor do I know what truly got me to stand up and continue walking. It was like there was a little piece of Ferb with me at all times that tugged me along even when he wasn't physically there.

And I wondered if he would hate me when I revealed to him everything that just transpired. The thought of Ferb hating me on top of Phineas not loving me was like pouring salt into a fresh wound. But then I thought about what he said to me the night before:

"You need to figure it out."

And it was like he knew what was about to happen. And Phineas filled me in on what they were discussing last night when I heard Ferb on the phone, so it made sense. Was that why Ferb was acting a bit indifferent last night? Because he knew Scarlett and/or Phineas would be confronting me today and all the words that needed to be said for years now would be said?

I wondered if I should be angry. He should've warned me! Why would…why would he keep this from me…?

I turned the corner and saw my house despite the now blinding rain and my blurry eyes. But even more important, I saw Ferb's car in front of my house.

Again…how did he know? How does he always know?!

I caught myself running again because if anyone could fix this…

I sprinted up my stairs and banged my front door open. It was unintentional; I didn't mean to make such a dramatic entrance, but my nerves gave me strength I wasn't familiar with. However, as I stood in the doorway making a large puddle on my floor, I felt my sudden appearance was justified when Ferb and Scarlett stood up from my kitchen table with severe shock.

Not that I blamed them. I probably looked like a serial killer. Everything that was going through my mind made me feel like a serial killer, too.

Not only was Scarlett—Scarlett, the one who—not only was she sitting in my house when I told her not to—and on top of that, I wasn't even there…

But she was sitting in my house—alone—with Ferb!

Jealousy and resentment set my veins on fire and my body began going through unknown and paradoxical changes as my insides burned but my skin was like ice. My nails pierces my palms as I heard my voice leave my mouth: "Get out."

"Isabella!" Scarlett walked quickly around the table and came toward me. I think she was trying to portray worry in her eyes, but I felt mocked, "I'm sorry; you left your door unlocked and I didn't know if you would lose your keys and then Ferb showed up and—."

"Get out!" I yelled, and I jumped when I scared even myself. My voice screeched and I became blind for a moment in time. I felt insane and someone separate from myself. There was nothing in my reach that I could grab and throw at her, but my legs were way ahead of me as I made my way over to the small table beside my couch. There was a lamp. A lamp I never liked anyway.

But before I could grasp the base, my arm was grabbed and I was spun around quickly. It was Ferb; he was shaking his head, "Hey, time out."

And I exploded, "First Phineas and now you! What else is she going to take away from me!?"

Then I was pressed up against him and his fingers tightened in my hair as he held my wet body. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I heard the door close as Scarlett left. The door to my anger closed as well and now nothing was left but despair.

Wretched sobs and moans enfiladed my whole being and it made everything hurt. I tried to speak a few times but my gasps prevented it. Ferb tried to wrap me up in his arms even more and I could practically feel his frustration at only have two arms instead of a million to cover me completely.

I finally clenched onto the back of his shirt in an attempt to lessen the pain. But I wasn't sure if anything would make everything right again. It seemed like too large of an impossibility.

But at least I wasn't alone. Not yet.

...

...

Next chapter! Sorry this took so long. Not only was I super busy, I was having somewhat of a writer's block. It took my a long time to write this chapter; Iwrote a paragraph here and then but it was hard to feel anything special about it. Not sure if I'm gonna overcome this or not. Just so you're all aware. Thanks for reading!

-Enula