Chapter 10
He was an ass.
He was an ass and there was no denying. It was who he was. Hell he had warned her about what he was the day they met and yet… Gabriel sighed. He really fucked things up and for certain he had turned away the one thing, no one person, he cared about more in the mortal world than anything else. And the truth of the matter was that he didn't blame her if she didn't want to see him again.
He fucked up but in all honesty, she had to know. For the most part she knew that whole business about the seals and such and she was well aware about her role in things. He just left a few details out and for what? It was the million dollar question that often he could never give a straight answer to. And because of that, he may have lost the one thing that he guarded with his life and watched over with the help from Castiel and now the kid Kesset. Perhaps it was time for him to step down on this.
He did swear to do better ever since Castiel had been vaporized by Raphael. God he wanted to kick that asshole in the face. But it seemed all that he was able to do was just go back to the way he was and then he…
He was an ass and she was the compassionate one. He knew because before they left, she was the one that snuffed out the last of the holy fire. The sprinklers were doing their job but it was taking a while. She was the last to leave and she gave a wave of her hand and it snuffed out. Then she stared.
True she had been pissed and it was clear in her tone when she demanded that he bring back Castiel. He was surprised that throughout the whole thing she never once revealed who he was though he figured the Winchesters would pick up on the fact that they had crossed paths once or twice. All she did was look at him and he was astute enough to recognize the hints of betrayal and anger. Yet through all that, she was the one that showed compassion. He could admit that Dean did as well with the fire alarm but her…
He had stayed in the warehouse long after they left and mulled over everything. He wanted to get the Winchesters alone but he knew that they wouldn't go anywhere without her unless they had to split up or whatever reason crossed their paths. He was really on a roll with the best laid plans going to shit kind of thing. He still griped about his perfect plan to push Sam into seeing the greatest thing in front of him.
It took a look at the puddle of water to have him scowl and take off. He needed to go somewhere… anywhere. First thoughts were to seek out his Cat and explain why he did what he had done. But he was a coward. He didn't want to face the rejection that was sure to come. He was certain because she had cut him off. It seemed improbable since she was new to the whole thing but it wasn't a fluke with Castiel when she was pissed at him. Still, he knew her well enough to know that he wouldn't blame her if she wanted to sever ties even if it would be painful to both parties.
There were hundreds of places he could go. He did carve out his own corner of the world for himself but he was disinclined for the usual. He could run and hide in the pantheons since he was friends with the pagans on some level. Wosret kept telling him that he should come by more but he knew enough to know that the sisterhood was connected and you didn't fuck with it. Wosret would be on Cat's side no matter what. So he mulled through while looking at his reflection feeling disgusted with himself until it hit him. There was one place he could go and it was like being with Cat just… not exactly.
It had been probably a century or more since he had last walked the canals of Venice and that is the Venice in Italy. It was one of the few cities he liked in a country that he grew to love. . Even though more recent centuries had him enjoying more carnal pleasures and some with his own invention, he could still appreciate the beauty of the simple and the oldness of it. Certainly she loved it and would occasionally sing the songs the gondoliers would sing but she was much prettier.
There was one place that he knew would cheer him up and maybe he would think about what to say to her. They both liked it and they had an interesting conversation about it as some point. It would probably bring about sore feelings but… Before Gabriel could change his mind, he started walking, even thought he could have zapped over there, and found his feet walking up towards the building that hosted a favorite painting of his.
The Basilica di Santa Maria Gloriosa dei Frari was home to the Titian work the Assumption. Gabriel had been around long enough to witness humans and their trying devotion to his father. Some of it was way off but he could tell that they were good people and they did try. He found the piece he was looking for and stood there looking at it for the longest time. Titian broke with tradition with his work and maybe that's why the painting appealed to Gabriel if not the subject matter. That and the fact that his Cat was like the artist, a rebel so to speak. Plus he actually liked the painting that he had come to see.
"Thought you'd might be here."
Gabriel stiffened and turned to see the one person had had been avoiding to have a conversation with. "Just an old haunt," he let out in his usual snarky tone. So tell me: what brings the Malachi of Absolution here?"
Angela nodded and pursed her lips together before replying, "Must you be an ass every time?"
Gabriel knew that he had hurt her feelings. She was good at not showing them and even skirting around the bush. This time it was clear on her face. Her feelings had been trampled and now he was still doing it. What the hell was wrong with him? "You always knew I was an ass. Hell, I warned you back when we first met."
"And I came to the impression that you had changed somewhat. No one would have done what they did to get me out of hell. Not even Cas." Angela looked at the angel full on. "I remember what you did and what you have done for me when I was under the influence."
"You have a long memory Cat. I just wish you'd let me make you forget them." Gabriel meant that. He had wanted to erase her memories of hell. It pained him when she had been lost and he did everything short of revealing that he was an angel to get her back.
"Makes us what we are. Lesson learned kind of thing." Angela shrugged her shoulder and turned to look at the painting.
Gabriel watched her and raised a brow. His expression softened but he continued to study her. Finally he asked, "Why did you come?"
"To see an old friend. Well… more than a friend. Mio fratello." Angela had crossed her arms over her chest while she studied the Assumption. They were still like that when she turned to look at the angel. "Why would you think otherwise?"
It was a good question and one that Gabriel dreading hearing and answering. The last time this happened, it left them parted on a bad note. He felt like a dick because she called and he never answered. "I thought you would hate me for leaving you and… ignoring you."
"I forgave you a long time ago. After our argument, I had my thinking time. I forgave you and went back to tell you." Angela cleared her throat a little. "When I came, you weren't there. I called but you didn't answer. I thought you didn't want anything more to do with me." She looked down feeling a little uncomfortable at revealing that.
"Never, Cat," Gabriel responded automatically. "I wanted to be there for you but I thought… I'm a coward. I was afraid."
"You? My guardian archangel?" Angela looked at the angel with a surprised look. "You hardly strike me as afraid. An ass at times but never a coward."
Gabriel turned to look at Angela. Tentatively he put his hands on her upper arms and rubbed them, much like he did when she was trying to deal with her father's death. "You think too much of me, Cat. I… didn't tell you things because… well I knew what you would be but I love who you are. And you knowing what has to happen… I know you Cat. You would do what you had to do to make things right and…"
"I figured as much and it made me angry especially about Sam and Dean and their 'destiny' as vessels."
"I'm sorry Cat but you know as well as I that there are some things that can't be changed. The road to get there is open but in the end what started is a road that will be covered in blood." Gabriel cleared his throat and looked away to collect his thoughts. He stared at a small statue of a saint or something. It was a better focus. "It is a bloody path. There will be pain and suffering on both sides and you've already gone through enough. It's why I am pissed and yet not pissed at Sam. He did what he did for you." He turned to look at her straight on.
Angela stared at the angel. She took in his hazel orbs. She knew him only as this but she knew enough about angels to know that they always had a vessel similar to their eye color. "I know why Sam did what he did. In all honesty, I would have done the same thing if it meant that those with a burden didn't have to shoulder it anymore."
"And that is what they are counting on. They know that about you Cat. They know how far you will go. You're lucky that they don't know how you truly feel about Sam."
"And is that why you set up your game? To teach them their roles? Keep me out of it?"
"That…" Gabriel was about ready to retort with an automatic response but he stopped himself. He looked away to think about his answer. "It wasn't one of my better thought out ideas," he admitted. At her look, he felt compelled to continue, "I just wanted them to see that they have a role to play as much as you do. I know it's harsh in that what I said has some truth to it and I was an ass for talking that way to you when you figured it out… but I wasn't lying about roles. You know as well as I that you assumed the role of Absolution and I knew it was you. I knew and that was the reason why we fought the last time. I knew it was you but the truth is, there's the second part, the part where you have to assume it.
"I know that it sucks that they are the vessels but it's in the blood and no denying that. It is what they are in the grand scheme of things but it works for them as well and their role is a lot more complicated than what Mike and Luci think it to be." Gabriel sighed and looked upwards. "I do want it to be over Cat. I want this pissing match over with and rather you not be involved. I love my brothers. I do. But I love you too and I can't bear the idea that you might have to pay the ultimate price."
"But you can't make that choice for me or for Sam or for Dean."
"You have a good thing here Cat. You have found what most humans here dream of and don't come close to getting but they are happy. I don't want that taken from you." Gabriel would have liked to have said more but that would have revealed a lot more than what he had intended and he was not the kind to indulge in a 'chick flick' moment. "We all knew that it would come down to the Winchesters and we knew that you would be there to stave off disaster but the secret is that none of us know the details. It's like Dad purposely did that."
It was quiet for a time and Gabriel held his breath. It was a difficult moment since he wasn't sure how or what his Cat was feeling. She was keeping a tight rein on her feelings. But it looked like she was thinking about things. That was something good but he wasn't going to push his luck. She would dictate things and he would accept that. This was his fault.
Angela looked at the angel as he gave his explanation. She listened and absorbed what he was telling her. Turning away, she looked up at the painting and thought about what had been said. She understood why the angel did what he did even if he wasn't the most eloquent of getting it out. Finally she said, "Titian was a rebel. Then again all the greats were. Even tricksters incognito."
Gabriel gulped at that. "How did you figure it out?"
"When I was in TV land. I think it was right when Sam rescued me from a Nazi gunman. I know that there was a reason for that."
"Maybe."
Angela felt her lip twitch. It would have been easy to get pissed at that response but she wasn't. It was who he was and she accepted it. He was an ass and she knew it and she loved him anyway. "We had good times before… We were like family."
"Were we?" It was legitimate in Gabriel's opinion. What did he know since he skipped out of heaven and hid while his brothers fought with each other. He preferred to hide.
"You watched out for me and more than what a guardian angel is supposed to. You just said that you loved me. And I look out for you and forgive you for making Sam's life miserable at the mystery spot. If that isn't family… then I don't' know what is."
"And what Dean said?"
Angela shrugged her shoulders at that. "He's right in some ways. Sometimes you have to stand up to your family because they are hurting you. They need to know that. Whether or not that changes things is up to them… their choice." At the look she was getting from Gabriel, she explained, "Gabe… if there is one thing I know is certain is that God gave us free will. That means we have a choice. We can have all the facts in front of us and still we can go either way. There may be a destiny for us but how we choose to get there is what it is… choice."
"And if they don't listen?"
"Then at least there is a measure of respect on your end."
Gabriel stared thoughtfully at the painting for a moment. He had always encouraged her to rebel against the destiny crap that she had been given by the others. Now that he wanted it to be over, he was forcing her back into the role that she had been chosen for and she took up with reluctance but was willing to see it through. Titian was one of his favorites since he defied tradition with his artwork in order to make a more dynamic painting. "I remember when I first came to you and how you demanded I stop and show myself."
"Who would have thought that someone like me would be able to understand your screeching," Angela countered with a slight smile.
"A girl who knows how to kick ass," he replied with a slight smile. "Cat… I really am sorry for everything. I just want you to know that and if you don't want my help or need me anymore… I understand. Cassy does a better job."
Angela stared at Gabriel as he said that. "You know I could slap you for that. What makes you think that I wouldn't want you around? Gabe you're the only one that has been there since my father died. I don't understand why you wouldn't answer my phone calls but you came when I needed you the most. That's family."
"How can you forgive so easily?"
"I would think that even you could answer that." Angela paused and looked at the angel and sighed. "I forgave myself for a lot of things. Some you know about. To forgive others, you have to let go of the fact that there are things beyond your control. It took me a long time to see that and it all started the night I saved the Winchesters."
"Not to mention a persistent set of puppy eyes. You know I was tempted to turn him into a puppy." Gabriel smirked at her to let her know he was teasing. "At least you could tell him how you feel. Though I have to say that you have gotten better but you should try showing it a little more."
Angela snorted at that. It did give something to think about as she and Gabriel continued to talk and straighten things between them. It was a conversation a long time coming and allowed her to think about things some more and she made a few decisions.
It was late and Sam decided to go for a walk. It was the excuse he would have given Dean if his brother wasn't already out like a light. In all honesty, he wanted to talk to Angela. She had been quiet when they left the warehouse and disappeared when they checked in to the motel. He just wanted to make sure she was okay and not doing anything to hurt herself. Or do anything foolish like saying she would take on Lucifer before he got it into his head to ride his ass. She would do that and she would do the same for Dean. If he were to lose her…
Quietly he closed the door after making sure that the key was in his pocket. He turned and started walking down the hall when he nearly bumped into the person he was going to see. "Sorry."
"Great minds I think," Angela offered as she gave a slight chuckle. Her breath came out in puffs of steam indicating that it was a cold night. She adjusted her jacket and put her hands into her pocket.
"Uh yeah," Sam stammered. He hadn't expected to see her out and about. He was more concerned about the possibility of waking her.
Angela looked up at Sam. Something was on his mind and as much as she wanted to talk to him too… "Something wrong?"
Sam took a breath, his own coming out in puffs. He looked at her and noted the concern in her eyes. "Yeah. Take a walk?"
Angela relaxed at the request. "I'd like that. Unless you want to come in and I'll make coffee."
"A walk is fine."
"Okay."
It was probably the dumbest thing to do since it was cold outside but Sam felt better for it. In a weird way, walking outside was neutral ground. If it were in her room, she could hide. She even hid when she joined him and Dean in theirs. This was a nice way to get things out, granted that it was able to come out and in the way it was supposed to be.
It was a comfortable silence as they just walked around. It was too late to go anywhere per se but just around the grounds was fine. No one would bother them and if they did, they would be in for a surprise. Sam glanced at Angela as she walked beside him with a look of content on her face. It was now or never. "So… how are you?"
"I've been better."
"You wanna talk about it?"
"About what?"
Sam was aware she wasn't playing dumb or coy. That wasn't her. She wanted a starting point and this latest thing was a big issue. Even he wasn't sure about what would be a good starting point. In the end, he decided to go with his gut and what he really wanted to know, "About what Gabriel said… about me and Dean."
"Do you believe it to be true?"
"I don't know," Sam admitted. "What about you? I mean, do you think there is no stopping it?"
Angela paused and walked with Sam in silence for a few seconds as she thought about her answer. Then she said, "I honestly don't know. All I do know is that if there is an end game like what he said, I'd like to think that there are alternatives. Kind of like what I said about the destination being certain but the road to get there is open season."
"Do you think we can stop it?"
"I don't know think." Angela paused and noted the look of disappointment on Sam's face. She continued, "But I believe we can do what we can."
Sam looked at her thoughtfully. "And what about you? What you are supposed to do?"
Angela took a deep breath. "I do what I can because it's me." She looked at the man standing in front of her. There was a lot she wanted to say but it was a mess. "I was saving people and hunting things long before I was chosen for this. It's in my nature. It's been that way for over five centuries and there are still things I wish went better."
"I should've listened to you."
Angela turned to look at Sam. She noted his thoughtful expression as well as the sadness that hung around him. Tentatively she reached out and wrapped her arm through the crook in his. His hands were in his jacket pockets and the only way to get free was to take them out. She felt the blush rise but bore it and said, "You made a choice Sam. It's what we all do. You had your facts and you made a choice."
Sam looked at her and noted that she had… He was surprised at the position they were in with her arm wrapped around his. It gave some measure of hope but he still had to keep at it. "And look where it got us."
"And I told you that if you want to place blame, go back further. Dean broke the first seal. I set Azazel free… It is easy to cast blame, Sam. It's harder to own up, pick up and move forward." Angela took a moment to take a breath. She was surprised that Sam hadn't shaken her off. "What happened… I believe we have our roles to play, but how and what we do is up to us. You know once Setna told me that the journey is written and not the destination."
"Seems like you learned a lot from him."
"He was a good man. He firmly believed in his duty and he firmly believed in the power of family. A lot of my ideas come from him."
They had started walking again. Sam adjusted his arm to keep her close. He actually liked it and he would consider it a first step if it was what she wanted. At the moment she seemed to and he was willing to go with it. "Is that why you asked…?"
"Partially… and partially what to say at the time."
"You always are polite even for polite's sake."
"Believe it or not, I like to rant and rave. I actually had a temper tantrum with Cas when I was stuck where I was."
"Hard to believe," Sam countered with a chuckle and a slight smile. "You wanna share what you did?"
"Only if you share. I won't press if it is embarrassing though I will say that I was in a dress."
"Now I can see the reason for the temper tantrum."
"Shut up." Angela gave a gentle smack to Sam's chest. She was chuckling and it turned into a giggle. "Dresses are a monstrosity that should be burned."
"I think you look good in them."
"Flatterer."
"Honest truth."
Angela sighed in content as they walked. She was relieved it was too cold for her nose to work properly. She didn't need a repeat incident of earlier. They passed where she and Kesset had talked. "I think things will be okay. It felt that way the last two months."
Sam stopped and turned to look at her. "What do you mean?"
Angela looked at Sam. She knew that she had kept this from him and Dean but she was working through it. She released him and took a couple of paces forward. "I do remember some things but they weren't the kind of memory you and Dean were asking for. It was a feeling."
"Feeling?" Sam frowned a little and felt a slight gulp in his throat. He got the feeling that there was a lot she wasn't saying and she needed space and patience.
"Yes," Angela replied. She looked up at the stars and let out a puff. "It was the one thing that I hadn't felt in ages. Nothing like it ever as far as I could remember and… it was accompanied by scent."
"Angie?"
"Understand that you, Dean, Bobby and everyone I care about has a unique one. Scent and feelings are a powerful memory and what I remember most is being around those scents and…"
When Angela paused, Sam wondered if she was embarrassed and decided to intervene, "You don't have to…"
"All of them where there but one was dominant and it made me feel…" Angela looked at Sam. "It made me feel for the first time in my life safe."
A/N: Looks like Angie and Gabe work things out and she tells Sam something important. Wonder how that comes out. Stay tuned for the next episode of Chronicles of Absolution: To Hell and Back...