I am very very very sorry for the wait. I really am. I've not had a good last few months, i've had exams, i got screwed over by my ex, it's not been fun. But i am back! This chapter isn't the lightest, maybe borders M in themes but seeing as you know what this story is about.. you'll probs all be good to read it anyway. Huge thank you to BrokenDaisy (i'm very sorry i haven't been in touch) music-and-fairytales, couchpotato565, Belle-irina, J.L, PurpleDancenNinja, Mj2387, OutCold, Mentalgal, Jisbon1996, J.L (again, and thank you for the push) and AngryLittlePrincess, i'm glad you are enjoying it, and thank you for reminding me how desperately i needed to update. I hope you all enjoy this chapter :)

Nobody said it was easy,

It's such a shame for us to part,

Nobody said it was easy,

No one every said it would be this hard,

Oh take me back to the start.

The scientist - Coldplay

Chapter 10

She stared into the mirror in front of her, her heart beating slowly, her breathing under control. Slowly she lifted a hand up, bringing it to her forehead and running her fingers through her dark tousled hair. She wriggled her freshly painted toenails in the black killer stilettos she had on. Her eyes travelled up her own body, inspecting it. Dressed in red again, she reflected, as she had been the second time she came to this place, when she had first met Liz and Kel. Except this time there was a lot less material. Red silk and lace mixed, barely covering her front and back. The bruises on her flat stomach had gone since last time, the edge of the red lace ran straight, just under her slightly pronounced hip bones. Red on white. Angry on innocent. Her eyes travelled up and over her no longer bruised stomach to the two silk and lace triangles of material that just barely covered her breasts. Again with the red. Red, crimson, scarlet. Blood, anger, passion. Sex. She shuddered at the last, pushed the thought away. She didn't feel any of those things, she didn't feel anything other than empty. Looking at a person in the mirror who was just her shell, surely it wasn't really her? She didn't look like her.

She didn't feel like her.

Her eyes continued their journey up to her face. What she supposed should have been the hardest bit. Her lips matched her outfit, crimson and smooth, slippery. Her cheekbones high, she could still feel the make up brush smooth and rushed over her skin. Her eyes were dark, smoky make up surrounding them and mascara lifting the lashes. Underneath it all they were green as usual, but they looked dead to her. She was going to have to get better at faking it.

Her dark hair was down, messy, covering up her porcelain skin more than anything she was wearing did. It stopped her feeling completely bare.

"Hey baby," Sam's voice cooed to her, he slipped an arm around her waist, turning her to him.

She did her best not to physically shudder in disgust, not to automatically pull away from the unwanted contact. Unwanted contact, another thing she was going to have to get used it.

"Hi Sam," she said, trying to put a smile on her face, she had a feeling it had ended up fairly twisted.

" Relax angel, you'll be fine, even if you screw up you've got the fact you look perfectly fuckable to fall back on."

She felt sick.

"Sam!" She heard another girls voice call, "Knock 'em dead angel," he said with a grin.

She was going to be sick.

"Hey you hottie," she was relieved to hear Kel's friendly voice from behind her.

She turned to her, and Kel's face twisted in concern, "Don't throw up," she said, grabbing her hand, "Okay come on, deep breathing."

A few minutes later she'd calmed down a little, "Just remember what I taught you and what I've said, after you perform you'll get down, serve some drinks, then you'll get up again whenever, I'll be right there with you," she said, "You're gonna be fine." She said, handing her a shot glass. "Vodka," she explained, "Takes the edge off."

She downed the liquid, swallowing the bitter taste, swallowing the regrets.

"Thanks," she said quickly, avoiding the other girls eyes.

"You can do it," she said, "Just think of who you're doing it for, think of the money. You'll get through it I promise. I have to go, I'm up, but I'll still be around when they drag you out." She said, "Good luck."

And then she was gone.

Luckily, having seen the inside of the club part of this place, she knew it wouldn't just be her up, there were a lot of mini stages with a pole stuck in the middle of them, and she knew she was on one that was to the right of Kel for her first night. Sam had called it moral support. She'd nearly laughed, there was nothing moral about what they were doing.

The guys were dirt, but naturally, they would have to be to come to a place like this. She'd gotten away with just plastering a smile on her face and handing out drinks as they leered after her, but she couldn't shake the feeling of disgust. At least while she danced they weren't within touching distance, well, at least not this early in the night. Even if she showered twenty times later she knew she'd still feel dirty, bare.

She'd close her eyes every so often, pretending that this was all a dream, that it wasn't real. That was how you got through it, she supposed. She was stood by the bar waiting for one of the girls to pour the drinks, having already been up twice, when she caught the eye of a guy sat on the table.

There was a hunger in his eyes she couldn't really identify, didn't want to, and she broke contact, an uneasy feeling settling in the pit of her stomach. She'd noticed him watching her earlier, but the way he was looking at her made something flare up inside of her. And her instincts were screaming at her to get out of his sight, to run. Something she clearly couldn't do. She tried to get a hold on the panic building up inside of her, and the fear that was quickly following.

A voice shook her out of the fear for a moment and replaced it with annoyance, annoyance that she quickly hid. "Angel," Sam's breath was on her ear and his hand on her bare waist, as he suddenly appeared behind her. "You're doing great," he purred.

It made her feel marginally better to know he touched all of the girls this way, but it still didn't stop it being creepy. She had flashbacks to the coffee shop, "Now that's a good work ethic," he'd said. She almost laughed; what could he possibly know about ethics?

She smiled weakly at him, thankful that the tray of drinks was ready she took it and tried to step around him, "You just keep on pleasing customers," he said with a grin that made her shudder, and then he was gone, and talking to a bunch of men on another table, who were the exception to the rest of the room, and were not drunk, they'd just been watching the girls all night. Which made her uneasy.

But then again, everything here made her uneasy.

By the end of this she was convinced she could be an actress, were her thoughts as she put on a fake smile and served these men's drinks. She was no stranger to men who had way too much alcohol in their system, and all five men clearly fell under that category. But she bit her tongue and handed them more, pretending it didn't matter. Pretending that this was all okay.

She was just about to turn to walk away when the guy that had been eying her up grabbed her wrist to stop her, the tray slipped out of her hand as he pulled her back to face him.

Please let go.

Please stop, just let go, let me pick up the tray and go.

"Come on sweetheart, don't be shy," the guys around him laughed and she could feel her heartbeat speeding up, fear choking her, robbing her of the ability to form sentences. She was less than a foot away from him now and she could feel his hands on her hips, around her waist, as the drunk guy pulled her onto his lap. "We could use a little company couldn't we fellas?" His words were slightly slurred and she had a rather unpleasant thought – to come here in the first place these guys can't be decent, but with this amount of alcohol in their systems? She tried to remember the number of drinks she'd served in between her dancing, but she couldn't, the whole night was a bit of a blur, and she wasn't under the influence.

"You were great up there," he whispered, the stink of alcohol on his breath flooding her with too many pictures and unwanted memories to count, and she wasn't sure what was worse, the past or the present. "You're very beautiful," he slurred again, his hands running up her legs. And sixteen, she added mentally, trying to block it out. His other hand on her back, trailing down, she tried to fight the intense desire to run, but when his hand met lace it was all too much.

"Why don't I go get you some more drinks?" She said, trying to keep her face smiling, unwavering.

"What's wrong sexy?" God she hated this.

"Nothing's wrong," she said smiling at him, "I'll be back in two seconds," she said, delicately getting up off him and heading away.

Her mind was spinning and her heart going so fast that as she struggled to just walk away instead of run, she completely missed him getting up and following her.

She walked around the bar and through some doors to the stairs, she needed to calm down. She needed to squash the fears and the panic and quite simply get used to how cheap she felt if this was ever going to work. And this was going to work, it had to, she'd run out of options. She'd run out of choices, there were no alternatives, and there was no going back.

She jumped when the guy came through the doors with, his eyes flashed with anger and yet again her instincts screamed at her to run, but it was too late. She gasped as he pinned her up against the wall, not at the actions but at the cold wall at her back.

"Sir you're not supposed to be back here," she stammered, the panic was back and it had hit her full force.

"What's wrong baby?" She was completely trapped, it was him then a wall, there was no way out. "Don't worry," he grinned, his eyes roaming over her body hungrily, "I'll be gentle."

She'd never felt fear like this before and it was all she could do not to cry, she was exposed enough as it is and knew it wouldn't take much. She bit back tears as one hand spread up her stomach groping at her chest, the other was between her thighs. She couldn't stop the tears any longer, and they rolled down her cheeks, she thought of Patrick and she felt a stabbing in her chest, the thought just made the tears flow faster and she knew she had to do something, it couldn't happen like this.

She tried to push him off but was unsuccessful, and he slammed her back against the wall, the tears and objection only seemed to make him angrier. "Don't pretend you don't want this," he said furiously, "You can't dress up like a whore and not expect men to want you," his hands went back to where they had been and she cried out as he tried to untie her top, she struggled against him again, still trying to push him off, but it was no use, compared to him she was tiny. With little effort he pinned her against the wall with his body, held her wrists above her head, "The things I'm going to do to you," he whispered, a lusty smile on his face. He leant forward to kiss her and she took the opportunity to bite down on his lip, hard. She knew she'd drawn blood because she could taste it, and using the surprise to her advantage, she managed to wriggle out of his grip and started to run, but he'd recovered from the shocked before it was too late and lurched after her, grabbing her.

"You bitch!" He yelled touching a hand to his lip, "That's it, I hope you like it rough 'cause-"

He was interrupted, "Harry what the hell are you doing?"

She'd never been so relieved to hear Sam's voice.

"Oh cut the crap Sam, quit acting like you give a shit what I do to this one, or what I do to any of your girls."

"Fuck you," Sam said, "Are you fucking paying for it? No, so get the fuck out of here and leave her alone," The guy looked sullen, but let go of her, and relief slowly started to seep into her, "Go on," Sam said, "Get out of here."

And then he was gone.

"Thanks," she said softly, wiping away tears and looking down, shock and shame settling in.

"I'm sorry about that," Sam said, "Harry's an old regular, not so great once he's got a few drinks down him…"

"It's okay," she lied, "No harm done."

But there would have been if you hadn't turned up.

"It's your first night as well," he shook his head and then checked his watch, "Tell you what, it's already twenty to one, why don't you clock off early angel, the rest of us can take it from here, swing by my office in ten and I'll pay you."

She nodded, silently thankful, she couldn't have gone back out there to face him again.

She turned before he could say anything else and disappeared off upstairs. When she got to the dressing room it was empty, and she couldn't tear what little she had on off fast enough. She flung the red scraps of material far away from her and grasped for her underwear, quickly shoving on jeans and a jumper, needing to cover herself up. She grabbed a makeup remover wipe furiously and began to ruthlessly get rid of every last scrap, every layer of makeup off. She got rid of the crimson lips first, quickly followed by the smoky eyes, then the foundation. She dropped the wipe in the bin and stared at her reflection. She was her again. Except that her eyes were a little darker than before, her posture more guarded.

She flashed back to being pinned up against that wall; she could still feel his rough hands, no matter how much she tried to shut it out. It made her sick to think how much worse it could've been. She grabbed her bag and headed out, but her mind wouldn't stop spinning.

She practically grabbed the cash out of Sam's hand, not even bothering to count it, she was so anxious to get out of there.

It wasn't until she was, just over half an hour later, sat in the darkness of her room that she finally allowed herself to break down again. She lay on her bed, and mercifully exhaustion – both physical and emotional, won, and it wasn't long at all before she managed to cry herself to sleep.

I would really love to hear your thoughts :) Next chapter is already written yayayayy, nearly as depressive, but well, after that it picks up a bit as does the Jisbon ;)

Please review! Thanks for reading,

Emily xxx

P.s if anyone has tumblr my link is on my profile, follow me and i'll follow back, i figure if you're here we'll like the same stuff ;)