Detention

"I mean, I love Quidditch, seriously, what's not to love? But Wood literally talks of nothing else," Beth moaned in furious hushed tones from our corner in the library, "And even if you talk to him deliberately about something else, he manages to drag the conversation back around. It's like, "Oh hey, did you hear about the Chamber of Secrets?" "Yeah, it's meant to be huge. Bet you could play Quidditch in there!" or "Man, Cheering Charms are difficult huh?" "Yeah, I should really try and perfect it though, be great to keep the team's spirits up!" or "Oh my god, look at all these dead puppies! What the hell could of happened?" "I don't know, I could use the bodies for Bludger practice though!"

I looked up at her worriedly.

"…okay I made the last one up. The other two though. One hundred percent true."

I sighed and rolled my eyes and continued with my work, trying to hide the fact that I completely agreed.

We'd been dating a few weeks now, so he and Charlie spent most of their spare time with us, and half the time I had to make out with him just to get him to stop talking about Quidditch.

"I swear though, if you took your top off in front of him, I'm not sure if he'd see boobs, or Quaffles."

I laughed this one off, but I may have been secretly concerned…

"Oh my god and Charlie," she continued, gaining a shushing from Madam Pince as she passed, ever wary when me and Beth were together in the library, "is driving me crazy, it's like his entire purpose in life is just to piss me off…"

Okay, I did have to openly agree with this one.

"He does seem to relish in that," I said begrudgingly.

"I know and, oh bloody hell, speak of the devil…"

"Hey guys," said Charlie as he slipped into the seat beside me.

"Sup Charlie," I said, not looking up from the essay I'd just pulled out.

Beth just studiously ignored him.

"Hey Beth," Charlie said, leaning across the table to grin at her.

Her jaw visibly tightened...

He continued to stare.

Her eye began to twitch...

He continued to stare.

Her lip bean to tremble...

He continued to stare.

"What?" she burst out shouting.

"Out!" Miss Pince yelled, pointing towards the door.

Charlie and I grinned at Beth as she huffily packed her things away, and was escorted out by Miss Pince.

"That was fun," he said, and I nodded smilingly as I returned to my work.

I could tell from a vibe that he was staring at me.

I looked up to confirm.

"Did you need something Charlie?" I asked, though the answer was obvious by his returning grin.

"Well! Now that you mention it… I was wondering, now that you and Ol are together… if you could help me out with that little favour you owe me?"

I looked up, set my quill down, entwined my fingers and said, "Okay…" intrigued.

"Great," he grinned, "I want you to help me get with Bethany."

I stared at him for a long second.

"Bethany?" I said finally.

"Yes," he replied.

"Bethany, Bethany?" I asked.

"Yes. Bethany, Bethany," he confirmed.

"Bethany, Bethany, who at breakfast this morning announced that she'd suddenly had the urge to check that she had still had hands before she picked up her knife and fork?" (TS)

"Yes, that's the one," he replied confidently, still grinning.

I narrowed my eyes at him, "…why?"

He raised his eyebrows at me, "You don't have a very high opinion of your friend do you?"

"Oh, I do," I replied, "it's actually that when it comes to girls, I don't have a very high opinion of you…" I said honestly, smiling pleasantly.

"Ouch," he replied, "point taken. But I assure you, I have nothing but noble intentions towards your friend. Well, not completely noble, I'm a teenage boy of course, but noble… overall," he said, eyes twinkling.

I leant back in my chair, and surveyed him for a long while, thinking carefully, before eventually saying, "Okay."

He punched his fist with a "Yes" and stared at me gratefully, before getting up to leave, when I called him back with an "Oh, and Charlie…"

I leant toward him, beckoning him to join me, so he leaned back down eagerly to listen.

"You break her heart, I break your face," I said softly, raising one eyebrow to show my seriousness.

He smiled nervously and recoiled quickly, grabbing his bag to leave and said "Loud and clear Snow, loud and clear," before disappearing with one last Cheshire cat grin.

I stared after him for a long while, and wondered what exactly I'd just gotten myself into, when Peri and Dora arrived.

"Note from Snape," said Peri, proffering a piece of parchment to me before settling down to her homework, whilst Dora extracted a large pile of knitting from her bag, From the looks of it it seemed like she was trying knit a large shaggy dog.

I unrolled the scroll to reveal the note -

Be present in my classroom at six o clock this evening for your detention. Do not think I had forgotten.

~ Professor Snape

In fact that's precisely what I'd thought, that he'd forgotten. Beth and ours jinx war had been well over a month ago… it must've been because when the group of us passed Dumbledore and Snape in the hallway this morning, Beth had said "Big up the Dumbledore!" and I'd held out my hand for a fist bump, which Dumbledore had of course indulged. Not exactly the interactions between two recently chastised students and their harbinger of justice…

Or he may have spent a month stock piling filthy cauldrons for us to clean out by hand, because that's exactly what he had us doing.

After he left us alone to get on with it, I considered this to be a perfect opportunity to begin subtly working on Charlie's favour.

"I think Charlie has a thing for you," I announced, scrubbing away at some indescribable gunk at the bottom of a copper cauldron.

"What?" I heard Beth squeak from the other side of the classroom.

I smiled at the slight hint of delight I'd caught in her voice.

I didn't say anything else, just let her mull over it until eventually she broke.

"Why on earth do you think he likes me?" she demanded.

I didn't look up from my work, "It's classic playground bullying isn't it? Pushing you down, pulling your hair, because he likes you…" I shrugged.

"That's ridiculous," she sniffed.

I smiled to myself, knowing she was falling for it hook, line and sinker.

"You should ask him out," I said, nonchalantly.

"What?" she cried, "there's not a chance in hell."

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because he's arrogant!"

"So are you!" I countered.

"He's annoying!"

"And again…"

"Antagonistic…"

"Like I said…"

"Alluring…"

"And I… what?"

"Attractive…"

"But you just sai…"

"Amazing, incredible…"

i looked over at her, and she was gazingly lovingly off into the distance…

"…beautiful, sexy, smart…"

I abandoned my work and moved towards her worriedly, waving a hand in front of her face when I reached her.

No response.

I looked down at the cauldron she was cleaning and gave it a tentative sniff.

I could smell fresh laundry, the wax Oliver uses on his broomsticks and his aftershave.

"Oh…" I said, and my face broke out into a grin as I looked at Beth.

"Do you really think he's in love with me Snow?" she cried, looking at me suddenly with an absurdly hopeful look in her eyes.

"Of course I do Beth!" I smiled, "tell you what, how about we go and see him? You can tell him how you feel?"

She nodded manically and climbed off her seat, marching off towards the door.

I stood there for a second and deliberated.

I knew what I was planning to do - take her to the hospital wing.

But…

I could take her to Charlie…

It would be so funny…

She probably wouldn't talk to me for at least a week…

She may not talk to me ever again…

But…

It could be worth it…

And so, so funny…

If I just…

Just for second…

I…

No.

No I can't, I eventually resolved, rushing to catch up with her and taking her by the arm.

"Hey Beth," I said, "I heard Madam Pomfrey has this amazing tonic that makes your skin really clear and you hair all nice and shiny, shall we swing by the hospital wing and pick some up so you can look your best for Charlie?" I asked innocently.

"Yes." Beth said immediately, turning on her heel, now marching toward the hospital wing.

Ha. Nothing trumps the powerful effects of Amortentia better than pleading to the vanity of Bethany Twycross...

I decided to let her make her own confident way up to the Hospital wing, following a few steps behind her with my hands in my pockets, an occasional wave or thumbs up to any passers-by who decided to stop and stare – when suddenly I heard two familiar voices up ahead and froze.

"And so I told Angelina that her was chasing effort in practice today was mediocre, and then all of a sudden she has Fred's bat in her hand, and she's chasing me round the pitch trying to beat me to death, screaming 'How's my effort at chasing now Wood?'…"

"Oh s**t," I breathed, grabbing Beth, pulling her back and shoving her roughly into a nearby broom cupboard, just as Charlie and Wood came round the corner.

"Hey," Wood said as he spotted me, grinning goofily and greeting me with a kiss.

"Hey," I said, trying not to let him pull me away from the door as I tried to keep it shut behind me.

"Snow, any movement on what we discussed earlier?" Charlie asked eagerly.

"Uh…" I said, just as some banging started to sound from the either side of the door.

"What's that?" asked Wood, eyebrows furrowing.

"Um…" I said, started to struggle to keep the door closed against the banging.

"Snow?" came a muffled shout from behind it.

"Is someone in there?" asked Charlie, highly confused.

"No… no it's uh… um…" I said, now physically moving with the vicious banging from the other side of the door.

"I know what this is Snow. You're just jealous! You're trying to keep me away from him so you can have him all to yourself! Well I won't let that happen! I'll kill you first!" screamed Bethany.

"Is that Bethany?" asked Charlie.

"Maybe," I said pathetically, now trying not to laugh.

"What the hell's going on Snow? Who do you want all to yourself?" Wood asked anxiously.

"Oh no! She didn't mean…" I said, putting my hands up in front of me and moving away from the door...

meaning Bethany was now able to burst out of it.

"Charlie!" she yelled, her eyes manic and smile wide. She looked genuinely insane, "you came for me! I knew you would!" she said, throwing her arms around him as he stood there looking bewildered.

"Seriously, what the hell is going on?" he asked me desperately as Beth began nuzzling and licking his neck, then rubbing the sides of her face against his cheek.

I was laughing pretty hard by now, and said, "It's Amortentia!"

"Not exactly what I had in mind when I asked for your help…" he said trying to fend Beth off whilst half enjoying it.

"No I didn't do… just help me get her to the hospital wing!" I laughed, holding onto Wood for support as Beth began trying to unbutton Charlie's shirt with her teeth.

We each tried ineffectually to drag Beth away, and eventually it wasn't until Charlie whispered something inaudible into her ear that she consented to allow him to take her by the hand and lead her away to the hospital wing.

"I don't even want to know," I said to him as he grinned at me cheekily.

In the end Professor Snape had to be called in to handle Beth's antidote, as it turns out that Amortentia becomes more potent as it ages, and though Beth only inhaled the fumes, it was from a batch brewed almost three months ago.

By the time Snape arrived, Beth was chasing Charlie round the wing with a metal bed pan, screaming at him and trying to bludgeon him to death because apparently he was having an affair with Madam Pomfrey.

"Sympathise with you on that Angelina thing earlier now mate," panted Charlie to Wood as he tried to catch his breath, Beth now having been restrained and being administered the antidote.

Snape eventually swept towards us and told us to go home, telling us that Beth would have to spend the night here to sleep off the effects, and that apparently I should return as early as possible as thanks to the potency of the potion she would be left disorientated and wouldn't remember what had happened.

"Well," said Charlie on the way back to Gryffindor tower, "on the bright side, looks like she has the hots for me," he smiled brightly.

"Yeah, too bad she thinks you're an arrogant git," I said honestly.

"And that's a bad thing, right?" he said, and Wood and I laughed.

"I'll ask her out tomorrow," he said happily.

"I wouldn't," I said.

"Why?" he asked, confused.

"Because I know Beth, she's too stubborn. You rile her up, and she wouldn't want to give you the satisfaction of letting you know that she's into you. Like I said, she's thinks you're arrogant."

"What should I do then? Stop pissing her off? Because I'm not sure I can do that… it's too much fun…" he said.

"Yeah I know what you mean," I smiled, "just leave it with me, I'll try and figure it out."

"Cheers Snow," he said, racing up the stairs to the boys dormitories, leaving Wood and I alone in the common room.

"So anyway, in Quidditch practice today," he said, moving to the sofa by the fire and flinging himself down, "I say to Angelina, in the nicest way possible…"

I sighed, stood in front of him, and lifted up my shirt.

"Out of interest Wood," I said, "what do you see?"

He sat there, wide-eyed and gulping as he stared at my bra and said, "…b-boobs?"

"Good," I said, pulling my shirt back down, "just checking," and I ruffled his hair as I passed him on my way to bed.

Beth was awake by the time I arrived the next day, looking highly confused.

"Snow, why the hell am I in the hospital wing?"

"Well…"

And for about a week afterwards I had her fully convinced that she'd caught Sirius Black attempting to get into the Chamber of Secrets, fought him off, survived, and that the Ministry wanted to keep it quiet because of the bad publicity it would cause, Black having got into Hogwarts a second time, so couldn't mention it to anyone.

She didn't talk to me for two weeks after she found out what really happened.

AN: The hands things? Yeah, me and 'Beth' went bowling once, she goes over to the balls, stops, looks at her hands and says in massive confusion, "I just suddenly had the huge urge to check that I still had hands..." And then I died for about ten minutes.