Author: Everything_Once
Pairing: Naomy/Emily
Rating: K
Warnings: Not for the moment...

Summary: AU Skins never happens. Naomi is a famous singer but she doesn't really like the whole celebrity thing. Cook is her manager and well I'm not good at summarizing things so basically give it a try and you'll see what happens next...

Disclaimer: Skins isn't my property, even if I secretly wish so! At the moment I pretty much own nothing...

First of all i'm truly sorry for my long absence but i wasn't really in the mood for any kind of writing. I think that it was writer block but I'm not a hundred percent sure. I'm not trying to excuse myself or anything there cause I know that you've all been waiting for too long and I'll try no never let that happen again. Anyway now I'm staying in a tropical island for a month and being there on my own have helped me a lot and since I arrived I've been thinking about writing again so here we are I guess…

Chapter Ten

*** Naomi's thoughts***

Emily doesn't enter right away she stays in the doorframe like she's too scared to come closer. I'm not going to blame her for that, ever since she enters my life I've been a bitch with her. I'm about to start talking again when she's slowly starting to enter the room. She closes the door and then sat in the sofa facing me. The silence is truly killing me right now, I want to talk so damn much but i don't really trust myself right now, I'm afraid all I'll do is making things worse so I stay silent.

"Naomi talk to me please."

God, this is really killing me. I really do want to talk to her, explain everything to her but I just can't so I stay still. She stands up and my heart almost stops to beat. Please don't go away! I know that it's pretty much all I deserve right now but still...

I still don't move or say anything and soon Emily is just in front of me, she pleading me to do anything with her eyes, and right now I'm such a coward.

She gently touches my lips with her finger, and I shiver. For one second I thought that she's going to kiss me but I realise soon that this is not going to happen anytime soon.

My whole body is like paralysed by a simple touch and it scares me even more.

"I'm sorry Naoms but I... I just...God I want to kiss you so much right now it's almost killing me..."

Do it ! Please ! Do that for me, for us, be the brave one... because I'm just a coward...

"But I won't..."

I've hated myself for almost a year right now, for being what people expect me to be and for not fighting for my dreams and the thing I do believe in, but it's nothing compared to what I feel at this exact moment. I know exactly what is about to happen right now, I've already been there and it hurts. And I can already feel that with her, for a reason I still don't get it's going to be ten times worse.

"I have made a mistake and I am truly sorry for that. I...I just thought for a second that you were attracted to me and that you wanted that as much as I do, but obviously I was wrong... And it wasn't a right thing to do, especially considering that we are working together, so once again I am sorry..."

God I can't even look at her right now. Her eyes are so full of sadness and rejection and knowing that this is my entire fault is just too much to deal with.

"I hope that you will still be able to work with me but I am going to move out and just come at your place during the day if you still have me of course. I won't blame you if you'll ask for someone else. But I think that I could write an amazing book about you, about the real you if you'll let me. So I guess that I'm going to go now, have a nice evening and I'll see you Monday. Sorry again..."

She looks at me one last time and I can tell that she really hopes that I'm going to do something but I don't. As soon as she's out I fall on the floor not able to stand on my legs anymore. I can almost feel all my soul going out of me right now. I'm such a fucking mess. I stay there sobbing on the floor.

I don't know how long I've stayed there but at some point I can feel someone lying on the floor with me.

"Naomi its ok I'm there now. Let it go... you can fall as much as you want I'm there to catch you."

"Eff...I...I've fucked up!"

"I know. But we are there to protect you no matter what remember?"

"Yeah..."

"Do you think we can go on the couch now, because my body is hurting?"

"I don't know, I don't know anything anymore..."

She gently helps me and soon we are both lying on the couch. Well she is and I'm just lying on her.

"It gets better Naomi... I swear..."

"Not for me... never for me..."

"It can't be true. You got Me, Cook, Fred... or as you and Cook like to call him the Fun sponge, and FitchBitch too even if I'm not really sure that this is a good thing though..."

"God you're so lame at cheering people up..."

"Yeah people keep saying so. I just don't know how to deal with other people pain..."

"And how do you deal with your pain?"

"I used to mix drugs alcohol and sex."

"Did it worked?"

"Nope."

"And now?"

"I wait until it's healed."

"Is it a better way?"

"Still trying to found the answer to that question. Stand up for a sec would you?"

"Why?"

"Cause right now my friend we need vodka!"

"God you're a genius sometimes!"

"I know."

We stand and she takes a bottle from her desk and I can't help but laugh at how similar of our teenage years that situation is.

"For old time sake?"

"Yup. But what happened to grown up Effy?"

"Oh she's still there, she's the one that is going to lock the door now to make sure that we don't end up doing anything stupid tonight. That's such a grown up thing to do!"

As soon as she's back on the couch we start to take gulp at the bottle. It really reminds me so much of the past. Everything back there seemed so much easier...

"If you say so. But how can you be sure that I'm not going to try anything with you?"

"Already been there and done that and I don't want to be a bitch with you right now but it definitely was the worst and most awkward experience of my whole life."

"Was I that bad?"

"Obviously not babe you were great but we just didn't click."

"God I wish we did back then it would have made everything so much easier."

"I doubt it really."

"Is it easier with boys?"

"Come on Naomi you're not that dumb are you? It's not about the gender it's about the feelings. That's what fucks everything up all the time."

"So you don't love the lips?"

"I do, of course I do, and that's why it's so damn complicated most of the time. A wise lady once told me that when you found..."

"God, can you not mention my mum tonight. One fucked up situation at the time please; I'm trying to heal there!"

"It's not that easy Naomi. Seriously though, why are you so afraid of?"

"I thought you of all people knew. I'm afraid of losing her just like you are of losing him."

"It has never been about losing him, I know that I'll never lose him, not really. It is about losing myself."

"I'm already lost..."

"Then you really got nothing to lose girl, you can even end up saved in the process..."

"You make it sound so easy."

"Because it is. Life is just life Naomi you're the one who can take decisions and change things."

"I seriously prefer our teenagers drunken nights, when it was all about drinking and making out, now it's just about expressing feelings and being so damn clever!"

"You got life all figured Naomi."

"That sucks."

"I know."

I know that she's right and that I'm the only one to blame about this whole situation. But the thing is I'm not sure to be ready yet, but it doesn't mean that I don't wish I was. But deep down I also know that I'm a fighter and it's about time I start fighting for myself a bit more. And if Emily Fitch is not worth it then I'm screwed cause nothing ever will be worth it !

Once again sorry for the delay, i'll seriously do my best to never let that happen again. If there is still someone there reading it : it will be more than awesome to know it first and then to know what you think about it or even how much you hate me for leaving...

See you as soon as possible :-D