A/N: As promised, we pick up pretty much where the last chapter left off... So if smut isn't your thing, I would advise to skip the first part of the first scene. (But to be honest, I never get very explicit when writing smut, so-) This chapter also contains plenty of fluff, as L tries to deal with feeling... feelings.
Many thanks to everyone supporting this fic! I hope you guys will like this update!
Chapter 10: Make every touch electrical
For all his fruit-related bragging earlier, L had to admit he was feeling slightly nervous. Only slightly, of course - he wasn't clueless - he was fairly familiar with the theoretical aspect of what he was doing, had extremely good instincts, and was a remarkably fast learner. Also, he now remembered some crass remark Aiber had made once regarding the way he ate - and how his hypothetical future lover should consider themselves pretty lucky. L had simply rolled his eyes, more interested in his tower of sweets and whatever information Aiber had come to give him than by the thought of maybe one day taking a lover.
Tsk. Sex. With someone else. What could possibly be the appeal? If it was just about physical release, he could take care of that rather well himself, thank you. Not that he couldn't appreciate when someone was attractive, he definitely could, but... Involving someone else, even if it would probably allow for different and interesting sensations, seemed like unnecessary trouble. The outcome would be the same. And even if he could hire someone for the sake of experimenting, it would still mean spending time with someone else and touching them. L had no interest in touching people or spending time with them if it wasn't for a case. People were not interesting.
Light was not people.
L wanted to spend time with Light. And presently, he wanted to touch him, kiss him, feel him shudder and hear him bite back moans as he tried to remain in control. He wanted to feel him, taste him, discover how best to break through that control of his and make him cry out. And he wanted Light to do the same to him.
It was exhilarating - much more than their hurried encounter in the shower earlier that day. Now they had time, and L relished every sound and reaction he managed to draw from Light as he teased him mercilessly. His own body was starting to ache and demand attention but he tried to ignore it as much as possible because Light's hands were pulling at his hair, his muscles were starting to tremble, and he felt so hot and hard against L's tongue - intoxicating.
Light's grip on the detective's hair tightened after a particularly creative swirl of L's tongue, and the younger man hissed a string of curses between his clenched teeth. L would have smirked if his mouth hadn't been otherwise occupied, and decided to allow Light some relief - if only because he was absolutely burning himself. Making sure to lock eyes with Light, L stopped teasing and started moving with clear intent. He was rewarded with quiet gasps and broken moans as Light's whole body started shuddering and his eyes quickly lost focus. Eye contact was suddenly broken when Light's head fell backwards, his back arching and each of his muscles tensing as he came with a strangled cry.
L watched quietly as Light came down from his high, his lips curled into a small smile as he tried to regulate his own breathing. He wanted nothing more than to capture Light's lips again and continue this, to pursue his own release; and he should probably take off his pants which were becoming extremely uncomfortable - but first—
"Am I forgiven?" L asked, trying to keep a light, teasing tone.
Light looked up and smirked at him, chest still heaving. "Actually, I might want to encourage you to cheat from now on."
L laughed quietly and crawled back on top of the other man, stopping only when he could rest his forehead on Light's. "Full disclosure, I didn't really have any prior practical experience."
"Well, you're not a genius for nothing," Light said, his fingernails lightly scratching along L's sides in a very distracting way.
L tilted his head to the side, pretending to consider that. "I wonder if I should add that to my resume…"
Light rolled his eyes and grabbed L's hair instead to pull him into a deep kiss, only breaking away to whisper against L's lips. "Instead of talking, shouldn't you be putting the rest of your theoretical knowledge to the test?"
Not even bothering to reply, L simply crashed his lips against Light's, kissing him with renewed urgency. He let his hands wander all over the younger man's body, teasing the sensitive spots he had found earlier and swallowing every sound that escaped Light. His pants disappeared at some point - maybe it was Light who had pushed them off, maybe he had done it himself - it didn't particularly matter right now, what mattered was that there was finally no barrier at all between them, and L was grinding his hips down instinctively, seeking some temporary relief that was definitely not enough.
L's eyes met Light's, an unspoken question hanging in between them; Light answered it by hooking his legs up around L's waist and bringing him down once more. Arousal surged through the detective's body and he captured the younger man's lips once again. Earlier that day, as he had spent some time picturing their next encounter, he had imagined it possibly going either way - which was fine, he hadn't thought that he would be particularly picky in the heat of the moment… Still, now, as Light's body was moving up against his in such a tantalizing way, the very idea of having him like that was absolutely maddening.
Seconds later, as he opened the small bottle he had just grabbed from the bedside table while Light's fingers dug distractingly into his back, L idly thought that nothing or no one could make him leave this bed at this time; not the task force knocking at their door in anger at having figured them out - nonsense; not that stupid annoying Shinigami - let him watch for all I care; not the head of the ICPO with the greatest case of his career...
Ha! As if there could ever be a greater case than Kira. As if anyone but Light could rival with his mind so perfectly. As if anyone but Light could get under his skin so easily. As if—
"Stop… thinking," Light groaned, shifting in discomfort mixed with pleasure as L began moving his fingers.
"I can multitask perfectly fine," L retorted teasingly. "Also, I'll have you know that I was thinking about you."
Light raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Thought you weren't a romantic."
"I don't think the nature of my thoughts qualifies as romantic," L said with a small smirk before kissing Light once more, muffling the frustrated sound that escaped the younger man's lips as L removed his fingers completely.
There was very little talk after that, only whispered "Is this…?" or "Are you…?" as L's body shuddered with the strain to hold still; and eventually "Goddammit L if you don't start moving I'm actually gonna kill you," followed by a breathless chuckle from the detective. Then it was just choked moans, hitching breaths and quiet and uncontrolled exclamations as L surrendered to his body's desires and lost himself in the warmth of Light's body, over and over again.
The part of L's brain that always wanted to think about his actions, to analyze what he was doing, was for once completely silent as all of the detective's senses were assaulted by Light - there was the way his skin burned everywhere they touched, the way Light's familiar scent surrounded him completely and made him feel high, the way each sound that escaped Light reverberated throughout his whole being, the maddening taste of Light's lips and skin against his tongue, and the way Light looked whenever their gazes met - brown eyes almost entirely dark and burning, cheeks flushed and hair splayed across the pillow - far from his perfectly groomed self, but maybe more perfect in the end.
The heat shooting through L's veins kept rising until it became almost unbearable and he knew he wouldn't be able to hold back much longer - but just as he and Light had always been in synch from the start, it only made sense that they would also be in this very moment. The detective could feel the instant Light's movements became more uncoordinated and his breathing more ragged, and L himself started moving harder, more intently, slipping one hand between them to help Light reach his completion faster; and when Light finally tensed up around him, a broken cry escaping his lips, L's self-control was utterly gone and he spent himself, burying his face in the pillow next to the younger man's head as his body shook with wave after wave of pleasure.
L couldn't move for a while after that - minutes maybe, or just a few seconds, he couldn't tell - all he knew was that his whole body felt heavy and his muscles were like mush. Once his breathing had slowed down a little, he forced himself to roll off Light and fell down gracelessly next to him. He turned his head towards the younger man and when their eyes met they both started laughing softly.
"That…" Light started, voice still rather breathless.
"...Yeah," L finished the thought without much eloquence, but the meaning was the same.
Silence fell between them once again, but it was by no means uncomfortable. L was staring at the ceiling, letting his thoughts wander, but he wasn't actually doing much thinking. He felt good, relaxed and content, and he wasn't able to recall a time he had ever felt like this before. Is this my life now? Well, if it was, it definitely reinforced the idea that "saving" Light had been a good decision - as shallow as that might sound. He found himself wondering idly whether they could use sex as a stress reliever instead of resorting to physical violence when they were angry at each other - and found that he was rather curious about what Light would do in such situations. L glanced sideways at his… well, boyfriend, he supposed. The word still sounded surreal to him, though; he never had expected this to happen. Well, they had time now, after all. Maybe he didn't need to think too hard about labelling their relationship and let things fall into place naturally.
Light's eyes were closed and L wondered for a second whether the other man had fallen asleep already when he noticed him shivering. "You're cold. We should get under the covers."
Opening his eyes, Light looked down at himself and wrinkled his nose. "We should take a shower first…"
"Well, if you can move, be my guest." L yawned and stretched his arms above his head, then slipped underneath the blanket. "I'm not leaving this bed until morning. Sheets can be washed."
The younger man rolled his eyes, still frowning. He took a deep breath and it seemed as if he was about to sit up, but he immediately let his head fall back on the pillow and groaned in frustration. L rolled over to the edge of the bed and grabbed his shirt off the floor, then handed it to Light, who stared at him in a slightly horrified way. "That's disgusting."
"It's not as if I'm planning on wearing it tomorrow," L shrugged. "Now get in here before you catch a cold." Light reluctantly snatched the shirt from L's hand and quickly wiped himself off before joining L under the blanket. The detective was on his side, watching him with curiosity and a bit of concern. "Have I hurt you?" L asked softly.
Light looked surprised by the question and blushed slightly, glancing away. "No— I mean, I'm a bit sore but that's… probably to be expected." He met L's eyes again and smiled softly. "I'm really just exhausted."
"Alright," L whispered. "I suppose I'll find out for myself soon enough," he added with a small, teasing smile.
Light huffed a laugh and smirked slightly. "You most certainly will." He then shifted closer, taking L's hand in his and lacing their fingers together. He looked down at their joined hands for a moment, his smirk fading and being replaced by an embarrassed expression. "Hey, um… You know I didn't mean that literally, right? About killing you."
L frowned and did a quick mental check because he suddenly had no idea what Light was referring to - and then his mind provided him with the memory of Light's strangled, lustful voice threatening to kill him if he didn't move - and L fought to refrain himself from snorting. "Wait— You don't mean—" Light averting his eyes again was all the answer he needed, and he used his free hand to grab the other man's chin and make him look back at him. "You really think I would have taken that seriously? Light, I was barely able to think myself; had our positions been reversed I might very well have said the same thing." Light nodded slightly but was still frowning. L couldn't repress a chuckle this time. "You're cute," he said without really thinking.
Light's frown became an actual scowl and he pushed L's hand away from his chin. "Ugh, don't call me that."
"You," L said, disbelieving. "You don't want to be called cute?"
Light's eyes narrowed a little but the corner of his lips turned up slightly. "Well. You may call me devastatingly handsome, I suppose."
L snorted. "Ah, yes. And devastatingly modest, too."
"Like you are?" Light shot back, raising an eyebrow.
L shrugged. "Well, I would be flattered if you called me cute," he said with a fake pout, meaning absolutely none of that.
Light let out a soft, genuine laugh and L could feel the younger man's thumb gently stroke his knuckles under the blanket. "I guess we wouldn't like each other if we were any other way," Light said pensively.
L froze slightly, unsure how to respond to Light's words. He knew he most likely liked Light. At this point, it would be ridiculous to try to deny that he felt at least that. If L were perfectly honest, he would even admit it wasn't entirely impossible that he more-than-liked Light - but that was a thought he didn't even dare entertain for now. It was just easier not to put precise words on these feelings yet - as he had concluded in his earlier musings about how to refer to Light. But if he couldn't even do that in his own head, how exactly was he supposed to voice his feelings right now?
Unfortunately for L, his most-likely-boyfriend seemed to want to address this further. "Say, L… You remember what Matsuda said earlier? About gods of death falling in love?" Light was biting his lip, but he wasn't looking away this time, staring straight into L's eyes with determination.
L swallowed hard, part of his brain glad to finally understand why Light had acted so weirdly after Matsuda had said that, the other part of his brain trying to make sense of what he had just heard. He settled on mentioning first what bothered him the most about what Light had said. "You worry about threatening to kill me during sex - and then you go and call yourself a god of death?" L asked flatly, frowning.
Light sighed. "I knew you would focus on that part," he muttered to himself. "Listen, the thing is, I was Kira. I will always remember it, unless somehow those memories magically disappear again… I will always remember myself laughing like a maniac, trying to become a god and plotting your death. Those memories… They're terrifying somehow, because no matter how I look at them, no matter how disconnected I feel from them, I know it was still me. But… Working with you when I didn't have those memories… Fighting Kira to try and prevent your death… And now the second chance you're offering me… It's also a chance not to keep defining myself as just 'having been Kira'." He shook his head and sighed once more, slightly defeated. "I don't know if I'm making much sense."
"I think you do," L replied quietly.
"Anyway… When Matsuda said that, I just… I thought of myself, yes, but also that now I can actually become more than this wannabe-god my Kira-self had wanted to become. And then, well, I thought about you. I know it sounds cheesy, but the main reason I tried so hard to fight Kira in the first place was because I couldn't just watch myself kill you - even indirectly. Yes, I wanted you to stop me… But I also wanted to save you."
"Light…" L interrupted, voice sounding slightly strained.
"You don't have to say it back. You don't have to say anything. I know how new all this is to you, but now that I realized this I just… I wanted to say it. I think - no, I know - I'm in love with you."
L took a shuddering breath, trying not to look away. In a way, he understood why Light might have wanted to say that, but he also wished he had waited a bit longer. Why did people need to put their feelings into words? He and Light were fine how they were; they didn't need to be defined... They were two people so similar yet different enough that they completed each other instead of being mere copies of each other. They were likely the two most brilliant minds on the planet. They could know what the other was thinking without speaking, anticipate each other's logic and work together seamlessly. After all the time they had spent distrusting and being annoyed by each other, they had grown to enjoy each other's company more than anyone else's. The chemistry between them was perfect, having developed into an intense mutual attraction - which, based on their earlier activities could easily culminate in extremely satisfactory physical release. They also obviously cared for each other - it showed in little things, such as L carrying Light to bed or Light making sure L slept more regularly... and also in bigger gestures, like how they had - oh, nothing much, only saved each other's lives.
I'm such an idiot. Who am I kidding? Of course he does... Of course I...
In spite of all the evidence and the fact that, on some level, he knew - L still couldn't think it, never mind say it. He kept staring at Light, worrying his lip between his teeth and sometimes opening his mouth as if he was going to say something, but no words ever came out. Eventually, Light smiled indulgently and shook his head. "Dammit. I broke the world's three greatest detectives."
L knew that Light was giving him an out, and that Light already knew he was grateful for it. He merely swatted his arm and made a show of frowning. "You should sleep."
Light chuckled and shifted closer, kissing L's lips softly before resting his head against the detective's chest, one arm lazily wrapped around his waist. L smiled into the kiss, feeling himself relax slightly. If Light wasn't pushing it, after all, he probably could allow himself not to dwell on this too much. He had been given time, for which he was thankful. L suddenly felt a rush of affection for the man in his arms, and instead of overthinking it he let it wash over him and held Light closer, burying his face in the younger man's soft hair.
"Handcuffs?" Light asked sleepily.
"I trust you," L replied quietly, his fingers absently stroking Light's back.
Light didn't reply. Only a small sound escaped him, something that sounded halfway between a chuckle and a sob, and he snuggled a little bit closer. L smiled softly into Light's hair and closed his eyes, allowing sleep to take over him for a few hours.
Having woken up in the early hours of the morning, L had started working alone on compiling all the evidence against Higuchi, letting Light enjoy a decent amount of sleep. He was surprised - although not unpleasantly - when Light's arms wrapped around him from behind a little before he would have gone to wake him. Spinning around in his chair, he allowed their lips to meet in a slow, deep kiss, and let his feet fall on the floor so that Light could climb into his lap. They shared long minutes like that, until a still very naked Light eventually dragged him to the bathroom to take the shower he had been craving since last night.
Not that L protested much - it seemed their showers would now be much more interesting, after all.
As they were getting ready in the bedroom before meeting with the task force, they heard a loud "You guys done having fun?" coming from the hallway. L met Light's eyes and huffed in annoyance. Light shrugged helplessly. "It's not knocking but at least he didn't barge in," the younger man said. "Really, it's Ryuk… We should take what we can get. This is probably the most considerate he's ever been."
"Fine," L replied with a sigh, then yelled at the Shinigami to come in.
Ryuk appeared through the door and immediately started flying around Light. "So, Light-o, still not regretting your decision to stay with this guy? Not missing your girlfriend after all?"
L repressed a chuckle at the irritated look on Light's face. "I would be offended if Light said he was missing Misa-san now," he mused, nibbling his thumbnail and smirking when Light glared at him briefly.
"Honestly, no matter what happens between us, I really don't think I could possibly miss her," Light finally replied, sitting on the bed with a sigh.
"So, wait, does it mean that it wasn't that good? Light-o?"
"Dammit Ryuk, I'm not discussing that with you!" Light snapped at the Shinigami.
"I thought you didn't want to know..." L trailed off, stepping towards the bowl of fruit in hope of finding an apple there to distract their annoying company.
"I don't want to watch, doesn't mean I'm not curious. Also, this guy makes the best faces when he's angry, so it's fun to tease him." Ryuk poked Light's cheek as he spoke and the younger man actually looked very close to snapping the Shinigami's neck - if such a thing were even possible.
L had to agree with Ryuk, though he judged it wiser not to mention it. As they still needed to talk to Light's father about leaving, it would be better if they weren't fighting. Besides, he had found out these past few days that Light could make many more interesting faces.
I probably shouldn't say that either.
Instead, L chose to defuse the bomb by grabbing an apple and throwing it in Ryuk's direction. "I'll ask Watari to put out some more in the kitchen, if you stop asking questions." The Shinigami eagerly bit into the fruit and nodded, still grinning madly.
Eventually, and with the promise of more apples, Ryuk left them alone and agreed not to disturb them too much that day. They could probably do without the incessant cackling while talking to the task force. Light hadn't moved from his spot on the bed, and L went to sit beside him. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah…" Light sighed softly then huffed a small, sad laugh. "I'm not looking forward to telling my dad I'm leaving. I don't really know how he's going to take it… And then I'll have to tell my mom and Sayu, and they will probably be sad…"
L wasn't sure what to say to this, so he simply took Light's hand and squeezed, hoping it was comforting enough. It seemed to have the effect wished for, as the younger man squeezed back and turned his head slightly to smile at him.
"I suppose I'm a bit tired of lying, if you can believe it," Light said with a soft chuckle. "This whole situation… It'll take me a while to come to terms with it, if I'm ever able to."
"To be honest, I would be concerned if knowing that you had been Kira didn't bother you…" L trailed off softly. "But I imagine it must also be difficult, having memories where you don't feel like yourself. I'll try to help you work on that, if I can."
"You already helped me a lot," Light replied, his smile more genuine now.
"It's like I told you already, you saved me, I saved you - we're even. And now... I suppose it's up to us to make sure it was all worth it. Together." L smiled back at Light and squeezed his hand again. "Now, shall we?"
Light stood up and sighed deeply. "Right. Let's go. Let's go face my father," he said in an overly dramatic voice that had them both laughing as he pulled L to his feet.
A/N: Full disclosure, I'm not really into fixed top/bottom dynamics. It depends on the characters of course, but for L and Light I can honestly see them switching depending on the moment and the mood... I know it's something some people feel very strongly about, and I'm sorry if this wasn't what you wanted - it's what felt right to me at this time... Please don't be mad at me!
Anyway - I love L a lot, and I love exploring how it would be for him to actually fall in love. He already had to admit to himself he was attracted to Light, that he cared for him - now he's starting to understand the depth of his feelings, but it's still a bit too much for someone like him who's always been alone. Will he get there? We still have two chapters left to find out! But first, Light has some news to break to his father...