Chapter 10

Sometimes it's Better to Cry Than to Laugh

[Jade's POV]

"What was that about?" I asked Shiloh as I pointed behind me to the door.

"..It..I…uh…nothing. I'm so tired. Night." She said as she ran passed me up the stairs.

The hell?

"I'm so hungry. Can I please have something to eat?" Cat asked as she tugged on my arm like a child.

I watched as Tori rolled her eyes and ran up the stairs. "Jade it's not happening!" She said as she got to the top and disappeared.

"Yes it is!" I yelled back as I started to the kitchen with Cat following closely behind.

The whole car ride home Tori and I have been arguing about where Cat is going to sleep. At the hospital I suggested she stay with us while Beck said she should stay with him; Tori agreeing with Beck. Finally we just let Cat chose and of course she chose us; something Tori isn't happy about at all, but she can take a chill pill. Then on the way home she told Cat she can sleep in the guest room which I rejected and told her she could sleep with us.

Now….I know I might sound…wrong or something, but hear me out.

I only want Cat to stay and sleep with us because I don't trust her. I'm not going to let her leave again. She will definitely get killed out there. I'm just not letting it happen. Beck is a great guy and all, and yeah I trust him with Cat to a certain extent but I know good and well if she stays with him she will be gone my morning and Beck will have a dumb excuse and look on his face saying…"I locked all the doors." No. He's not responsible enough to take care of someone like Cat by himself; now about her sleeping with us. Again I don't trust Cat. If I let her sleep in a room by herself, she will be gone. Tori is being a fucking….ughhh I'm not going to call her any names, but she is being selfish. I know she's not liking Cat, but I'm not letting Cat run off again. She's going to sleep in our room, in our bed and Tori's going to like it or sleep downstairs.

I'm not in the wrong am I? I'm just trying to help. I honestly do care about Cat and Tori's just going to have to understand that whether she likes it or not.

"So what do you want to eat Cat?" I asked as we reached the kitchen.

"Anything!" She screamed.

I chuckled as I opened the fridge and took out some leftover chicken from the night before, before I put it on a plate and stuck it in the microwave.

I took a glance over at Cat who was looking around and starting to get a little fidgety before the microwaved stopped and I brought her her plate.

"Here." I said as I placed the plate in front of her.

"Oh thank you!" She said as she started eating the chicken like there was no tomorrow.

I'm so surprised they didn't ask about her at the hospital. I mean she looks battered as if her husband had beaten her up or something. Usually they ask about stuff like that, but apparently they were just rushing us through.

"Slow down Cat." I laughed as I sat down in front of her.

"I can't it's soo good and I'm so hungry!" She said with a mouth full.

I smiled as I stood up and walked over to the sink to wash some dishes. I pulled my hair back in a ponytail and pushed my sleeves up before I started the water.

After a minute of cleaning a few dishes I turned to check on her in which she and her plate were gone. My heart dropped.

"Cat!" I yelled out before I turned around to see her standing right beside me with her dirty plate in her hands. When I say I nearly pissed my pants. I mean…I nearly pissed my pants.

"God Cat! Don't ever do that!"

"Do what? I was just bringing you my plate."

I grabbed the plate from her and threw it in the sink. "Are you full?" I asked.

"No. But I'm satisfied."

"Go eat two Honey buns." I said pointing at the box.

"W..why?" She asked confused.

"Because I said so. Go."

She nodded as she skipped over to them and grabbed two.

Cat had to lose about 30 pounds and she was already very small to begin with. I mean she has no body fat on her whatsoever. I feel if I blew hard enough she would fall over. Some fatty sweets will do her some good.

"Go see what Tori is doing." I said as I slightly pushed her out of my way of cleaning the counter which almost made her fall.

"Oops." I said as I kept cleaning.

"Tor…Tori…she…she hates me Jade. I'm scared."

I shook my head. "She doesn't hate you. She's just in a bad mood. She's PMSing."

"What's PMSing?"

"Go ask Tori."

"Kk!" She said as she turned and walked off scratching her arm constantly.

"Stop scratching your arm!" I yelled out before I saw her hand fall and her walk slowly up the stairs.

I sighed as I turned back to cleaning.

Don't get me wrong. I am slightly upset with Cat, but I can't just take everything out on her. I know she's done some bad things, but…she's not in a position where I need to act like a bitch towards her. She wants help and I know that she's genuine about that. You want to know how I know? Because she didn't run to Trina this time like Bailey said she always does. She came to us because she knows we will help her and that's what I'm going to do. If I treat her like shit then all she's going to do is run back to wherever see came from. I can't…I won't…it's not going to happen. I want Cat to know deep down we still do love her even though I told her I never want to see her again. I would be so hurt if anything bad, bad ever happened to Cat. I just can't let it happen.

I'll never let it again.

[Tori's POV]

KNOCK, KNOCK

I glance up to see Cat standing in the doorway.

"What?" I said before I returned my attention to my book.

"…Uh…Hi Tori."

"Hi." I stated nonchalantly as I flipped the page.

"Can I come in?"

"I really don't have a say in that because what I say doesn't matter."

"Yes it does Tor."

I rolled my eyes. "Come on."

She gave a slight smile as she walked in and sat on the edge of the bed Indian style.

"What are you reading?"

"A book."

"What it about?" She asked as she twirled her still kind of tangled hair. I meant to get it all combed out…but it was just too bad.

"Do you still hate me Tori? I'm sorry. I really am. Please stop hating me. I made a mistake. I'm sorry."

I sighed. I hate Cat, but I don't hate her. Well I don't hate her at all. I'm just….so upset with her and it's not just the fact that she tried to kiss my wife that I don't want to be around her. It's how she left her family for drugs and…whatever. How could someone do that? Leave your kids? No. I couldn't ever. She seems selfish to me and it also hurts to think that Sunshine wanted her mother so bad to the point where she started calling me and Jade mom sometimes. I can't believe her and another thing I'm so desperately trying to avoid is the fact that we are the ones who will have to tell her about her little angel. How would she react? Will she even care? I just…I just don't want to be around her right now. She's pissed me the hell off.

I sighed. "I don't hate you Cat, I'm just-"

"-PMSing!?"

My mouth flung open. "I'm not!"

"I don't even know what that means." She looked down.

"Then why'd you say it?"

"Because Jade said you were."

"Jade said…well." I said crossing my arms as Cat giggled.

I sighed again as I looked Cat over. She still looks bad even though we fixed her up. Under all that I can still see her. Cat Valentine. My red head best friend in high school. She was so sweet and innocent back then…

…what happened?

[Shiloh's POV]

What was she doing? What does she think she was doing? I can't believe she almost…god I don't want to think about it!

I heard a few knocks on the door.

"Come in." I said before the door swung open as Jade walked in.

"Shiloh?" She said as she crossed her arms.

I thought for a moment. I don't feel any different….I guess I'm Shiloh?

"Yes."

She gave a slight smile as she walked over to my bed and sat down beside me.

"So I have my Shiloh back huh?" She lifted a brow.

I shrugged. "I guess."

"Do you really not remember being those other people Shiloh?"

Maybe I should say no. Then she'll really worry about me….no…it's not right.

I sighed. "Yes Jade I remember. I made them up."

"I know you did. I knew you couldn't be serious."

Yeah right, no she didn't.

"Yeah?" I lifted a brow.

"Well you kind of scared me there, but I know you're not that crazy."

I shrugged.

"So are you and Roxy like best friends now?"

I looked over to her. "No."

"Lunch, then she comes back while we're out. What you guys do?"

I shook my head. "Just watched T.V. She's my friend like always."

"You guys never hung out Shiloh."

"Well…now we do."

"Way over a month. You can't move on until you let go."

What is she talking about?

"What?"

"Shiloh I really want you to stop holding it in. It hurts. I know it does. You'll feel so much better after you let it out."

"I have nothing to let out." I said as I gave her an evil eye.

"Don't give me that look. Shiloh I don't see why you're holding it in. Are you scared about something? Do you think you'll be weak? That's something I've always been afraid of….being weak. But when I had you guys…man. Weak is almost at the top of the list. When it comes to you guys I'm always weak. I hate to admit that because Jade West was never weak. My reputation back then was top charts. I use to have bitches peeing their pants, but…I guess I've grown out of that. But I did learn something. It's okay to break sometimes. Nobody is that strong. I mean nobody. You're going to break sooner or later even if you think you're not Shiloh and that doesn't mean you're weak. It actually shows how much you loved her. How much you cared. I know she might have told you she doesn't want anyone to cry over her, but babygirl sometimes it's better to cry then to laugh you know?"

I put my head down.

"You know I tried to hold it in, but one night I ended up at her grave crying my eyes out. I cried all night. Do you know how much better I felt after that? I felt like wow, I can actually deal with this now because before it was eating me alive."

I felt my eyes water.

NO! no, no,no…

"Jade I don't want to talk about this."

She grabbed my hand. "Shiloh it's okay." She whispered.

I held every last tear in my eye before I yanked my hand away and rolled off of my bed.

"Jade get out! Now!"

"Shilo-

"It's Shantell! Get out!"

Jade put her hand to her face. "Shilo-"

"-I said get the fuck out!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

She sighed as she scooted off of my bed and got to her feet.

"Sunshine would be so disappointed in you Shiloh."

Her words hit my heart and they hit my heart so hard it hurt for it to beat.

"Fuck you Jade!" I said as I pushed her from my room and slammed my door.

She just wants me to break! Well I'm not! I'm sooo not! I don't have too! Because I'm not sad! I'm fine! I can move on without the tears! There's no point in them! They won't help shit!

I turned off my light before I crawled under my covers.

Break is something I'll never do.

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