Walking into the living room his heart is beating furiously in his chest. Chuck Bass nervous, he thinks to himself, that is a new one.

Serena, Nate and Eric are in the room, the boys sitting at the dinner table and Serena busy setting the table. When they walk in the room Nate is the first one to spot them.

"Hey man, hey B!" He calls out happily, walking over to greet them. Hugging Blair before putting a hand Chuck's shoulder. Squeezing it. Blue eyes letting him know everything is fine between the two of them.

"Nathaniel" He nods his voice still a little raspy before looking over to Serena.

"Hi, S" He offers. Feeling Blair squeeze his hand and some of the nervousness disappear when Serena offers him one of those beaming smiles in response as she lays out the silverware.

Eric is still sitting at the table, fidgeting with one of the crisp linen napkins, not looking up. It is easy to tell he wishes to be far, far away. But as always Eric remains faithful to his family, the thought causing him to wince.

As he opens his mouth to say something to him, he is suddenly interrupted by another member of the van der Woodsen clan.

"Chuck" Lily exclaims as she enters the room, followed by a member of the room service staff delivering the food.

And if he is a little surprised by hearing Lily refer to him as something other than Charles, he has no time to reflect upon it before she reaches him and pulls him in a tight embrace.

"It is so good to see you" She says, her voice filled with emotion.

Frozen at first, not used to the close physical contact, he then forces himself to shake the feeling off and hugs her back. She smells of expensive perfume and feels fragile in his arms, not quite like herself.

And in that moment he feels guilty, more now than ever, for leaving everything and everyone behind. Because no matter how he has behaved towards her in the past he likes Lily and he knows that she was good to his father. Good to him. That she was the closest to a mother he has ever had. Even if it was more than strange to suddenly have curfews and questions about your whereabouts after seventeen years with no questions asked.

"I am sorry" He whispers as he can feel her draw a ragged breath.

Pulling away from him, placing her hand on his cheek she looks at him. Smiling through the tears.

"No need…" she says "Just...it is good to see you."

*¨*¨*¨*¨*¨*

Letting go of him, drying her tears away she walks up to the table to help Serena and the staff set everything out on the table. Once their finished they all sit down. Chuck finding himself between Blair and Lily, the other three on the opposite side of the table.

Brunch passes by quietly. Nate and Serena bickering, Lily laughing a fragile laugh at their banter. Blair and Serena discussing the latest gossip. Eric still has not said a word. Both him and Chuck eating in silence.

He is feeling a little overwhelmed still, but not uncomfortable with the situation. What is possibly going on in the other boy's head he can not quite manage the courage to guess.

He finds himself constantly looking over to Eric. When he is not looking he can feel the younger boy's eyes on him, but when he looks up Eric diverts his gaze.

He can not seem to relax fully, wanting nothing more than the chance to talk to him. Wanting nothing more than a chance to make it right between them. Trying to push out the images of dream-Eric lashing out at him, trying to build up the courage to deal with the mess that he has caused.

After finishing eating, spending a while finishing their drinks with no hurry to get anywhere, Lily is the first one to excuse herself

"Well, I have some errands to run" she explains as she gets up, dropping the napkin on the table. "You kids have a good day" She continues, looking over to him "We should do this again, soon."

And with those words she heads for the door. Eric suddenly coming to life.

"I will go with you then, since we are finished here" He spits out, tossing his own napkin in direction of the table. Leaving the room in a rush and slamming the door shut, Lily with no chance of keeping up with him is left standing.

Serena and Nate exchanging a look that lets him know they know exactly how Eric is feeling towards him. Realizing it is now or never, he is suddenly in a hurry.

Getting to his feet and rushing after Eric, catching him as he stands waiting for the elevator.

As he puts his hand on Eric's arm he is brushed off roughly.

"Don't!" Eric snaps and when he finally looks up at him there is venom in his eyes.

Venom and hurt.

"Just, don't" Eric says again, a little quieter now, straightening his blazer.

And for a moment he is speechless, trying to stop the memories from his dream from taking over. Succeeding, because even though he can tell just how hurt Eric is, he still feels like there is a chance, still some hope.

"I am sorry" he says, thinking that he has been saying those words a lot lately, especially given that they were not exactly part of his vocabulary earlier.

Eric does not say anything in return, just stands there pushing the button of the elevator furiously over and over again.

So he tries again.

"I am, sorry…listen…Eric" And he does not know quite what to say. It seems like there is too much to be said, and in the same time there is not much at all. Just the one wish to take it all back, have yet another second chance. Clearing his throat before continuing.

"I was being an ass, I know…but I was drunk and…and I know that is not an excuse."

Eric shoots him a look letting him know that he is right, so he goes on trying to explain or at least excuse his behaviour.

"…but I just could not deal, I was fucked up. I am still fucked up." He corrects himself.

"But I am sorry I said those things to you."

The third time seems to be the charm as Eric looks at him. At least listening to what he is saying now.

"You are right about that part" Eric snorts "And I guess you were right at the reception as well."

And it is as if he is being slapped across the face. The tightness in his chest returning. Realizing just how much he wishes those words to be false he can feel an anger starting to simmer in his body.

"No I was not" He spits back looking at Eric, frowning. "No I was not…" He repeats, calmer this time. Emphasizing his words. Trying to put his thoughts into words.

"I did consider you my brother" God, it sounds ridiculous doesn't it? But he is well beyond the point where he would care.

"I did...it is just that. I am not sure I can be a good enough one in return."

Well, it is a fact. He is probably something like two sentences away from being a cast member on Days of Our Lives.

Eric is looking at him, disbelief on his face.

"Wow, you are fucked up" Eric says almost smiling, the venom gone from his eyes.

Suddenly there is a loud ding as the elevator arrives and the doors open. They look at each other, both suddenly a little uncomfortable.

"Well I guess I should…" Eric's voice trails off, looking towards the open elevator.

And all he can think is that he does not want him to leave, not yet, wanting more time repairing his mistakes. A memory suddenly clear in his head.

"Did you get that game that you talked about?"

"The Xbox one? Yeah I got it a few days ago, haven't tried it yet"

"Feel like loosing today?" He tries, offering Eric a lazy smirk to mask his nervousness.

"I will go get it" A smile on Eric's face, the first one actually reaching his eyes.

*¨*¨*¨*¨*¨*

When he walks back into the suite he suddenly finds himself with four pair of eyes focused solemnly on him. Blair looking at him with a worried expression on her face.

"Where did Eric go?" Lily is the first to speak.

And he almost feels like laughing out loud, both from relief and from looking at their concerned faces. Stifling it but still not able to prevent the happy smirk from appearing on his face.

"He went to get a game for my Xbox, you know which one I am talking about Nate" He says, walking up to Blair and putting his arms around her from behind, kissing her cheek.

Ignoring the somewhat surprised looks from Nate and Serena. The two of them not used to seeing this side of him. The affectionate, smitten side.

"So you better start preparing for defeat." He continues causing Nate to burst out laughing.

Satisfied with how things have turned out between the boys Lily heads for the door. Before leaving she turns around and catches his eyes once again. A silent nod of understanding between the both of them before she exits.

*¨*¨*¨*¨*¨*

Once Eric returns the boys spend a good amount of time in front of the Xbox in the living room. Nate in the armchair, Eric sitting on the floor. Himself sharing a couch with Blair and Serena.

The girls soon give up trying to feign interest in the car chases going on, on the massive screen and opts for some magazines found in Serena's bag.

And even though he is concentrated on the game, with harassing his opponents, winning, he still can not seem to keep his attention or his hands off Blair. Toying with her hand, the hem of her skirt.

Looking over at her in between races, watching her mimic some lowlife from school. Re-enacting some scheme ending in social destruction.

Once in a while he can feel her hand on his leg, on his back. Reassuring. Affectionate.

Staying with him

"Yes!" Eric calls out, throwing his arms up into the air victoriously. "I won!"

Nate laughing as the joyous expression on Eric's face freezes as Eric looks over to him, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Did you just let me win, Chuck? He asks, feigning offense.

"Please" He smirks "Like you would have any chance of beating me if I was bringing my A game"

"Besides" He continues a little more serious now "Isn't that what big brothers do?"

Eric giving him a wide grin in return.

*¨*¨*¨*¨*¨*

Hanging out, playing Xbox is how they spend the rest of their day. The Non-judging Breakfast Club and the little brother.

When Serena and Blair declare that they are going shopping, there is a tingle of ice in the pit of his stomach.

But it is quickly gone as she kisses him softly, her hand around his neck. Eric and Nate laughing in the background as she reminds him once again of those three words, telling him she won't be gone long.

Followed by the promise to make it up to him.

All I want for Christmas is...reviews! ;)