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Chapter Ten: Contagious
Sasuke hadn't spoken more than one short sentence at a time in the entire past week. His deathly-pale pallor hadn't improved since the time of…the incident. And his eyes were the same feverish, burning crimson every moment of every day, while his mouth seemed to have permanently hardened into a thin, grim line.
It was enough to freak her out, really. Karin had always known that there was a part of Sasuke that was a little bit frightening, but this was the first time that aspect of him had lurked so close to the surface. And she really hated to admit it, but it wasn't just fear and unsettlement that dominated her changing feelings toward him over the past few days.
It was pity. The emotion was nearly foreign to her, and thus far, it had only been reserved for the truly unfortunate. Sakura had always gone on and on about how Sasuke wasn't a bad person; how his behavior and actions weren't deplorable in the least, because he was just a victim of circumstance and that made everything that he did okay. Karin always called her out on the bullshit, but now…
Karin sighed quietly, drawing her threadbare violet coat around herself. The small clearing they had settled in for the night was sheltered from most of the wind by the toweringly tall trees, but the chill in the still air cut her to the bone. Jugo and Suigetsu were off hunting their dinner, and she would have joined them, but she had twisted her ankle on a rather treacherous tree branch about half an hour ago, and Suigetsu had caught her limping and insisted she stay behind to avoid irritating it further. Damn him.
Which left her and Sasuke sitting in front of a patch of frostbitten dirt, staring at the ground morosely. Well, Sasuke was in the process of arranging firewood in a stack so he could light a fire with the Katon, and sitting next to him as she was, Karin couldn't help but notice his uncharacteristically slow, precise movements. His pale hands shook, as they had been almost continuously for the whole week, and she didn't think it was because of the cold. For the first time, they probably had similar thoughts on their mind…as their entire small team likely did, in the time that they weren't busy and on the hunt. Karin didn't even want to thinkabout the horrifying prospect of Sasuke's psychopath of an older brother and Sakura, who was undoubtedly in an unimaginable amount of danger, but—
Her lips twisted into a frown as she picked up a stray twig and tossed it into the pile vehemently, trying to mask the sudden stab of pure fear that had shot through her like an arrow. Karin didn't like having her previous assumptions of people proven wrong, but…goddamnit, ever since they had heard – that, well, Sakura seemed to have been captured by the mass-murdering freak, all of her perceptions about one Sasuke Uchiha had been shifting dangerously.
The knowledge that Itachi had taken Sakura had caused some kind of a mental break in him, one that she could have imagined would happen to her if somehow, Suigetsu was captured by a deadly, unstable force. Sasuke had always been somewhat antisocial, but now, he had closed entirely in on himself, communicating only when necessary, and only in sentences of a few clipped words. He hadn't even directly mentioned Sakura or Itachi once. For that first night, though, when she had knocked him out for his own health, he had tossed and turned and mumbled Sakura's name in his sleep, over and over and over again.
And he had kept doing it, too, every night since then. It was obvious that the thought of Sakura and his older brother caused Sasuke a depth of mental anguish, bordering on torture, that the rest of them couldn't even begin to guess at.
But the question was…why? In spite of the fact that he treated her like shit, Karin was perceptive enough to pick up on the fact that in some twisted way, Sasuke had always cared about Sakura. It was how that confused her. Did he care for her like a sister? She doubted that – he had kissed her a couple of times, after all. Until now, she had been leaning toward the idea that Sasuke just treated Sakura like a possession – a tool that had he come to depend on and take for granted, simply because she had always been there. And when his possession had been stolen from him by the one person he hated most in the entire world, Sasuke had completely lost it.
Karin pushed her glasses up on her nose pensively, readjusting the position of her twisted ankle. The thought made her scowl. For Sakura's sake, she wished that it wasn't that way, even though her common sense told her otherwise.
It wasn't as if she was just being nosy, or anything. Sure, it didn't concern her in any way, but she still wanted to know. Sasuke's behavior was enough to sow the faintest seeds of doubt about his intentions toward Sakura in her mind, and now was as good as a time as any to potentially find out what the hell was going on between them. Whether Sasuke would disclose any information was a whole other issue, but it was worth a try.
"So," Karin stated abruptly, unable to think of any other way to broach the subject – social finesse really wasn't her thing – and hardly believing her own daring. "…How do you feel about Sakura, anyway?"
She held her breath immediately, and the blunt question was actually enough to make Sasuke's hand still for a fraction of a second, a twig dropping from his suddenly limp fingers. He directed an incredulous look at her, before his eyes narrowed slightly. "Don't you already know the answer to that question, Karin?" he returned, his voice cold. "You certainly act like you do, after all."
She'd never been able to hold a calm conversation with Sasuke for longer than a few minutes, but this was a record. Karin bristled visibly, glaring right back at him. "I have a good idea, based on how you've acted for the past few years, and unless you take this one opportunity to prove me wrong, I'm going to keep on believing it."
Her flat statement echoed in the clearing for a few moments, and Sasuke slammed one palm down into the empty dirt, looking like he was coming dangerously close to losing his temper. Once again, she was reminded of the second reason she had chosen not to pursue him romantically (the first reason was that it was obvious Sakura had a crush on him, and Karin was many things, but she was not a boyfriend-stealing bitch) – his chakra was so heavy and dark that it was oppressive and nearly choking. "I don't have to explain myself to you," he said in an incongruously soft, venomous tone.
Karin surveyed him clinically, unafraid. "What would you lose by doing so?" she retorted sharply, momentarily forgetting who she was talking to. "Yeah, I know that you're obsessed with pushing everyone who wants to get close to you away, so that you can be one hundred percent full of pure, unadulterated hate for your brother, but kami, if on the off chance that you're actually capable of such compassionate feelings, there's no shame in admitting it."
It was only her lightning-quick reflexes, born out of ten years of training, that allowed Karin to escape the specialized Katon with only a few locks of mildly singed hair.
Just like that, they were across the clearing from each other, glaring daggers at one another. Sasuke's right fist still smoked a little with the strength of the fireball that he had just punched her way, and Karin glowered at him, the fingers of her right hand curling around the kunai that she'd stowed in her pocket. "Did I happen to touch a nerve, Sasuke-kun?" she taunted, unfazed by her close call; she knew he was probably just trying to freak her out a little.
Sasuke advanced on her, and his combative posture hadn't relaxed in the least. "You know nothing about me," he spat, his voice heavy with resentment. "Nothing."
"That's because you don't let anybody know anything about you!" Karin yelled back, frustrated. She took a defensive step backward, anyway – if push came to shove, she knew that she could probably use a vanishing jutsu faster than he could throw another Katon. "How can you blame me for thinking that you only view Sakura as a tool and an object of convenience, and, beyond that, you don't give a shit about her? You've never given anybody – hell, you've never even given her – any reason to believe otherwise!"
Karin flinched back, expecting the retaliation before it came, but to her surprise, Sasuke stopped dead, his eyes widening somewhat. "…What?" he croaked, his voice hoarse. When she didn't respond; before she could even blink, he was across the clearing, his fist knotted in the material of her coat, pulling her so close that they were almost nose-to-nose. For once, her legendary toughness deserted her. This close to the deadly crimson of the Sharingan, the red-haired kunoichi felt her knees threaten to give way beneath her, as he pushed her up against the bark of the nearest tree. "What did you say?" Sasuke demanded, his tone strangled, and his grip on her tightened.
"You heard me!" Karin snapped, now officially horrified and freaked out beyond all belief at the situation, as she pushed at his chest hard. "Get off!"
Sasuke took a small step backwards, looking as if she had slapped him. Even though he was at least keeping his hands to himself now, he still radiated a deadly aura that made Karin feel more than a little unsettled. The behavior of his chakra was a strange counterpoint to his expression, though; he was flexing his hands like they had gone utterly numb, and she had never seen him looking so stunned. "Is that true?"
If he hadn't made the mistake of so severely antagonizing her, Karin would have been more inclined to notice how soft and suddenly vulnerable – how un-Sasuke-like – his tone had gotten. As it was, though, she shoved her hands in her pockets, giving him her most derisive look. "Yeah," she bit out. "It is."
Sasuke stared at her for a few moments, and just when the tension between them threatened to become too much to bear, he whirled around in an instant, before storming away, into the dark forest.
Karin blinked, shocked, and even though he had disappeared from sight, before she had time to think it through, she followed, silently cursing her propensity to put her foot in her mouth. What the fuck was going on? Did Sasuke's little emotional fit mean that his feelings were actually hurt or some shit like that?
She was panting a little bit and her injured ankle was throbbing mercilessly by the time she finally broke through the trees, and her gaze swept the area anxiously until she found what she was looking for. They were at the almost frozen over stream that their team had happened upon earlier, and Sasuke was sitting on the bank closest to her, his back facing her, and folded over into himself so much that it looked as if somebody had kicked him in the stomach, hard. He practically radiated instability and inapproachability, and Karin hovered indecisively for a moment, before finally, tentatively stepping a little bit closer.
As he hadn't said or done anything to discourage her, she risked taking a seat next to him cautiously. Sasuke's hair had fallen forward, obscuring his face completely, but she could see the way his shoulders were rising and falling; indicating heavily labored breaths. It looked like he had punched a hole right through the ice and submerged the tips of his fingers into the frigid water, and even though they were turning blue, he made no move to remove them. Aside from the incident, she had never seen him so unguarded before, and it was scary.
Slightly alarmed, and at an utter loss for what to do, Karin reached out very gingerly, touching his shoulder as if she was afraid he would burst into flames. Remorse was a sharp, unexpected pain in her side, and this whole comforting business was new to her, but she tried to apply some reassuring pressure with her hand. "Look, Sasuke," she told him softly and urgently. "I – I'm sorry, okay? I shouldn't have even brought it up and it's none of my business, so please don't get all upset or anything…"
Sasuke said nothing, and just managed a few more ragged breaths.
Karin withdrew warily, deciding that maybe it was best to give him some time. Her heart was sinking further down with every moment that passed – she wanted to make him talk, yes, but not like this. Even though Sasuke hadn't said a word, she could read his actions like a book, and it tugged at her heartstrings in a way that she hadn't thought possible, even as she felt bile rise into her throat. Suddenly, it all made sense. His emotional breakdown in the wake of the incident, his rage at her implication that he wasn't capable of caring for anybody, his reaction when she had told him that Sakura believed that he didn't care for her as anything more than a mere object that he was accustomed to having around…
Even though it was a total contradiction to her earlier thoughts, now Karin wished that she had been right. It would have been easier that way. It would have been easier for Sasuke to be the selfish, heartless, uncaring jackass who just didn't deserve Sakura, anyway…not this. The reality was much worse.
The weight of her impromptu realization made her hurt like somebody had punched her in the face, and suddenly, Karin felt a hundred times worse than she'd ever had before. This was awful. Sasuke did care for Sakura deeply…he had just been robbed of the ability to properly express it. How many times had she made snide comments to Jugo or Suigetsu about how emotionally retarded Sasuke was?
At the time, she'd had no idea of how right she was. And now, it wasn't funny at all.
Karin felt vaguely nauseous, and the implications of everything she had inadvertently found out were just beginning to sink in. This time, when she looked at Sasuke again, she understood, and she hated herself for not figuring it out earlier. All the signs had been there, in his behavior, and she couldn't imagine what he must have been suffering through in the past week. Somebody who he cared dearly about had been captured by the person who had cold-bloodedly destroyed everybody that he had once loved, and even her limited comprehension of his emotions threatened to make her sick. The fear, the horror, the rage, the constant, agonizing speculation, the pain…the feeling of being, once again, completely, utterly, helpless…no wonder Sasuke had been acting so strange for the past week. Anybody else would have gone completely, certifiably insane by now.
Her empty stomach heaved once, and, overwhelmed, Karin raked her fingers through her hair so hard that it hurt, drawing her knees close to her chest. She looked over at him again, a hundred different apologies all rising to her lips, but Sasuke shook his head minutely. He looked much older than his age, and for once, the hard, icy exterior had melted…the weariness and exhaustion and pain had etched lines into his face, making him look startlingly like his older brother.
It wasn't like he reached for her hand, or she reached for his – it was more of a mutual movement, and their fingers interlaced tightly, both of them taking as much brief, platonic comfort from the other as they could.
"You have to tell her," Karin managed, at last, watching the moonlight ripple on the icy river. Her voice had been unsteady at first, but then she turned to face him, a little bit of the fire returning to her gaze as she narrowed her eyes at him in a warning glare, making it clear that it was not an option. It made her heart ache, thinking of all those moments in the past where Sakura's carefree façade about her relationship with Sasuke had slipped, revealing all the sadness and futile hopes underneath. If she had only known…
Sasuke hesitated for a moment, visibly struggling with the words. "I will," he replied, his voice barely audible. "…If it's not too late."
Stupidly, Karin's first, instinctive thought was that was a really odd thing to say…that everybody knew that Sakura would die before giving up on Sasuke. And then she realized what the real implications of his words were, and she shuddered quietly, squeezing his hand a little bit tighter.
Northern Region Of Stone
Sakura awoke as abruptly as she would have if somebody poured a gallon of ice-cold water over her head.
It took her a moment to realize that her breathing was coming uncommonly quickly, in short, rapid gasps, and her chest hurt. The threads of her dream were still unraveling around her, and even though she knew it was irrational, she pushed herself up into a half-sitting position, looking around anxiously. The fire had gone out, cloaking their campsite in darkness, but the shadows were still and empty. There wasn't a hint of a single chakra signature for miles. No…Sasuke was far away, somewhere; not here, watching with betrayed, angry eyes, one hand on the hilt of his katana, ready to pull the long blade free of its sheath, as she slept beside his most hated enemy.
The wind ghosted through the trees, stirring the few stray leaves that were still present, and it sounded eerily like light footfalls. The sound triggered the last scene of her nightmare, and Sakura shuddered convulsively, feeling her stomach turn over at the remembered horror. For what felt like hours, she had dreamed of Sasuke just standing in the shadows of their campsite, watching her and Itachi sleep, and at the very end, he had finally began to walk over to them with agonizing slowness. Her dream-self had been sound asleep until the very end…until hearing his footsteps. She'd opened her eyes confusedly, her mind barely having time to even register the image of Sasuke's hate-filled eyes and the katana he was clutching in a white-knuckled fist.
And that was when Sasuke stabbed the point of the long sword right through Itachi's chest, the revolting sound of metal stabbing through his rib cage and blood spurting everywhere and the horrible choking sounds he was making echoing in the clearing. His blood had splattered on her, and she had screamed, but before Itachi had even finished bleeding out, Sasuke had turned on her, his expression twisting into something unspeakably malevolent. And then he had knelt to the floor, his fingers knotting in her hair painfully hard and pulling it back, before placing the metal of the katana to her throat—
Belatedly, Sakura realized that she was still shaking spasmodically, her throat closing over in response to the sudden trauma. Even though she had a feeling that this was what her subconscious mind had been trying to dissuade her from doing, she turned around so that she faced Itachi, wrapping her arms around him as softly as she could and resting her forehead against his collarbone. Despite the warm blankets, her bare feet were even colder than the rest of her body, and she pressed the soles up against his legs, unconsciously holding him a little bit tighter. The position was incredibly comfortable, but the nightmare had scared her wide awake; her eyes were as open as could be and her mind tense and alert.
Sakura nearly jumped when she felt his arms wrap around her in return, pulling her closer against his chest. For a fraction of a second, she could convince herself that it was an instinctive reaction, but to her displeasure, Itachi spoke, his low voice husky and a little roughened with sleep. "Sakura…do you want me to start another fire?"
She spared a moment to marvel at the acuity of his senses, even though the majority of her mind was too busy reveling in the way that he said her name…and how nice he sounded when he was completely unguarded like this. "No," Sakura replied hastily, regretting her impulsive attempt at getting closer in an attempt to drive her fear away. Any closeness to Itachi, emotional or physical, would definitely spell disaster for them both…so she would definitely move away from him the second she had gotten herself to calm down a little. "I'm…I'm fine."
Itachi said nothing, although she could tell that he was completely unconvinced. Knowing it was probably a little unwise, Sakura rubbed her thumb along the sharply defined (too sharply defined, part of her noted immediately) ridge of his collarbone soothingly. "Just go back to sleep. I'll be okay."
She felt him sigh quietly, unwrapping one of his arms from around her. "I am not tired, either."
Sakura could hear the exhaustion in his voice, but it was all too clear that it was emotional and not physical. She could bet a thousand ryou that she knew the cause of whatever conflict he was feeling, and she ducked her head slightly, feeling her face heat up. Now that she had a few hours of sleep and was feeling saner, the typical thoughts were manifesting again. What on earth had possessed her to kiss him that last time? She had just gotten so carried away with the flirtation and the surreptitious little voice that had kept whispering Sasuke will never do this with you and goddamn allusions to his book, with the freaking love triangle between those brothers and the girl…she winced at the very thought. Arguably, there was no harm in being physically attracted to Itachi – if she kept it well suppressed, under control, and completely to herself.
…Neither of which she was doing at the moment.
For a few long minutes, they were silent, immersed in their own thoughts. Sakura had half convinced herself that Itachi had fallen asleep, when he shifted positions again, so that he was lying on his back, looking at the expanses of bright stars. It was obvious that he was deep in thought, and she couldn't even begin to imagine what was going on in his mind. She had never encountered somebody so inscrutable before. It was obvious that Itachi had the strictest amount of disciplined self-control that she'd ever seen; it was enviable, and it made her furious that she didn't even have the tiniest fragment of it.
"…May I ask you a question?"
Itachi's soft inquiry startled her so much that her entire body actually twitched, and Sakura turned toward him so quickly that she almost pulled a muscle in her neck. He was still staring at the sky, and she could see the troubled frown that had etched itself onto his brow. "Sure," the pink-haired kunoichi observed guardedly. She couldn't imagine that he had just randomly decided to ask her something, but the idea that he had been in such deep thought about her seemed impossible.
Itachi's gaze flickered toward her for an instant. "Despite the official records having listed your disappearance from Konoha as a kidnapping, you left of your own free will."
The words were phrased as a statement, but the way he was looking at her made it clear that he wanted confirmation of some sort. Moistening her dry lips, and unsure of where the conversation was going, Sakura inclined her head once. She hated whenever this particular issue was brought up, and she didn't know why she felt so intensely about it, but she didn't want Itachi to judge her negatively. At first, in Sound, she had been regarded as the village idiot because of her willingness to throw herself into a pit of snakes just because her crush did so. She'd had her share of conflicting feelings about that momentous, impulsive decision as well. More than once, she had wondered if it had been unforgivably, criminally stupid to turn her back on her mother, her friends, and all that she knew…for a boy who had no special regard or strong feelings for her…who barely tolerated her presence, really.
Itachi made a small sound of acknowledgement in the back of his throat, and it looked like he was taking care to phrase his words with as much tact as possible. "You did this for Sasuke," he commented slowly, glancing down at her, and knowing that it went without saying that Sakura would undoubtedly do anything for Sasuke. "Such extraordinary devotion and loyalty is not usually common for one so young, is it?"
It was stupid, but the defensive retort was the first thing that rose to her mouth. "I'm not that young, you know."
Itachi raised an eyebrow at her, and the tiny physical gesture succeeded in making the pink-haired kunoichi feel thoroughly chastised. "You are aware of my meaning, Sakura."
"Fine," Sakura countered, rolling onto her back. She didn't know what Itachi wanted to get out of this conversation, but he was definitely succeeding in making her feel like even more of an abnormal freak. She knew that what she had done had been misguided, at best…and at worst, an act of unparalleled stupidity only capable of being executed by a foolishly infatuated preteen. "And no. It's not."
There were a few heartbeats of silence, and then Itachi prompted her further, his voice surprisingly gentle and quiet. "…What drew you to my brother initially?"
Sakura's eyes narrowed, and she felt her body tense. She liked talking to Itachi, and she felt comfortable doing so, but that worried and disturbed her more than anything else. It was all right when they could discuss innocent things like poetry, but such personal matters definitely crossed the line. Until he was completely honest with her, she wouldn't even consider doing the same for him. "What is this, twenty questions?" she replied sardonically.
Itachi exhaled slowly, sounding somewhat exasperated. "It is nothing of the sort."
"Then what?"
She could certainly be quite…tenacious, he mused, taking time to consider his answer and phrase it in a manner that she wouldn't misunderstand, but that wasn't really new knowledge.
Sakura remained still, watching him suspiciously, and she didn't even relax when Itachi let all the breath leave his body in a long sigh. She could tell he didn't like it when he was forced to explain himself, but it wasn't just related to him – she had learned not to trust anybody easily. "Very well," the elder Uchiha said shortly, and it was obvious how uncomfortable he was. "…I find you to be quite unique," Itachi pronounced, forcing the words out with apparent difficulty. "Unique in every way; remarkably so. I simply desire to understand what…motivates your thoughts and actions."
Namely, what my beloved younger brother has done to earn such undying loyalty and affection.
Itachi barely managed to refrain from adding the last, bitter sentence, but the words hung in the air between them. His words were purposefully ambiguous, but he could hardly tell Sakura the full truth; such admissions were almost humiliating for him to concede, even in the privacy of his own mind. He was truly fascinated by her, and the attraction he felt was hardly completely physical.
Something about her personality drew her to him, and he vaguely remembered this particular desire from his last relationship, so long ago. His extraordinary intelligence had always allowed him to fully understand every nuance of most people within a short time, but with Sakura, it was different. Like it had been with Katsumi, Sakura was the second person whom Itachi couldn't figure out; couldn't wrap his head around and make sense of, and he wantedto, more than he had wanted anything else in recent memory. He wanted to get the pink-haired kunoichi to sit down next to him and tell him every single little detail about her life, experiences, relationships, personality, likes, dislikes…and, really, just everything that made her her.
It was a discomfiting feeling, to be sure. Itachi sensed that they would be perfectly compatible emotionally and on a deeper personal level…but a physical attraction to the girl was understandable, while this burgeoning emotional connection was far riskier. From the myriad of rapidly shifting emotions that were visible across Sakura's face in response to his admission of sorts, she felt the same way.
Sakura bit her lip, unsettled. At first, it was just by the fact that she had a sneaking feeling that, in a roundabout fashion, Itachi had admitted that he found her fascinating and wanted to get to know her. This in itself was shocking. She shied away from the thought on purpose, knowing that on an emotional level, personality-wise, they would click – and that was the last thing she needed.
More disturbing and important, though, was the dawning realization that she didn't even know the answer to the question that Itachi had asked her. What did motivate her thoughts and actions? The first thought that occurred to her was that a lot of it had to do with…
Sakura winced, unwilling to think on it further, but her mind kept returning to that idea with dogged determination, even though it chilled her to the bone. Was it really just…Sasuke? Had she actually been living her entire life with that sole consideration, with him, in mind?
…At the age of four, she had decided she wanted to be a kunoichi because of Sasuke. She had strived to cultivate her intelligence for her entire life for the purpose of being worthy of Sasuke's attention. She had grown her hair out for him and temporarily ended her friendship with Ino for him. She had been stupid and foolish in Team Seven because she never wanted to take any risks, learn anything new, or push herself because she didn't want to make herself look bad in front of him when she messed up. And she had left Konoha for him. Not to mention that since being in Sound, every fiber of her being and almost all of her available energy had been devoted to persuading Sasuke not to choose to succumb to Orochimaru's possession technique.
Her lips parted without her consciously realizing it, and for a few moments, her mind registered nothing but pure, utter disbelief. The horror came almost immediately afterward, making her feel cold from head to toe.
It took a little while for her to gain control of herself again, and Sakura was thankful that Itachi was so patient. "My motivations," she said quietly, and even the usually supportive Inner Sakura stayed quiet; silenced by the waves of nausea and disgust that were coursing through her, "really aren't worth discussing."
"…Ah," Itachi responded diplomatically, although he could very well guess what they were. It didn't take a genius, but it made the bitter, angry, vengeful inner voice lash out again, voicing thoughts that he was ashamed to admit had even lurked in the darker corners of his mind. Sasuke. Of course it all came back to Sasuke. Sasuke was the axis that his entire existence revolved around, and it appeared as though it was the same for Sakura. What about you is so damn special, Sasuke—
Sakura turned away from him then, curling up into herself, and the aura of sadness around her was almost tangible. It was unsavory behavior on his part, but Itachi couldn't stop watching her small, still figure, and he closed his eyes to keep them from reflecting any of the sorrow he felt. He still couldn't help wondering if the younger girl had ever done anything for herself in her entire life…if she had ever put herself first, or ever dared to be selfish.
The thought made his lips twist in a humorless, ironic smirk, even as his chest constricted out of sheer melancholy. It took every inch of Itachi's self-control not to reach out and stroke her hair or her shoulders comfortingly. We're more alike than you could ever imagine, you and I.
Fleetingly, he wondered what it would feel like to be selfish, just once. More than that, Itachi wondered if he was even capable of doing so. He also wondered if Sakura felt the same way, and decided that, deep down inside, she must.
But Itachi kept the thoughts to himself, and after he saw Sakura finally fall back into a fitful sleep, he spent the next hour trying to make himself promise to never act on them.
Itachi and Sakura spent the next three days trying to communicate with each other as little as possible. For Itachi, it was more of a necessary avoidance technique, while in the wake of the unpleasant realizations that Itachi's question had evoked in her, Sakura had felt herself slowly and steadily withdrawing from the world.
It was like Itachi had held a mirror up to her when she had least expected it, and she had looked into it expecting to see a strong, capable, intelligent, innovative kunoichi and medic-nin…and her reflection, instead, was something small and pitiable; weak and hideous. What kind of woman shaped her entire life around one man? The idea disgusted Sakura. How many times, after her father had died, had she hated her mother for falling into such a deep, long depression that she could barely function, let alone properly raise her youngest child? How many times had she bitterly wished that her mother had something or someone in her life to live for, besides her father…or that she could have learned to live for her own sake, and not compulsively shaped her life around others?
The restless thoughts dominated most of the pink-haired kunoichi's waking moments. She was such a hypocrite. It was sickening. Sakura compulsively tried to avoid all thoughts Sasuke, and even though the felt the weight of the alpha piece of the radio system in her concealed summoning scroll, she couldn't bring herself to check it. She couldn't sense his chakra signature in the vicinity, anyway…Itachi had said they were heading to Rain, and now that she thought about it, she didn't think that Sasuke knew the exact location of the Akatsuki headquarters. It was likely that he was retracing the path that she and Itachi had taken here, although considering their head start and Itachi's almost unnatural travel speed, he was maybe two days behind.
The mere thought of Sasuke made her shiver unhappily, and Sakura looked skyward. Their head start was lucky, because the weather was making further travel for the day impossible. She didn't exactly relish the thought of fighting through the seemingly never-ending sleet, but at least it would provide some sort of activity to occupy her mind. She felt like a mess of contradictions; tired and dispirited enough to just want to curl up into a ball and attempt retreating from her life, but at the same time, physically, she was frustrated and restless and…antsy. It was rare that she felt like this, but right now, what Sakura really wanted was to blow off some steam. She didn't know how she would go about doing this, but if she sat still any longer, therefore giving the Sasuke monster more opportunities to gnaw on her brain, she would go insane.
Itachi was off doing whatever he did whenever they set up camp for the evening, which she guessed was putting up a number of security precautions, like concealment genjutsu and such. Sakura rose stiffly, before heading into the forest without a second glance backward. It felt nice to be walking on her own.
Over the next few minutes, she felt her pace quicken from her average walk to a quick trot as she maneuvered through the complex web of gnarled tree trunks. The lower-hanging branches scraped against the material against her clothes and caught against her hair and skin, and the pink-haired kunoichi ducked her head blindly, forcing herself to go faster and faster, until she was full-out sprinting, something she hadn't done in a couple of years. Even though Sakura knew that, through the eyes of a civilian, she was moving so rapidly that she'd be nothing more than a red-and-pink blur, it just wasn't fast enough yet – not fast enough to make her feel free as a bird or forget her problems for even a fraction of a second, and that was what she wanted. Hell, she even didn't know where she was running to or even, come to think of it, why she was running in the first place, because her demons would never be exorcised or left behind by something as simple as that, but at least when she was running, it hurt less than when she stood still.
Even her chakra-enhanced stamina had limits, though, and when Sakura finally came to a stop, she was panting hard, and she could feel the warm flush on her face; her heart was hammering so hard that it felt like it was in danger of exploding. A quick glance around confirmed that she was in completely unfamiliar territory…in a small clearing, probably several miles away from where she started. Far away from Itachi, and therefore, from the constantly haunting, specter-like thoughts of—
She flinched away from the thought, even as a hot wave of rage flooded over her, and impulsively she summoned one of her concealed kunai to her hands. It was poor technique, but that was the last thing on Sakura's mind as she sent it flying into one of the nearby trees, putting her whole body into the throw, and a frustrated, almost agonized screech that couldn't possibly have come from her was suddenly echoing around the clearing. She hadn't succumbed to her emotions like this since she had been about five, but all the stress of the past month was catching up to her all at once and far too quickly, and it was making her sick with fury.
She hated herself for her years of blind, unhealthy devotion to Sasuke. She hated Sasuke for his sick obsession with revenge and for making the decision to defect to Sound as a result of that…therefore putting both of them in the awful position they were in now. She hated Itachi for killing the goddamn Uchiha clan in the first place, and despised him even more for refusing to tell her the truth about what had happened.
Why are you so angry? Inner Sakura asked her sadly. It's not Sasuke's fault, you know. And it's not ours either. You can't just stop loving somebody you've loved for most of your life. No matter how much you want to, you can't turn off your loyalty to Sasuke. Maybe Itachi had a point, and you should just let events unfold between Sasuke and Itachi as they were meant to without your interference.
"Shut up," Sakura hissed to herself, impaling another kunai hilt-deep into an innocent, unsuspecting tree.
She had never felt so torn and excruciatingly conflicted in her life. She knew that she loved Sasuke, but she couldn't deny that something about Itachi was slowly, inexorably, drawing her closer to him instead. And to make things worse, now she couldn't even distinguish if the majority of what she felt toward Sasuke was love born out of duty and habit, because she had always loved him and that was how it was supposed to be, or love for the sake of love.
Sakura felt a bitter, strangled sort of giggle escape her throat. Then again, love implied that it was requited, reciprocated, whatever you wanted to call it. To screw the entire situation up even more, she knew that she and Sasuke would end up together, too. When Sasuke was finished with Itachi, at some point, he would decide that he wanted her, because that would be most convenient for him, and she would probably go along with it because that was how pathetic she was…but she doubted that Sasuke had the emotional capacity to truly love her the way she wanted to be loved.
It still hurt to admit it, even within the depths of her own mind. More infuriating, though, was the knowledge that all of that that may be true, but she still couldn't turn off her own sense of deep loyalty to him.
Even if loyalty to Sasuke meant acquiescing to Itachi's death at Sasuke's hands? her inner self asked sharply.
Sakura stopped dead, biting her lip so hard that it almost bled, and refusing to think on the issue further, for the sake of her own sanity. It took a concerted effort for her to calm down again. Her breathing was so harsh and frantic that her throat hurt from the open-mouthed gasps, and her arm muscles were sore. It took a moment for her surroundings to sink in, and another few for the pink-haired kunoichi to fully realize that she had nearly decimated the clearing in her rage and confusion. Kunai were littered around the entire area, stuck in trees and scattered on the floor, and there were heavy dents in the tree trunks where she had kicked them. Her knuckles were bleeding from several small cuts, probably from where she had punched the trees as hard as she could, before ripping the smaller, thinner stray branches off as well.
She stared, momentarily shocked. She had never had a meltdown like this before, and even scarier was the fact that she still hadn't worn herself out. She still felt restless, frustrated, angry—
Somewhere in the distance, she heard the sound of a twig snapping in half. Sakura felt her body tense up abruptly, the adrenaline already coursing through her veins, and by the time she whirled around with another kunai in her hand, Itachi was standing at the mouth of the clearing, surveying their surroundings with the minutest amount of surprise in his dark eyes.
The breath she hadn't realized she had been holding left her body in a sharp exhalation, and she felt her fingers relax on the handle of her weapon. "What are you doing here?" Sakura snapped, for once not caring about the fact that she was being purposefully rude – she had fled from camp to avoid him and any thoughts of his stupid brother, not get into another painful, emotionally charged conversation. Every time they talked; every time, it just compounded her feelings of anxiety and desire and guilt, and she couldn't handle it anymore.
If her tone had any effect on him, Itachi didn't show it, save for raising one eyebrow thoughtfully. "…Interrupting your little temper tantrum, evidently."
His words, and their cool, dispassionate inflection, made her see red all over again, and she glared at him venomously. Temper tantrum. As if she was a willful, stubborn little girl throwing a fit just for the sake of being the center of attention. "Excuse me?"
Itachi looked at her for a few moments, and she could see the concern in his eyes for a tiny fragment of a second as they swept over her bleeding knuckles. "Are you all right?"
"I'm perfectly fine," Sakura replied icily, ignoring the rapid change in subject, and moving her hands behind her back in response. "Just blowing off some steam…so you can feel free to leave now."
Itachi's only response to the curt dismissal was to lift one hand and easily withdraw one of the kunai from where it had been embedded in the tree. Sakura hadn't stopped glowering at him; she was still clutching her kunai as if it was a security blanket, and was now shifting restlessly from foot to foot, obviously waiting for him to leave. All in all, the pink-haired kunoichi looked as tense, agitated, and upset as he had been feeling for the past few days, and even though he hadn't been considering 'blowing off steam' in the same way she was, a more…acceptable alternative had just presented itself.
"Fight me."
It took a good few seconds for the words to sink in. Sakura spent the next several seriously contemplating the possibility that they had been a hallucination. But Itachi was staring at her exasperatedly, as if silently begging her not to be so overdramatic, so… "Pardon?" she asked tentatively.
This time, she could swear that he rolled his eyes minutely. "A spar," Itachi elaborated patiently. "It seems to be an acceptable method of…blowing off steam, as you say."
Sakura frowned back at him, placing one hand on her hip. As much as it killed her to admit it; firstly, he was right…a lot of her anxiety and aggression was probably compounded by the fact that she was going stir-crazy. She was a kunoichi, and so she had a healthy amount of respect for the great therapeutic effects of a spar on one's psyche. But secondly, she was fairly sure that both of them knew he could wipe the floor with her in a minute or less, even with both hands tied behind his back.
Itachi must have read the reluctance written all over her face, because he sighed a little, before returning the kunai to its former resting place in the tree. "You have my word that I will not engage my bloodline limit at any point, if we both also agree to avoid the use of any weapons."
Sakura hesitated visibly, unsure of whether to go along with it or not. Agreeing would be the most tacit admittance that she trusted Itachi, and the implications of that frightened her. Simultaneously, though, the naturally inquisitive part of her; the one that was always determined to ascertain some sort of knowledge out of any situation, was actually eager for the opportunity. It would be an absolutely outstanding educational experience, to say the least. How many people could say they fought the Itachi and had the opportunity to learn from it, instead of just being utterly focused on how to best escape the situation?
"Fine," Sakura said abruptly, trying to mask the nervous flutters that had just exploded in her chest. She couldn't be sure, but she had the feeling that her face was beginning to turn green. Oh, god, what had she gotten into?
She was too absorbed in her own agony of self-doubt to notice the amused half-smile that briefly touched the corner of Itachi's lips. He loved how unconsciously expressive Sakura was…even though, at the moment, she looked close to becoming violently ill. He couldn't remember the last time he had fought somebody without having to maintain the pretense, though, and he was surprised by how much he was looking forward to this…well, to be honest, to having any sort of interaction with her.
Still, it was becoming clear that unless he acted quickly, Sakura's nerves would win out and she would make some excuse to escape back to the campsite and then avoid him like the plague for the rest of the evening and night. "I will give you a one minute head start," Itachi conceded graciously.
Sakura disappeared in less time that it took him to blink.
She couldn't believe that, an hour ago, she had been cold. Right now, she was warm enough that she almost wanted to rip off her sweater and see what that distraction technique did to Itachi's little strategy. Despite her initial apprehension over the whole sparring thing, for the first time in several weeks, Sakura felt normal again. Her cheeks were warm, her heart beating faster out of sheer excitement, and adrenaline heated her blood, making her feel alive. Not only that, but her mind felt sound again; healthy and whole and calm, like it hadn't been in a long time.
She straightened, brushing her hair out of her eyes impatiently and staring around the seemingly empty forest. For a long time, she and Itachi had been stalking each other through the skeletal web of trees, and when she was lucky enough to spot him, she would try and attack. What surprised her most about their encounters was how, well, cooperative he was. "Approach diagonally instead of straight on, Sakura." "An uppercut would be more effective and much harder to see coming." "If this were a real combat situation, I would advise you to avoid taijutsu unless it was absolutely necessary – focus on learning and developing more long-rage offensive ninjutsu instead. You are proficient enough at taijutsu, but by nature, it carries more risk of injury due to the closeness of such combat."
At that comment in particular, Sakura had been hard pressed to keep herself from making a flirtatious comment over whether he had intended for the advice to come out sounding so very protective. Thankfully, Itachi had disappeared before her self-control could waver too much. He was just so…kind and controlled, though, in a way she would never have imagined the first time they had fought in the forest, shortly after they had first met and he had nearly wrenched her shoulder out of its socket. He pulled punches and purposefully slowed himself down in order to make it more of an even fight; one that she could get the most out of. That might have bothered her a little bit normally, but after all, it was just such a novel change from Sasuke's behavior that it made her head spin. For Itachi, even though he was one of the strongest shinobi in existence and practically invincible, he didn't use fighting as an ego trip, and he was definitely not intimidating and show-off-ish like Sasuke was.
Sakura's brow creased in concentration as she looked around again, noticing that any trace of Itachi's chakra signature seemed to have completely disappeared…and, to make matters worse, the forest was utterly, deathly silent. The memory of their last encounter, about fifteen minutes ago, came into mind: she had unleashed her best taijutsu combo on him; fifteen rapid, high-speed strikes, half of which Itachi had blocked easily and half of which he had let hit, before pushing her back against a tree. "What now?" she had gasped, while halfheartedly considering whether she could lure him close enough to kick in the chest.
Itachi smirked and took one step back, as if he'd read her mind. Even though it was embarrassing, she remembered how incredible he had looked then: open and unguarded, like he was genuinely enjoying himself. "One last round, Sakura. This time, astonish me."
And then he'd vanished in a few elusive tendrils of smoke.
The idea flickered into her mind in an instant. It hadn't taken long (about one minute, really) for Sakura to initially figure out that if she could control and enhance the flow of chakra to her knee in order to make a certain attack more excruciatingly painful and damaging than usual, she could use the same principle in a million other ways. It was theoretically a simple principle, if one had the requisite amounts of chakra control – which she appeared to have.
By that understanding, if she directed enough chakra to her foot and merely tapped it against the ground, she could open a crater beneath a person's feet…or if she decided to slam her heel or fist against the ground, the result could be a legitimate chasm or canyon splitting itself into the ground. If she directed enough chakra to her fist and punched a wall made out of solid concrete, she could reduce it to dust.
She'd tested it out, in very small ways. Over the past weeks, she had fallen into the nervous habit of crushing sizeable rocks into dust with her bare hands, and it took such little effort that it was unnerving. The implications of this revelation on her fighting style and identity as a kunoichi were staggering, and so numerous she had barely begun to comprehend them yet. Despite the considerable temptation, Sakura had refrained from using any of it in her fight with Itachi, up until now – she didn't yet know how to control exactly how much power went into one of her strikes. In other words, she wasn't exactly sure how much chakra she should use to send him flying thirty feet, as opposed to breaking his neck or ribs, or pulverizing and rupturing his internal organs upon impact.
…She didn't intend to take such a large risk right now, of course. Itachi had asked her to astonish him, not accidentally kill him.
Sakura stilled momentarily, all of her senses kicking into overdrive as she took in her surroundings. It looked like she and Itachi had fought all the way to the edge of the forest, so that they were about a mile from the lake that had been their motivating factor to stop here for the night – it wasn't frozen over, and the water was clear and clean. Itachi's chakra was still concealed, but all of her instincts told her that he was somewhere nearby. Nine times out of ten, though, he'd waited for her to attack him, so…
Feigning obliviousness, Sakura quickly made her way through the forest, heading toward the lake in an erratic, confused path. If it became clear that she was totally clueless and utterly failing at deducing his location, Itachi would take pity on her and make a move instead, and unbeknownst to him, that was what she wanted.
It took a few minutes for her to break free of the tree cover, and although she was careful to remain within arm's length of a large tree, Sakura made a point of staring out over the lake a mere few feet away, obviously dismayed that she had so thoroughly lost her quarry. Anticipation tautened her muscles, making her breath come a little faster, and she couldn't remember the last time she felt so purely exhilarated.
Three. Two. One.
The very second that Itachi materialized, a few feet next to her in the blind spot created by where her hair fell over her face, was the same that Sakura ripped the tree out of the ground and whirled around, using both hands to swing it at him in a rapid, deadly arc.
The look on Itachi's face, in the split second before he vanished again, was priceless: a mix of utter shock and horror and just plain what-the-fuck that made Sakura nearly collapse with unrestrained laughter, dropping her tree on the floor. A shinobi of less extraordinary caliber would have been poleaxed, but she had been hoping that he'd be a fraction of a second too slow and she could use the tree to send him flying into the lake. The nature of Itachi's reaction was enough to make up for it, though. Besides, if she really had succeeded in her ultimate goal, it was more than likely that she would have died laughing…whereas now, the worst-case scenario was that she would split a rib or two.
Her fit of merriment was abruptly cut short when she was spun around to face none other than her victim himself. "This is most definitely not a laughing matter," Itachi told her silkily, but the effect of the serious tone was lost somewhat when she realized that the expression in his eyes didn't match at all. The fact that he could see the humor in this as well was intoxicating; where someone else would have been standoffish, angry, or humiliated at being taken by surprise like that, Itachi actually looked sincerely impressed by what she had done, and a little bit amused by her laughter.
Sakura smirked at him, pulling free of his light grip. "Well, I think it is. Are you sufficiently astonished, Itachi?"
Itachi considered her for a few moments, tilting his head thoughtfully, so that the lighthearted mood between them dissipated. "I am. What else have you been holding back, Sakura?"
"Well," she replied, after a moment's thought. "I refrained from demonstrating the jutsu that enables me to grow up to three times my normal size, so that I may eliminate any and all opponents by merely stepping on them."
Sakura didn't know how she managed to say it while keeping a straight face, but watching Itachi's expression was enough to make her restraint give way, and she dissolved in laughter for the second time in as many minutes.
"Oh, very funny," Itachi replied sourly, looking rather annoyed at himself for being momentarily deceived. "Your sparkling wit has left me speechless with admiration."
"Yeah, I've got it all," Sakura responded airily, turning away. "Sparkling wit and the enviable ability to rip trees out of the ground and use it to bludgeon whichever random Akatsuki member happens to be standing nearby – ouch!"
Itachi tugged on her hair lightly, forcing her to stop. "And yet, you lack the ability to end a confrontation when you want to," he commented pointedly. "Why, Sakura, this may be your only liability."
Sakura craned her neck, trying to see behind her; Itachi had wound one of his hands into the length of her hair, and seemed to be refusing to let go. "What the hell are you doing?" she demanded, infuriated.
Itachi gently pulled her back to him by the hair, and Sakura glared at him mutinously as he inspected the long locks wrapped around his hand. "If I were a real opponent," he remarked, "I could most certainly use this against you. It is leverage, in the most literal way – just now, I could have pulled you into a katana or another physical attack, or used it to restrain you when you would otherwise be on the verge of escape."
Sakura fidgeted uncomfortably, trying to think of a satisfactory argument. "I could put it into a ponytail," she countered at last, giving his hair a meaningful look, while simultaneously remembering Ino's gorgeous hairstyle.
"That would be even more convenient for an enemy to abuse," Itachi retorted. "One of my contemporaries once made a memorable comment after dealing with a Mist kunoichi; a prisoner attempting to escape. He grabbed her by the ponytail and pulled her back like, I quote, a dog on a leash."
Sakura winced defensively, and taking pity, Itachi slowly untangled his fingers from her hair, letting his fingers linger in a light caress. Despite his criticisms, it was truly beautiful, if totally out of place on a kunoichi. Soft, nearly waist-length, and, most outstandingly, a shiny, attention-catching pink. "It is very pretty," he admitted self-consciously, feeling his face warm with a blush. "But the style is not quite appropriate for someone who risks being in field combat. Why do you keep it so long?"
She could hardly believe that Itachi had just complimented her hair, but the question made her tense up all over again. This time, though, Sakura couldn't summon the will to be dishonest about it. She sighed, reaching up and running her fingers through her hair self-consciously. "When I was younger, there was a rumor that Sasuke liked girls with long hair," she replied shortly. "So, of course, I grew my hair out."
Itachi tilted his head to the side, and her response made him feel more troubled than he let on. Tentatively, he reached out to Sakura, twining his fingers in the length of her hair again and lifting it up off her neck, arranging the ends near the top of her head. It created the illusion that her hair only fell to her shoulders, and he took it in for a minute. The look made her appear more mature; accentuating the perfect structure of her cheekbones, her facial shape – she had an especially cute forehead – and the sweet contours of her lips. He hadn't thought anything could make the pink-haired kunoichi look even more beautiful than she already did, but personally, he thought this hairstyle would suit her much more.
The look of appreciation was clear in his eyes, and it made Sakura blush a little. "Do you like it?" she asked shyly.
Itachi released her hair, letting it fall back around her shoulders and giving her a somewhat disapproving look. "It does not matter whether I do or not," he said firmly. If there was one thing he wanted to be able to teach her, it was this. "More than that, it does not matter how Sasuke feels regarding the issue – or any issue directly relating to your life and the way you live it. Live life for you, Sakura," he told her quietly, "not for anybody else."
The simple message took a moment to sink in, and when it did, Sakura was surprised to find a slight, genuine smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. More than any advice he had given her in the past hour, this touched her the most, especially considering how hurt and upset she had been earlier. It was interesting, how Itachi, of all people, could know what to say…or how to help, in his own way, when she was struggling.
Sakura wasn't sure what on earth possessed her to do it, but it just felt like the right thing to do. Before she could second-guess herself, she reached out, flinging her arms around Itachi and latching onto him tightly, almost unable to deal with the suddenness and strength of the overwhelming emotions she felt. She was so grateful for so many things. Itachi's sense of consideration, and his kindness in finding something that would get rid of her bad mood and make her happy again, his patience during their training session and his surprising sense of humor in response to her using a tree to attack him…not to mention his giving her the most relevant advice anybody had ever thought to give her. "Thank you," she whispered sincerely, her voice muffled by his chest.
She gave it a few moments, and just as she was about to pull back, she felt Itachi somewhat uncertainly wrapping his arms around her in return, pulling her close and holding her as tightly as she had initially held him. Sakura stiffened, but slowly relaxed into the embrace, turning her cheek so that it rested against his chest, and closing her eyes as she ran one hand down his muscled upper arm. It surprised her a little; Itachi didn't seem like the type to be so open and expressive about affection, and the fact that he was doing this made her feel…special, but she wholeheartedly enjoyed it. It was just a hug, but it was one of the most tender, meaningful interactions they'd had yet, and it made Sakura's chest tighten a little bit, especially when Itachi tilted his head carefully, so that his lips pressed against the top of her head in a gentle kiss.
He knew it was wrong on his part, but Itachi cared for her so much that it was frightening – and just for a little while, he wanted to take the advice he had given Sakura. Live life for you.
They stood like that for a long time, silently basking in one another's company and the novelty of such a gentle exchange of affection, before Sakura finally pulled away, and he almost wanted to take her by the hands and pull her back to him. She was a surprisingly receptive listener, and there was so much that Itachi wanted to tell her while he had the chance – not to settle, not to be with somebody who wouldn't treat her with all the love and respect she deserved; not to be with somebody who ultimately wouldn't be kind to her, put her first, and make her genuinely happy.
In other words, not to be with Sasuke.
The thought made Itachi want to laugh bitterly. That was selfishness that he was truly incapable of. Here, Sakura, throw away any hope of a future with your lifelong love – however misguided that may be – for three months with me, because we are obviously much more well suited for one another.
The elder Uchiha didn't anticipate the hot wash of intense resentment that flooded over him at the thought. The irony was too much. He, who had always valued love and a peaceful existence over any other, was condemned to suffer like this, while Sasuke…Sasuke, who placed a higher emphasis on power and revenge, was lucky enough to have Sakura. To have her love, and a long life with which he could enjoy it with. And the ultimate indignity was that he likely did not even appreciate what he had been given. That he had been willing to throw all of it away; all of what Itachi had fought to give him…that he had been on the verge of willingly succumbing to Orochimaru's possession technique, just to fulfill his obsession with revenge. That was unforgivable.
The thought made Itachi sick, but more than that, the fact that he was actually harboring such dark and unkind feelings toward his own beloved younger brother, made him feel worse.
There were no right answers in this situation.
As if Sakura knew what he was thinking, she smiled up at him then; sweetly and trustingly and, above all, so regretfully that it made him ache inside, and this time, when she turned around to leave, Itachi didn't stop her.
That night, and for the few that followed it, she didn't resist his attempts at conversation. They stayed up late talking about anything that came to mind: innocuous topics, really, and Sakura noticed how Itachi always steered the conversation away from himself, keeping it focused on her – but thankfully, he avoided the topic of Sasuke, which she was grateful for.
As much as Sakura would have liked to not consciously think about Sasuke again, it became clear that, like a painful, intractable disease, he was something that couldn't be ignored. That was the last anxious thought she'd had before falling asleep, curled securely next to Itachi.
She woke up in the middle of that night, covered in a cold sweat; panicking and convinced that she'd just heard a suspicious beep from her alpha radio piece. It took a few minutes of fumbling around desperately, but the pink-haired kunoichi was finally able to unearth it from her summoning scroll. Her heart hammered anxiously as she looked at the proximity sensor, which was flashing red. Shit. Sakura flipped it to the side, rapidly pushing in programming buttons as she felt all the blood drain from her face. Thankfully, she could keep a cool head in stressful situations, but this scenario was something out of her worst nightmares.
A radar appeared on the screen, and four small, pulsing dots were on the very edge, inching their way closer to their current location as she watched with wide, horrified eyes. This meant that from her best estimations, for some reason, Sasuke and the team had decided to pull an all-nighter of travel, and he was only about half a day away, due south…and getting closer every minute. The kami only knew how close they could come in few hours it took for the sun to rise.
She brought her knees to her chest, directing paranoid looks around and into the darkness. To make things worse, she didn't dare to wake Itachi up right now – he was still laboring under the delusion that she was leading him to Sasuke, not away from him.
Sakura spent the remaining three hours until sunrise getting dressed and pacing the perimeter of their campsite restlessly, feeling so anxious that she was on the verge of getting ill. She was furious at herself for her carelessness, and for letting her own immaturity and inability to deal interfere with the larger picture. She should have been checking the alpha radio piece every other minute, not trying to ignore it until it was too late.
She came up with a plan, though. It wasn't hard for a medic-nin to flawlessly feign an illness, and as soon as the sun rose, Sakura made sure that Itachi woke up to the sight of her sitting across from the dead fire and shivering spasmodically, while simultaneously being afflicted by a piteous cough. His immediate concern was tangible, and so strong that it made her feel guilty. All hints of the cold, emotionless Itachi were gone as he stroked her tangled hair away from her pale forehead, staring into her purposefully large, limpid green eyes anxiously.
She was too cool to the touch, her skin pale and trembling, and his pulse spiked with worry. They had been traveling and sleeping outdoors in extraordinarily low temperatures for several days, and remorse was a sharp pain in his chest. While he was more than accustomed to such things, it had been foolish and inconsiderate of him to assume the same for her.
"We need to get you to an indoor establishment of some sort in order to properly warm up and get some rest," Itachi informed her, obviously trying to keep his tone as calm and reassuring as possible. His experience with illness had only heightened his compassionate instincts when he saw the suffering of others, and with Sakura especially, it was difficult.
Sakura thought fast, taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself down, while Itachi moved quickly, packing up their supplies into his summoning scroll in record time. From her study of chakra patterns during the night, she had realized that they were fairly conveniently located. There was a small town to their west; and about the same distance to the east, there was a large, bustling town. Quickly, she deduced the reasoning her team would come to. Evil Akatsuki members with a hostage did not want to risk being seen in a large town, where there would be an infinitely greater chance of running into teams of legitimate shinobi who were stopping through after or on their way to missions. The Akatsuki member would go with the safer option, and head to the small town…which also happened to be nearer to Rain, if on the off chance Sasuke did know where the Akatsuki headquarters were.
"There's a town to the east of us," she blurted suddenly, fervently hoping he would go with it, and praying for her calculations regarding Sasuke's actions to be correct. She was restless; although Sasuke and the team were smart enough to keep their chakra signatures flawlessly concealed, she knew they were close. Dangerously close. With the aid of the Sharingan, Sasuke would be able to break Itachi's concealment genjutsu about a second. "It's about ninety miles, and—"
"That sounds more than sufficient," Itachi replied tersely.
Without thinking twice about it, he bent down, carefully lifting Sakura with one arm beneath her knees and the other behind her back. Momentarily forgetting the pretense, the pink-haired kunoichi stiffened and nearly kicked him in the ribs. "You can really put me down – I'm still capable of walking—"
"Trust me, Sakura."
With that, they disappeared in a few tendrils of smoke.
In her original panicked estimations of the situation, she had forgotten one thing: she was still traveling with an Akatsuki member, and therefore, she held a great advantage. Sakura knew firsthand that none of her team had yet mastered the ability to perform a transportation jutsu for distances longer than a mile – it was a complex technique, after all. Itachi had completed a trip that would have taken them three hours in about a minute. In response to her suggestion, they had both used a basic henge technique to transform their appearances into nondescript brown-eyed brunettes before walking into town as well, so…
Sakura sighed shakily, seating herself on the edge of the small bed, as Itachi closed and locked the door behind them. The tension was making her nauseous, and the small tremors that raced through her body were entirely genuine. She thought that she and Itachi had taken enough precautions to avoid Sasuke and throw him off their trail, but there was no way to be sure.
She shook her head determinedly, trying to take her mind off it, and swallowed over her aching, sandpaper-dry throat. She got up again, walking through the small room with quick, nervous steps, and snapped the blinds shut, after peering through them nervously. It was a gray, dim day, and she couldn't see anything out the window save for empty streets and nondescript storefronts.
Itachi's touch at her shoulder was enough to make her jump, and it was only after the quizzical look he directed at her face that Sakura remembered she was supposed to be sick. With a halfhearted smile, she moved past him, awkwardly sliding into the bed and burying her head into the pillow. They had taken the only room available in the entire inn: third floor, and a far cry from the luxurious accommodations they had enjoyed before. The room as a whole was small, dark, dingy, and a uniform shade of slate gray, including the cracked walls, the bedding, and the thin, battered carpet. The bed was hard and the blankets threadbare, and to make matters worse, the innkeeper had muttered something about an 'infestation' as he had handed Itachi the keys.
It didn't matter, though. They just needed some place, any place, to wait Sasuke out.
She exhaled slowly, feeling her hand fist in the blankets. Part of her still couldn't believe she was doing this. An image of Sasuke's face materialized behind her closed eyelids – hurt, angry, betrayed, and she felt herself tremble a little, out of sorrow and regret. She hated herself so much for putting him through this, but—
This will never work, Sakura, her inner self told her somberly. Itachi's never going to tell you the truth about the massacre – he's determined to take it to his grave. How much longer are you, Itachi, and Sasuke going to keep playing this sick cat-and-mouse game?
Sakura shoved the thoughts aside, feeling a sense of newfound determination flood over her instead. For the first time in her life, she was doing what she thought was right; not just going along with Sasuke's agenda. And that was a step forward, right?
The day passed agonizingly slowly, though – Sakura fell into a fitful sleep several times, but she always awoke after a few minutes, unable to shake the feeling that Sasuke would burst through the door at any given second. Itachi loyally stayed by her side, often asking if there was anything he could do for her, and even though she was just faking recuperation, she was glad for the company.
At one point, though, when he had left to bring them back a late lunch from one of the eateries down the street, she couldn't stand it anymore. Sakura slid off the bed and sat on the floor, raking her fingers through her hair and trying to regulate her breathing. This was getting outrageous. Her mind had devolved into a ping pong game of Itachi Sasuke Itachi Sasuke, and it was driving her insane. She had to make a choice, but the prospect of that made her feel even more ill. She didn't know what to do, and she had never felt so confused and torn in her life.
There was a slight squeaking noise from under the bed, and Sakura's eyes widened as she instinctively backed away from it, momentarily forgetting her inner conflict as she remembered what the innkeeper had said about an infestation. Shit. Did cockroaches squeak?
That was when an adorable little gray mouse poked its nose out from under the bed, watching her cautiously, and Sakura felt all the breath leave her body in a relieved sigh. She held her hand out to it, giving the mouse a genuine smile, and after tilting its head to the side and sniffing her hand with a twitching nose, it scrambled onto her hand, curling up into a ball and regarding her with its bright, inquisitive eyes.
She brought her hands close to her chest, cradling her mouse affectionately. Regardless of the fact that in Sound, the creatures had been considered filth and vermin, and Sasuke, Suigetsu, and Karin had all been possessed of the unfortunate tendency to try and cruelly exterminate as many of them as possible, Sakura liked most animals, and this one was a welcome distraction. She petted its soft fur gently, until it squeaked with contentment, and Sakura lost herself for several minutes in doing so. She'd always wanted a pet, or better yet, lots of pets to care for and devote love and attention to, but unfortunately, she'd never had the opportunity.
When the door swung open, Sakura flinched back warily, and her mouse literally propelled itself from her hands, so that it trembled in a heap next to her knees. Itachi merely blinked in response to the strange tableau, and when he took one small step forward, Sakura reached out protectively, trying to shield her mouse. "Don't hurt him!"
But it was too late; the mouse turned tail and fled, squeaking in terror, and even though Sakura couldn't really blame him for the reaction, she deflated visibly, turning away and staring at the window. At least Itachi hadn't taken a page out of Sasuke's book and used her mouse for target practice.
Hearing a slight rustling sound, Sakura glanced back over at Itachi, feeling her eyes widen in surprise. He had opened one of the two boxes of food he'd brought in, and broken off a little piece of shrimp tempura, nestling it in the palm of his hand, before somewhat warily positioning it underneath the bed. She watched, fascinated, and when Itachi withdrew his hand, her mouse was curled up in his palm, munching the shrimp contentedly.
Sure, it was somewhat irrational, but Sakura beamed up at him, reaching out to pet her mouse. "Thank you," she murmured, feeling as shy as Itachi looked.
Itachi didn't say anything, but seated himself close next to her, and they shared custody of the mouse, taking turns gently holding and petting him, and letting their hands brush against each other at length. There were no words necessary, but Sakura felt a suspicious tightening in her throat. It hurt, how much they related to each other, and how much they had in common. She knew, with a sense of awful finality, that the relative peace of their time together would have to come to an end, one way or another. Something awful was catalyzing; something that she had no power to stop.
And regardless of her deeply-ingrained sense of loyalty to Sasuke, Sakura knew unequivocally that, at the same time, she wasn't ready to say goodbye to Itachi just yet.
Will you ever be? Inner Sakura asked sadly, speaking the truth Sakura didn't have the courage to articulate on her own.
There was no way to live with both. There was no way to reconcile one with the other.
And that, in all honesty, was possibly the only question Sakura didn't want to know the answer to.
to be continued
I sincerely apologize for the late update, guys, but I really hope that you found it worth the wait – and, as always, any and all feedback would be very, very much appreciated. Also, thank you so much to the amazing SwiftKick for being wonderful enough to read this over for me!
Lastly, I would like to wish every single one of you an overwhelmingly enjoyable (and safe!) holiday season full of family, friends, food, good times, and awesomeness. :)